Pardon.
November 26, 2002 2:32 PM   Subscribe

Bush Pardons Turkey. Ratio of the number of pardons George W. Bush has issued turkeys to those he has issued human beings : 2:1
posted by four panels (35 comments total)

 
Man, for the only superpower and leader of the free world, we sure have some silly fucking traditions.
posted by tweebiscuit at 2:40 PM on November 26, 2002


If it had been a poor Mexican turkey, it'd be legs-up in the roasting pan by now.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:44 PM on November 26, 2002


Reality is overrated; play along with the stupid fantasies of the moron.
posted by rushmc at 2:51 PM on November 26, 2002


First, though, the president mocked the turkey's plea for life. "Please," Bush whimpered, his lips pursed in mock desperation, "don't kill me." This time, though, he issued the reprieve.
posted by chuq at 2:51 PM on November 26, 2002


Ratio of the number of pardons George W. Bush has issued turkeys to those he has issued human beings : 2:1

Ratio of humans to turkeys pardoned by Bush which have been convicted of murder: 1:0

Average number of hours that the calories consumed in an American's Thanksgiving Day meal could power a 27" TV : 49

The trick is getting human beings to convert food into electrical energy and figure out how to implant some sort of power outlet. But these are only details, really...
posted by 4easypayments at 2:52 PM on November 26, 2002


What did Turkey do? I thought it was Iraq we were after.

Oh, wait, nevermind...
posted by Frank Grimes at 3:18 PM on November 26, 2002


Metafilticus Interruptus (Score: -1, Offtopic)
I just wrote a concise, crushingly intelligent reply to another thread - which was deleted before I hit post! Now I feel all... interrupted. I hate to derail this important discussion, and I know no-one here would ever normally do this, but would anyone mind making some more remarks I can get upset about? Love and hugs, Bletch
posted by Bletch at 3:34 PM on November 26, 2002


Make babies drink beer!
posted by Hildago at 4:03 PM on November 26, 2002


If it had been a poor Mexican turkey, it'd be legs-up in the roasting pan by now.

That’s why they got one from North Carolina. It obviously has some pretty influential friends in the tobacco industry.
posted by Gary at 4:12 PM on November 26, 2002


I am fully aware that this thread will go nowhere but down. As such, I shall now make a tacky comment about the ratio of dark to white meat executed.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:29 PM on November 26, 2002


It's not like the President can't just have a secret tribunal convict and execute the turkey. :D
posted by RobbieFal at 4:55 PM on November 26, 2002


The trick is getting human beings to convert food into electrical energy...

How about one of those little dynamos that some people use on their bikes? You know, the ones that power the headlight? That might work. Alternately, I'm thinking hamster wheels.
posted by mr_roboto at 4:59 PM on November 26, 2002


Has no one else noticed the place (more specifically than North Carolina) in which this turkey was raised?

Perhaps Bush chose this turkey for a reason.

Clinton.... Turkey.... Clinton.... Turkey....

Bush's PR pundits weren't born yesterday. They're making it so that the children of all of those who vote Democrat are hearing on TV "Clinton.... Turkey.... Clinton.... Turkey...."
posted by dgt at 5:05 PM on November 26, 2002


"would anyone mind making some more remarks I can get upset about?"

Lame, tired comment about how Bush is a moron. Run-on sentence about how a man who is going to overthrow a sovereign government buy sending troops to their death shouldn't be joking about pardoning birds. Dorky spelling or grammer error. Thread hijack appeal to Newsfilter or double posting. Snarky use of the phrase "little camper".
posted by y6y6y6 at 5:05 PM on November 26, 2002


Waste of a nice meaty bird. This tradition is stupid.
posted by HTuttle at 5:30 PM on November 26, 2002


Metafilticus Interruptus (Score: -1, Offtopic)

-1 Onthewrongsitedipshit
posted by inpHilltr8r at 5:35 PM on November 26, 2002


Turkeys just aren't as juicy and succulent as a thoroughly cooked human. Mmmm..... criminalicious.
posted by Stan Chin at 5:46 PM on November 26, 2002


I hate Bush. This was quite a crappy Bush Bash thread.
posted by owillis at 5:57 PM on November 26, 2002


If it had been a poor Mexican turkey, it'd be legs-up in the roasting pan by now.
Only if it was a mentally challenged poor Mexican turkey.
posted by elwoodwiles at 6:16 PM on November 26, 2002


Well, if Ken Lay ever gets charged with screwing Enron employees and the state of California, GW can pardon his ass too when he leaves office.
posted by holycola at 7:10 PM on November 26, 2002


Is politics, and GWB in particular,such an interesting subject that people seriously think that links like the one in this post would actually foster useful discussion?
posted by Foaf at 8:15 PM on November 26, 2002


post I mean the starting post in the thread.
posted by Foaf at 8:16 PM on November 26, 2002


I'm sure this year's pardon couldn't nearly be as funny as last year's.
posted by dogmatic at 8:27 PM on November 26, 2002


Is tofu alive? Is he going to pardon a tofurkey too?
posted by vito90 at 8:27 PM on November 26, 2002


You people are so obsessed with the rights of this scumbag turkey. What about the rights of the turkey eaters? Have you ever even thought for one second about the innocent family that's not going to get a turkey for thanksgiving this year because of this turkey's so-called rights? Fry 'em all, that's what I say. (broiling is quite tasty also)
posted by boltman at 8:44 PM on November 26, 2002


is anyone going to deep fry a turkey? it's becoming quite a tradition here in fly-over country.

not in my house, mind you. but only because i don't have a deep fat fryer large enough.
posted by lescour at 8:59 PM on November 26, 2002


What, exactly, is vegemite? And why is it so popular in Australia? Is that a callous stereotype? Can you deep fry it?
posted by plexi at 9:57 PM on November 26, 2002


Of course, the turkey's wife was a big Bush campaign contributor.
posted by precipice at 10:08 PM on November 26, 2002


I have six foot tall wild turkeys which come out of the woods and wander around in my backyard. Bush can't have them. They're ALL MINE. *salivates*
posted by troutfishing at 11:29 PM on November 26, 2002


If you're not with us, you're with the turkeys.

And where the hell is stavros for this thread?
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 2:13 AM on November 27, 2002


Has no one else noticed the place (more specifically than North Carolina) in which this turkey was raised?

Aside from the potential subliminal potential mentioned by dgt, I am amazed that Rush (the Conservative Turkey) is not up in arms about Bush pardoning anything even remotely related to Clinton
posted by ElvisJesus at 4:44 AM on November 27, 2002


Of course, the turkey's wife was a big Bush campaign contributor.

This year, the pardoned turkey is a female by the name of Katie. (So much for Bush-as-woman-hater rhetoric.) Anyway, perhaps she is one of those "alternative lifestyle" barnyard fowl but in the absence of evidence to suggest such, I'd say that your contributor wife scenario isn't very likely. ;-)
posted by Dreama at 6:40 AM on November 27, 2002


bletch maybe you can get upset about there not being anything to get upset about ..i'll try and find some bibel kwotes too get you all wound up, not that i would ever intenionally do such a thing.
posted by sgt.serenity at 7:22 AM on November 27, 2002


Dreama: I was just jokin' about Marc Rich. But I'll concede that Bush probably wouldn't have wanted to pardon an alternative lifestyle turkey. ;)
posted by precipice at 7:34 AM on November 27, 2002


I like the idea of turducken, which involves killing three different birds for a single dish. Mmmmm......sinful excess. Never eaten it, though.

As for deep-frying turkey, I've never done it, but our neighbor has an enormous stainless steel apparatus designed specifically for the task, and the results are oh so tasty. You have to watch your oil temp, though, because if it dips too low the bird will come out saturated in grease and well-nigh inedible, and if it peaks too high you'll incinerate it (as well as catching the cooker on fire, a fun spectacle in which several gallons of boiling oil go up in flames, dark smoke roils the sky, and snarky neighbors guffaw into their beers, while standing waaaaaaay back from the conflagration).

On preview, I notice that spell check doesn't recognize "turducken" (no surprise) nor does it recognize "snarky", MeFi's favorite word after "conspiracy" and "double-post".
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:37 AM on November 27, 2002


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