Nuke this, Rush!

February 28, 2003 10:26 AM

"A little invasion is precisely what Canada needs" wrote Jonah Goldberg last November. According to Rush Limbaugh, Canada isn't a country, it's a "country". Tucker Carlson on CNN has said Canada "should be bombed" so that they are taught a lesson. Doesn't he remember April 17th? No matter. Since Canada will never be able to defend itself from the US using conventional means, it's time for Canada to reactivate it's nuclear weapons program.
posted by johnnydark (31 comments total)

Two things:

First, what nuclear weapons program? I was unaware Canada ever had one. Got a link?

Second, as a proud citizen of Soviet Canuckistan, I have to say that few things make me feel better about my home and native land than the fact that Rush Limbaugh, Tucker Carlson and Jonah Goldberg all disagree with us.
posted by gompa at 10:40 AM on February 28, 2003

jonah goldberg needs an enema.
posted by donkeyschlong at 10:54 AM on February 28, 2003

goldberg and tucker carlson are assholes...


exhibit a.


CARLSON: Now I noticed that Al Gore, people say he's changed a little bit. I've noticed a change. I didn't understand it until I read Time Magazine this week, a long interview with Mr. Gore in there with Karen Tumeltee (ph).
Here's the explanation. I'm quoting now. "Both Tipper and I have meditated for quite a while."

Tell me more about that.

KIKI MCLEAN: It means he actually stops to think about what happened...

CARLSON: No, no, truly.

MCLEAN: ... and think about what he says.

BEGALA: Oh...

CARLSON: Is it -- I know, but you worked for him.

MCLEAN: It is, Tucker?

CARLSON: But no, no, hold on. This is a fair question. Is it Lotus position, incense...

MCLEAN: Tucker, Tucker...

CARLSON: What does he mean by that?

MCLEAN: Do you ever say a prayer? Do you ever give a thought to something you did during the day?

CARLSON: I do. I'm talking about meditation, and that's distinct from prayer. He said, "We meditate, we pray."

MCLEAN: I am willing to bet...

CARLSON: What's the meditation?

MCLEAN: I'm willing to bet, if you asked your pastor, if you asked a rabbi, if you asked a priest...

CARLSON: We're not talking about a pastor. We're talking about Al Gore.

MCLEAN: They'll tell you that prayer and contemplation is meditation.

CARLSON: It is Lotus position?


[via talking points memo]
posted by specialk420 at 10:57 AM on February 28, 2003

All I know is that if we so much as fart the wrong way in public, there will be roughly eighty bazillion right-wing commentators in the U.S. ready to fulminate aganst the whole damn country.

You'd think we'd shot somebody's puppy . . . or bombed the Baldwins . . . or something.
posted by mcwetboy at 10:58 AM on February 28, 2003

Rush, the quick witted redneck, reaches into the blue collar bag and pulls out a nice one. Canada sucks, USA, hooray.
posted by the fire you left me at 10:59 AM on February 28, 2003

I've always thought that it would be kinda fun to train every single Canadian in the art of war. And to start breeding like mad. Keep all the extra people hidden up north. And then, one day, we just start heading south. See how far we could get before... well, before the inevitable.

I bet we could, at very least, take the Capital.
posted by Newbornstranger at 10:59 AM on February 28, 2003

Take the capital? Why not, we've burned it before!
posted by edmcbride at 11:08 AM on February 28, 2003

http://www.subatomichumor.com/shows/warof1812.html#anchor59871
posted by sanitycheck at 11:24 AM on February 28, 2003

Everybody Sing!
posted by y2karl at 11:24 AM on February 28, 2003

I've always thought that it would be kinda fun to train every single Canadian in the art of war. And to start breeding like mad. Keep all the extra people hidden up north. And then, one day, we just start heading south. See how far we could get before... well, before the inevitable.

-Jango Fett of Metafilter.

I'm not sorry but if posts like this are up, they get the tahmata.
posted by clavdivs at 11:27 AM on February 28, 2003

gompa, sorry, I can't find a link but Canada did at one time have a nuclear weapons program. I think it was abandoned in the 50's or 60's though. I'll see if I have a Canadian history text book when I get home.
posted by substrate at 11:27 AM on February 28, 2003

To the south of the US is a nice warm country, Mexico. But nooOOoOoOO...you want more cold, dark land. Warm beaches vs permafrost. Sunny...warm.....relaxed....(goes off to start planning Canadian invasion of Mexico, or Cuba, or anywhere else warm).

Canada will rearm once the Federal government stops putting bases in places like Cold Lake Alberta. Who the hell would sign up for that?
posted by Salmonberry at 11:32 AM on February 28, 2003

Why can't we all just get along?
posted by Samsonov14 at 11:32 AM on February 28, 2003

Using the US's logic they are can now fight a pre-emptive war against the US. Hope none of you are living in DC.
posted by skallas at 11:55 AM on February 28, 2003

May 1962:
"Canadian nuclear power reactors have developed away from any primordial weapons program and from the outset had been designed to reach economic competition with conventional coal costing 30 cents per million BTU or less ... the special merit of nuclear power in Canada will be the low fuel cost of 1 mill per kWh [of electricity] or less".
- W.B. Lewis to the Northwest Public Power Association in Victoria B.C. [Nuclear Canada Yearbook 1985]

Implying they left the door open until then.
posted by dithered at 11:58 AM on February 28, 2003

O' Defenders of All Things Duhbya
Yet again you have reared your ugly head
Even to calling non-USAians non-American traitors
Will your silly self-righteous anger ever cease?
Cannot you admit the Boy King just might be wrong?
Wil you sacrifice every shred of dignity and credibility you have in defense of the indefensible?
My how you do carry on!
I warn you that spit will freeze when expectorated upon Canadians!
posted by nofundy at 11:59 AM on February 28, 2003

Could you patriots give us a comprehensive list of who our enemies are, along with our own traitors?
I'm starting to lose track.
posted by 2sheets at 12:04 PM on February 28, 2003

I tend to judge countries, like religions, by their inhabitants and professors. America, then, would be Christian Fundementalism, knocking on your door in the middle of the night, trying to save you from your inner evil ways, and demanding money for those in charge, because apparently their lifestyle isn't grand enough and God could use the money.

Meanwhile Canada is the quiet Buddhist to our north, watching us patiently, offering it's insightful koans and sometimes sarcastic suggestions that are often simply ignored. It lives within its means, doesn't abuse its body, doesn't desire too much, and is generally much more happy because of it.

And anyway, Canada has the benefit of being upwind. So in the coming nuclear armageddon they'll be sitting pretty while that gulf stream irradiates the hell out of New England.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:05 PM on February 28, 2003

a potential cure is found for goldberg, carlson, limbaugh, falwell, robertson etc.
posted by specialk420 at 12:08 PM on February 28, 2003

In a matter of months, the queues at the border heading north will stretch back to Pennsylvania and Oregon. And I suspect that pissboys like Carlson and Goldberg will be complaining about their 40-hour wait to flee.
posted by riviera at 12:15 PM on February 28, 2003

Jonah Goldberg is nothing but a troll. So, let's leave him combing the hair on his hairy troll toes while we riff on the material he's given us.

As you were, people. A prize for the best comment!
posted by orange swan at 12:28 PM on February 28, 2003

Canada never burned DC, the British burned DC (because the general defending it was an idiot)
posted by RobbieFal at 12:29 PM on February 28, 2003

'"Damn Americans. Hate those bastards," Parrish said after the weekly Liberal caucus meeting in Ottawa.'
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:35 PM on February 28, 2003

And some Americans wonder why they are thought of as arrogant...
posted by ashbury at 12:36 PM on February 28, 2003

I've never been more ashamed of my nationality.

First, if you aren't in full support of the current Fuehrer, you are a commie faggot pinko (not my words.) If you have doubts and attend an anti-war rally, it only takes seconds before dickheads like O'Reilly are saying you are supporting Saddam.

Second, if, as a nation, you are not goose-stepping to Amerika's war drums, then you deserve to be bombed.

When the hell did we get this mentality? Is anyone else as afraid of the future as I am?

God Bless Amerika!
posted by drstrangelove at 1:35 PM on February 28, 2003

In 1812, Canada == British.
posted by Cerebus at 1:46 PM on February 28, 2003

The problem with Canadians is that they're so unamerican.
posted by elwoodwiles at 1:56 PM on February 28, 2003

This is some of the best you could find on the web???
I would have preferred you posted on The Testicles Kick of Amateur Girls 2.

But, if we are now to discuss these links: ramblings of weak minded people with stirring up hate as their sole agenda.
posted by ?! at 2:49 PM on February 28, 2003

or an empty hockey stadium

Hey, if they're going to bash Canada, at least they could use some proper nomenclature. It's hockey arena, not stadium.

Dumb ass.
posted by damclean2 at 3:51 PM on February 28, 2003

I can't find a link but Canada did at one time have a nuclear weapons program.

Will a review of John Clearwater's book on U.S. nuclear weapons in Canada, and another review from the Canadian Department of National Defence suffice?

I think it was abandoned in the 50's or 60's though.

Officially abandoned in 1984 actually.
posted by sillygwailo at 4:35 PM on February 28, 2003

nofundy, any reason you constantly invoke straw men, such as things that haven't been said in threads? For instance, nobody said the word "traitor" until your post. Nobody has yet said the word "Bush". And yet you rail against these imaginary posts.

Ah, I get it. It's a pre-emptive flamewar.
posted by dhartung at 9:46 PM on February 28, 2003