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Men, desperately looking for that last minute Christmas gift?
December 24, 2002 12:41 PM   Subscribe

Men, desperately looking for that last minute Christmas gift? Well maybe your wife would appreciate you not being such a goddamned pervert. (Link safe for work)
posted by vito90 (60 comments total)

 
Personally, they can have my pr0n when they pry it from my cold, callused, hairy palms.
posted by vito90 at 12:44 PM on December 24, 2002


this is where the author works (he's in the middle picture).
posted by andrew cooke at 12:59 PM on December 24, 2002


Sorry, the wife and I share the pr0n. If I gave it up, I'd have to get her to give it up. Sort of a Gift of the Magi, but one where nobody ends up happy.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:00 PM on December 24, 2002


Like all women eschew porn due to--their genetic makeup? Riiiiiight. Howzabout being a real man by not putting words into women's mouths Mr. Gushee? (is that your real name? No WONDER you hate porn!)
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:01 PM on December 24, 2002


"What's wrong with me that he has to do that? Do I not satisfy him? How can I compete with these airbrushed, perfect model types?"

how hard could it be to understand? one partner almost always wants more sex than the other. so he or she resorts to porn, which is lot better for the relationship than cheating. case solved, merry christmas.
posted by lotsofno at 1:01 PM on December 24, 2002


Stupid article that fails to back up anything it claims and uses refers to things like "aberrant" sexual behaviour without contextualizing what Mr. Gushee thinks is aberrant. A blowjob? A quickie over the kitchen table?

It also seems to assume that women will be inherently turned off by pornography, for whatever reason.
posted by The God Complex at 1:04 PM on December 24, 2002


users
posted by The God Complex at 1:05 PM on December 24, 2002


"Now anyone of any age with access to the Internet can hit a few buttons and be inundated by the filth of some stranger's sick imagination."

Isn't that what search engines are for, getting the filth to match your own sick imagination - sheesh and this guy is meant to be an associate professor!
posted by DrDoberman at 1:07 PM on December 24, 2002


Perhaps they forget that pornography is abusive to those depicted in it. Or that porn promotes aberrant sexual behaviour. Or that children exposed to porn exhibit sexual tendencies too early and often of an aberrant nature. Or that porn dollars tend to fund other, criminal activities. Or that Internet porn, especially, has an addictive quality.

Argh. Talk about pushing a personal agenda. Talk about sweeping generalisations. Talk about unfounded, ignorant, condemnation. It's just fine not to like porn, but he's taking this to a ridiculous extreme. He undermines himself with his hyperbole.
posted by biscotti at 1:08 PM on December 24, 2002


Also... how do you let your wife know that you have 'given up pr0n' without first admitting that you are currently a pr0n hungry pervert who has been objectifying women and comparing her to airbrushed yadda yadda yadda... answer that Mr. Gushee
posted by DrDoberman at 1:12 PM on December 24, 2002


What out the pornographic language you are going to hear from your wife after you tell her that instead of giving her a present for Christmas, you're just giving up porn? ; )
posted by stifford at 1:22 PM on December 24, 2002


about
posted by stifford at 1:23 PM on December 24, 2002


i could have done without him gusheeing all over my mefi front page...
posted by quonsar at 1:24 PM on December 24, 2002


Feel free to hate me, but I think porn is not good for the soul.
posted by SpaceCadet at 1:25 PM on December 24, 2002


when my soul needs attention, i read spiritually. however, when certain other parts need attention....
posted by quonsar at 1:26 PM on December 24, 2002


I think he should give us all a Christmas present and not be such as self-satisfied, moralistic, stereotyping (only males like porn?) moron.
posted by dagnyscott at 1:27 PM on December 24, 2002


I traded my soul for a fifth of Jim Beam.

Jim Beam: it goes down smooth, just like the women in all those porn flicks you've been watching, heathen.
posted by The God Complex at 1:29 PM on December 24, 2002


quonsar, the soul is an ever-present witness and participator.
posted by SpaceCadet at 1:30 PM on December 24, 2002


[here.]

I forgot the link. I knew I wasn't cut out for this viral marketing, but once the soul was gone I had nowhere left to turn. Nowhere to run, so...

quonsar, the soul is an ever-present witness and participator.

Like a peeping Tom?
posted by The God Complex at 1:33 PM on December 24, 2002


I'll be happy to give up "porn" as soon as the author(s) can clearly define it for me so I know what is and isn't porn... :)
posted by jca at 1:35 PM on December 24, 2002


Like a peeping Tom?

What's the difference between a peeping tom and a pick-pocket?

One snatches watches and one watches snatches.
posted by SpaceCadet at 1:38 PM on December 24, 2002


i'll give up porn, but i'm not giving up jeff koons.
posted by fishfucker at 1:39 PM on December 24, 2002


I don't hate you, SpaceCadet. If you don't like the pr0n, that's cool. As long as you're not one of those people who doesn't like for me to like the pr0n and wants to keep it away from me "for my own good".

Then I'll hate you with every fiber of my being.

Love & kisses.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:54 PM on December 24, 2002


And that's a lot of fiber!
posted by yhbc at 1:56 PM on December 24, 2002


quonsar, the soul is an ever-present witness and participator.
yep. and mine likes to get its rocks off.
posted by quonsar at 1:58 PM on December 24, 2002


He's excluding those of us males that don't have a porn addiction to give up.

Now what am I going to give my sig. other? You insensitive clod.

(I realize my case is an anomaly, but as my primary sense is not vision, porn does little for me.)
posted by woil at 2:00 PM on December 24, 2002


"And that's a lot of fiber!"

You ain't just whistlin' Dixie there, bub. I went to the doctor's office this morning and they had the audacity to put me on the scale. Let me just stay near the topic by saying that since that unfortunate incident, Ron Jeremy's not looking quite so fat as he used to.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:08 PM on December 24, 2002


Where to start....

Just about every day at work I turn on my computer and find awaiting pornographic site.

Hmm, I've never gotten a single piece of porn sent to me at work [sigh]. I'm thinking people are sending porn to this self-righteous twat on purpose.

This just goes to show that the human capacity to rationalize any behaviour whatsoever continues unabated.

Uh huh. And that capacity has taken us to as many good places as bad ones.

Any home wired to the Internet is a home without walls.

Have to admit, I love that image, but while Gushee thinks of a "home without walls" as a drained moat - I think of it as freedom and connections to bigger and better things.

here is some version of what awaits you when your wife finds out

Well yes, she might react the way he predict. But as a woman (albeit one without a husband) I predict she might instead say something like, "Ooh, want to find out if I'm as flexible as that?"

And once again I'm assured that I'm right to never read the Toronto Star.
posted by orange swan at 2:13 PM on December 24, 2002


Does he object to watching a porn video made between you and your wife?
posted by LexRockhard at 2:41 PM on December 24, 2002


Hmmm, this isn't really a debate; this is more of someone pulling up an article that was written as an opinion piece to a certain audience that of course reflects his opinions about what is right and wrong, then everyone throwing tomatoes at the guy in the stocks. I'm so proud of everyone.
posted by Lord Chancellor at 2:42 PM on December 24, 2002


Now what if you don't ahve a wife, and don't spend time with porn? Do you have to get a wife, then porn so you can give up the porn?

Oh, oh! The choices!
posted by rough ashlar at 2:53 PM on December 24, 2002


Honey, I'm giving up porn. For you. Suprise!
posted by monkeymike at 2:54 PM on December 24, 2002


I have heard a similar sermon from a local Christian pastor. It was, of course, addressed to an audience of Christian men and women. He also mentioned, in his sermon, that this was a problem he had struggled with himself. Many of the men at this service seemed to take the message to heart and the women seemed to be fairly supportive of the sermon as it was being presented.

A good message for all people at all times? Probably not. I am not sure that there is such a thing as a good message for all people at all times (maybe "try to keep breathing"). A good message for certain Christian husbands who are troubled by their love of pornography but don't have the balls to stop? Probably.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:02 PM on December 24, 2002


Lord Chancellor: Yes, but isn't it fun?

Also, merry por^Wchristmas everybody!
posted by fvw at 3:04 PM on December 24, 2002


Maybe if they didn't have the balls they'd stop. If your eye offends thee and all that you know? It's fine to have convictions, but if you're going to have convictions, then for christ's sake have convictions.
posted by willnot at 3:14 PM on December 24, 2002


Will that's saying that we should only have goals and ethics that we plan on keeping. Some people place upon themselves certain codes - sometimes puritanical (but then again, that isn't always a bad thing) - that they don't always live up to. Then again, its bad to be in such a rut that you see no need for more moral growth.

But so says me, and that's just one guy out of many.
posted by Lord Chancellor at 3:35 PM on December 24, 2002


Will = well

Even spellcheck can't save me from my horrific typing/spelling.
posted by Lord Chancellor at 3:35 PM on December 24, 2002


Monkeymike - Hot damn, very funny and a great scenario for a skit.

I'm a big fan of porn. I also like real women. If you're interested in why this isn't a contradiction, google the reason why baby birds would rather peck at a long stick with a red dot painted on the end than their own mother's beak. It's a superstimulus. Just like fake boobs.

Just because you're turned on by something doesn't mean that you can't recognize the beauty of a natural woman. Sometimes people, just like animals, respond more to an exaggerated example of a stimulus than they would the real thing.

Also, Veronica Zemanova is superhot.
posted by Samsonov14 at 3:36 PM on December 24, 2002


Google for that and tell me I'm wrong.
posted by Samsonov14 at 3:42 PM on December 24, 2002


maybe, in the spirit of giving that -- supposedly -- is part of these holidays we could all chip in to get the pastor a gift certificate to good vibrations.
i've got 5 bucks towards it.
how's THAT for a tomato?
posted by dolface at 3:43 PM on December 24, 2002


I can't give up the pr0n. It would destabalize the market for hand lotion and cause a downturn in the economy. This would, of course, mean the terrorist would win.

Just doing my part. Your welcome.
posted by Greggbert at 3:59 PM on December 24, 2002


I'm just glad he's not telling us women to give up porn. Well, there might be a hidden agenda in that.
posted by Salmonberry at 4:04 PM on December 24, 2002


"I can't give up the pr0n. It would destabalize the market for hand lotion and cause a downturn in the economy."

I'm happy you're doing your part to stimulate the nation's economic growth as we guide this giant, throbbing engine of commerce into the dark tunnel that is our future...



*crickets*



Sorry. Got carried away a bit.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:20 PM on December 24, 2002


What simpering drivel. If there was a point in there, it fell off the tip of his nose early on.

But as a woman (albeit one without a husband) I predict she might instead say something like, "Ooh, want to find out if I'm as flexible as that?"

Dangerous confession to make in this boyzone!

that's saying that we should only have goals and ethics that we plan on keeping.

That's exactly what we should do. Anything else is just mouthing empty platitudes.
posted by rushmc at 4:33 PM on December 24, 2002


well, it could be worse. he could be asking me to change religions for christmas.
posted by angry modem at 5:41 PM on December 24, 2002


Before anyone thinks it's different for single guys here is a tale of wisdom hard earned.

I periodically destroy my pr0n whenever the prospect of real girlfriend enters the picture. The rationale was something about focusing my sexuality and not being distracted. If the prospect falls through (as a recent case did) the loss (of the pr0n) doesn't bother me that much. It's easily enough reaquired. But thanks to this article (and recent experience) I'm now thinking that my rationale is probably an error. It's more important to be relaxed and at ease with myself. My new theory is that Patience, however got, will yield better results in the long term pursuit of love than it's opposites.

(And please feel free to read into this whatever you like of the last month and a half of my life. It'll be way more entertaining than my memory of it.)

I'll probably do the occaisional purge anyway just because I enjoy the chase as it were. Also I tend to aquire a lot of crap I never look at much but never delete either. Next year I'll come up with better, more aggressive sorting methods that'll allow for more selective purging.
posted by wobh at 6:39 PM on December 24, 2002


My husband had better not give up pr0n for Christmas, like hell am I parting with my collection.
posted by headspace at 7:06 PM on December 24, 2002


really, lotion is not your best option.
posted by goneill at 7:21 PM on December 24, 2002


why is sex so threatening to some? I mean, geez, it´s supposed to be FUN!
posted by sic at 7:45 PM on December 24, 2002


*sigh*
I suppose that Metafilter isn't the place to moralize. I'll stop.
posted by Lord Chancellor at 9:29 PM on December 24, 2002


If Metafilter wasn't a place to moralize we wouldn't have flamewars about King George III, or Israel vs Palestine, or race and sex issues. If you have a moral opinion on something, moralize away. And provide some good links. Of course there issues about what tone one should take with a given issue with a given audience. These also have strategic as well as moral implications. Be considerate of these and of the people you address and I think you'll find your opinion respected, considered in kind and courteously challenged if someone disagrees.

This may be wishful thinking on my part but I've seen it happen and I'd like to encourage it where-ever possible.
posted by wobh at 9:43 PM on December 24, 2002


he's not telling us women to give up porn

YAY! Oh what am I talking about... I give up pr0n every time I head to Vermont and give up broadband.

I periodically destroy my pr0n whenever the prospect of real girlfriend enters the picture

people like you make dumpster divers like me very happy.

I think it's a good idea to make sure your pr0n usage is in line in some way with the rest of your life, so if it's a wicked guilty pleasure that gives you an ulcer [and you're not someone that gets off on ulcers] then maybe you should look into it, get above board with it, whatever. Chicks dig porn like guys do, at least some of us do; I wonder what my boyfriend would do if I offered to give up porn for xmas?
posted by jessamyn at 9:45 PM on December 24, 2002


I wonder what my boyfriend would do if I offered to give up porn for xmas?

Jessamyn, You are absolutely the coolest librarian on the planet.
posted by bradth27 at 11:16 PM on December 24, 2002


I give up pr0n every time I head to Vermont and give up broadband

You know, now that you mention it, broadband is far more evil than porn.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:48 PM on December 24, 2002


Sorry Jessamyn, I meant the pr0n I have in digital form—the stuff I found on this here interweb thing. My physical library is dedicated to books. There's some pretty sexy stuff in the books I have but I don't consider them porn. Giving up my science fiction collection is unthinkable to me.
posted by wobh at 5:25 AM on December 25, 2002


Mr. Gushee? (is that your real name?)

I'm sure it is. I used to work with a guy with the last name. It's French, pronounced goo-SHAY.
posted by kindall at 7:54 AM on December 25, 2002


She will say to herself: "What's wrong with me that he has to do that? Do I not satisfy him? How can I compete with these airbrushed, perfect model types?"

Watching porn is completely natural. I would only worry if he wants to tie you up and scream insults at you while you pretend to be dead. I don't go for airbrushed, perfect model types myself. I go more for the drug addicted Russian prostitute look.
posted by son_of_minya at 7:52 PM on December 26, 2002


(Link safe for work)

Not necessarily, gee thanks.

I work at Vivid Video. My co-workers saw it on my screen this morning and now no one wants to join me for lunch.
posted by Fofer at 3:01 AM on December 27, 2002


I work at Vivid Video

Fofer? Is that you? Remember me? Let's do lunch!
posted by vito90 at 7:47 AM on December 27, 2002


To begin with, why not universalize it? I'm sure the guy thinks porn is bad, period. So yes, he would encourage women to give it up, too. And hell, I'm sure there are people who see nothing wrong with homo relationships but who do see something wrong with porn (objectification etc.)

The link could be amended by noting that it's a gift if your s.o. gives a shit whether you look at porn or not. Even then, you have to be very clear with yourself why you're doing it. If, down the road, you convince yourself that you did it because s/he's an uptight etc. and get all bitter about it, then the fallout from the festering anger will be more emotionally expensive than the occasional masturbatory session.

And frankly, that's valid. If your s.o. is upset if and when you look at porn, then that is an issue you should deal with. Maybe not for the reasons stated in the article ("ARR PORN IS EVIL"), but certainly for the sake of the relationship.

Personally, I don't have a problem with the idea of porn. I find a lot of it less than sexy, and some porn is evil (check the journal here for mention of "Max Hardcore" if you doubt me on this), but occasionally it's what the doctor ordered.

AND.
The last post in this thread was two days ago and no one will read this and I'm posting it anyways! So there.
posted by kavasa at 3:50 PM on December 29, 2002


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