Tornado in a Can

December 13, 2002 7:50 AM

"Tornado in a Can""To test their theory, the Vortex folks have thrown in rocks, diapers, tomatoes, sweet potato rejects from the farm down the road, 400 pounds of Oreo cookies, frozen pizza dough, even a dead bird.....The jellyfish, however, are a first." picture of "Tornado-in-a-Can" that sure is a big can. don't try this at home, folks
posted by troutfishing (17 comments total)

pasteurized, pulverized, processed, reconstituted poultry parts.

this blows.

;-)
posted by quonsar at 8:17 AM on December 13, 2002

Now that's an environmentalist!

Waste reclamation. Ain't it a wonderful thing?
posted by dglynn at 8:29 AM on December 13, 2002

that sure is a big can. don't try this at home, folks

Also, don't murmur "That sure is a big can!" while your girlfriend is in the room.
posted by Skot at 9:01 AM on December 13, 2002

We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams.
posted by putzface_dickman at 9:04 AM on December 13, 2002

Coming soon from the makers of tornado-in-a-can:

• Volcano-in-a-spray
• Hurricane-in-a-handbasket
• Blizzard-in-a-bucket
• and, the Earthquake-a-lator

posted by putzface_dickman at 9:10 AM on December 13, 2002

Great link. I am intrigued by the enormous possibilities this machine and this man represent - how cool! Did anyone understand how the egg membranes can stay intact while the shells are pulverized?
posted by widdershins at 9:10 AM on December 13, 2002

I fed my comment into the Vortex and here's what came out:';.;';.;'.';';.':.';.';*';.";.";.';.;.";.'.';.;';.;.':.'-;':.';';..':';.';.-":.';.;.';.';';.';.';.":.';.';';';.";.";.';.":-.";.";.";*..:';;;';';.":.';.',;.-*'.:';,';.';.'';.".":,.';';"-.;',';,":';;'-;,;'.",;*,";";.";.;';.';.:,;';.,.
posted by beagle at 9:19 AM on December 13, 2002

Did anyone understand how the egg membranes can stay intact while the shells are pulverized?

Probably because they are flexible but the shell isn't. How flexible are egg membranes, anyway? Most people never have the opportunity to find out, but considering that they are high in collagen, I would say very flexible.
posted by timbley at 9:22 AM on December 13, 2002

I've always heard that tornadoes can do amazing things, but separate egg membranes from shells on command? Nifty.
I wonder what he's lined the insides of that funnel with. Steel wool? Super-fine sandpaper? I mean, you don't just suck jellyfish into powder, do ya?
posted by Jonasio at 9:53 AM on December 13, 2002

After holding back the urge to retch ("Running that material through a drier and then through Polifka's machine could produce a powder form of those poultry byproducts that could be sold as a flavoring or nutritious additive to pet foods or fertilizers, Winsness thought." 'The single most important quality of the tornado in a can is whatever goes into it comes out with its nutritional value,' he said. 'You can get four times the price of nonedible waste.'") I have to ask:

We can reconstitute the chickens then?
posted by Dick Paris at 9:58 AM on December 13, 2002

I mean, you don't just suck jellyfish into powder, do ya?

At the end of the article the author mentions that the vortex is also superheated.

Polifka cranks up the temperature in the cone as the vortex roars, and the superheated spiral of air evaporates the water in the jellyfish and bludgeons the remains into powder.
posted by rotifer at 10:05 AM on December 13, 2002

I'm sure the mob would be happy to get one of these too. No longer will they threaten to have you "sleep with the fishes"

Instead you could be "gone with the wind"
posted by PWA_BadBoy at 10:05 AM on December 13, 2002

Not as scary as the Total Perspective Vortex.
And don't even mention chrono-synclastic infundibula...
posted by Bletch at 11:21 AM on December 13, 2002

I don't know if I woul trust this device.

I don't think it worked too well for Wile E. Coyote, did it? But maybe Acme just makes an inferior product?
posted by John Smallberries at 11:22 AM on December 13, 2002

We can reconstitute the chickens then?

We CAN reconstitute them. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first tornadic chicken. This will be that chicken. Better than it was before. Better . . . stronger . . . faster.
posted by NortonDC at 12:45 PM on December 13, 2002

So this is what people mean when they talk about a can of whoop-ass.
posted by kindall at 1:43 PM on December 13, 2002

widdershins - The "Tornado-in-a-Can" reminded me of this guy, Victor Schauberger and also of Nicola Tesla's "Tesla Turbine" (US patent granted I believe).

I think there's a bit more to that egg yolk story.....*cue X-Files music theme*
posted by troutfishing at 8:37 PM on December 13, 2002