Fascist Websites For Children!

February 4, 2003 7:18 AM

Fascist Websites for Children! Concerned that your children might not be getting the guidance that they need in their quest to grow up to be healthy and productive citizens of the Homeland? Worry no more! Hint, it's funny! (via sixdifferentways).
posted by Ufez Jones (13 comments total)

Ha! Goddamed funny:

Signs that your child has been on the site: He's been funneling teeth to Nicaraguan children through a Cuban nanny in a three-way off-the-books deal with the Tooth Fairy

Somebody do one for Metafilter. I would but I'm not funny.
posted by vito90 at 7:29 AM on February 4, 2003

my favorite: "Herman the Spokescrab," a hermit crab in an endless quest for a disaster-proof shell

thanks
posted by harja at 7:43 AM on February 4, 2003

Okay, could resist this - from "The CIA Homepage For Kids!" special kid's publication, From Flowers to Heroin

"In an extreme example, recently a border patrol unit in Texas found about $5 million worth of narcotics stuffed in human body parts—legs, arms, and intestines—that had been stolen from a hospital. The traffickers said this was to hide the drugs’ smell from drug-sniffing dogs, but it was unsuccessful. Hopefully, we have provided you with a better understanding of the long chain of events by which a product from a seemingly innocuous flower becomes heroin sold on US streets."

Can you imagine the horrified blank stares from the kindergarten class, and the questions that would follow? What kind of freaks read this stuff at an early age and decide they too, want to help the US govn't find heroin in human carcasses!
posted by jdaura at 7:46 AM on February 4, 2003

it's all fun and games until your kindergartener narcs on your stash.
posted by condour75 at 7:51 AM on February 4, 2003

I groan at SUPER HAPPY FUNTIME websites for kids as much as the next guy, but what exactly makes these sites fascist?

It seems that "fascist" is becoming a catch-all word for anyone who doesn't agree with your politics. Liberals and conservatives alike are labeled fascist by people having the same tenuous grip on the definition of fascism that Alanis Morisette had on the word "ironic. ".
posted by 4easypayments at 8:57 AM on February 4, 2003

I could have not said it better, 4easy....
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 9:08 AM on February 4, 2003

4 and Steve - I don't know about your context, but in my circle we apply the term fascist to anything and everything. The fascist boss, the fascist left-lane bandit doing 55, the fascist woman working the counter at the deli, the fascist girl who won't go out with you. I don't suspect we'll be seeing any Mussolini's anytime soon, so I would hate to see a word that is so fun to say (fascist! fascist! fascist! try it!) disappear from the vernacular.

So did you see anything funny in the post?
posted by vito90 at 9:15 AM on February 4, 2003

Where's the beef?
posted by Guy Smiley at 9:46 AM on February 4, 2003

Ironically, 4easy, I can't get into your ironic link. But here is the original (reprint) of Matt's Alanis critique.
By the way, I think it's pretty fascist of you to tell me what I can and can't call fascist.
posted by Shane at 10:30 AM on February 4, 2003

Don't forget White House 4 Kids. "Can you imagine candy falling from the sky?"

Berlin airlift compared with Afghanistan bombing.
posted by inksyndicate at 10:47 AM on February 4, 2003

What are they, jedi?
posted by delmoi at 4:47 PM on February 4, 2003

> Can you imagine the horrified blank stares from the kindergarten class

No. I can imagine the hysterical giggles and grossout jokes. My Ghod, man, weren't you ever in kindergarten?
posted by jfuller at 5:02 PM on February 4, 2003

They appear to have forgotten my favourite government webpage: NSA for Kids, complete with "Codey the Cryptography Owl."
posted by Pseudoephedrine at 5:22 PM on February 4, 2003