Modern Drunkard's Bar Signs

December 16, 2002 1:18 PM

Bar Signs. Modern Drunkard has posted a handy guide for the alcoholic in us all, a set of gestures to communicate your needs when it's too loud to hear, or just because, as the site says, "when words come out, whiskey can't get in."
posted by jonson (21 comments total)

Let us spring up out of our sober shells.
We will soar like drunken eagles.

Heh.
posted by ColdChef at 1:20 PM on December 16, 2002

As a tip - in Moz 1.2.1, the white background stops rendering halfway down the page. At first, I thought this was a "make up your own" segment, which wasn't very much fun. Turns out it's just a rendering error. Highlight the text if you run into the same problem.
posted by jonson at 1:20 PM on December 16, 2002

hic!
posted by quonsar at 1:29 PM on December 16, 2002

Seems to be a bit of a rip off of the much funnier Big Book of Sign Language (discussed here) at the Gaping Maw. I wonder if they'll get the same cease and desist order?
posted by phatboy at 1:35 PM on December 16, 2002

"when words come out, whiskey can't get in". I'd like to see the man/woman/whatever that can drink without hands.
posted by blue_beetle at 1:40 PM on December 16, 2002

I’m going to scam drinks like a bandito.
Tab? I don’t need no stinkin’ tab.


That is great.... stupid, but great....
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 2:03 PM on December 16, 2002

alcoholism is funny
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 2:05 PM on December 16, 2002

I think the sign for "I have erased my brain. I am no longer responsible. For anything." might be helpful some day.
posted by einarorn at 2:09 PM on December 16, 2002

"I would like to take tha last shot out of my stomach. And I might." That was the only part of the page that I laughed at, and it had nothing to do with the picture.
posted by kindall at 2:23 PM on December 16, 2002

I used to think it was really awesome to be into alcholism, but then when you think about it, it's not really anything that requires any amount of skill. I mean being able to drink a whole lot is supposed to be cool and takes practice, but all it is, is just making your organs surrender. Maybe I am also mad because last time I checked I spend like $100 a week on booze.
posted by wigu at 2:30 PM on December 16, 2002

The article was OK, but I thought the site was funny as hell, and its based out of my old stomping ground in Denver!
posted by yeahyeahyeahwhoo at 2:36 PM on December 16, 2002

"I'd like to see the man/woman/whatever that can drink without hands."

Not to be too smug, but, straws. Or beer helmets.
posted by mmcg at 2:46 PM on December 16, 2002

I used to think it was really awesome to be into alcoholism, but then when you think about it, it's not really anything that requires any amount of skill. I mean being able to drink a whole lot is supposed to be cool and takes practice, but all it is, is just making your organs surrender.

There's a big difference between alcoholism and the ability to drink a bunch. alcoholism is when your body requires alcohol in order to function normally. In other words, you have a chemical dependence for it. Having a high tolerance is just an after effect of 4+ years of college (At least where I go to school, URI. A school Playboy no longer ranks in their top party schools poll because "It would be unfair to compare amateurs with professionals") I have a pretty high tolerance when I drink, but I don't require alcohol in order to get though my day.

There's a lot of PC bullshit going around about "binge drinking" and it's links to alcoholism. I say it's bullshit because it's presented in the same way, say as, pot will lead to heroin or harder drugs. It's much more of a scare tactic than anything else. Most, if not all, of the evidence confirming this theory is anecdotal at best.

There are also a lot of scientific studies being released lately that are now linking alcoholism to a gene, meaning only those with the gene are susceptible to alcoholism. Sort of the same idea behind male pattern baldness. So I guess the bottom line is if you have a history of alcoholism in your family, don't binge drink.
posted by SweetJesus at 3:03 PM on December 16, 2002

Once your organs surrender you can drink for cheap again. It's the mid range drinkers: 2-3 years of heavy drinking who can really put them down. My family members barely need to sniff alcohol before they start acting kooky.

It requires a lot of skill and dedication to reach this stage. Any frat boy can pound beer.
posted by goneill at 3:05 PM on December 16, 2002

"...URI. A school Playboy no longer ranks in their top party schools poll because "It would be unfair to compare amateurs with professionals".

snopes: "...of course this charming bit of blarney has been told about any number of schools..."

Not knockin' you, SweetJesus, I've just heard that so often I needed to straighten it out for the sake of my own sanity.
posted by lbergstr at 3:18 PM on December 16, 2002

I found this issue at the DoubleDown in Vegas last month. Saved it for 5am at the Peppermill after my friends cashed in on me. This article hit me in good stride, just as two dozen beautiful ladies poured into the lounge all around me. Another double Makers and soda appeared before me unbidden. Thanks Tom. He knew I wasn't going anywhere.

“Snake bite medicine,” Fields drawls. “I was bitten by a snake just a moment ago.”
posted by roboto at 4:03 PM on December 16, 2002

hahaha!

You call the shot.
I will follow you to tequila hell, my captain.

thanks for the link.
posted by xmutex at 4:03 PM on December 16, 2002

Not knockin' you, SweetJesus, I've just heard that so often I needed to straighten it out for the sake of my own sanity.

I figured as much. I just heard this from so many people around here, all at once (early November), that I figured it was true. Of course it's an urban legend, and I was had.
posted by SweetJesus at 6:27 PM on December 16, 2002

I am four sheets to the wind.
I will now sail away to Blackout Island.

Ah, golden memories lost...
posted by y2karl at 7:59 PM on December 16, 2002

Ah, just in time. Something I can send to every brother in the fraternity for the holidays!
posted by Derek at 9:03 PM on December 16, 2002

jonson, thank you for the link to and reminder about this former Denverite's favorite magazine of all time... or one of them. I shall hoist a frothy mug in your honor this very evening, good sir. (Any other Denver folk remember the Hooligan?)
posted by micropublishery at 12:25 PM on December 18, 2002