Comments on: The Hasselhoff Reviews

The Hasselhoff Reviews

Frasermoo — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 03:59:00 -0800

By: vbfg

vbfg — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 04:00:46 -0800

Normally I prefer to be the third or fourth person to point out a double post but this time I just can't help myself.

By: Pretty_Generic

Pretty_Generic — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 04:07:28 -0800

While we're here, I'll point out this jewel: ***** -- Not Yet Heard It, December 3, 2002 As I have not yet heard this album, could someone recommend any tracks as being particularly good Reviewer: Pant Gasm from Germany Pant Gasm is up there with the best names in these spatial dimensions.

By: Frasermoo

Frasermoo — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 04:34:32 -0800

double post? ack. I searched, but now I apologise if so.

By: sebas

sebas — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 04:40:54 -0800

I love the reviews: "I would dearly love to rhapsodise further the merits of David Hassleheamorrhoid's album, but the doctors have warned against me having any further contact with said product" I wonder why he bothers putting records, doesn't he have enough money already?

By: Frasermoo

Frasermoo — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 04:43:27 -0800

"With the particularly good "Hot Shot City" in his repertoire, Knockitoff, is not merely a bigger love walrus than Barry White, he is truly a sperm whale. " genius. PS - still can't find the double post.

By: ashbury

ashbury — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 05:20:32 -0800

The range and sensitivity displayed here will leave your eyebrows in your hair. I'm gonna use this line the next time somebody starts getting out of hand here on Mefi.

By: Slithy_Tove

Slithy_Tove — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 05:35:59 -0800

With a voice that has been justly compared to the sound of a steam train colliding with a busload of eunuchs... Sheer poetry.

By: thewittyname

thewittyname — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 05:40:52 -0800

Check out clavdivs' review: Don't be mistaken, the instant this (exquisitely packaged, btw) disc leaps its way onto your Beat Box (mine's a multichanger) like a thrusting man-god in orange subdueing an Atlantic surf-storm (but this time without that plastic thing on a string), a tsunami of sheer lunatic artistry descends on one's fornicating worthlessness. On you jump, the elevator of higher understanding, accelerating towards & through each track ('floor'), until you stop at Lingerie & Ladies' Fashions that is 'Hot Shot City', which is particularly good. Meanwhile, outside Hafflehorse's carrot-hued universe, you don't notice that your tongue has been trapped in an egg whisk for some while as you become a floater, bobbing downstream in the undercurrent of sonic dysentery towards 'Je t'aime Means I Love You', a foreplay of toe-sucking banjo virtuoso, soaring then tumbling into the tender congress of harmonies between a rabid parrot and a peeled monkey. Leave well alone, if you feel shaving ferrets is life enough; otherwise be--ware, peer beyond the cover hewn from the rock of Olympus itself and forever stain your psyche with an indelible chalky-whiteness.

By: SpaceCadet

SpaceCadet — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 05:45:27 -0800

Well, according to the reviews, the song "Hot Shot City" is particularly good.

By: madamjujujive

madamjujujive — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 05:48:21 -0800

Well we've seen the videos before, but I didn't rememebr the reviews - hilarious, so even if it is pulled, thanks for the morning guffaws, frasermoo. Someone should retrieve that Voyager satellite that we launched many years ago, and replace that Mozart music we put in there with this golden CD. How better to commemorate all of Man's achievements and intelligence by including this unforgettable collection of Eurotrash music sung by a celebrity from a canceled series. It is truly a great thing to witness the rebirth of music, the rebirth of the human spirit, and the afterbirth of my second son all in the span of 2 years! Jawdroppingly great, David Hudwalker takes your expectations and gives them a painful wedgy, until both buttocks cheeks bleed.

By: ginz

ginz — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 05:59:32 -0800

Our custumors'advice: 1 person recommended Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation instead of Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff teehee

By: monkey closet

monkey closet — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 06:02:10 -0800

2 people recommended The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men in addition to Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff [IMPORT]

By: internal

internal — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 06:12:08 -0800

Thanks for the link. Things like this are the reason I still read this site after 2 years. BTW, it all started here.

By: deadcowdan

deadcowdan — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 06:18:30 -0800

He effortlessly runs the whole emotional gamut from 'happy' to 'sad'. For a second, I thought my browser had been hijacked by The Onion. It had not. I'm worried that there are (apparently) actual live people that would pen the above sentence.

By: Pretty_Generic

Pretty_Generic — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 06:23:11 -0800

IRONY

By: deadcowdan

deadcowdan — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 06:39:28 -0800

Okay, on further reading, it appears that these reviews are all attempting to be The Onion. I was operating on the assumption that Amazon moderates its reviews. Is that not correct? How did these get on their site?

By: Frank Grimes

Frank Grimes — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 06:51:12 -0800

Where Hasselhogg gets his inspiration. He reviewed the German band Tocotronic on Amazon.

By: Ufez Jones

Ufez Jones — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:03:20 -0800

As I have not yet heard this album, could someone recommend any tracks as being particularly good Reviewer: Pant Gasm from Germany ...Which brings me to my final conclusion.... Germans love David Hasselhoff!

By: chandy72

chandy72 — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:12:53 -0800

deadcowdan: I would submit that this is a different exercise in satire than the Onion. This is more of a coordinated public prank (albeit a milk-shooting-out-the-nose juvenile one). I mean, while the tone is heavy on the ridiculousness, this is a whole other beast. Does this happen on Amazon all the time? Or is it just with easy targets like Hasselhoff?

By: quonsar

quonsar — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:26:00 -0800

this hafflehorse, it vibrates?

By: whatnot

whatnot — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:38:18 -0800

so this cd, it vibrates? chandy, the Amazon reviews of the Harry Potter Broom were also fake.

By: whatnot

whatnot — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:39:20 -0800

... and quonsar beats me to the punch.

By: dnash

dnash — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:46:19 -0800

Check out the recommended items to go with Pat Robertson's new book.

By: Frasermoo

Frasermoo — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:55:54 -0800

Anyone gonna put me out of my misery and show me where this alleged double post is?

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:57:08 -0800

$16.99. That's the part I don't understand.

By: Ufez Jones

Ufez Jones — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:59:15 -0800

$16.99. That's the part I don't understand. I blame the RIAA. Or the IRA, one of the two.

By: whatnot

whatnot — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 08:01:37 -0800

* 6 people recommended Mein Kampf in addition to The Death of the West: How Dying Populations and Immigrant Invasions Imperil Our Country and Civilization (by Pat Buchanan) tee hee.

By: whatnot

whatnot — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 08:06:41 -0800

* 3 people recommended The New Joy of Gay Sex in addition to Celebrity (by N-Sync) * 1 person recommended Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables instead of Celebrity (by N-Sync) ok, I'll stop now.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 08:16:38 -0800

Frasermoo: it was one of this links in this post from January, but it's brilliant on its own.

By: Frasermoo

Frasermoo — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 08:23:17 -0800

Thanks yhbc, it was bugging me. It is worthy on it's own, coz I have been cracking up all day reading it. I could die a happy man tomorrow, for today I have heard the magnificent splendor of the songs of David Hoopertaft.

By: languagehat

languagehat — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 08:24:38 -0800

vbfg: It's not cool to call double post without linking to the original; it makes the poster feel bad without actually showing he has anything to feel bad about. Thanks for providing the info, yhbc, and I agree that this is worth posting on its own. Best laugh I've had all week.

By: O9scar

O9scar — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 08:39:50 -0800

Years ago this Family Circus book was similarly pranked. The original reviews have been pulled since, but here's an archive. If you look at almost any other Keane book you'll find people are still doing it. You might also enjoy the work of Henry Raddick, who has authored nearly 300 questionable reviews.

By: yeahyeahyeahwhoo

yeahyeahyeahwhoo — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 08:48:22 -0800

haha, i hadnt read amazon reviews in a while i just pulled up this review yesterday to relive one of the biggest amazon review laughs i have ever had. (though the recent entries have been taken over by 'all your base' juveniles)

By: y2karl

y2karl — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 08:52:04 -0800

Brimming with freshness and musky skank and accompanied by a voice that sounds like eight llamas impaled on a jousters lance, these hymns of hunkiness stay with you like an extended case of mono. Reads sort of like a PG Lester Bangs.

By: misterioso

misterioso — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 09:12:12 -0800

Almost all the Hasselhoff albums get similar reviews: It made nice lining for my bird cage. After listening to the CD for 134 hours non stop my CD player died. Because I could not afford to replace my CD player I ate the CD.

By: chandy72

chandy72 — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 09:19:13 -0800

Harry Raddick is my new "Friday Funday" hero! Sort of like a Neil Hamburger for the Amazon Reviewer world.

By: chandy72

chandy72 — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 09:20:24 -0800

Duh, I meant Henry. (full discolusure, I also spelled "Friday" wrong on the furst trie, two.)

By: widdershins

widdershins — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 09:31:21 -0800

aah, priceless. My day has been made - thank you, frasermoo and quonsar! *hiccuping, wiping tears*

By: MaddCutty

MaddCutty — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 12:01:28 -0800

This is very funny and I wouldn't care if it's a double post. I laughed my ass off from the video that was linked earlier. Thanks!

By: greasepig

greasepig — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 14:36:04 -0800

I can't believe you people. You assume it's a joke. Have you heard the album? Hasn't anyone actually considered the possibility that it might actually be that good? Give it a chance.

By: internal

internal — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 16:35:14 -0800

Thank you greasepig, perfect timing...

By: vbfg

vbfg — Mon, 09 Dec 2002 13:11:05 -0800

Sorry folks, I couldn't find the link either. My bad. I knew it was there but I also now know I did that wrong.