Man arrested for bestiality in West Virginia
December 16, 2002 9:07 PM   Subscribe

Ewe have got to be kidding me... I often thought this kind of thing was the stuff of urban (rural?) legend. I guess not.
posted by psmealey (25 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason:



 
eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeee
posted by ph00dz at 9:09 PM on December 16, 2002


Obligatory George Carlin joke:
Why do Montanans screw sheep at the edge of cliffs? So the sheep will push back.
posted by nathan_teske at 9:12 PM on December 16, 2002


So a farmer in Louisiana decides to hire somebody to come and clear some trees off of his land. When the contractor gets there, the farmer says, "Allright, I want you to clear all the trees off of my property except for that Maple over there on the hill".

The contractor says "Okay, that's no problem. But, if you don't mind my asking, why save that one tree over all the rest?"

The farmer says "Well, I lost my virginity under that there tree. And now that I think about it, save that Pecan tree about 20 yards to the east of the maple."

The contractor says "Done. But again, I have to ask, why that one?"

The farmer says "Well, that's where her mom was standing as I lost my virginity."

The contractor says "You've got to be kidding me, her mom was standing right there? What did she say?"

The farmer replied "Baaaaaaah."
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:17 PM on December 16, 2002


"I was just helping him over the fence officer."
posted by darainwa at 9:27 PM on December 16, 2002


Okay, so there are two guys driving down a road in Kentucky. They see a goat with its head stuck in a fence.

"Dude, pull over," says the first guy. "I'm going to screw that goat." They pull over, he gets out, takes care of business.

He comes back to the car, panting, and says, "Your turn."

Second guy says, "Cool!" and runs out of the car, sticking head in the fence.

-- hey folks, don't forget to tip the lovely staff --
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 9:40 PM on December 16, 2002


Why do Scots wear kilts?

Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
posted by RylandDotNet at 9:43 PM on December 16, 2002


"Armstrong was charged with ... cruelty to animals."

The authorities are assuming then that it was non-consensual?
posted by Dick Paris at 9:45 PM on December 16, 2002


Baaaaaaaaaah Humbug!


sorry
posted by Danf at 9:50 PM on December 16, 2002


love your sheep - an unusual quicktime tribute to sheep.
posted by madamjujujive at 10:12 PM on December 16, 2002


A man signed up for a six month hitch as a farmhand on a very remote sheep farm in New Zealand.

The work was very hard, and kept him distracted from the more prurient interests that a young man might have, but after three months without seeing a woman, he asked some of the older hands what they do for "release."

The older men were sympathetic to his predicament, and advised him to sneak out into the pasture and fornicate with one of the sheep.

Fearing that it was some kind of setup, the young man says "no way... you're just waiting for me to take the bait so you can have a good laugh at my expense."

"Suit yourself" the older man said.

Around a month later, the young man approached the older hands again and asked for details on the "process." He steeled his nerve and decided that he was going to do it. With the older men watching he walked to the pasture and nervously kneeled behind a sheep... as soon as he had initiated the act the older men began to howl with laughter.

The young man was hopping mad and ran back to the men sitting on the fence rail... "I knew this was a setup you old sons-of-bitches."

"Ain't no setup, son... it's just that you picked the ugliest one!"
posted by cadastral at 10:15 PM on December 16, 2002


Ah yes, I remember a time when men were men and sheep were nervous.
posted by dg at 10:23 PM on December 16, 2002


<OLD_JOKE>"Make sure it's a female sheep -- I ain't queer, ya know ... "<\OLD_JOKE>
posted by RavinDave at 10:25 PM on December 16, 2002


In case you're in an urban area, try one of these.

(My freshman-year college roommate and I got one for our other roommate. He was most appreciative.)

And I think I would just sit down and laugh myself to death if I ever saw one of these being worn in public.
posted by Vidiot at 10:31 PM on December 16, 2002


a worldwide problem: from The Arusha Times

Metal apprentice accused of committing unnatural act

by Happy Lazaro

Robert Minja (23), a metal apprentice and resident of Njiro, has appeared before the Arusha Primary Court to answer the charges of relating sexually with a sheep.

Public prosecutor, Inspector Audax Majaliwa, pressing the charges before Magistrate Ferdinand Kiginji, told the court that the accused had committed the offence on the 24th of November this year.

According to the prosecutor Minja was caught in the act at around midnight by the owner of the sheep, Andrea Emiri.

The plaintiff was reportedly asleep when loud noise of his sheep woke him up. Emiri decided to investigate as this was rather unusual.

When he got out, he discovered that there was a young man in his sheep pen and when he directed his flashlight into the pen, he was astounded to see the accused making love the animal.

The owner called his son to come and witness the strange event and both decided to summon their neighbours who came hither with their ten cell leader.

The accused was then arrested on the spot and taken to the Police station before being taken to court.

When these charges were read before the accused, he denied them. The accused was allowed a bail of Tsh.200,000 with one surety but no one went forth to bail him out.
posted by quarsan at 10:39 PM on December 16, 2002


I'm gonna go with 99.9 percent certainty that this is merely the initial yawnings of a new born, swaddled in a manger, urban-legend.

C'mon, if sheep fucking is reported only when an alleged man allegedly breaks into an alleged barn, housing alleged animals for an allegedly live nativity scene, then yeah it's suspect. It happened at a fucking nativity scene people! Of all the places sheep can be raped, this guy chooses the barn of a "Live Nativity Scene" to do it and get caught in it. That's your first clue that all these allegations are simply that, gross allegations.

Is nothing sacred anymore? A man, named in an article, is charged with allegations of sexing it up with a sheep, though he may or may not have really gotten his dick wet with sheep slather does not matter. It's that the public allegations have been made and the local rumors have begun.

This is how lynchings occur. Printing this hyperbole without including the motives of those who have accused him is witch-scare type shit.
posted by crasspastor at 10:46 PM on December 16, 2002


The Maine legislature had a big debate over whether to outlaw bestiality a few years back. There was a guy that was openly having sex with his dog, claiming it was consensual. Can't find a direct link but the bill is mentioned at the end of this article. There was a pretty amusing legislative hearing where this guy showed up and basically testified how fulfilling an experience it was for him and his dog. I'm pretty sure that the legislature wasn't convinced though.

Of course, putting aside the fact that it is totally disgusting on a visceral level, it does raise interesting philosophical/legal questions of whether the animal has any kind of right not to be molested, whether animals can consent to sex, and whether anti-bestiality laws can be defended on grounds other than that it is cruel to the animals. I think they can on a sort of moral "beyond the pale" theory, but I'm curious how people with more of a libertarian bent view it
posted by boltman at 11:03 PM on December 16, 2002


So, lets see, we can kill 'em, skin 'em, steal their fur, herd 'em, and eat 'em, but as soon as we poke anything that isn't a thermometer or a knife into them, it's cruelty.

This world is so much more fucked up than I ever thought when it comes to things like this.

[Not that the idea doesn't disgust me, but honestly, am I the only one who sees the hypocrisy here? It seems to me much more clear that the man should be charged with an unnatural act rather than cruelty.]
posted by shepd at 11:22 PM on December 16, 2002


If you don't believe me, punch in "bestiality" here and check out article abstracts 4, 6, and 8.
posted by boltman at 11:24 PM on December 16, 2002


A ship-wrecked man was cast up on a deserted island. His dog also escaped, but all others on the ship were lost. He found food, and made himself a shelter, but as the empty weeks passed, he was very lonely for female company.

Exploring the island, he discovered a herd of sheep. Dare he? But every time he approached the sheep, his dog ran up barking, and chased them away. His desperation grew.

One day, he spied another ship in trouble, on the horizon. Presently he saw a capsized lifeboat in the surf, and swam out to see if anyone had survived. He found a woman struggling in the water, nearly drowned. With great effort he bore her to the beach, laid her on the sand, and performed mouth-to-mouth breathing on her. Presently she revived. She was very beautiful, and completely naked, her clothes having been stripped off by the surf.

She looked up into his eyes and exclaimed, "Oh good sir, you have saved my life! What can I possibly do to repay you?"

"Well," he replied, "if you could watch my dog for a few minutes..."
posted by Slithy_Tove at 11:35 PM on December 16, 2002


You know, I've always been told that if that sheep, it vibrates, then it has epilepsy.

Just sayin'.
posted by WolfDaddy at 12:56 AM on December 17, 2002


I agree with shepd. As well as not sex0ring animals I don't eat0r them.
posted by holloway at 2:42 AM on December 17, 2002


Once you've had sheep, you never go beep.

Or something like that.
posted by ColdChef at 4:43 AM on December 17, 2002


Don't forget Woody Allen's everything you wanted to know about sex. Gene Wilder's love affair with a rather beguiling sheep is one of the funniest parts of the film.
posted by greengrl at 5:38 AM on December 17, 2002


I'm pretty sure that this must have made the baby jesus cry.
posted by adampsyche at 6:04 AM on December 17, 2002


Have you ever heard about the Scottish rock band that does covers of the Rolling Stones's tunes? One of their biggest numbers is, "Hey! McLeod! Get Off Of My Ewe!"
posted by orange swan at 7:17 AM on December 17, 2002


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