September 26, 2002

8:50 PM

Oliver, you're not going to be very happy about this at all.Justin Timberlake admits to what we all assumed was blatantly obvious, but just... really wanted to believe in our denial.
posted by XQUZYPHYR (73 comments total)

Look, to be honest I don't care that much either, but I suppose a few of you do, and it's pretty much the weekend and do you really want another Iraq post from me?

I did this for the fans. Of which Oliver is a psychotic one. And I for one find the details of this hysterical.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:52 PM on September 26, 2002

i can't believe this shit was even on your radar screen, frankly. what are you, like 14 or something?
posted by quonsar at 8:53 PM on September 26, 2002

Hey, who here hasn't snapped a little bubblegum?
posted by ColdChef at 8:54 PM on September 26, 2002

To be filed under "who gives a shit?"

If I cared every time some celebrity got laid, I'd never sleep.
posted by Dark Messiah at 8:54 PM on September 26, 2002

Worst first page post ever
posted by jonah at 8:55 PM on September 26, 2002

time for quonsar to go to bed. he's becoming a cranky old fart. sorry XQUZYPHYR.
posted by quonsar at 8:56 PM on September 26, 2002

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.
JUSTIN?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:58 PM on September 26, 2002

Humbug. Good. Now we're all admiting we can see the elephant.
posted by ruggles at 8:59 PM on September 26, 2002

With over 16000 members perhaps an email to Oliver would have been more appropriate, rather than your own personal shoutout.
posted by Dennis Murphy at 9:03 PM on September 26, 2002

Worst first page post ever

Except that it's not, and that I've actually had more than you. But good practice on acting like a Newbie-Nazi there, jonah.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 9:04 PM on September 26, 2002

So, let me get this straight... the trampy singer, she's not a virgin?!
posted by crunchland at 9:06 PM on September 26, 2002

Dennis, I'm not posting just for Oliver. I'm posting for a broad range of people, from those who actually like poring into this one celebrity's virginity to those like me and ruggles who, God willing, believe that reporting its ending to the world will finally constitute the final chapter of this admittedly pointless piece of cultural history, thus enabling the book to be closed.

Someone, somewhere, in your personal circles, was going to bring it up, okay? But look: I promise to never make another post about Britney getting laid as long as you stop being such a cranky fart about it.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 9:08 PM on September 26, 2002

Wow. That is so hot. Now I know that if I ever get to go out with Britney, that I won't have to work as hard as I might've to score with her. That is so sweet.
posted by dopamine at 9:10 PM on September 26, 2002

/]whois justin

/]finger britney
posted by insomnia_lj at 9:11 PM on September 26, 2002

I thought this was funny. Regardless of whether it should be important, to many people it is. Its an ok post.
posted by gsteff at 9:13 PM on September 26, 2002

So, let me get this straight... this Timberlake, it vibrates?!
posted by eddydamascene at 9:15 PM on September 26, 2002

I apologize, you're right, this isn't the worst post ever. I do think it's pretty awful though and you yourself said

to be honest I don't care that much either

And I didn't say anything about newbies. What's your point about post quantity?
posted by jonah at 9:21 PM on September 26, 2002

nothin wrong with this post! did the whole jenna jameson + britney thing ever get MeFi'd ?

she's soooo hot. she needs to drop that zero and get with this hero
posted by shadow45 at 9:21 PM on September 26, 2002

Yes, shadow, it was. And everyone seemed to be able to look and laugh over that one.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 9:25 PM on September 26, 2002

Two trite, faux, pop music charlatans commiting sexual intercourse? Are these pathetic, disgusting creatures breeding now?! Somebody STOP THEM!
posted by ZachsMind at 9:28 PM on September 26, 2002

jonah, your first post's phrasing implied that you confused my 1-post count on Metatalk (as opposed to Filter) as a sign that this fluff piece was my very first FPP. I always assumed the F stood for "front" as to avoid this very confusion. From experience on other boards, I interpreted you one-liner as a sign of an older user accusing a newer user of wasting their time. I call mutual misuderstanding leaning harder on me.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 9:31 PM on September 26, 2002

promised he'd play Timberlake's new single, "Like I Love You," 30 times a week if he'd tell just one secret.

If my favorite station threatened to do this (even with a song I liked), I'd find a new favorite station.

Radio sucks.
posted by swell at 9:32 PM on September 26, 2002

it's pretty much the weekend and do you really want another Iraq post from me?

you know there's another option...
posted by gyc at 9:40 PM on September 26, 2002

If someone will delete this thread, I'll tell them that I had sex with Britney Spears.
posted by fatbobsmith at 9:41 PM on September 26, 2002

Goofiest. Thread. Ever. :-)
posted by BruceLee_Archdiocese at 9:50 PM on September 26, 2002

Posts like these are why I dont spend more time at Metafilter.
posted by Winterfell at 9:52 PM on September 26, 2002

promised he'd play Timberlake's new single, "Like I Love You," 30 times a week if he'd tell just one secret.

(assuming this isn't a classic rock or country station). They would have done this anyway. It's a new *hot* single by one of the most prominent artists musicians um, acts according to the oh so lucrative tween and teen market. The station would probably play it more than 30 times a week. I had a friend that worked for a radio station as a DJ, and he showed me the weekly list for songs that would be played X amount of times, and the ones at the top were all well over 50. Saturation? Of course. And yes, radio sucks.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:54 PM on September 26, 2002

You're right, Winterfell, posts like yours are the reason I don't want to spend time here.

Can some of you please lighten the hell up here? It's Friday, silliness should ensue. We've had a week of Iraq, Israel/Palestine, and a suicide for good measure. Please excuse me for having the audacity for considering something that we could all take a good laugh at. I REALIZE that most of us don't give a damn about Britney's vagina. I was trying to be humorous, obviously I didn't do it right for all of your refined tastes.

Excuse my ridiculous belief that this thread would be considered interesting by a few people. I guess the 30 or 40 posts in the first hour are just figments of my warped imagination.

I hereby promise that from now on the only time I ever post will be to make my usual donation of political insight which will garner a ranting like/hate thread that makes the idea of uselessness of this thread seem remote in comparison, since obviously that will make you all happy. Or I can just do something involving file-sharing, whee ha ha fun.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 10:01 PM on September 26, 2002

I read this in the newspaper, didn't expect to see it here. What quonsar and zachsmind said and to XQUZYPHYR, shadow45 and dopamine, please, just this. Thank you.
posted by Lynsey at 10:05 PM on September 26, 2002

MetaFark.

Boyzone? Nahh...
posted by evanizer at 10:07 PM on September 26, 2002

Justin Timberlake admits to what we all assumed was blatantly obvious

My tired eyes sort of skipped over the rest of the sentence and I clicked, expecting to see an admission that he, um, likes the boys and Britney was a front...I've always wondered!
posted by littlegirlblue at 10:08 PM on September 26, 2002

To complete gyc's thought, have you considered NOT posting. Britney spears' sex life is not silly, it is just idiotic. Silliness is, of course, welcome but posters like Marquis can do it with style.

And who's Oliver?
posted by Winterfell at 10:09 PM on September 26, 2002

In a (probably vain) attempt to steer this thread into something more high-falutin' ......

If Timberlake were an indie, he'd be getting $30,000 for this.

Gentlemen never tell, but for $30G....?
posted by TheManWhoKnowsMostThings at 10:10 PM on September 26, 2002

What happened to you people? This is a fluff story take it

for what it is, and either ignore it, or make some silly

comment about Britney, but please stop the crying, and

complaining about the post, it's Britney getting laid, if you

can't laugh at that, then you know who has won.
posted by jbou at 10:12 PM on September 26, 2002

I wonder if this is part of the Grand Publicity Scheme^TM? The thing I find interesting about stories like this is that they seem to be meant to create a sort of narrative. The narrative, in turn, serves to keep the players in the public eye (even when they aren't doing anything) which, in turn, serves to help them remain bankable. The great thing about this is that it makes Justin seems "cool" to a certain portion of the world, but makes Brittany seem "victimized" to a certain portion of the world. Both of them can benefit from this. It is fascinating in a bizarre way.
_{What does their music sound like, BTW? :P}
posted by Joey Michaels at 10:23 PM on September 26, 2002

From the posting guidelines:

What makes a good thread post to MetaFilter?

A good post to MetaFilter is something that meets the following criteria: most people haven't seen it before, there is something interesting about the content on the page, and it might warrant discussion from others.

1. Most people (I assume) do not read the AZ Central daily, and it is even categorized as "offbeat".

2. It is interesting (and I feel so dirty having to point this out to the pinheads) because Britney had sworn up and down she was a virgin, and has promoted that life style for young teens, and Justin "spills the beans" to get some extra exposure for his solo effort.

3. It obviously has warranted discussion. It just so happens that everyone has been criticizing xljasdflf for the value of the post rather than the questions it might raise, such as should role models have a "do as I say, not as I do" clause understood, or perhaps why is a multi-millionaire pop music sensation who has a house larger than all of ours combined afraid or ashamed to admit she is not a virgin. Of course none of that gets discussed because the freaking FPP gestapo has to weigh in on every post about how it's either been discussed in some way before, or it's just no good or "not FPP material".

So, according to the guidelines this is a perfectly good FPP.

Hooray for the FPP gestapo. Do your best to quell all discussion you don't feel is important or up to your standards.

The FPP gestapo are why many people I suspect have started drifting away from Metafilter. And it is getting worse.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:42 PM on September 26, 2002

I promise to never make another post about Britney getting laid as long as you stop being such a cranky fart about it.

And who's Oliver?

You can post whatever you like, tha wasn't my point. I simply feel that a shoutout to one member of metafilter (that many will not know) by his first name is much more appropriate on your own blog or through email.

If that makes me a cranky fart, then so be it.

The FPP gestapo are why many people I suspect have started drifting away from Metafilter. And it is getting worse.

Really? What people? Where'd ya get that info? Got anything to back it up? Or is that just your opinion?
posted by Dennis Murphy at 10:47 PM on September 26, 2002

Yea it seemed like a great lead in to learn that Justin had come out of the closet and Spears was his beard. That would have been fun in a sort of Bill "Clinton" Lewinsky vs. Steve
"Kimetko" Bush sort of wayout wacky mix!

I have a friend who has a house up above Britney's house. She gets to look down into the back yard and has told many a tale of the goings on in Miss Spears humble abode. Apparently Mr. Timberlake live(s/d) just a few doors down and between the two celeb pads it was quite the moveable feast during the "daring couples," shall we say "salad days".

[e-mail]
posted by filchyboy at 10:48 PM on September 26, 2002

I went to an Alice Cooper concert on Monday night and Alice decapited "Britney". It's one of the best things I've seen at a concert in a long time.
posted by MaddCutty at 10:51 PM on September 26, 2002

XQUZYPHYR: Can some of you please lighten the hell up here? It's Friday, silliness should ensue.

By my clock, we have another hour before silliness should ensue.
posted by eddydamascene at 11:01 PM on September 26, 2002

I heart britney.
posted by Hankins at 11:06 PM on September 26, 2002

That was a great post. I love how Justin says 'I' did it. Where the hell was Britney in all this? Roofied and taking it up the ass.
So reflective of our grotesquely prudish culture is his next comment about him being 'dirty'.

(alternate universe dialog)
Interviewer: Did you two get it on?
Justin: Ya, I tapped that ass! *laughs*
Interviewer: Well I guess we'll just have to see what B. has to say about all this.
Britney: I just wanted to give him a sweet lil' goodnight kiss and then his manhood got all hard and he started pushing himself all over me. Next thing I knew we was doing things the preacher said we shouldn't.
Interviewer: So you didn't appreciate Justins advances?
Britney: Well...*blushes* I mean it felt real nice...

The beauty of their vacuous personas is we can imagine them thinking and doing just about anything we want. Keep parading yourselves on the bigscreen and we'll keep projecting our fantasies onto you. Viva pop music!
posted by nasim at 11:18 PM on September 26, 2002

I shouldn't know this, but the radio was on at work and I heard them talking about it: The "bedroom intimacy" they were talking about is Justin going down on her. They didn't actually have sex, and, for the love of God, why would you post a Britney Spears FPP without at least linking to a couple pictures?!

Just thought I'd clear that up and give any of you that want it a fanciful image of the faces she'd make.

-----

Personally, I don't think it's a very good post to put on MetaFilter, but while it's here I might as well lay the education down on the fine folks in the blue.

/credibility.
posted by The God Complex at 11:27 PM on September 26, 2002

Something I've never understood about Metafilter, in all my time as a lurker, and now as a newbie, is why people feel inclined to come into a thread only to talk about how boring/lame the post is. Why waste your time, if it's that boring?

I thought the post was brimming with deliciously ribald drollery! Four stars! Excellent!
posted by sklero at 11:33 PM on September 26, 2002

What a scumbag that tell-tale Timberlake is.

Though one wonders exactly what he meant by, "I did it, I'm dirty. I'm in so much damn trouble, man. I'm gonna get calls from my mother!" Leaving this troubled boy's Oedipal complex to one side, the public needs to know what this implies. Focus on that strange construction: "I did it, I'm dirty". Per Clinton it might be that while Justin had sexual relations with Britney, Britney did not have sexual relations with Justin! (Hence that peculiar limbo state I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman.)

The details? Who can say? Some lyrics from her self-titled release, "Britney", are particularly suggestive. There's the refrain from track nine, Let Me Be :

Sorry if I sound confused
I don't feel the way like you do
But I won't turn around
But I won't turn around

which sits close to the theme of track eleven, That's Where You Take Me.
But, as they say in Tennessee, leastways they say it in Texas, never assume, because that puts an ass between u and me.

On preview, what nasim said. But I've got lyrics to back me up!!
On double preview, what TGC said, which just goes to show that Timberlake deserves any [government] position he can get.
posted by stinglessbee at 11:45 PM on September 26, 2002

Dennis Murphy: Really? What people? Where'd ya get that info? Got anything to back it up? Or is that just your opinion?

Well, the "i suspect" in my sentence might have tipped off the more astute that it was my opinion. But since you missed that, yes, that is my opinion. Why do I hold this opinion? Have you not noticed the recent "this is why i don't come to metafilter much anymore" type posts on various threads?

I've definitely gotten very tired of the people who scour every post and every thread to see if it has been mentioned before, or if it "lives up" to the esteemed qualifications for a FPP. Hell just recently there was someone who decried a post as "already discussed" and didn't even bother to link it. So he's basically just working off his memory. No search required as he has indexed the entire Metafilter data set in his head.

If something was mentioned tangentially 2 years ago, some knucklehead will post about how "it's already been discussed". As may come as a shock to some mefites, not everyone has been here 2 years, and not everyone has read every thread, and not everyone does random searches on every topic that might possibly come up to make sure it wasn't "discussed before".

I think people consider it some sort of badge of honor that you call out someone for something that has been mentioned in any regard before. It's not. Honestly.

We are all interested in keeping the signal-to-noise ratio tolerable but damn. There is a huge difference between posting something that was just covered yesterday and something that was "covered" 18 months ago. Things do change.

By the site's own posting guidelines, this fits as a good post. But yet people have to chime in about how it is "the worst front page post ever" and how it's not appropriate and "how is that even on your radar". Thank god not every person is interested in exactly the same thing. What a boring world that would be.

On preview: what sklero said
posted by Ynoxas at 11:51 PM on September 26, 2002

Once you've made five posts defending a lousy post, it's a bit disingenuous to state that it was, in fact good because a lot of people are discussing it while ignoring the fact that most of them are stating that it sucks. I say this as one whose abode is currently surrounded by people with torches and pitchforks about the "vibrating broom" incident. Give it up.

Also, people who put pictures of the Olsen twins in places where unsuspecting people might click on them need to be keelhauled. DARN YOU, HANKINS! DARN YOU TO HECK!
posted by swell at 11:51 PM on September 26, 2002

So, according to the guidelines this is a perfectly good FPP. Hooray for the FPP gestapo.

Then, of course, there are those who start to foam at the mouth and stomp around and holler when folks, even those not busy berating others, use the dreaded 'FPP'. The irony makes me giggle a bit.

Actually, this whole stupidity-encouraging trainwreck of a semi-Meta thread has been enormously amusing. Funny, but, you know, a little sad too.

(For the record, I am also mildly annoyed by 'FPP'. And I'd note that although this post did conform to the letter of the guidelines, perhaps, it deserves nonetheless to be taken out behind the woodshed and shot like an egg-sucking dog. No offense, X-guy, but it does.)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:25 AM on September 27, 2002

Oh Christ. All the self-righteous cocks winging about this post not being pseudo-intellectual enough for them. It's a laugh for fuck's sake.

That Timberlake may wear a stupid hat but he is a GOOD LAD.
posted by ed\26h at 1:37 AM on September 27, 2002

Hey, ed, mate - I heard about this new website called 'Fark' that I think you'd just love! It's got links to naked wimmen and everything! And no pseudo-intellectuals or self-righteous cocks in sight!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:06 AM on September 27, 2002

. And I'd note that although this post did conform to the letter of the guidelines, perhaps, it deserves nonetheless to be taken out behind the woodshed and shot like an egg-sucking dog. No offense, X-guy, but it does.)

I vowed not to post on this hideous atrocity, but I will finally put my two cents in and agree wholeheartedly with stavrosthewonderchicken. I'll shoot it if you hold it still.
posted by hama7 at 4:05 AM on September 27, 2002

That this thread has devolved into sniping and such, gives pleasure to the man known as "Oliver". I mean, who the hell is that guy? Some kind of a fuckwit?

I await the arrival of our teenage thong wearing overlords with pancakes.
posted by owillis at 4:13 AM on September 27, 2002

Also it is weird seeing your name on the front page. It's like Metafilter is talking TO ME. Go into the blue.
posted by owillis at 4:18 AM on September 27, 2002

/]whois justin

/]finger britney

mount /dev/britney
posted by adampsyche at 4:23 AM on September 27, 2002

*BANG*

thud.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:53 AM on September 27, 2002

Yeesh, this may be the most pointless, muddled discussion I've read in a while...yeah that's right! I'm bitching about the people who are bitching about the people who are bitching about this post.

That said:

I have a nine-year-old daughter who adores Britney. I have no doubt at all that the playground is going to buzzing about this piece of "news". I sincerely wish that Britney had shut her damn yap up about her personal life-- now the cat is out of the bag thanks to gentleman Justin. Britney's sex life never should have been a topic of infotainment.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:01 AM on September 27, 2002

*BANG*

thud.

Thank goodness you beat me to it. I couldn't find the back of the woodshed fast enough.
posted by hama7 at 6:11 AM on September 27, 2002

*hands hama7 a shovel*

*bows his head in prayer for the worthless egg-sucking dog, who, though cute and cuddly, had to die*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:15 AM on September 27, 2002

Come on - Britney's sex life is a hell of a lot more interesting to me than Clinton's ever was and that got talked to death. Who would you rather think about having sex while you're eating your wheaties -Britney/Justin or Clinton/Lewinsky?

You have a singer who has basically peddled herself (or been peddled) as this incredibly dirty but squeeky clean girl - maddonna/whore isn't even in it here; and now this. It's a hell of lot more interesting than the periodic Lance Bass posts as well - I mean, would you rather go down on Britney or up in space. There's nothing even in space (at least where he'd be going) - although similar arguments could be made about Brit no doubt.

XQetc. had a reasonable number of Britney/boy-band posts to rely on as precedent: at least one virginity thread, the whole lesbian porn thing, flipping off photographers in Mexico, Lance Bass, etc. Also, if you have a beef with the thread, email the lord of deletion or take it to MetaTalk.
posted by fluffy1984 at 6:19 AM on September 27, 2002

*kicks carcass into makeshift grave*

*wonders why this hasn't been done sooner*

*snickers up own sleeve*
posted by hama7 at 6:20 AM on September 27, 2002

Stavros: thank you keeping metafilter clean and pure. You've done a great service for us all. How would we ever have gotten by without your flawless parsing and sorting mechanisms?

[/sarcasm]

Seriously. Get over yourself. You've had good things to say in some threads. This is not one of them.

And, you've aligned yourself with hama7. That in and of itself should give you pause.
posted by Ynoxas at 6:23 AM on September 27, 2002

*is given pause momentarily (really, truly), then decides that Ynoxas, who's been a contributing member of this place for all of 60 days, can kiss his shiny metal ass*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:32 AM on September 27, 2002

get over yourself, chickenboy.
posted by crunchland at 7:01 AM on September 27, 2002

Fair enough.

I deserve that, as I've been equally rude to those I disagree with (carefully tempered by attempts at humour, which my interlocutors are apparently either not clever enough or simply unwilling to reciprocate) in this thread already.

Carry on with the hot hot sexy Metafilter celebrity talk.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:11 AM on September 27, 2002

*laughs until light-headed*
posted by SpecialK at 7:34 AM on September 27, 2002

And, you've aligned yourself with hama7.

I align myself with the humane disposal of egg-sucking dog posts, and I am sorry that you all had to see this. I know it was ugly, but a rabid egg-sucker is as much a danger to others as it is to itself.

Something had to be done.
posted by hama7 at 7:37 AM on September 27, 2002

Well, when it comes to Britney's crotch, I think it is important to get all the details just right. And the linked page kind of glosses over what JT actually claims they did. On this page, as you can see, he actually only says he ate her out.
posted by spilon at 7:40 AM on September 27, 2002

I clicked, expecting to see an admission that he, um, likes the boys and Britney was a front...I've always wondered!

Actually, I thought the story would reveal that Timberlake was just a beard and Britney likes the ladies, which is how it goes in my universe. Now that would be FPP material.
posted by Ty Webb at 7:55 AM on September 27, 2002

Stavros: not that it matters, but I have only been "contributing" (very loose definition of the term) for 60 days because that's all that new signups have been allowed. I'm pretty sure I got my account the day of or the 2nd day of new account openings. For the first 8 months or more that I watched this site new signups were turned off. I've been here about a year, a daily visitor.

But I appreciate the condemnation that I'm a newb because the server was too popular to handle its own success.

Yay. Not only are the posts not good enough for you but also newbs deserve no voice.

Goddamn. Get over yourself, "wonder chicken". How witty.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:07 AM on September 27, 2002

"Hey, ed, mate - I heard about this new website called 'Fark' that I think you'd just love! It's got links to naked wimmen and everything! And no pseudo-intellectuals or self-righteous cocks in sight!"

HAHAHAH!
posted by ed\26h at 8:17 AM on September 27, 2002

Now see, ed, he gets it. My work here is done.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:26 AM on September 27, 2002

would you rather go down on Britney or up in space.

much rather go up in space or down on Justin, but thanks for asking.


of course, you all realize that now Britney's gonna come out and tell everyone how terrible Justin was at kissing the kitty, just to get him back.

or is she still doing the whiny 'I need him!' crap?
posted by tolkhan at 8:39 AM on September 27, 2002

There've been a dozen such shocking revelations that Britney's not a virgin over the last year. How many more times can this revelation be shocking?

Now if Justin were to announce he's had sex with Beck or Sigur Ros, that would be interesting.
posted by Daze at 8:59 AM on September 27, 2002