Journal of a new COBRA recruit.

November 1, 2002 8:48 PM

Journal of a new COBRA recruit. "I report to COBRA boot camp out in Utah in the middle of June. The recruiter guy said that everyone around there thinks it's where some crazy old Mormon lives with all his wives. I'm not supposed to say anything about it to anyone. I'm supposed to tell Mom and Dad that I'm going off to work for the phone company."
posted by owillis (22 comments total)

FYI, on the off chance you have no idea who COBRA is.
posted by owillis at 8:51 PM on November 1, 2002

COBRA! Go Joe! God that was a good read, thanks Superman!
posted by riffola at 8:59 PM on November 1, 2002

More from the G.I. Joe database:

"Absolute power! Total control of the world… its people, wealth, and resources—that’s the objective of COBRA Commander. This fanatical leader rules with an iron fist. He demands total loyalty and allegiance. His main battle plan, for world control, relies on revolution and chaos. He personally led uprisings in the Middle East, Southeast Asia and other trouble spots. Responsible for kidnapping scientists, businessmen, and military leaders then forcing them to reveal their top level secrets.

"COBRA Commander is hatred and evil personified. Corrupt. A man without scruples. Probably the most dangerous man alive!”

Do you think these were Communist uprisings that Cobra Commander was leading in 1980s "trouble spots"? Did Arafat work with this dude?
posted by inksyndicate at 9:04 PM on November 1, 2002

Yowsah.

"Is that a big-ass gun in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"

She's on our side? Where do I sign up, Sarge!?
posted by yhbc at 9:07 PM on November 1, 2002

And here I thought it was some crap Sylvester Stallone movie--nothnig could be as bad as Paradise Alley, though!--or maybe some elite paramilitary telemarketing thang. And I wasn't exactly wrong.
posted by y2karl at 9:07 PM on November 1, 2002

I've been reading so many blogs these days I was momentarily confused as to why the chronology read backwards.
posted by joemaller at 9:10 PM on November 1, 2002

I had several boxes of VHS that I hadn't gone into for years and among them I found a copy of Palace of Doom. While I may find unintentional gay innuendo in a wholesome episode of Ghostwriter I assure you that the writers of this GI Joe movie knew what they were doing when two lads with firm buttocks are ordered to "get in from behind".
posted by holloway at 10:45 PM on November 1, 2002

One of the best costumes I saw at a Hallowe'en party I was at last weekend was a guy dressed up as Destro. I recognized his silver head a mile away. The girl he was with was upset that I didn't know who she was supposed to be though...apparently she was The Baroness, but all I could think of was Scarlett.
posted by chumptastic at 10:55 PM on November 1, 2002

I misread that as CORBA bootcamp. Considering what I've been through these past few months, it still made a lot of sense.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:49 PM on November 1, 2002

Copenhagen, Brussels, Amsterdam?
posted by apollo3000 at 3:55 AM on November 2, 2002

Asger Jorn posts here??
posted by adamgreenfield at 8:31 AM on November 2, 2002

This just gave me a great idea for my next Graphic Design project. COBRA Communist Propaganda Posters (like the OBEY posters or Russian Constructivism). I'll get them screen-printed too.

If anybody knows if this has already been done please let me know. Otherwise, I'm writing this comment as a timestamp proof that I have dibs on the idea.
posted by Stan Chin at 8:46 AM on November 2, 2002

Stan Chin, don't let Hasbro find out :)
posted by riffola at 8:55 AM on November 2, 2002

owillis: Sorry, I still have no idea what COBRA is....
posted by salmacis at 4:06 PM on November 2, 2002

This was the first thing I ever "blogged".
posted by Shadowkeeper at 5:06 PM on November 2, 2002

{cover blown... must....move...to...Boise.}
posted by clavdivs at 5:15 PM on November 2, 2002

"Is that a big-ass gun in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"

Uhh, the logo, the logo at the bottom right...
posted by chrid at 12:50 AM on November 3, 2002

Didn't play with The Joe (well not much anyway-- I may have undressed my brother's GI Joe to see how he compared with Ken) but this is comedy gold:

I'm getting pretty good at recognizing people's eyebrows though.

posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 11:05 AM on November 3, 2002

Since we're talking COBRA, check out the musical (pics here). It was hilarious. A small Canadian production, see it if you ever have the chance.
posted by drew_alley at 12:53 PM on November 4, 2002

When I first saw the link I thought it was about that COBRA thing that allows you to extend medical benefits. And I was thinking "great, another needless policy discussion that I can riled up about instead of doing real work." But this is just comedy genius....I think you could do a "stormtrooper training camp" blog that would read pretty much the same....
posted by pjgulliver at 1:31 PM on November 4, 2002

Great link!

Man, I miss that cartoon.

Anyway, now that the thread is pretty much done, I thought I'd better put my two cents in for posterity and the search engines... it's a small thing, really... but hey, disinformation comes in all flavors.

Mormons are not polygamous. Those folks with multiple (concurrent) wives that everyone calls "mormon", they're members of churches that splintered off from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints a long time ago.

Calling them "mormon" is like insisting upon calling Lutherans, "catholic".

Anyway, that's it from me.
posted by silusGROK at 5:27 PM on November 5, 2002

AAAAGH! YOU BASTARDS. Why couldn't this have popped up a couple of hours earlier, or not on a friday, or, hell, some time when I had not just left work for a few days and was thus positioned to miss the thread when it was actually being discussed? Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!

So um, yeah, that was my story out there on McSweeney's, glad people liked it, sorry I mussed the discussion.
[exit, stage left, muttering]
posted by COBRA! at 2:41 PM on November 12, 2002