Produced by John

January 31, 2003 1:58 PM

Andrew Antone can't help falling in love...If, like me, you're tired of good looking, teen pop icons with salon coiffed hair and rock hard abs, but don't want to give up the illicit pleasures of horrendous teen pop, I humbly submit Andrew Antone, 15 year old icon to be, in an alternate universe where looks & talent are no obstacle to pop icon, fame & fortune. For added delight, I encourage you all to customize your desk with the free wallpapers.
posted by jonson (62 comments total)

Also: Andrew Antone Fan Club

Which simply states: "Due to an overwhelming response from fans, CrewAndrew has been temporaraly(sic) shut down. It is not known when it will be back up, so please check back soon."
posted by bshort at 2:04 PM on January 31, 2003

Gifted voice, but nothing to view....., The music was recorded at Master Tracks Recording studio in Santa Barbara, California, overlooking the Pacific Ocean on one side and a view of the majestic Santa Ynez Mountains on the other.

This is my idol, the view.
posted by thomcatspike at 2:04 PM on January 31, 2003

The overwhelming response was likely due to SA's choice of Andrew as their Awful Site of the Day a couple days back. [poor kid]
posted by babylon at 2:06 PM on January 31, 2003

"CrewAndrew"? So even this kid has guerrilla street marketers working for him? Sigh.
posted by jonson at 2:08 PM on January 31, 2003

What is up with the kids of today? With their crazy love of Celine Dion, Barbra Streisand, and Broadway musicals?

He sure loves his mom, though.

(yes, we're all thinking the same thing)
posted by ColdChef at 2:19 PM on January 31, 2003

OK, let me say what you're all thinking- this kid is bad. It's bad enough that there are tens of thousands of deluded people trying out for American Idol whom Simon has to put in their place, but this kid's parents are clearly propping up some pipe dream (if not creating it themselves).
posted by mkultra at 2:23 PM on January 31, 2003

oh wow. andrew goes to my high school. i see him every day. i guess people at my school are getting the word out... it's a neat feeling to be so connected with a new meme.
posted by luckyclone at 2:25 PM on January 31, 2003

luckyclone, you can't just leave it at that... what's the scoop? Is he a good on-stage performer? Babe magnet? Bully magnet?
posted by mkultra at 2:28 PM on January 31, 2003

oh... here is the "omg omg andrew sings remix" that i made a few months ago to much fanfare. somebody showed it to andrew himself and apparently he said that it was "okay" but i screwed up his voice too much and "did too much techno."
posted by luckyclone at 2:32 PM on January 31, 2003

Since I never became a rock star, my kids better damn well be. They'll work in the pop music mines all night, everyday, afterschool until they produce a hit. Then, they can have dinner.
posted by mathowie at 2:32 PM on January 31, 2003

The first thing that popped into my mind was the icy hot stuntaz. It scares me alittle that this can even happen. This poor kid is going to regret the day his daddy rented him a recording studio. Does anyone have any other fake/real/delusionally bad self promoting music links?

ps. I can already see the Rolling Stone write-up on the CD:
Andrew will make cringe and make you cry, somebody volunteer for suicide watch because it's only a matter of time.
posted by elwoodwiles at 2:32 PM on January 31, 2003

Luckyclone: Really??? That's remarkably coincidental! Say, can you tell me where this is? Cause I'm guessing it's in front of his parents apartment, but it might just be at a local senior citizens center...
posted by jonson at 2:33 PM on January 31, 2003

he is the object of much derision, mostly because he acts like he's full of himself. in tech classes he downloads his pictures of himself and brings them into photoshop and drops lens flares on them and everything. i heard about one time where he googled himself and got some "KILL ANDREW" site and he was pretty pissed. he also found himself listed on a few "crappy webpages" sites.
posted by luckyclone at 2:36 PM on January 31, 2003

lucky - your message prompted me to google around, and here is the Kill Andrew site you referenced. Poor little chubby bastard.
posted by jonson at 2:40 PM on January 31, 2003

it aint over til....
posted by azul at 2:42 PM on January 31, 2003

it's pretty mean spirited. yes, the kid's deluded and a little mockery is in order but i don't see where the HATE comes from...
posted by luckyclone at 2:43 PM on January 31, 2003

luckyclone: Where is that piano line on the remix come from? It sounds weirdly familar but I can't place it. Nice job too.
posted by elwoodwiles at 2:44 PM on January 31, 2003

thanks, sampled it from belle and sebastian's "seeing other people." the guitar sample used at the end is the first note in the smiths' "this charming man." how wildly incongruous! huzzah!
posted by luckyclone at 2:48 PM on January 31, 2003

This may come off as harsh, but when somebody in a social situation as tense as high school records sappy/horrible love songs, creates a self aggrandizing web site, acts arrogant to his peers and is generally self absorbed, they usually attract all sorts of hate and abuse. Not much of a mystery.

On preview: Oh, now I remember. OT, a buddy and mine keep talking about making a record of punk rock orientated Belle and Sebastian songs. We want to call it "Bill and some bastard" All I need is a website./OT
posted by elwoodwiles at 2:52 PM on January 31, 2003

Much in need of parental guidance, not indulgence! The kid's a dreamer, a lot of kids are, but this is really gonna backfire on him.
It doesn't help that this will likely become a new meme on many Internet sites!
posted by effer27 at 3:00 PM on January 31, 2003

Fark. Photoshop. Fodder.
posted by Phatty Lumpkin at 3:07 PM on January 31, 2003

I'd have about 500 pages of cynical things to say about this, but the painful lack of any self-awareness whatsoever plus the unintentional irony of it all makes that site an almost moving experience.
This could be the 21st century version of Florence Foster Jenkins(w/audio file).

*PLEASE NOTE: NO EMAILS ARE READ BY ANDREW.
posted by 111 at 3:08 PM on January 31, 2003

Aw, come on. The kid has the stuff to be a big star.

Huge. Big, big star. Enormous, gigantic star.

Big.
posted by padraigin at 3:11 PM on January 31, 2003

He kind of looks like Wayne Newton did, back in the day. I never liked him, but he has done pretty well for himself.
posted by timeistight at 3:11 PM on January 31, 2003

MetaFilter: No dinner until you produce a hit.
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:14 PM on January 31, 2003

FOOD:

Drink: Vanilla Coke
Pizza: Dominos
Ice Cream Flavor: Sugar Cookie Dough
Dessert: Kit Kat Bars

Dude: lay off the sugar. And run your ass around the block a few times.
posted by monkeymike at 3:18 PM on January 31, 2003

Hahaha! He's fat! Get it?

At least mock him for his narcissism, or if that's not enough the fact that he is obsessed with Celine Dion and took the time to make a list of his favorite stores.
posted by Hildago at 3:19 PM on January 31, 2003

I'd like to say something supportive.

Unfortunately, if this kid went to school with my kids, even my ten-year-old daughter would beat him up.

So I can't. Sorry, Andrew.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:29 PM on January 31, 2003

ARTISTS / INFLUENCES:
Celine Dion, Barbra Streisand, Lara Fabian, Garou, Brian McKnight, Linda Eder, Andrea Bocelli, David Foster, Carole King, Diane Warren, Enya, Josh Groban, Faith Hill

Poor sonofabitch... His parents really did a number on him.
posted by SweetJesus at 3:29 PM on January 31, 2003

Poor Dan, he should have upped the fee for this session.
posted by rotifer at 3:30 PM on January 31, 2003

If only because he lists Staples as one of his favorite stores, I must, reluctantly, love him. Ordering the CD now...
posted by jalexei at 3:40 PM on January 31, 2003

Hey, SweetJesus - for once we hate the same thing!!
posted by jonson at 3:46 PM on January 31, 2003

Visited the site. Many parents are blind to the talent (or lack of talent) of their children. Also, it takes a certain amount of ego to become a success in any performing art -you need to be able to stand up after you've been knocked down and go on singing or you'll never succeed.

This system produces people with monster egos and no amount of telling them they suck is going to change their opinion about themselves. You, by insulting them, are simply a hater in their world.

Perhaps a way to help this lad would be to simply ignore him. A major drop in the number of hits to his site would indicate that nobody is interested in him - after all, negative attention is still attention.

Finally, he is a kid. Yeah, he's put himself out there in a way that doesn't exactly make him seem cool, but there is always a chance that a driven, focused young person can work hard enough to become successful in their chosen field. Let's hope that Andrew, who so clearly wants to be a great singer, will be able to achieve his dream through hard work, perseverance, and family support.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:53 PM on January 31, 2003

...he lists Staples as one of his favorite stores...

I didn't even notice that the first time I read through that list. That thing reads likes its from the Bizarro world. Comedy goldmine.

Hey, SweetJesus - for once we hate the same thing!!

I don't even hate this kid... I'm just fascinated. I've got self-esteem, but christ, what are they slipping in this kid's Vanilla Coke? I'd love to just spend a day in his life. I'm very interested in just what the fuck he's thinking.

This system produces people with monster egos and no amount of telling them they suck is going to change their opinion about themselves. You, by insulting them, are simply a hater in their world.

If he was good looking, I could understand this. He's not. If he was talented, I could understand this. He's not. If he was on an a real record label, could sing IN TUNE (for fucks sake), or didn't seem like an ego-maniac right off the bat, I could understand this. But he's none of those things. What system is producing him? It's not the recording industry (or the modeling industry, either). All of it's financed by his parents...

I pray for this kid once he reaches college. He wont survive in the real world if he comes off in person like he comes off on the web...

And if I was Elvis, I'd be pissed...
posted by SweetJesus at 4:11 PM on January 31, 2003

I just became cognizant of the fact that this kid lives in my town.

I'll deal with this. I mean, you know, we produced Kenny Loggins. I won't let anything besmirch that.
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:24 PM on January 31, 2003

This kid is flying right into the Danger Zone.
posted by jonson at 4:26 PM on January 31, 2003

SweetJesus: What system is producing him? It's not the recording industry (or the modeling industry, either).

Well, you don't have to be in the recording industry to want to become a famous singer. However, if Andrew and his folks did some research (or had some preconceived notions) about what it took to become a famous singer, they would probably think that you needed to get your face out there as much as possible. They might even have come to the conclusion that proper singing technique was not essential to becoming successful (after all, you could remix his voice with somebody else's in the studio and - presto - he's Caruso).

If he has a singing teacher or coach, he is probably being told again and again that he shouldn't let other people's opinions effect him. He is probably also being told (maybe by his parents, maybe by his coaches) that his appearance doesn't matter all that much and that, at any rate, he will look different as he gets older.

The kid has a dream. Is it wrong for him to pursue it? Is it wrong for his parents to support him? Maybe he will end up, one day, at a boring, 9-5 job having realized that the dream he chased after with all his heart was only a dream. At least he won't regret that he never tried.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:27 PM on January 31, 2003

Oh jeez. Now I can look forward to his next single, "My Way".
posted by padraigin at 4:32 PM on January 31, 2003

Well, you don't have to be in the recording industry to want to become a famous singer. However, if Andrew and his folks did some research (or had some preconceived notions) about what it took to become a famous singer, they would probably think that you needed to get your face out there as much as possible. They might even have come to the conclusion that proper singing technique was not essential to becoming successful (after all, you could remix his voice with somebody else's in the studio and - presto - he's Caruso).

Yeah, but they don't use someone else's voice, and they don't auto-tune the hell of out it in Pro-tools. And what happens when he plays live? You gonna pull a Milli-Vanilli and lipsync?

If he has a singing teacher or coach, he is probably being told again and again that he shouldn't let other people's opinions effect him. He is probably also being told (maybe by his parents, maybe by his coaches) that his appearance doesn't matter all that much and that, at any rate, he will look different as he gets older.

I hate to break it to you, but unless this kid drops some weight, drops his voice several octaves, and starts getting in touch with the way people his age think, he's going nowhere. I've been watching American Idol the past few weeks, and the music industry is a shallow, shallow place. This kid is far from a good singer, and 10 times farther from being a sex symbol.

The kid has a dream. Is it wrong for him to pursue it? Is it wrong for his parents to support him? Maybe he will end up, one day, at a boring, 9-5 job having realized that the dream he chased after with all his heart was only a dream. At least he won't regret that he never tried.

I wanna be a fire engine, but I don't think it's in the cards for me. This manipulation by his parents is going to come back hard some day (no one ever escapes). I can see him at 30, not able live in the real world because his parents sheltered him his whole life, told him he was special, when in reality, people have a diametrically opposed opinion.
posted by SweetJesus at 4:47 PM on January 31, 2003

I wanna be a fire engine, but I don't think it's in the cards for me.

I understand that your point is that you think it is impossible for him to improve. However, as you mention, he can take some actions that may results in success in his chosen field. He can lose weight. He can take voice lessons. He can become a better performer. Unless their is cyborg technology available in Rhode Island that I don't know about, you indeed won't be turning into a fire engine. If you wanted to, I would support your right to peruse your dream in the face of all people who had a diametrically opposed position.

The world is full of successful people who were not able to work well with their peers in high school.

In addition, would you prefer it if his parents started off his mornings with a "remember, Andrew, you're nothing special?" Hey, if the kids parents believe he has talent and are supporting him, that is a sign of a loving family. I can see him at 30, at family holiday with his parents, laughing with them as they break out an unopened box of copies of his debut CD.

Come on, give the kid a break. Better still, send him a Clash CD through the mail. Maybe he'll realize his voice, at the moment, is more suited to punk than pop - which is not to say that he might not be the next Barry Manilow someday.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:05 PM on January 31, 2003

I understand that your point is that you think it is impossible for him to improve. However, as you mention, he can take some actions that may results in success in his chosen field. He can lose weight. He can take voice lessons. He can become a better performer. Unless their is cyborg technology available in Rhode Island that I don't know about, you indeed won't be turning into a fire engine. If you wanted to, I would support your right to peruse your dream in the face of all people who had a diametrically opposed position.

Go for your dreams, dude, but realize that 9 out of 10 times things aren't going to go your way. That's life, and it's cruel. I'd like nothing more than to be the next Black Francis, but I can't play the guitar, and I can't write songs for shit. But hey, I'm a pretty decent computer programmer, so I roll with that.

My point was that some day this kid is going to realize that he may not have what it takes, and its going to kill him. It's is whole life, his whole personality is wrapped around it. Hundreds of thousands of people want to be rock stars or opera-quality vocalists, but many don't posses the talent, and no amount of vocal training is going to help. Some people are just born with amazing voices, and others are not.

The world is full of successful people who were not able to work well with their peers in high school.

I doubt this kid is able to deal with anyone outside his "clique" successfully. It's just a nagging feeling.

In addition, would you prefer it if his parents started off his mornings with a "remember, Andrew, you're nothing special?" Hey, if the kids parents believe he has talent and are supporting him, that is a sign of a loving family. I can see him at 30, at family holiday with his parents, laughing with them as they break out an unopened box of copies of his debut CD.

Support your kids in what ever they want to do, but don't lie to them. And the only way this kid is opening up a copy of his debut CD, is if his parents produce it in a studio.

...which is not to say that he might not be the next Barry Manilow someday.

Dear god, that would be awful.
posted by SweetJesus at 5:35 PM on January 31, 2003

Did any of you see the first Jimmy Kimmel Live, after the SB? I'm thinking of the first few minutes where Kimmel showed a picture from Snoop Dog's high school days, year book I think. You would have taken one look and fallen down laughing, but you're not laughing at the money or lifestyle now are you?

Speaking of hometown boys, I knew Jayson Alexander (nee Jay Alex Greenspan) back in high school. I know he's been bald for 20 years but he's only 43 now. And he sucked up the whole theater in every high school play and musical put on while he was there. But he won a tony by age 30.

Some of you are getting pretty harsh on someone (other than lucky) you don't know. Who knows, SweetJesus, just how much of Antone's life and ego is wrapped up in this? Or perhaps they just put a lot up on the website because that's what everyone does. Even Fred Durst and William Gibson do their versions of blogging these days, what's a few photos?

Chill babies!
posted by billsaysthis at 6:10 PM on January 31, 2003

Ladies and gentlemen... the next Snoop Doggy Dog.




You heard it here first.
posted by jonson at 6:16 PM on January 31, 2003

The fact that you (even loosely) connected Snoop Dog to this walking anachronism... I don't even know, I'm at a loss for worlds. Total loss.

Who knows, SweetJesus, just how much of Antone's life and ego is wrapped up in this?

Read his resume, and then tell me how much of his life and ego is wrapped up at this.
posted by SweetJesus at 6:21 PM on January 31, 2003

What my munged title tag was supposed to say was "Produced by John 'Mutt' Lange", an industry vet who's been working since the 1970's, and has done some huge records (Back in Black, for one). Weird that he'd be working with this kid.
posted by jonson at 6:27 PM on January 31, 2003

my munged title tag was supposed to say was "Produced by John 'Mutt' Lange", an industry vet who's been working since the 1970's, and has done some huge records (Back in Black, for one). Weird that he'd be working with this kid.

He most certainly did not. He wrote "If Walls Could Talk", which this kid recorded, and which was apparently written for Celine Dion.

The producer was Dave Sommers, otherwise known as "The guy on duty at the studio that day". My husband was a studio engineer, and produced many a similar shitty vanity project in his time.
posted by padraigin at 6:50 PM on January 31, 2003

At age thirteen, Andrew recorded a demo CD (Then You Look At Me) in a professional studio. The CD contains ten tracks of contemporary pop music to offer Andrew’s unique and powerful sound. (but we don't really want to SELL it...)

Sheesh. That song clip is horrific. I would *love* to hear Simon ("American Idol" judge) give him some (ahem) constructive criticism.
posted by thatweirdguy2 at 7:12 PM on January 31, 2003

Oh, and by the way... WHOIS info on www.crewandrew.com shows the registrant as one Andrew Antone. Surprise, surprise.
posted by thatweirdguy2 at 7:16 PM on January 31, 2003

Padraigin - thanks for the correction - I thought that sounded too weird to be true!
posted by jonson at 7:40 PM on January 31, 2003

thanks, sampled it from belle and sebastian's "seeing other people." the guitar sample used at the end is the first note in the smiths' "this charming man." how wildly incongruous! huzzah!

"wildly incongruous"? "the smiths"? luckyclone, you can't be in high school. If you are, there might just be hope for the current batch of youth (just in time for the apocalypse, no doubt).
posted by Shane at 8:24 PM on January 31, 2003

this kid looks like the son of a mobster.
i think his music is wonderful.
posted by sgt.serenity at 8:57 PM on January 31, 2003

SweetJesus: Support your kids in what ever they want to do, but don't lie to them.

I don't think his parents are telling him lies. I think his parents believe that he is a great talent. Is he? Well, not to you and I, but there is a huge difference between parents deliberately misleading their children and parents honestly believing that their child is talented despite popular opinion.

Anyhow, I have no idea what the future holds for this kid or his family. He could be wildly successful, he could fail miserably, he could have a happy life, he could shoot himself tomorrow because he feels like so many people hate him. As I said, I have no idea. I wish him the best of luck - with so many things stacked against him (or any performer) he will need it.
posted by Joey Michaels at 8:58 PM on January 31, 2003

they don't auto-tune the hell of out it in Pro-tools.

*coughcough*Madonna*coughcough* (I admire her, really I do, but they do, in fact, auto-tune the hell out of her)

And what happens when he plays live?

Not that this will happen, but presumably, the same thing that happens when people like Madonna (and many other singers) play live, he'll be out of tune and people like me will wince.

However, the guy doesn't seem to have the other things going for him that are needed if you're trying to be a singer when you can't sing, and this seems like something he'll end up in anger management therapy over in a few years.
posted by biscotti at 9:03 PM on January 31, 2003

I hate to break it to you, but unless this kid drops some weight, drops his voice several octaves, and starts getting in touch with the way people his age think, he's going nowhere.

Go for your dreams, dude, but realize that 9 out of 10 times things aren't going to go your way. That's life, and it's cruel.

Now all of a sudden I feel more sorry for you than I do for Andrew Anchovy or whatever. Man, who are you so mad at?
posted by Hildago at 9:08 PM on January 31, 2003

Hildago - you see, SweetJesus hates a lot of things.

Still, I've got to agree with the point he's making (if not the undercurrent of bitterness in the way it's sounding), if you're told all your life that you are going to be the one in a million who makes it in the music biz, which is such a crazy crapshoot even for the very talented, you're only setting yourself up to be wildly unprepared for social situations when it doesn't work out.
posted by jonson at 9:12 PM on January 31, 2003

he's the son of a mobster im telling you....start talkin real nice........
posted by sgt.serenity at 9:16 PM on January 31, 2003

lots of people who commented in this thread don't give a damn if they hurt some stranger's feelings.

good one. way to go. etc.
posted by kv at 10:07 PM on January 31, 2003

Does anyone have any other fake/real/delusionally bad self promoting music links?

I've signed up for EarthLink, so I'm getting like 3 MB for my home page. I'll do an FPP when it's ready.
posted by shoos at 10:16 PM on January 31, 2003

he's the son of a mobster...

Prob'ly not gonna help him... unless the mobster is Sinatra.
posted by Shane at 10:38 PM on January 31, 2003

> they don't auto-tune the hell of out it in Pro-tools.

*coughcough*Madonna*coughcough* (I admire her, really I do, but they do, in fact, auto-tune the hell out of her)

Life is too short not to use auto-tune, and I say that as a person who can sing on tune and occasionally captivate audiences. But even if you're in a friend's studio, you can save quite a bit of time, and if you're not, you also save money.

Finally, I'm as down as the next guy on haughty wannabees who want to give themselves the shiny media coating of success without seriously working at their art for a while. I hope he has his fair share of critics, and that he takes some of what they have to say seriously. But I've seen a large number of bands/artists start out sucking really badly, and after years (sometimes only months) of keeping at it, they only suck a little and sometimes move onto not sucking at all. True.
posted by namespan at 10:49 PM on January 31, 2003

I wanna be a fire engine, but I don't think it's in the cards for me.

(1) See fire
(2) Drink 6-pack of Olympia -- It's the water!
(3) Put out the fire the natural way, like Calvin would
(4) ????
(5) PROFIT!!!!!

And Lord knows there's plenty of material for good clean making-fun-of in there. Given that, picking on the poor schlub for being a fat kid seems downright mean-spirited to me.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:01 AM on February 1, 2003

Forget Antares' Autotune - Celemony's Melodyne is the tool for Now. Leave Autotune to those trying to produce sub-Cher effects...

I regularly use Melodyne to push wandering melodies back into track, and even to manipulate the melody when the harmony doesn't quite work work.

Of course, the TC-Helicon Voice One could stop Andrew sounding quite so weak and anodyne, too...
posted by benzo8 at 4:36 AM on February 1, 2003