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February 25, 2003 2:37 PM   Subscribe

"64 grams of fat, 2,090 milligrams of sodium, and enough cholesterol to kill anything that's ever lived." 104% of your USDA daily requirements of saturated fat. 231% of your daily intake of cholesterol. Swanson's Hungry-Man All-Day Breakfast! (Pancakes included.)
posted by crunchland (49 comments total)

 
These pancakes you speak of - do they ... vibrate?
posted by luriete at 2:42 PM on February 25, 2003


FarkFilter strikes again....
posted by mrmanley at 2:47 PM on February 25, 2003


Sloth Hungry! Sloth love Chunk.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 2:47 PM on February 25, 2003


From the IHOP FAQ:

"IHOP offers a wide variety of food that should allow most people to choose a meal that suits their dietary needs. We do not maintain nutritional data on our food."

At least Swanson tells you you're going to die.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:51 PM on February 25, 2003


That was definitely one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. Thanks crunch!

Mr. M, I don't give a shit what the morons at Fark do, I don't go there so why should I care?
posted by Pollomacho at 2:57 PM on February 25, 2003


It's probably even worse than pictured - most of those big hungry men put butter on their pancakes ...
posted by Jos Bleau at 3:00 PM on February 25, 2003


A stench exhumed from the microwave - it was like nothing I've smelled before. It was the kind of odor that had me preparing to lift the wallet off the four-week-old corpse I was about to find. But this stench! This stench was no corpse! This stench was breakfast!

Reads like something from The Maxx.
posted by signal at 3:06 PM on February 25, 2003


I think this paragraph pretty much sums up all of Mefi:

"There's nothing inherently wrong with the pancakes other than their rather dubious choice in company. I've really got nothing at all to say about them. I like my paragraphs to at least look impressive on the skim-through, so I'd really hate to have to end this one so soon. My hope is that you're not really reading the article, moreover just scanning through while looking at the pictures and judging how good the article must be based on the general length of the paragraphs you skip. If that's the case, it affords me the chance to type totally off-topic, random words just for the sake of making this bitch seem lengthy. I mean, goldfish lamp wallpaper skeleton in my Bavarian Star or what? Flowers mirror computer Smurfs every time Moses flies playing cards in or around Paris. Oh, now to make a paragraph-ending sentence that makes the rest appear like it was consequential. That bacon was really greasy!"
posted by crunchland at 3:09 PM on February 25, 2003


People, attack the link, not the source of the link. That would be kind of ad hominem, which is apparently bad.

Of course, you can't attack this one, cause it's farking awesome. I'd hit it.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 3:09 PM on February 25, 2003


Looks tasty to me...
posted by spilon at 3:11 PM on February 25, 2003


My hope is that you're not really reading the article, moreover just scanning through while looking at the pictures and judging how good the article must be based on the general length of the paragraphs you skip. If that's the case, it affords me the chance to type totally off-topic, random words just for the sake of making this bitch seem lengthy. I mean, goldfish lamp wallpaper skeleton in my Bavarian Star or what?
Do I win a prize for spotting this?

I grew up in Northern Ireland so the idea of having two days of cholesterol for breakfast is nothing new, but trying to simulate a real, fried breakfast in a shrink-wrapped ovenable tray is obscene and the review does nothing to dispel that feeling. Luckily, I live in the UK so I will probably never see a product like this.
posted by jamespake at 3:12 PM on February 25, 2003


Pork Brains in Milk Gravy have the highest amount of cholesterol per serving of any food I've seen -- 1170%. Mmmmm... a fortnight's worth of cholesterol. [chest pains]
posted by Frank Grimes at 3:13 PM on February 25, 2003


Er, no, Crunchland wins the prize.
posted by jamespake at 3:15 PM on February 25, 2003


Hmph. Not very surprising, yet very poorly written.

For lunch, try the 2, 3 or SIX-pound burger at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub.
posted by stonerose at 3:20 PM on February 25, 2003


Now you may think I'm being overly obvious here - everyone knows TV dinners are bad for you, right? This is true, but Swanson's new breakfast takes it to a level which previously could only be achieved by eating entire alternate universes made only of prosciutto.

Oddly enough, visions of Homer Simpson saying "Mmmm, prosciutto..." in this alternate universe are dancing in my head right now.

But geez, 231% RDA of CHOLESTEROL?!?!? I may need angioplasty after just THINKING about that number.
posted by PeteyStock at 3:27 PM on February 25, 2003


scary. funny. good link.
posted by jcruelty at 3:35 PM on February 25, 2003


*wipes drool from desk*

most of those big hungry men put butter on their pancakes
What would pancakes be without butter, or at least some kind of sugary syrup? Don't forget that the sausages need some kind of sauce made from fruit and/or vegetables rejected for any other purpose, including compost, mixed with copious amounts of sugar, salt and MSG.
posted by dg at 3:38 PM on February 25, 2003


Funny - this foodlike debacle is the standard by which a bunch of people I know measure fat-assedness. I'm glad someone else noticed.
posted by Fabulon7 at 3:42 PM on February 25, 2003


Half a century of Swanson's colossal cholesterol commercials HERE.

This marketing archive may just be the "smoking sausage" needed to bring Swanson to court, al la anti-tobacco lawsuits in the wake of the Joe Camel campaign.

I offer you Exhibit A.
posted by Dunvegan at 3:43 PM on February 25, 2003


it's farking awesome. I'd hit it.

Yeah, but would you punch it in the cock if it made you fat?
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:49 PM on February 25, 2003


cholesterol is an anti-oxident naturally produced by every animal, which is why we find it in food but also naturally occuring even in animals which eat a no cholesterol diet (cows naturally and some people oddly). It plays an important role in diet and health. It's association with arterial disease has been grossly misrepresented. In fact we don't know what causes arterial disease but some current theories are inflamation of the arteries (perhaps caused by a virus) which are able to trap the cholesterol (and other fats) and forms plaque. However tests of the plaque removed from patients reveals that over %70 is polyunsaturated fat, which is essentially vegetable fat (canola, saflower, cotton seed, etc..) all man-made oils in the past 80 years or so which corosponds with the increase in heart disease (and no, it's not an old persons phenomenon)

So in fact a high vegtable high carb diet with 0 cholesterol could lead to cloged arteries, and in fact does I have witnessed personally 2 friends who were Nazis about saturated fat but ended up with by-passes anyway.

I personally eat many times the daily recommended allowance of cholesterol. 2 to 4 eggs, quarter gallon whole milk, lots of meat. Im thin and overall healthy. My cholesterol is in the 300+ range (both good and bad). I went for a VitalView full body scan and they found %0 plaque buildup which at my age (36) means my chances of dieing from heart disease are very slim.

I believe a lot of this is genetic. I'm northern European in origin who ate a lot of saturated fat and thus thats what I eat. All organic of course since processed food of any type will kill ya.
posted by stbalbach at 3:57 PM on February 25, 2003


> I'm northern European in origin who ate a lot of saturated fat

I myself am a Viking (almost but not quite the last, plus I have a gang) so I subsist on rape, pillage, arson, murder, rape, and blood sausage.


> my chances of dieing from heart disease are very slim.

...as it were...
posted by jfuller at 4:57 PM on February 25, 2003


From the Swansen website - "As You might imagine, Swansen consumers are consummate TV viewers"

Well...at least Swansen's got a pretty good notion of who they're selling their product to. But really...It's disgusting how companies like this attempt to appeal to people's core values, while secretly (or not so secretly) attempting murder.
posted by StrangerInAStrainedLand at 5:06 PM on February 25, 2003


The cholesterol in food itself gets passed out of the body, we regulate ourselves to keep a balance. The saturated fat level is what messes that balance up.
posted by Tystnaden at 5:31 PM on February 25, 2003


*cues jingle* How do you handle a hungry man? ...a double bypass! */jingle*
posted by amberglow at 5:34 PM on February 25, 2003


Mhhm, Scotch Eggs - one hardboiled egg covered in one pound of pork suasage, battered & deep fried.

Sounds good t, but htrow in a jar of Cheez Wiz and & I'll have two.
posted by Jos Bleau at 6:07 PM on February 25, 2003


jfuller: ugh, blood sausage!! Just the thought of it makes me nauseous.
posted by puffin at 6:09 PM on February 25, 2003




Denny's Info. (PDF) The big meals are as bad or worse as this thing.
posted by uftheory at 6:20 PM on February 25, 2003


Tee hee, crunchland. Hee.
posted by grrarrgh00 at 6:26 PM on February 25, 2003




Mmmm...Moons over My Hammy....
posted by adampsyche at 7:00 PM on February 25, 2003


Mhhm, Scotch Eggs - one hardboiled egg covered in one pound of pork suasage, battered & deep fried.


Reading the recipe, not quite true - one hard-boiled egg covered in 2 ounces of sausage. The recipe is for eight eggs.

Still doesn't make it any more appetizing in my opinion, but it's not nearly as bad as the Good Morning Burger.
posted by wanderingmind at 8:27 PM on February 25, 2003



Denny's Info. (PDF) The big meals are as bad or worse as this thing.


I don't think I need to read the PDF. On the rare occasion that I eat there (or IHOP), my skin absorbes grease from the environs and I usually have at least one pimple before I leave. Over the next 24 hours, after I get over the feeling of being slugged in the gut, my skin begins to steadily exude the same odor that their pancakes give off as by body tries to rid me off all the grease. During this time, I am unable to look at anything containing animal fat.

But I will go back eventually. They know I will.
posted by namespan at 9:05 PM on February 25, 2003


Namespan, that is the worst super power I've ever heard of.
posted by Hildago at 9:28 PM on February 25, 2003


Why thanks, crunchland - I was able to have Ben & Jerry's for dinner tonight guilt-free. I feel positively virtuous in comparison to all those Hungry Men.
posted by madamjujujive at 9:45 PM on February 25, 2003


Hey, crunchland, nothing beats a hangover like a good full english breakfast.
posted by Katemonkey at 10:53 PM on February 25, 2003


This is hilarious writing, with so many great quotes to choose from. My personal favorite:

"your ass will grow hands and tie your intestines in knots to prevent this sh!t from ever passing through".
posted by Scoo at 11:18 PM on February 25, 2003


I got a clot just reading that nutrition label.

I need a stent. Stat!
posted by shadow45 at 11:19 PM on February 25, 2003


Scotch eggs, English breakfasts, and the Good Morning Burger all rock. In moderation, of course.

Not so sure about the Swanson TV dinner thing, though.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:09 AM on February 26, 2003


I've eaten/will eat all sorts of things with high fat, cholesterol, salt, blood, you name it. But why in G-d's name would you want to do that with crappy food like Swanson TV dinners?
posted by kalessin at 5:03 AM on February 26, 2003


[quonsar, grasping for the mouse over his voluminous midriff, hurriedly clicks to a different thread and inhales another giant chunk of chocoolate cake donut.]
posted by quonsar at 5:18 AM on February 26, 2003


but then again, pretty much what you get at crackerbarrel/bobevans/huddlehouse/anywwhere
posted by tomplus2 at 8:14 AM on February 26, 2003


This is health food compared to a Deluxe Original from Schlotsky's Deli.


schlotzskys.com/nutri_sandwiches.html


1700 calores, 80 grams of fat.
posted by wigu at 9:06 AM on February 26, 2003


I find it interesting that the guy pictured on the package is just a big, healthy-looking football-player type, although he's probably wearing a girdle to help hold it all it in.

What kind of message is this product sending to people? That it's okay to load up on this kind of crap?

I find it sad that western society is becoming more and more fixated on larger portions of fattier foods (i.e. Supersizing everything).

Perhaps the manufacturers of high-fat food should be required to print warning labels. :)
posted by quietfish at 9:32 AM on February 26, 2003


Hey, crunchland, nothing beats a hangover like a good full english breakfast.

Yeah, crunchland, don't knock it till you've tried it. I don't understand why this is a subject of an article. Yes, there's a lot of food there and yes, it looks foul. But there are a lot of ready meals that are foul and don't American breakfasts tend to be huge?

I myself, this Sunday, while suffering from a hangover, consumed 6 rashers of bacon, three sausages, scrambled eggs, baked beans and two large slices of buttered white bread. What of it? Alright, I didn't eat again for two days.
posted by Summer at 10:09 AM on February 26, 2003


yeah, crunchland. where do you get off?
posted by crunchland at 10:16 AM on February 26, 2003


I actually ate one of these a couple weeks ago. The pancakes kinda sucked. But I ate it. I'm also dying to try the Stuffed French Toast at ihop.
posted by jonmc at 10:26 AM on February 26, 2003


Y'know, jonmc, I was waiting for you to chime in on this. And I was pretty much expecting that you'd already had one. Tsk. You're getting predictable, my friend.
posted by aine42 at 2:19 PM on February 26, 2003


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