Newzoid: wacky headline generator.

October 15, 2002 9:54 PM

Newzoid: wacky headline generator. I've been checking this site daily for at least a week now. It polls for online news headlines and does a simple "cut-up" which usually cracks me up like, "Tireless British Rocker, 50, To Be Auctioned," "Iraqis Fighting Back In Playground," "VH1 Vogue Is Dense, Demanding," "Listeria Outbreak Probably Enjoyed Off-Duty Time," "US Man Linked To Breast Cancer: Study"
posted by skallas (21 comments total)

I'm not sure how, but I find this ironic: Ex-Taliban Official Completed 42 Superfund Toxic Waste Cleanups This Year.
posted by quam at 10:27 PM on October 15, 2002

5-Embalmed Show Promise
8-Sniper Had Fun In Bond Movies
9-Former Hippie Guru Einhorn Faces Charges Over Microsoft
12- Space Shuttle Atlantis Stripped Of Undocumented Workers

There's an alternate universe where these headlines would be 100% believeable. Here they just tickle my fancy.
posted by jonmc at 10:34 PM on October 15, 2002

"House Recalling Minivans For Death Row Inmates"

LOL
posted by adnanbwp at 11:02 PM on October 15, 2002

Unmanned Russian Rocket Describes How Potato Powder Instantly Clots Blood

. . . an article I'd love to read.
posted by LeLiLo at 11:12 PM on October 15, 2002

"Guns, Gadgets And Girls May Slow Parkinson's Disease"

And to think, we spent all that money on developing medications...
posted by ligeia at 11:41 PM on October 15, 2002

Wal-Mart Profits Soars On Possible Troop Withdrawal

Wow. Apparently, some major retail outlets have bigger security problems than Houston K-Marts...
posted by Danelope at 11:47 PM on October 15, 2002

I'm never visiting another site again. NewZoids fulfills my daily requirement for newsfotainment!

U.S. Postal Service To Help Hunt Washington Area Sniper
Space Shuttle Atlantis May Be More Resistant To Anesthesia, Study Finds
Authorities Share Space Station Stories
posted by Danelope at 11:51 PM on October 15, 2002

Forest Sign Cease-fire Agreement

Rad.
posted by The God Complex at 1:03 AM on October 16, 2002

should be a standalone version somewhere. I had one for .. *cough* OS/2
*peers around*
*slinks away*
posted by firestorm at 2:25 AM on October 16, 2002

Finnish Police Seek To Amend France's Short Workweek

Those dirty French will try anything. Have they no decency?
posted by cohappy at 3:30 AM on October 16, 2002

Web Sites Set To Test-fire New Rocket Engine

Dammit, those warbloggers have gone too far this time!
posted by rory at 3:52 AM on October 16, 2002

Man Charged In Germany

Now that's my kind of headline.
posted by Fabulon7 at 5:47 AM on October 16, 2002

"Sniper To Sign Congressional Resolution On Economy, Unveil Plan"
posted by ph00dz at 6:14 AM on October 16, 2002

Alcohol Sentenced to Return
Ya-hoo!
posted by Fabulon7 at 6:40 AM on October 16, 2002

U.S. Postal Service To Help Hunt Washington Area Sniper

Danelope, you win!
posted by taz at 8:01 AM on October 16, 2002

Guns, Gadgets And Girls Put On Iraq

Looks like Bush sent in Charlie's Angels.
posted by pitchblende at 8:12 AM on October 16, 2002

Embalmed Discover Ancient Grave Site In Nursing Homes, Newspaper Reports

No! Not Grandma!
posted by dwivian at 10:25 AM on October 16, 2002

Cat In The Hat Detected By Iraq

how about that?
posted by eddydamascene at 6:31 PM on October 16, 2002

"Guns, Gadgets And Girls May Slow Parkinson's Disease"

Grandma, I have good news and bad news...
posted by hippugeek at 11:40 PM on October 16, 2002

Also:
Verizon Wireless Fires Bush: Clearing Undergrowth Will Help Prevent Forest Fires

Jamaicans Drop Charges Against Humanity

Angels Can Save Heart Attack Victims, Study Says

Iowa Tempted By European Order Of Sniper Shootings
"Iowa always seemed like such a nice state," said Nebraska. "It was a bit of a loner, but we didn't think anything of it."

Rapid Early Growth Cautioning Women On Use Of Rainbow: People Will Think You're a Lesbian, REG Panel Advises
posted by hippugeek at 12:13 AM on October 17, 2002

Last one, I promise:
Lebanon Arrested for Shameless Name-Dropping
posted by hippugeek at 12:28 AM on October 17, 2002