I bent my wookie!

March 10, 2003 10:22 AM

I bent my wookie! (Possibly not safe for work) A new, modern treatment for an ancient problem. Remember, it's not supposed to bend that way.
posted by qDot (27 comments total)

> Another man slammed his penis in a car's door.

Owwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
posted by woil at 10:29 AM on March 10, 2003

Uhm, okay.

Interesting and inspiring discourse can now commence.
posted by xmutex at 10:30 AM on March 10, 2003

[Smugly congratulates self on having gotten the slot instead of the peg in the Reproduction Game.]
posted by orange swan at 10:37 AM on March 10, 2003

this slot, it vibrates?
posted by xmutex at 10:46 AM on March 10, 2003

i could not finish this article, just as i could not watch that one part in "Jackass!" when they were giving each other paper cuts on their eyelids and shit.

i am a big wussy.
posted by fishfucker at 10:46 AM on March 10, 2003

that's going in my quote file:

"i am a big wussy." --- fishfucker
posted by quonsar at 10:58 AM on March 10, 2003

Must admit, I finished the article and laughed during the reading.

Let he who has never laughed at the Darwin Awards cast the first stone.
posted by orange swan at 11:18 AM on March 10, 2003

one of my college professors liked to bring up the fact that Allen Ginsberg had a bent penis. he even mentions it in one of his poems

apparently, Allen fell out of bed with an erection.
posted by goddam at 11:23 AM on March 10, 2003

ow ow ow thank you ow ow ow i did ow ow ow not need to ow ow ow read that

I think work is the SAFEST place to read this, actually. I am scarcely further removed from my penis than when I'm at my desk at work.

Sheezus. Here's hoping I will be able to continue my normal life of masturbation, sex, and slamming my penis in a car door without thinking of this horrible article.
posted by scarabic at 11:25 AM on March 10, 2003

The penis mightier then the sword but that isn't always accidental, some people is suffering Peyronie's Disease and some of them are so embarassed by this disease that they draw

technically CAD-worth drawings of their poor tool.
posted by elpapacito at 11:39 AM on March 10, 2003

You know, it's really hard to comment on this post while I'm doubled over in sympathy and phantom agony.
posted by elendil71 at 11:40 AM on March 10, 2003

Paging a former President of the United States ...
posted by dhartung at 11:54 AM on March 10, 2003

My jaw literally dropped while reading that article. This is going to cause me so much neurosis. The honest joy of an erection may forever be tainted by this knowledge.
posted by Hildago at 12:54 PM on March 10, 2003

I have been with a man whose penis bent in a northerly direction. IMHO it was a definite plus if you understand my meaning.

Those of you men with a bent penis....do not fret.. it is secretly spoken about (among us ladies anyway) to be the ...shall we say... better variation on the original design!
posted by SweetIceT at 1:32 PM on March 10, 2003

A bent penis is the Deluxe model! Your mileage may vary.
posted by SweetIceT at 3:10 PM on March 10, 2003

I've never been more glad not to have one of those crazy things--they're dangerous!
posted by catfood at 3:37 PM on March 10, 2003

But it is nice to borrow them occasionally!
posted by SweetIceT at 3:53 PM on March 10, 2003

I am somewhat surprised that there are no references to King Missile in this thread.

(Hmmm. Douglas Hofstadter could have a field day with the above sentence.)
posted by namespan at 4:16 PM on March 10, 2003

Magnetic resonance images of the tool in operation show that it bends northwards when in use.
posted by Wet Spot at 6:39 PM on March 10, 2003

Thanks, uh, Wet Spot, now I have a new screen saver for the office.
posted by elwoodwiles at 7:13 PM on March 10, 2003

Tranquilizers are usually needed to calm these terrified males and needless to say they're cautioned not to have an erection for several days!

Isn't that bit hard to control while you're sleeping? Am I mistaken in thinking that the average male averages several erections per night during sleep?
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:05 PM on March 10, 2003

I don't know about during sleep Ufez...but I had a friend once who was badly chemically burned in that region of his body. He told me that he was given something he described as a "poppers" that he would (obviously) pop open and snort during times he anticipated an erection which supposedly eliminated them. It was a while ago though, don't know if there is something else since or if there is a drug that works during sleep. Any medical experts care to enlighten us, as I am now curious?
posted by SweetIceT at 9:35 PM on March 10, 2003

So, wet spot, does that mean that Australians have to do it upside-down?

Couple that with their CDs, and I don't know what'll happen next!

Maybe some Marmite might help?
posted by shepd at 10:49 PM on March 10, 2003

uh.. Vegemite if Australian?
posted by Frasermoo at 2:57 AM on March 11, 2003

Poppers = Amyl Nitrate (VCR Head cleaner), used to dialate blood vessels (so yes, it works for the above prescribed usage).

Also used for many wonderful deviant sexual practices where LARGE things are put in SMALL places.
posted by qDot at 8:16 AM on March 11, 2003

um ...are you sure about that qDot?
Amyl Nitrate, I know what that is, are you sure its the same substance used here? Though he used that name (which is why I put it in quotes), I find it highly suspicious that an M.D. would prescribe (and he did recieve these from his doctor)something like that for this application.
posted by SweetIceT at 9:34 AM on March 11, 2003

Yeah, Amyl Nitrate is used for people with Angina to open up vessels, since their heart valves have narrowed and don't get enough blood.

At least, as far as I know. I don't know a damn thing about medical stuff, this is just the jeopardy answering side of my brain talking.
posted by qDot at 1:28 PM on March 11, 2003