Comments on: Comments on 20659

Post number 20659

revbrian — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 08:54:02 -0800

Metafilter is a genetically-modified sheep that keeps your carpets clean! It communicates with wireless devices and makes reassuring noises.

By: aacheson

aacheson — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:02:31 -0800

Amanda (my name) is apparently a credit card that swears! Excellent. This kinda reminds me of Dack's Web Economy Bullshit Generator. Both very funny sites.

By: pfuller

pfuller — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:03:09 -0800

pfuller is a burger carton that traps small animals! It responds to ambient light changes.

By: cx

cx — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:03:57 -0800

I'm a cufflink that has been featured in Star Trek and plugs into your fork. What, that's like a transponder, right?

By: grum@work

grum@work — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:05:55 -0800

grum@work is like a normal gas-mask, but it responds to ambient light changes. Blah.

By: aacheson

aacheson — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:06:57 -0800

I want to know what kind of reassuring noises a sheep can make. Sounds intriguing.

By: Stan Chin

Stan Chin — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:10:16 -0800

Harry Potter Nimbus Broomstick is a scooter that's programmed against harming humans! It may cause drowsiness and displays pornography. I win.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:11:12 -0800

jonmc is a baseball cap that anticipates your every move! It can only be operated by a trained professional. Cool. I'm psychic headgear! Any trained professionals out there wanna operate me?

By: terrapin

terrapin — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:14:11 -0800

terrapin gardens is a lunchbox that has a human brain inside! It is only visible under ultraviolet light and is not suitable for children. An invisible lunchbox with a human brain! Very cool.

By: Dr_Octavius

Dr_Octavius — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:14:46 -0800

Dr_Octavius is a handgun that disables itself if it's taken more than 100 feet away from its base and moves from side to side. And with this I shall take over the world!!

By: Ufez Jones

Ufez Jones — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:15:35 -0800

Ufez is a wrapping paper that makes you invisible! It catches fire very easily. I am the God of hellfire, and I bring you.....

By: Stan Chin

Stan Chin — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:16:07 -0800

Dean Kamen's IT is like a normal jetpack, but it bleeps when you whistle for it. Segway 2.0??? This is getting fun.

By: bhell13

bhell13 — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:16:43 -0800

bhell13 is a wafer-thin plastic sheet that secretes a sticky glue! nice.

By: CrunchyFrog

CrunchyFrog — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:18:23 -0800

For more great product ideas, play The Big Idea, by Cheapass Games. Invent such products as Accelerated Cat (It's like a cat ... but twice as fast!), Dangerous Dot Com (It's like an e-commerce portal ... that could explode at any minute!), and Unholy Pants (It's like a good pair of pants ... that's an abomination of nature!). Get venture capitalists to invest in your product, and earn big money when it goes public. The Big Idea is a security camera that will make your freezer obsolete! It loves you as a person.

By: monju_bosatsu

monju_bosatsu — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:19:58 -0800

Monju bosatsu is cigarette lighter that's water-resistant! It never needs repairing. Now that's a useful thing to have.

By: Stan Chin

Stan Chin — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:22:06 -0800

Sony Playstation 2 is a games console that fires plastic darts! Must be an add-on Module that I haven't heard of.

By: goethean

goethean — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:24:41 -0800

goethean is a marker pen that catches small fish, connects to the Internet and sticks to the skin. Can some geek/wizard explain how this website works?...it's not completely random...only partially so...?

By: thewittyname

thewittyname — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:25:26 -0800

Time Cube is a cigarette lighter that asks trivia questions! It spins about its axis. It's all so clear to me now...

By: Stan Chin

Stan Chin — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:26:45 -0800

The Matrix is an iMac that detects evil and glows with an eerie green light. Best one yet! Sorry for the multiple posts, but I keep finding new ones.

By: Hildago

Hildago — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:27:14 -0800

Adam Hindman is a contraceptive device that has a built-in motion sensor, runs on a single AA battery and looks really, really good. Yeah, pretty much. I do require the occasional taco in addition to the AA battery.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:28:48 -0800

"ZachsMind is a newly-discovered breed of fish that's two inches tall! It is twenty feet tall and is bigger on the inside than the outside." Well no wonder my aftershave isn't helping. "The NPR 100 is a parachute that doesn't need oiling and plays Sokoban." Great. Now you tell me.

By: luriete

luriete — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:29:07 -0800

Luriete is a robotic dog that kills fleas! It mimics its user. Now that's an actually useful product right there. But why would a robotic dog even have fleas?

By: Steve_at_Linnwood

Steve_at_Linnwood — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:38:17 -0800

Steve_At_Linnwood is a housebrick that hangs upside-down from the ceiling! It communicates with other copies of itself and works in the opposite way to that which you'd expect. hmmmm.... Housebrick eh?

By: mcwetboy

mcwetboy — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:38:38 -0800

This is fun, and this is going to generate 150+ comments before the day is out, I'm sure.

By: ralawrence

ralawrence — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:38:57 -0800

Can some geek/wizard explain how this website works?...it's not completely random...only partially so...? Well, I'm not a geek but I'll have a go. Basically you have a number of templates which are used to construct a sentence. For example "[item] is a [noun] that [adjective] [noun]. It [adjective] [noun] using ..." etc.etc. (I'm sure you get the idea). Now if I was writing it, I'd do some maths with the letters of the name of the product. For example, assume A is 1, B is 2 and so on and then sum various bits of the product name. Then with those numbers you can pick out specific verbs and nouns from a long list. Therefore, if you do it that way you'll always get the same sentence for the same word (it would appear to ignore case too). Hows that for a description? Ps. ralawrence is a credit card that remembers your personal preferences! It is used by the US military and flies like a rocket.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:39:05 -0800

"mr_crash_davis is a personal organiser! It can heat a small house!" That's right, baby. I'm hot and organised.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:40:53 -0800

"Ginger is a bathtub that's heavier than it looks! It comes in seven different colours and bleeps when you whistle for it." I knew it wasn't that Segway thing.

By: G_Ask

G_Ask — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:41:21 -0800

"Grey Ask is a five-dimensional fishpond blessed by a priest. It boosts self-confidence" what's up with all the fish references?

By: KnitWit

KnitWit — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:42:00 -0800

Knitwit is a rubber fish that hums incessantly! It can be bolted onto a belt buckle and squeaks.

By: Stan Chin

Stan Chin — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:43:03 -0800

Condom is a hole-punch that anticipates your every move, increases your sex appeal and is slightly hallucinogenic. The Wonderbra is a mattress that comes with a variety of coloured fascias! It loves you as a person and traps mice in a humane fashion. Never used it to catch mice before. The Hello Kitty Vibrator is a walking stick that plays MP3s! It smells of flowers and stays exactly where you leave it. I'll be here all thread folks, try the veal and tip your waitstaff.

By: Arqa

Arqa — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:43:59 -0800

Arqa is a wristwatch that has a built-in alarm clock! It makes you invisible and moulds vegetables. I never knew I was so useful.

By: thomcatspike

thomcatspike — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:45:51 -0800

I put a random # in: Design #25489 It's a video recorder that can communicate with your CD-rom! Yea and it saying, Thom don't get rid of the vcr, just because dvd is the only way you can rent new releases...........

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:46:13 -0800

I added a space between Zachs and Mind and got a dramatically different result. Wouldn't adding a space just alter the math slightly? Ella Fitzgerald is a diamond ring that asks trivia questions! It sends and receives text messages and cuts through stone as if it were butter. I knew there was always a reason why I liked her...

By: PugAchev

PugAchev — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:46:16 -0800

PugAchev is a milk carton! It is actually just a solid block of plastic! explains so much.

By: Fabulon7

Fabulon7 — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:47:53 -0800

penis is a razor that moulds to fit its user, floats in water and will not work outside of the UK.

By: nthdegx

nthdegx — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:48:09 -0800

"nthdegx is like a normal billboard, but it looks bigger than it really is."

By: Johnny Assay

Johnny Assay — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:48:29 -0800

Johnny Assay is a belt buckle that checks your spelling, is completely reversible and uses human blood for fuel. Mwahahahahahaha!

By: vito90

vito90 — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:49:50 -0800

vito90 is a carpet that comes in seven different colours, can be used to deter muggers and works underwater.

By: furiousthought

furiousthought — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:50:09 -0800

Do not get the next upgrade for the iPod.

By: nthdegx

nthdegx — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:52:19 -0800

dvd "dvd is a security camera that cleans itself! It can run MAME roms and exists in five dimensions." "big mac is a vacuum cleaner! It kills fleas!"

By: Fabulon7

Fabulon7 — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:52:28 -0800

The Prior-Art-O-Matic is a pair of shoes! It jams mobile phone frequencies!

By: Recockulous

Recockulous — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:53:26 -0800

recockulous is a web page that sends and receives faxes, keeps children amused and is completely reversible. suolukcocer is a TV remote control that pushes things down staircases! My name backwards makes a better product.

By: me3dia

me3dia — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:54:54 -0800

me3dia is a marker pen that stays sharp forever! Cool! I've been meaning to replace this old rollerball for awhile now.

By: Stan Chin

Stan Chin — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:56:57 -0800

The Inanimate Carbon Rod is a first-aid kit that detects harmful gases, can be used in zero-gravity and cannot be moved. Those who remember the Simpsons Episode, will find this to be completely true. That's it, I'm going back to work.

By: mss

mss — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:57:00 -0800

mss is a deck of cards that can be used as a metal detector! Guess I win for most boring. Sounds like a stud finder.

By: Recockulous

Recockulous — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 09:58:36 -0800

sit on my face is a wafer-thin plastic sheet! It secretes a sticky glue!

By: Grod

Grod — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:03:36 -0800

Grod is a bar of soap that self-replicates and counts your loose change. Damn, a self replicating bar of soap would be pretty cool, think of all the money you'd save.

By: Witty

Witty — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:08:22 -0800

witty is a belt buckle that has no moving parts! It sounds better than it looks and follows you around. M'well alrighty then.

By: Plunge

Plunge — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:11:52 -0800

Plunge Plunge is a T-shirt that disposes of kitchen waste, is inflammable and emits dangerous radiation. God God is a sock that's covered with realistic fur! It improves blood clotting. Satan Satan is a toothbrush that looks like a fish! It has been featured in Star Trek and catches small fish. President Bush President Bush is a rocket launcher! It repairs itself!

By: Stan Chin

Stan Chin — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:13:04 -0800

Sorry... couldn't resist this last one. Matthew Haughey's Metafilter is a hammer! It will drive you insane! I formally challenge anyone else to find as many accurate descriptions as I have. This of course, requires having no life. Winner gets the hand of the fair maiden.

By: jazon

jazon — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:13:34 -0800

jazon is like a normal deck of cards, but it pings when it's ready. ping ping ping

By: jazon

jazon — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:14:47 -0800

the hand of the fair maiden is a candle that produces pure oxygen! I'll take two

By: moss

moss — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:16:26 -0800

moss is a personal organiser that's built and maintained by tiny nano-robots! It is only visible under ultraviolet light. Cool! Not only am I a personal organiser, just like mr_crash_davis, but I've also got tiny machines!

By: starvingartist

starvingartist — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:20:47 -0800

Bill Gates is a human clone that's voice-activated! Where's that fair maiden?

By: starvingartist

starvingartist — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:23:29 -0800

the meaning of life is like a normal greetings card, but it vibrates.

By: Pinwheel

Pinwheel — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:24:44 -0800

our love: "Our love is a diamond ring! It catches fire very easily!"

By: starvingartist

starvingartist — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:25:29 -0800

My ass is like a normal waffle iron, but it's laced with vodka.

By: geekyguy

geekyguy — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:26:23 -0800

geekyguy is a piece of string that bleeps when you whistle for it! Edsel Ranger, (my car), is a car that plays light music! I wish it had a radio.

By: starvingartist

starvingartist — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:26:34 -0800

Last one, I swear... Sex is a CD player that cannot be removed from your house! It produces 240v of electricity and probably won't work. So, so true.

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:26:59 -0800

pinkstainlesstail is a video recorder that has adverts on the side, responds to temperature changes and never gets tired. Hmmm... "pinkstainlesstail is a video recorder that has adverts on the side, responds to temperature changes and never gets tired" is a WAP device that can be bolted onto a fizzy drink and provides an RSS feed. Hmmmm... "'pinkstainlesstail is a video recorder that has adverts on the side, responds to temperature changes and never gets tired' is a WAP device that can be bolted onto a fizzy drink and provides an RSS feed" is like a normal screwdriver, but it folds away when not in use.

By: benjh

benjh — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:28:59 -0800

Strangely accurate.

By: jazon

jazon — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:30:01 -0800

this thread is a strain of bacteria that will make your samurai sword obsolete! It plays MP3s. Rockin!

By: gsteff

gsteff — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:35:31 -0800

gsteff is like a normal Christmas tree, but it looks like a fish.

By: quarsan

quarsan — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:37:51 -0800

saddam hussain is a breakfast cereal that runs on compressed air! It can be implanted into the arm and plays a mean game of Go. george w bush is an umbrella that irons your shirts! osama bin laden is a wastepaper basket that has sleek curves! It knows your name and responds to ambient light changes. it all makes sense now.

By: SimStupid

SimStupid — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:38:09 -0800

Nubian is a feather duster that comes with a variety of colored fascias, won't make a hole in your wallet and dispenses pills Pederass is an electric drill! It can disable electrical hardware!

By: zerofoks

zerofoks — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:40:44 -0800

zerofoks is a glass bead that's great for hammering in nails!

By: Woolcott'sKindredGal

Woolcott'sKindredGal — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:53:20 -0800

woolcott'skindredgal is a golf club that's slightly hallucinogenic! It is fully recycleable and emits harmful gases. Oh fine! Watch out for me...

By: jkaczor

jkaczor — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 10:53:37 -0800

Jason is a samurai sword that's heavier than it looks! It looks like a pot-plant. JasonKaczor is a retinal implant that knows your name! Kaczor is a button-badge that revolves and can be used by the whole family. jKaczor is like a normal burger carton, but it will not work outside of the UK. Hooo-haa! I love this thing... especially the iMac/Matric post above...

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 11:01:42 -0800

kirkaracha is a security camera that's made of solid gold, can be used on the move and soothes babies. Hey, two out of three ain't bad!

By: grum@work

grum@work — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 11:01:49 -0800

I just want to point out that if anyone is interested in trying to crack the code, we've had an exact duplicate on this list already: "sit on my face" and "bhell13" produced the same result: "is a wafer-thin plastic sheet that secretes a sticky glue" I don't see any direct relation between them: different number of letters, spaces vs no spaces, numbers vs no numbers. Oh, and I got this one: World Wide Web is a blow-up doll that secretes a sticky glue and uses the Google API.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 11:03:16 -0800

your mama is a postage stamp that's also available in white and can play chess.

By: Zulujines

Zulujines — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 11:58:28 -0800

Zulu is like a normal rocket launcher, but it recites haiku

By: PugAchev

PugAchev — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 12:03:41 -0800

MetaTalk is a mattress! It looks like a pot-plant!

By: Mushkelley

Mushkelley — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 12:05:15 -0800

Following Pinkstainless Tail's lead I resubmitted what the product description I got three times. ON the third I got this (you can deduce the first two from this one of course) mushkelley is a webcam that produces hot tea or coffee! is a golf club that stretches to twice its original size! It helps around the home. is a speaker system that has been blessed by a priest! It flies like a rocket and vibrates. Apparently I am only three degrees of seperation from the Harry Potter Broom thing.

By: quonsar

quonsar — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 12:06:40 -0800

everlasting blort is a hat that jams mobile phone frequencies.

By: elwoodwiles

elwoodwiles — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 12:45:22 -0800

the US military is like a normal rickshaw, but it inflates balloons.

By: Steve_at_Linnwood

Steve_at_Linnwood — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 12:46:49 -0800

Tagline: Metafilter: It is a hammer! It will drive you insane!

By: GeekAnimator

GeekAnimator — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 12:53:52 -0800

GeekAnimator is like a normal pair of shoes, but it emits harmful gases. oh dear...

By: goddam

goddam — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:02:00 -0800

jenmuller is a suppository! It doesn't always work!

By: ewwgene

ewwgene — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:17:44 -0800

ewwgene is a breakfast cereal that changes colour to reflect your mood! It cleans itself. yummy!

By: taz

taz — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:20:07 -0800

a man a man is like a normal pogo stick, but it's inflammable.

By: bokononito

bokononito — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:27:44 -0800

bokononito is a pair of roller-skates that destroys household pests! It sends and receives text messages and costs less than ?20. J20. is a hammer that fetches your hat! It disinfects work surfaces and tells you when it's ready. ready. is a robotic dog that sorts your mail! It hangs upside-down from the ceiling. -i feel like i'm ready.

By: quarantine

quarantine — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:29:50 -0800

Browser Wars? Internet Explorer is like a normal trouser press, but it can be assembled from common household parts. Netscape Navigator is a stereo system! It floats in water! Mozilla is like a normal waffle iron, but it looks like a wrapping paper. Opera is like a normal pot plant, but it recites haiku. Lynx is a blow-up doll that jams mobile phone frequencies! It anticipates your every move. Thinking about it, they all sound pretty good. Got to hand it to Opera, though. That sure sounds useful.

By: quarantine

quarantine — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:30:44 -0800

Recursion is a pot plant that operates on a quantum level! It removes stubborn stains is a toaster that displays a slideshow of pictures and produces hot tea or coffee is a personal organiser! It responds to temperature changes! is an aquarium! It can only be operated by a trained professional! is an aquarium that revolves, does exactly what it says on the tin and detects explosives is like a normal credit card, but it doesn't need oiling is a gas-mask that fits into the boot of a car! It has been featured in Star Trek and comes with its own storage kennel is a video recorder that dissolves in water! It catches flies is a stapler that follows you around, glows with an eerie green light and takes high-quality digital photos.

By: Oddly

Oddly — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:44:28 -0800

Bush is a featureless cube that shoots laser beams and talks.

By: msacheson

msacheson — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:55:10 -0800

msacheson is a golf club that runs on methane! It squeaks and lasts for up to a week. Appropriate...I like golf, and I fart.

By: DakotaPaul

DakotaPaul — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:56:19 -0800

DakotaPaul is a wastepaper basket that has velcro pads on the side! It shoots laser beams. Sweeeeeet. (upon preview, I see that I am now equipped defend myself against Bush)

By: gummi

gummi — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 13:58:25 -0800

LoFi MeFi is a shoe that emits a constant high-frequency whine!

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:01:19 -0800

XQUZYPHYR is a wristwatch that speaks randomly-generated sentences! Well, duh. XQUZYPHYR & Overboard is like a normal electric drill, but it self-replicates. Better.

By: inpHilltr8r

inpHilltr8r — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:03:03 -0800

inpHilltr8r is a sheet of paper that kills ants! Oh, and the how is almost certainly Markov Chains

By: taz

taz — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:03:16 -0800

Cinematic mysteries finally resolved (and a disturbing trend revealed): Inside the briefcase, in Pulp Fiction, is a lightbulb that produces hot tea or coffee! In 2001 the monolith is a suitcase that produces hot tea or coffee and lasts forever.

By: samsara

samsara — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:13:09 -0800

"Nike is like a normal pair of shoes, but it emits harmful gases. "

Interesting...and possibly true. "my shoe is a postage stamp that has been blessed by a priest! It has a built-in calculator and displays pornography." I'm still looking for the other one...

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:15:39 -0800

Along the lines of taz' clever uses: The secret to a successful marriage is a hi-fi that cures all know illnesses! It shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger. The most wonderful object in the universe is a stapler that makes popcorn, remembers your personal preferences and boosts self-confidence.

By: plemeljr

plemeljr — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:28:11 -0800

Your mom is a pair of shoes that runs on a single AA battery! Porn is a false moustache that cannot be removed from your house! It communicates via Instant Messenger and comes with its own storage kennel. Architecture is like a normal biro, but it glows with an eerie green light. Indeed!

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:30:39 -0800

Oh yeah, well your mother is a breathalyser that records everything you say!

By: yhbc

yhbc — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:31:24 -0800

The meaning of life is like a normal greetings card, but it vibrates.

By: Secret Life of Gravy

Secret Life of Gravy — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:42:18 -0800

Laura Jane is a diamond ring that flashes at intervals and traps mice in a humane fashion So basically I'm like Witchblade, only prettier and with more emphasis on exterminating vermin of the non-human kind. The Secret Life of Gravy is a pair of sunglasses that runs on six little wheels! Well at least there is nothing about farting in there...I would be so depressed if the "secret" was something about emitting gases.

By: samsara

samsara — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:50:52 -0800

An iBook is a lunchbox that makes clicking noises! It plays Nethack. Punk rock isn't dead, it is a trouser press that emits a constant high-frequency whine! It can read warchalking symbols. Congress is a hair gel that runs on methane, obeys simple instructions and gets +2 to kill undead. The senate is a button-badge that blocks spam email, kills ants and can be assembled from common household parts. Ok I'm done! And I finally I found out what love, happiness, Ginger, and all those inspirational posters really mean :)

By: amberglow

amberglow — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:50:55 -0800

amberglow is an iMac that's transparent, cures all known illnesses and looks like a false moustache. anyone sick? come sit on my face! ; >

By: t r a c y

t r a c y — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 14:53:54 -0800

apparently, and i suspect rather accurately, my cat zasu is a handheld hole-punch (i have proof of this specifically) that has been featured in Star Trek! It is used by the US military. tracy is a towel that does exactly what it says on the tin and glows with an eerie green light. erm, ok. katgyrl.com is a robot that's unbreakable! It can be taken apart and reassembled in thirty seconds and tracks infra-red. LOL! i like this one

By: Bletch

Bletch — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 15:10:12 -0800

How Borgesian - it's the Patent Office of Babel!

By: tomcosgrave

tomcosgrave — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 15:12:58 -0800

blowjob is a breathalyser that plays the American national anthem and works at any altitude. Priceless...

By: Pretty_Generic

Pretty_Generic — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 15:15:08 -0800

I posted this first. That means I am a nice person and deserve some of your respect.

By: DaRiLo

DaRiLo — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 15:41:01 -0800

It has a surreal, but somehow appropriate take on Israel vs. Palestine.

By: DaRiLo

DaRiLo — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 15:52:25 -0800

If you type in just numbers it does something slightly different. For instance the true nature of the number of the beast - Segueway II?

By: cx

cx — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 15:53:32 -0800

The reason for the budget deficit is a security camera that flies like a rocket! It fires plastic darts. The Missile Shield!

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 16:12:11 -0800

Design #006699: It's like a normal sheet of paper, but it looks better than it sounds.

By: melissa

melissa — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 16:34:19 -0800

melissa is a fridge magnet that hums incessantly! It can pick locks. if only...

By: thomcatspike

thomcatspike — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 16:35:48 -0800

MetaTalk is a mattress! It looks like a pot-plant! Thanks PugAchev, now a know why I go to my mattress from both of these devices, they tire me out..........

By: Dinzie

Dinzie — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 16:40:03 -0800

Anna Nicole Smith is a credit card that works at any altitude and is also available in white. Scary how accurate this thing is!

By: davros42

davros42 — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 17:26:48 -0800

Davros42 is a cigarette lighter that extends at the touch of a button and doesn't take no for an answer. Go on, touch the button... I won't take no for an answer :-)

By: cx

cx — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 17:53:34 -0800

Davros, you light my fire! Especially fitting since my head is a crematorium that looks like a Christmas tree! Darn.

By: hippugeek

hippugeek — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 18:22:50 -0800

hippugeek is a small plastic pyramid that has a million household uses, works underwater and can be used on the move. My mother's name comes up as an odd blend of homey and eerie: [She] is like a normal credit card, but it's great for hammering in nails. is a new type of vegetable that can be taken on holiday and has been blessed by a priest. is a chainsaw! It keeps food warm! is a contact lens that uses human blood for fuel, has been featured in Star Trek and doesn't take no for an answer. Life is a shopping bag that checks your spelling, is laced with vodka and glows with an eerie green light. Death is like a normal airbag, but it can be used in zero-gravity. Religion: Religion is like a normal walking stick, but it's also available in white. Jesus Christ is a biro that sings comical songs, remembers your personal preferences and can only be operated by a trained professional. (So is the Universe. Coincidence?) The Book of Mormon is a saucepan that may have harmful side effects! It can be assembled from common household parts. Jerry Falwell is a hearing aid that makes amusing belching noises, knows what you want before you do and obeys simple instructions. Mysteries solved: The cure for the common cold is a speaker system that helps around the home, can be implanted into the arm and runs on tapwater. A better mousetrap is a chocolate bar that can be controlled by willpower alone, keeps food fresh for up to eight weeks and sticks to the ceiling like a gecko. (You know, that might just work.) Literature: Macbeth is a shoelace! It mimics the movements of a lizard! is a parachute that repairs itself, speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones and glows with an eerie green light. is an explosive device! It removes stubborn stains! Chekov is like a normal greetings card, but it lasts for up to a week. And finally, the explanation for an awful lot of things: The world is a toilet seat that can be used by children! (For figuring-this-thing-out purposes, any three-letter word ending with "-at" comes up as "a baseball cap that fits into the boot of a car!")

By: eddydamascene

eddydamascene — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 19:13:37 -0800

damascene is a billboard! It bounces up and down! look at me!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 19:57:28 -0800

stavros the wonder chicken is a fusebox that's voice-activated, makes popcorn and speaks randomly-generated sentences. Near enough.

By: grabbingsand

grabbingsand — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 20:37:01 -0800

grabbingsand is a piece of string that sings comical songs! It works upside-down and dispenses pills. lydia, oh lydia, say have you met lydia....

By: littlegirlblue

littlegirlblue — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 20:46:38 -0800

I knew this stuff was good!

By: littlegirlblue

littlegirlblue — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 20:48:56 -0800

And, at last, proof this stuff is up to no good!

By: hippugeek

hippugeek — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 22:10:28 -0800

Help! I'm supposed to be writing a paper, but I can't stop... Love is a tricycle that fetches your hat, revolves and affixes to any flat surface. I think that's rather sweet. And this one has a certain internal logic: Mud is like a normal first-aid kit, but it's guaranteed to save you a hundred pounds a month. (Oh. So that's why I'm not making any progress.)

By: dg

dg — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 22:21:51 -0800

dg is a bubble-car that loves children, waters your plants and blocks UV light. Boring but useful. stavrosthewonderchicken - no cheating! You are really like a normal toilet seat, but you send and receive faxes.

By: dg

dg — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 22:35:55 -0800

If I feed the results back into it enough times I find that dg doesn't always work, hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet and keeps food warm. Sounds about right.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 22:53:09 -0800

dg - Yeah, true, but I liked the other one better.

By: hama7

hama7 — Wed, 09 Oct 2002 23:48:48 -0800

hama7 is a unicycle! It can pick up digital radio! What's not to like?

By: elwoodwiles

elwoodwiles — Thu, 10 Oct 2002 00:23:29 -0800

God is a sock that's covered with realistic fur! It improves blood clotting. lonelyness is a pager that scans its user's fingerprints! suicide is a coffee cup! It shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger! existentialism is a sticky label that can be controlled by willpower alone! It is water-absorbent. surrealism is an umbrella that can emulate a ZX Spectrum! It looks really, really good. I just can't stop playing with this....

By: monkey closet

monkey closet — Thu, 10 Oct 2002 01:04:01 -0800

monkey closet is a rickshaw! It can be used on the move! I suppose 50% accuracy isn't bad.

By: hippugeek

hippugeek — Thu, 10 Oct 2002 01:16:31 -0800

You beat me to existentialism, elwoodwiles! But here's the battle of the political philosophies: Communism is like a normal kettle, but it doesn't always work. Capitalism is a featureless cube! It may cause drowsiness! is a teddybear that catalogues its contents, fits into the boot of a car and hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet… It doesn't need oiling. (some would disagree...) Pacifism is an electric drill that kills all known germs dead and squirts water…it stays exactly where you leave it...It is powered by clockwork and keeps children amused. Nationalism is a golf club that's unbreakable, detects explosives and is used by the US military. The wishful thinking department: Congress is a hair gel that runs on methane, obeys simple instructions and gets +2 to kill undead… It is programmed against harming humans and can move faster than the speed of light. The Supreme Court is a sticky label that works at twice the normal speed! It cures all known illnesses. (Upon further investigation, it is also an armchair that requires a sample of DNA, will drive you insane and has a built-in alarm clock. That's more like it.) The U.N. is a human clone that's not suitable for children, traps small animals and is voice-activated...is a pot plant that kills all known germs dead! It shoots laser beams and will not work outside of the UK. Ann Coulter is an electric drill! It kills weeds down to the root! is a pair of underpants! It receives data from any nearby new type of vegetable! is a wastepaper basket! It scares dogs!

By: hippugeek

hippugeek — Thu, 10 Oct 2002 01:19:10 -0800

And who could deny these fundemental truths? The ideal man is a mattress! It is made entirely of wood! is a bedside table that produces pure oxygen! It traps small animals. is a freezer that dehumidifies the air, keeps you warm at night and fetches sticks. The perfect woman is a DVD player that checks your spelling! It can light cigarettes and doesn't distract you from your work. is a robot that uses human blood for fuel and lasts forever. is a lunchbox! It looks really, really good!

By: carfilhiot

carfilhiot — Thu, 10 Oct 2002 02:27:34 -0800

carfilhiot is a sticky label that's made of solid gold! It gets +2 to kill undead and fits in your pocket. - well fairly accurate actually.

By: straight

straight — Thu, 10 Oct 2002 09:25:17 -0800

Inside my pants is a tricycle that plays Nethack! Under my bed is an ornately-engraved sphere that costs less than £20, is slightly hallucinogenic and can speak twelve languages. Hanging from my rear view mirror is an office whiteboard that can move faster than the speed of light, can move faster than the speed of light and doesn't distract you from your work.

By: hippugeek

hippugeek — Thu, 10 Oct 2002 21:52:48 -0800

The United States military is a marker pen that knows what you want before you do and shouts 'WARNING!' at the first sign of danger.