Laptop burns manhood

November 22, 2002 12:17 PM

My laptop gets pretty hot but I never imagined it could cause burns! In fact this is probably the only injury that can be caused by a computer, apart from electrocution?
posted by chrid (30 comments total)

What about a broken toe from dropping a CPU on it? Or carpal tunnel syndrome from improper mouse use?
posted by me3dia at 12:20 PM on November 22, 2002

Father McGwire says I'll go blind.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 12:30 PM on November 22, 2002

Don't practice cunnilingus on an active floppy drive.
posted by Stan Chin at 12:37 PM on November 22, 2002

I get a bad back from sitting in a chair all day long.
posted by password at 12:37 PM on November 22, 2002

Computer use can cause all kinds of injuries in the same way that performing any activity for prolonged periods of time can damage your body. I speak from experience. It's not particularly funny.
posted by Hildago at 12:42 PM on November 22, 2002

I've hurt someone else with plastic shrapnel from trying to "fix" a server with a hammer.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:44 PM on November 22, 2002

I've cut my hand open without even feeling it, working inside the case. Then, of course, there's RSI, CRES, etc., etc. ...
posted by Songdog at 12:45 PM on November 22, 2002

I think its because the article used the words "boffin" and "penis" that made it humorus. Heh, heh, he said boffin.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:48 PM on November 22, 2002

Don't practice cunnilingus on an active floppy drive.

By that line of thought, I suppose fellatio on a hard drive would be equally bad?
posted by me3dia at 1:01 PM on November 22, 2002

I have a Compaq laptop that gets seriously hot. This is why I love a Palm and keyboard attachment. No major heat produced from a handheld computer.
posted by benjh at 1:02 PM on November 22, 2002

One of the dangers of Internet Porn
posted by ElvisJesus at 1:03 PM on November 22, 2002

Anyone else think "writing a report in his armchair" is a euphemism for "surfing pr0n with one hand"?
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:10 PM on November 22, 2002

Don't laugh, someone is working on that as we speak! (definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK)
posted by Pollomacho at 1:11 PM on November 22, 2002

Aha! That explains the blisters and sores on my penis.
posted by DakotaPaul at 1:27 PM on November 22, 2002

Wait...I don't have a laptop...
posted by DakotaPaul at 1:32 PM on November 22, 2002

My father had a laptop that routinely would send 50-60 volts of electricity through your wrists because of some faulty grounding and poorly placed screws on the cabinet. Ouch.
posted by cx at 1:35 PM on November 22, 2002

ahhh... good commentary.


But what I don't understand is, how did he get these blisters without knowing it at the time... Its your......... I mean..........mr.squiggles.........its....but......Hot.......... the next day!?...

I'm gonna have to side with mr.moonpie.
posted by Espoo2 at 1:56 PM on November 22, 2002

Those Dell boatanchors they call portables are pretty damn heavy, wouldn't want to drop one of them...
posted by Space Coyote at 2:13 PM on November 22, 2002

what about carpel tunnel syndrome?
posted by trbrts at 2:20 PM on November 22, 2002

*hugs ibook*
posted by Tacodog at 2:34 PM on November 22, 2002

It's my turn! It's my turn, at last:

This laptop, it vibrates?
posted by johnny vagabond at 2:39 PM on November 22, 2002

There's also the monitor-exploding-in-one's-face problem, as in the Finn Who Blew Himself Up in Stephenson's Cryptonomicon.
posted by blissbat at 3:08 PM on November 22, 2002

So how exactly does one get burns on one's scrotum from literal usage of a laptop?
posted by paleocon at 4:33 PM on November 22, 2002

I've burnt my legs from my laptop before. The extractor fan was broken and I didn't know, and it got rather hot rather quickly... but that doesn't explain how he burnt his... er.. yeah.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 1:16 AM on November 23, 2002

computer injuries: My spouse works on a server assembly line. It's the typical assembly line deal- make as many computers as possible as fast as possible. He comes home with cuts all over his arms from reaching inside the boxes. And he had to be taken to emergency once after destroying something in his back picking one of those things up. Talking about assembly lines is always such a downer...
posted by loafingcactus at 4:58 AM on November 23, 2002

this is actually the reason that manufacturers call them 'notebooks' instead of 'laptops'. There was at least on case of a paralyzed individual suffering third degree burns to her legs after resting the notebook on her lap.
posted by jjb at 12:11 PM on November 23, 2002

What's the bet that it was the Tibook that caused it? That thing gets damn hot. Who knew that titanium would conduct heat so well. Heh. Apple should really do something about it. Lawsuit anyone?
posted by Jubey at 5:04 PM on November 24, 2002

In the back of every MacWorld magazine there is an ad for a company that sells a special wedge which elevates the back of the TiBook and iBook to allow for better air circulation and heat disbursement. I've acheived the same ideal, ironically, by elevating the back of my Book on a couple of Macworlds.
posted by Dreama at 5:39 PM on November 24, 2002

Just today I noticed a tiny chip in my monitor and I felt compelled to research the likelihood of a monitor imploding and causing injury. After reading a number of inflammatory articles I satisfied myself that this is something that has been taken seriously by manufacturers and is vanishingly unlikely due to the thick glass the front of the monitor is made of... phew .
posted by nasim at 6:28 PM on November 24, 2002

Many people are under the impression that, because a monitor implodes rather than explodes, they are safe from flying glass, with all the glass flying inwards. Have a think, though, about what happens to the glass the back of the monitor is made of and where it goes. Not that there is much chance of a monitor breaking, as they are pretty tough and hard to break.

I can't figure out how this guy managed to burn himself that way or, if he was holding the notebook so close to his body, how he managed to get to the keyboard or see the screen properly. Unless his penis reaches his knees, of course.

If you spend much time inside computer cases, you will know that there are lots of ways you can hurt yourself with little or no effort.
posted by dg at 10:00 PM on November 24, 2002