Comments on: Comments on 24234

Post number 24234

grabbingsand — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:26:15 -0800

"You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" Readers of the London Daily Telegraph have voiced their opinion and have decided that Michael Caine's exasperated exclamation from The Italian Job is the greatest one-liner in the history of film. But that can't be entirely right, can it? Surely the MeFi collective can come up with better.

By: starvingartist

starvingartist — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:30:09 -0800

Wow, I've never seen that movie, but as soon as I read that line I heard Michael Caine's voice saying it in my head. I'll have to think of my favorite one-liners.

By: uhnyuftz

uhnyuftz — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:30:46 -0800

My favorite has always been from Miller's Crossing, Gabriel Byrne throwing open the door to the women's powder room, drink in hand, and warning: "Close your eyes, ladies, I'm coming through."

By: bitdamaged

bitdamaged — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:31:21 -0800

Oh man "This is my BOOM Stick!" - Bruce Campbell Evil Dead 2 "I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I'm all out of bubble gum" - Roddy Piper They Live

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:32:20 -0800

"This one goes to eleven."

By: grabbingsand

grabbingsand — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:32:46 -0800

(A frivolous post, perhaps... but you needed a break from pondering the fate of the free world, didn't you?)

By: machaus

machaus — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:33:14 -0800

"Leave the gun, take the cannoli."

By: owillis

owillis — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:33:43 -0800

"Badges? We Don't Need No Stinking Badges!"

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:34:58 -0800

"Think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?"

By: PrinceValium

PrinceValium — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:35:58 -0800

"Those aren't pillows!"

By: Prospero

Prospero — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:36:01 -0800

"Get away from her, you bitch." --Aliens, in which virtually every line is a good one-liner "I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings." --The Big Sleep

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:40:03 -0800

"Back off, man. I'm a scientist." Pete Venkman, Ghostbusters.

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:40:59 -0800

"You must be Don Francisco's sister."

By: Pretty_Generic

Pretty_Generic — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:41:42 -0800

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

By: Pretty_Generic

Pretty_Generic — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:43:12 -0800

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

By: mariko

mariko — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:43:31 -0800

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa to you?"

By: msacheson

msacheson — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:45:10 -0800

ah'll be bahk - Terminator

By: Ty Webb

Ty Webb — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:46:58 -0800

I want more life, fucker.

By: WolfDaddy

WolfDaddy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:47:14 -0800

"Show him, honey" or "Are we ever gonna get that big table in here or do I have to go out and cut down that fucking tree myself?"

By: paladin

paladin — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:47:44 -0800

I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"

By: grabbingsand

grabbingsand — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:49:08 -0800

"I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists!" - Blazing Saddles so many favorites... i can't just choose one.

By: machaus

machaus — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:49:17 -0800

Oh, and a collective thank you to grabbingsand for this relief valve of a thread. Metafilter does one-liners very well.

By: Oddly

Oddly — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:52:19 -0800

"Ekki ekki ekki ekki pikang zoom-boing."

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:53:14 -0800

That's what I Like about these high school girls.... AND.. This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.

By: gompa

gompa — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:53:41 -0800

The Dude abides. - one of about a hundred priceless lines from The Big Lebowski

By: t r a c y

t r a c y — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:53:52 -0800

"anytime annie. she only once said no, and then she didn't understand the question" - andy 42nd street

By: yhbc

yhbc — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:54:07 -0800

"Rosebud." Alternatively, "Ni!"

By: drinkcoffee

drinkcoffee — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:54:24 -0800

I killed him for money and for a woman. I didn't get the money. And I didn't get the woman.

By: thewittyname

thewittyname — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:57:08 -0800

And like that... he's gone

By: goddam

goddam — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:57:25 -0800

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

By: Skot

Skot — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:58:40 -0800

I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that. From a movie full of 'em.

By: picea

picea — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 11:59:32 -0800

"I'm not the heroic type. Really, I was beaten up by Quakers!" - Sleeper

By: jalexei

jalexei — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:00:12 -0800

A brit? From a movie nobody's seen? And a generation of frat boys quoting Fletch cry quietly in their beers...

By: psmealey

psmealey — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:00:37 -0800

"My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school. " - Helena Bonham Carter, Fight Club

By: CoolHandPuke

CoolHandPuke — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:00:47 -0800

"You talkin' to me?"

By: _sirmissalot_

_sirmissalot_ — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:01:09 -0800

Bob Slydell: Looks like you've been missing quite a bit of work lately. Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't say I've been MISSING it, Bob. (Office Space)

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:02:58 -0800

I love the smell of napalm in the morning...

By: clavdivs

clavdivs — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:03:09 -0800

"...we are the romans" -'Sopranos' for movies... "But he will see the big board" -from 'Dr. Strangelove'

By: halleck23

halleck23 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:04:54 -0800

"I don't read novels. I prefer good literary criticism." - Tom Townsend, Metropolitan

By: vraxoin

vraxoin — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:05:51 -0800

Son, you got a panty on your head.

By: poopy

poopy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:06:54 -0800

You're the lowest on the totem pole here, Alva. The lowest.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:07:36 -0800

It's the one with "bad motherfucker" written on it. And there are about a hundred others from Pulp Fiction, like the oft quoted: "I'm gonna get medieval on your ass."

By: bondcliff

bondcliff — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:07:39 -0800

"The more you drive, the less intelligent you are" -- Repo Man

By: eilatan

eilatan — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:09:25 -0800

Two of my favorites, much as it shames me to admit it, are from the masterpiece known as Roadhouse: "Hurts, don't it?" and "You're my new Saturday night thing." And from another Patrick Swayze movie: "Nobody puts Baby in a corner."

By: me3dia

me3dia — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:09:34 -0800

"...There will be no tip, but on your deathbed you will receive complete enlightenment. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice." ---Caddyshack

By: carter

carter — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:10:29 -0800

Brian: You are all individuals!
Crowd (together): We are all individuals!
Life of Brian.

By: dazed_one

dazed_one — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:10:30 -0800

"Damn the man!" --Empire Records

By: mfoight

mfoight — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:10:41 -0800

The Black Knight: "Just a flesh wound." --Monty Python and The Holy Grail

By: donkeyschlong

donkeyschlong — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:11:02 -0800

Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:12:21 -0800

"Shut up and deal" -- Shirley Maclaine in The Apartment "This is L.A. This is my town. Out here you're a trespasser. Out here I can pick you up, burn your home, fuck your wife, and kill your dog. And the only thing that'll protect you is if I can't find you. And I already found you. " -- Nick Nolte in Mulholland Falls (shite movie, but Nolte is badass) Pretty much the entire script of Miller's Crossing: Verna: Shouldn't you be doing your job? Tom Reagan: Intimidating helpless women is my job. Verna: Then go find one, and intimidate her.

By: notsnot

notsnot — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:15:15 -0800

Carter, you forgot the kicker line! Brian: You are all individuals! Crowd (together): We are all individuals! Man in Crowd (sotto voce): I'm not.

By: twine42

twine42 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:15:32 -0800

carter The best bit of that is the bit you missed out... Brian: You are all individuals! Crowd (together): We are all individuals! Man (alone) : I'm not!

By: widdershins

widdershins — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:16:14 -0800

"By choice, man. By choice."

By: Dan Brilliant

Dan Brilliant — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:17:59 -0800

Mmm, I'm a little bit lonely these days.

By: CunningLinguist

CunningLinguist — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:18:17 -0800

You sure it's Bernie, selling you out? It ain't elves. Damn, why isn't Miller's Crossing on DVD?

By: twine42

twine42 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:18:27 -0800

notsnot Can I just say 'I hate you'? Thank you. I hate you. ;)

By: asok

asok — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:19:41 -0800

Pretty_Generic, those Marx brothers quotes really are fantastic. 'Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.' "You're a mind reader? I'm surprised you're still speaking to me." ROFL Yeah jonmc, all Kevin Smith films are a rich quote supply, just too many for me to pick from. 'I'll be back' is a part of the mainstream conciousness now, just like 'play it again Sam' (sic) and '...with a fine chianti'. But we are supposed to be supplying the greatest one liners, not the best known, so I'll have to think again. Good for everyday use: 'I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither.'

By: Dan Brilliant

Dan Brilliant — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:20:09 -0800

On review, Bondcliff takes the trophy. Favourite film ever.

By: Dan Brilliant

Dan Brilliant — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:20:37 -0800

On review, bondcliff takes the trophy. Favourite film ever.

By: CrunchyFrog

CrunchyFrog — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:20:48 -0800

From Rashomon: Commoner: Well, men are only men. That's why they lie. They can't tell the truth, even to themselves. This is supposed to be one-liners, but the conversation continues: Priest: That may be true. Because men are weak, they lie to deceive themselves. Commoner: Not another sermon! I don't mind a lie if it's interesting.

By: cyclopz

cyclopz — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:21:22 -0800

To be honest my favorite line is the Butch Cassidy quote that kafkaesque beat me to, but a close second is "dying ain't much of a living, boy."

By: jdroth

jdroth — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:21:34 -0800

Gompa's right: The Big Lebowski is filled with great quotes. It's difficult to choose a favorite, but... Jesus Quintana (after Walter has had a bowling match postponed because he won't bowl on the Sabbath): What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I was gonna fuck you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

By: GaelFC

GaelFC — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:22:15 -0800

"Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes." "Do you ever get the feeling that there's something going on that we don't know about?" "Some teams have tried tacklin'." "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown."

By: mookieproof

mookieproof — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:22:21 -0800

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."

By: twine42

twine42 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:23:08 -0800

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." - Usual suspects

By: transient

transient — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:25:29 -0800

There's a time to think, and a time to act. And this, gentlemen, is no time to think.

By: Nauip

Nauip — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:26:30 -0800

I'm surrounded by assholes!

By: timeistight

timeistight — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:27:16 -0800

Everybody needs money; that's why they call it money.

By: notsnot

notsnot — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:27:24 -0800

twine42: Are you talkin' to me? ah? [vbfg]

By: scody

scody — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:27:35 -0800

"We've gone on holiday by mistake!"... and nearly every other line in the entire blessed flick.

By: burp

*burp* — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:27:45 -0800

"Okay guys, one more thing: This summer, when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating. And that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes."

By: starvingartist

starvingartist — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:28:16 -0800

1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!

By: kookywon

kookywon — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:29:37 -0800

Double Indemnity is such a great movie full of great lines. I prefer 'That guy knows more tricks than a car load of monkeys'

By: ook

ook — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:29:47 -0800

I'm good at what I do. I'm good at what I do. I'm good at what I do.

By: greengrl

greengrl — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:31:05 -0800

Ok, I know this isn't really a one-liner, but I love this quote: How do you know when you've had a good time? When you throw your knickers up against the wall, and they stick there. [Dogs in Space -- horrible film, but great quotable lines]

By: carter

carter — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:31:24 -0800

notsnot/twine42: Dang! In that case, how about (also from LoB):
Blind man: I used to be blind, but now I can see!
(Blind man falls in pit).

By: Mick

Mick — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:32:48 -0800

Come and see the violence inherent in the system! -Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail

By: subgenius

subgenius — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:34:19 -0800

So that happened.

By: Stynxno

Stynxno — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:35:29 -0800

The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.

By: Psionic_Tim

Psionic_Tim — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:35:32 -0800

"Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!"

By: elgoose

elgoose — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:35:51 -0800

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:37:05 -0800

Most of these are humorous one-liners, much like most of the ones in the London Daily Telegraph's rankings were from Brit-centric movies. To balance both trends, here's three all-American ones: "Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great World War II," you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled shit in Louisiana." "The needs of the many outweigh ... the needs of the few." And this classic exchange: "I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man." "Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!"

By: dazed_one

dazed_one — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:37:11 -0800

"I spit in your general direction!" "Fetchez le vache!" "But I'm not dead yet!" "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!" and pretty much everything else from Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail.

By: Samsonov14

Samsonov14 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:38:01 -0800

Lighten up, Francis!

By: soplerfo

soplerfo — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:40:27 -0800

"I am choking the alligator" - Stranger than Paradise

By: argybarg

argybarg — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:43:21 -0800

"Well, I just hate you, and I hate your ASS FACE!" You can even listen to the sound clip if you don't believe me.

By: serafinapekkala

serafinapekkala — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:44:08 -0800

i've gotta go with my teen faves here: "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen." "You were a black Marine in 1968?" "Do you know what my diastolic is???" "Hey you, get your damn hands off her!" "It's not the years, it's the mileage."

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:45:53 -0800

Damn, why isn't Miller's Crossing on DVD? It's being released on May 20, along with Barton Fink. And here's the script (HTML, 112KB).

By: twine42

twine42 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:46:00 -0800

"She's a witch!" - Monty Python. And for the longest one liner award, I present... "Look maybe you don't understand, I'm Mr. Juntao's lawyer, legal advisor, he got into some shit again and he told me to come down here and I'm a very busy man, ain't got time to be down here this late but I'm down here, my wife want me to come home, my baby is shittin' all over the house, he needs diapers, would you please go get Mr. Juntao? "

By: jbelshaw

jbelshaw — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:46:02 -0800

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

By: wendell

wendell — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:48:35 -0800

"I'm NOT paranoid! Everybody IS trying to kill me!"

By: Ogre Lawless

Ogre Lawless — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:49:27 -0800

I'm not even supposed to be here today

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:49:37 -0800

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

By: trigfunctions

trigfunctions — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:51:03 -0800

Into the mud, Scum Queen!

By: Man-Thing

Man-Thing — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:52:27 -0800

No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die! Shit sandwich. Anything said by Sidney Greenstreet in The Maltese Falcon. I honestly think you should sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

By: widdershins

widdershins — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:54:13 -0800

From one of the best movies ever: I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

By: thekorruptor

thekorruptor — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:54:49 -0800

"What's that got to do with my knob?" - Bedknobs & Broomsticks

By: John

John — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:56:03 -0800

Captain Oever: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
- from Airplane!

By: trox

trox — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:57:20 -0800

I can't believe this one has been neglected: Rick: I came here for the waters. Fat German Officer: But there are no waters in Casablanca Rick: I was misinformed. and from the same exchange: Are my eyes really brown?

By: justgary

justgary — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:57:27 -0800

Annoying customer: "It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!" Judge Reinhold as Brad Hamilton: "Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm going to kick one hundred percent of your ass!" Jeff Spicoli: "This is U.S. History, I see the globe right there. " Jeff Spicoli: [driving and stoned] "People on 'ludes should not drive. " Stacy Hamilton: "When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out? "Linda Barrett: "A quart or so." And too many others to list.

By: thelahungingeet

thelahungingeet — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:58:19 -0800

"Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!" --Dr. Strangelove

By: GeekAnimator

GeekAnimator — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 12:58:37 -0800

"May I please use the restroom? ... thank you."

By: carter

carter — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:00:48 -0800

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that." HAL, 2001. I just found a page of HAL wavs here. (Another one of them, "Everything is going extremely well," I seem to recognise as a sample from British musician Juno Reactor.)

By: terrapin

terrapin — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:01:06 -0800

Too many to list, but since no one seems to have mentioned Animal House I will add (in no particular order): "Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear... every spring, the toilets explode." "What?! Over? Did you say over? NOTHING is over until WE decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? HELL, NO!" "Thank you sir -- may I have another?" "Is that a pledge pin on your uniform!?!?!" "Well, what the hell we 'sposed to do ya mo-ron?" "They took the bar! The whole fucking BAR!!" To name a few :)

By: dash_slot-

dash_slot- — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:03:24 -0800

HERE'S JOHNNY!

By: kablam

kablam — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:06:43 -0800

Wise Words by Cool Men website is LOADED with these. (Go to the 'Site Index', under 'movie index')

By: kaibutsu

kaibutsu — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:07:21 -0800

"Ray, if somebody asks you if you're a god, you say YES!" or maybe "Let off some steam, Bennett."

By: poopy

poopy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:07:47 -0800

my favorite from the shining is: See, it's OK. He saw it on the television.

By: filmgoerjuan

filmgoerjuan — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:07:48 -0800

A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know, it has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. I don't want to sell anything, buy anything or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed... or buy anything sold or processed... or process anything sold, bought or processed... or repair anything sold, bought or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that ...to name just two

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:08:00 -0800

"You people are bastard people!" "You ain't the devil! I've met the devil! The fucking devil's got an English accent!"

By: alms

alms — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:09:01 -0800

I got that peanut butter pussy: brown, smooth, and easy to spread.

By: vito90

vito90 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:09:54 -0800

"Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick." "How many dicks is that?" "A lot" "I'm hungry. Let's get a taco." Reservoir Dogs

By: filmgoerjuan

filmgoerjuan — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:10:21 -0800

Oops, one more: I liked her so much better when she was a crack addict and alcoholic. She gets into one car accident and suddenly she's Little Miss Perfect.

By: freakystyley

freakystyley — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:12:23 -0800

"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!" -- Conan, describing what he thinks is the best thing in life.

By: brand-gnu

brand-gnu — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:12:57 -0800

"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye. " - Raoul Duke

By: dragstroke

dragstroke — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:14:17 -0800

I want my two dollars! amidst hundreds of others.

By: stormy

stormy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:14:34 -0800

Fabian does climb on. Butch STARTS her up. FABIAN Whose motorcycle is this? BUTCH It's a chopper, baby. FABIAN Whose chopper is this? BUTCH Zed's. FABIAN Who's Zed? BUTCH Zed's dead, baby, Zed's dead. And with that, the two lovebirds PEEL AWAY on Grace, as the SONG on the BOOM BOX RISES. FADE TO BLACK thanks to http://pages.tca.net/nathan/pulp/lyrics-zedsdead.html

By: jann

jann — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:16:39 -0800

From "Play it Again, Sam": Allan: If that plane leaves the ground, and you're not on it with him, you'll regret it - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. Linda: That's beautiful! Allan: It's from Casablanca; I waited my whole life to say it.

By: kaibutsu

kaibutsu — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:16:50 -0800

"I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?"

By: ed

ed — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:17:25 -0800

"You say to yourself how hot can it get? Then in Acapulco, you find out." "I was just fixing some ice tea, would you like a glass?" / "Yea, unless you got a bottle of beer that's not working." "Of course you were anti-Nazi and you never liked Adolf." / "Adolf who?" "Match me, Sidney." "Va-va-voooom!"

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:18:55 -0800

"...and a round of Shirley Temples for the homosexuals at the other end of the bar."

By: poopy

poopy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:19:52 -0800

Fuck him right in the ear! Here I come, god. Here I come, you fucking rat! - and many many others from southpark, the movie.

By: matteo

matteo — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:20:55 -0800

HUNSECKER "What does this mean, integrity?" FALCO "A pocketful of firecrackers waiting for a match." Damn, why isn't Miller's Crossing on DVD? It's being released on May 20, along with Barton Fink. BF is already available in France

By: t r a c y

t r a c y — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:21:34 -0800

my 4 faves from o brother where art thou: well ain't this place a geographical oddity! two weeks from everywhere" - ulysess pete the personal rancor reflected in that remark i don't intend to dignify with comment, but i would like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism. consider the lilies of the goddamned field or hell take a look at delmar here as your paradigm of hope - ulysess he's a suitor! - wharvey gal you two are just dumber than a bag of hammers. - ulysess

By: Ljubljana

Ljubljana — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:22:04 -0800

"So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy down there at the lake." And I says, "What kinda action?" and he says, "Woman action, what do I look like?" And I says, "Well, what do I look like, I don't arrange that kinda thing," and he says, "I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake," and I says, "Well, this ain't that kinda place."" ... and so on. Cumulatively the greatest monologue in cinematic history.

By: John

John — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:22:11 -0800

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again. Oh people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come".
-Field of Dreams

By: nofundy

nofundy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:24:42 -0800

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!" -GWTW

By: liam

liam — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:26:14 -0800

The best one-last-liner: Jerry/Daphne: "You don't understand, Osgood! I'm a man." Osgood E. Fielding III: "Well, nobody's perfect." And more good 'uns...

By: MetalDog

MetalDog — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:27:38 -0800

From one of my all time favorite movie series: "Tell Victor that Ramon---the fella he met about a week ago?---tell him that Ramon went to the clinic today, and I found out that I have, um, herpes simplex 10, and I think Victor should go check himself out with his physician to make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on the man." -Beverly Hills Cop Are you driving with your arms around the wheel or you like using "the force"? Beverly Hills Cop II

By: xmutex

xmutex — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:30:55 -0800

jesus, people. ONE-LINER. stop quoting entire damned scenes and complete monologues. ONE-LINER.

By: tommasz

tommasz — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:31:26 -0800

Toga!

By: burp

*burp* — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:34:43 -0800

BOB: Luke, I am your father. Come with me and join the dark side of The Force, you knob. DOUG: He saw "Jedi" nineteen times, eh. and "This is a FUCK!!!"

By: CoolHandPuke

CoolHandPuke — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:37:19 -0800

It's supposed to be hard! If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. There's no crying in baseball! I love the first quote and refer to it often.

By: Gilbert

Gilbert — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:37:19 -0800

"We use a large vibrating egg."

By: y6y6y6

y6y6y6 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:38:19 -0800

"I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters. Sell them to me! Sell me your children!" - Blues Brothers

By: thatweirdguy2

thatweirdguy2 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:38:56 -0800

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? (the one-liner in italics, the rest for context and because it cracks me up)

By: waxpancake

waxpancake — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:39:27 -0800

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

By: Ignatius J. Reilly

Ignatius J. Reilly — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:39:38 -0800

"I don't hate women, but I do deny them my essence."

By: verso

verso — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:40:46 -0800

I'm a huge fan of a couple I can't believe nobody quoted! "Hey Dr Jones, no time for love. We got company!" "I've got a bad feeling about this..." And doesn't "Bond...James Bond" count for anything? Or perhaps "Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?" or the ominous "twoooooo dollarrrrrss..." or "Up there, it's their time! It's their time up there. Down here it's our time. It's our time down here!" One of my very favorites, though..."I hate the way she LICKS STAMPS!!!!!" That always struck me as the deepest hate imaginable. From: Temple of Doom, Star Wars 4-6, Bond movies, 16 Candles, Better Off Dead, Goonies, and Ruthless People.

By: pxe2000

pxe2000 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:42:15 -0800

you mean we've gotten this far in the thread with no sign of preston sturges in sight? for shame, people. "you ought to put handles on that skull. you could grow geraniums in it!" "positively the same dame." "...but with a little sex in it!" "here's for your swimming pools and your fancy clothes and your motion pictures, and for the little girl who only tried to help you!" "THE SPOTS!" and my favourite hal hartley quotes: "young, middle class, white, college educated, unskilled, broke, drunk." "listen pal: you can't just come in here, spout universal truths and use my toaster without proper justification!" "do you trust me?" "if you trust me first." and one from stranger than paradise: "this is the way we eat in america. see? i got my meat, i got my potatoes, i got my vegetables, i got my dessert, and i don't even have to do the dishes." okay, and one from harold and maude: "harold! THAT WAS YOUR LAST DATE!"

By: Ignatius J. Reilly

Ignatius J. Reilly — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:42:18 -0800

COWFUCKER!

By: Ljubljana

Ljubljana — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:42:37 -0800

jesus, people. ONE-LINER. stop quoting entire damned scenes and complete monologues. "You have no call to get snippy with me; I'm just trying to do my job here."

By: gen

gen — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:43:37 -0800

Tyrell: The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Roy.

By: grum@work

grum@work — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:46:57 -0800

My alternate great lines from great movies: "Smile you son of a bitch!" "Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze." "Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day."

By: baltimore

baltimore — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:48:15 -0800

"He hates these cans!" "Wow, you're really trying to be accurate!" Two, of many too many to mention, from the second funniest film ever made.

By: gen

gen — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:48:19 -0800

Roy Batty: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

By: vito90

vito90 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:48:30 -0800

"Fuck you, you fucking fuck!" - Get Shorty "...be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm." - Snatch

By: davebush

davebush — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:48:31 -0800

Say it! I lost the nest egg. I lost the nest egg. - Albert Brooks / Lost in America

By: Gilbert

Gilbert — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:49:08 -0800

OK, one more, then I'll stop obsessing. "We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here, and we want them now.

By: CrazyJub

CrazyJub — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:49:27 -0800

Hello, Peter. We need to talk about your TPS reports. Office Space, 1999

By: callicles

callicles — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:50:05 -0800

yes wolf daddy! although i might have to go with: Sure, I told you about it, baby, but don't shoot the messenger! OR This is a drug, for the world, to give worms to ex-girlfriends!

By: poopy

poopy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:50:17 -0800

Oh, Stifler's Mom, whoa! - american pie

By: baltimore

baltimore — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:51:39 -0800

"Don't say 'nest.' Don't say 'egg.'"

By: jaz

jaz — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:53:37 -0800

...gin, I simply adore gin! -Mame

By: baltimore

baltimore — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:53:59 -0800

"If God could do the tricks we can, he'd be a happy man."

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:55:17 -0800

As your attorney, I advise you to leave this place immediately.

By: Hackworth

Hackworth — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:55:39 -0800

"BRING YOUR PUSSY FACE TO MY ASS!"

By: burp

*burp* — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:56:26 -0800

"I thought you said "Earn more sessions by sleeving."

By: Pressed Rat

Pressed Rat — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:56:32 -0800

Dont piss down my back and tell me it's raining

By: stbalbach

stbalbach — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:56:37 -0800

"I am Spartacus"

By: oninochuck

oninochuck — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:58:31 -0800

"Yeah! Let's go get sushi and not pay."

By: poopy

poopy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 13:59:04 -0800

Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy! - galaxy quest

By: Guy Smiley

Guy Smiley — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:00:28 -0800

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:00:54 -0800

Obligatory: "I'm the player to be named later." "Strikeouts are boring, and besides that they're fascist." "Guys will listen to anything if they think it's foreplay." "From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fuckin' boat."

By: bl1nk

bl1nk — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:06:14 -0800

Gilbert, you missed: "I feel like a pig shat in my head." also ... "This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time." "Learned a new word today. Atom Bomb. It was like God taking a photograph." and the last one I say to myself often, though it's difficult to understand without context. (TE Lawrence, off to rescue a man stranded in the desert, whose death is considered written in fate) "Nothing is written."

By: gottabefunky

gottabefunky — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:09:06 -0800

People, people! It's obvious: "My name is Pussy Galore." "I must be dreaming." -Goldfinger Either of these qualifies - together, they're off the scale. [gripe] (And I hate having to click the IMDB link each time to find out which movie - what is this, mahjong?) [/gripe]

By: scarabic

scarabic — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:11:14 -0800

Curse my metal body! -C3PO

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:18:43 -0800

[gripe] (And I hate having to click the IMDB link each time to find out which movie - what is this, mahjong?) [/gripe] Yaaas, this is what the title attribute is for, no? As in <A href="www.imdb.com/Title?123345" title="Little Barry and the Foamy Demons">"My favorite quote evah!!!"<a/>.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:18:54 -0800

Fassbinder is dead! Every single word from Holy Grail. We're the People's Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine and all further variations thereof Get off the fucking stage! for various reasons. And of course the immortal Keanu-ism, "I know kung-fu!"

By: poopy

poopy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:18:55 -0800

She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym-class. -garth from wayne's world

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:20:26 -0800

Big Trouble In Little China is chock full of one-liners that I probably use too often. Notable among them: "Like I tell my wife, I never drive faster than i can see, and besides, it's all in the reflexes" "Now this really pisses me off to no end!" "Are you crazy? Is that your problem?" And my personal fave: "Sonnuva Bitch must pay!"

By: jlynford2

jlynford2 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:21:36 -0800

They'll never catch me... because I'm fucking innocent. Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them. Well, how'd you like to kiss my sister's black cat's ass? It's a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire. And last, even though it's not technically a one-liner... All human beings are becoming humanoids. All over the world, not just in America. We're just getting there faster since we're the most advanced country.

By: Holden

Holden — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:21:42 -0800

I agree with Liam's nomination. "You don't understand, Osgood. I'm a man!" Well, nobody's perfect!" Has there been a better closing line? And this exchange: "Abby someone! Abby who?" "Abby Normal."

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:22:45 -0800

Also, bitdamaged left out another great one from They Live: "Life's a bitch and the bitch is in heat!"

By: antimony

antimony — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:23:10 -0800

We grow copious amounts of ganja here, and you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking-culturalist. - Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

By: tomcosgrave

tomcosgrave — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:25:05 -0800

"He is nothing! The well is everything!" -- Laurence of Arabia "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti" -- The Silence of the Lambs "He disagreed with something that ate him" -- Alien

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:27:01 -0800

Okay, one more: the horrific. What... have you done... with his body? (from Brazil)

By: varmint

varmint — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:31:43 -0800

What does it matter what you say about people?

By: alumshubby

alumshubby — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:31:43 -0800

One of my favorite set-piece rants from one of my favorite movies, Network (1976): ...I want you to get mad. I don't want you to protest, I don't want you to riot, I don't want you to write to your congress man, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression, the inflation, the Russians, or the crime in the streets. All I know is that first...You've got to get mad! ...You've got to say, "I'm a human being, goddamn it! My life has value!" ... I want you to get up right now, and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out, and yell: "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

By: salmacis

salmacis — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:33:16 -0800

Yes, yes. All very good. But not one of them compares to Michael Caine in The Italian Job.

By: grabbingsand

grabbingsand — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:33:53 -0800

another one: "I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets. " Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

By: 111

111 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:34:32 -0800

"Heineken? F... that s...! Pabst Bue Ribbon!" and several others courtesy Mr. Frank Booth (ignore Jeffrey and Sandy) "Who's being naive, Kay?"-- too obvious "I coulda been a contender." as said by the best of all (also too obvious) "I never did stop loving you, by the way" (Royal to Etheline)

By: Lynsey

Lynsey — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:35:00 -0800

"I'd like to kiss you but I just washed my hair." "Let's deflower the kid." Laura: Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? Because I want to feel something else than this. It either that, or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm. Rob: No. I only have a few left, I've been saving them for later. Laura: Right. It'll have to be sex, then. Rob: Right. Right."

By: aznblader

aznblader — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:35:21 -0800

I need guns. Lots of guns. .

By: nicwolff

nicwolff — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:38:36 -0800

Nora Charles: "Waiter, would you serve the nuts? I mean, serve the guests the nuts." (The Thin Man)

By: gsalad

gsalad — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:44:19 -0800

"Shit salad?" "Me so HORNY! Me love you LONG time!"

By: gsalad

gsalad — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:45:09 -0800

"Shit salad?" "Sucky sucky, two dolla!"

By: joaquim

joaquim — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:47:06 -0800

"Pooberty hit her real hard" (Support Your Local Sheriff)

By: rhapsodie

rhapsodie — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:47:53 -0800

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

By: _sirmissalot_

_sirmissalot_ — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:49:49 -0800

"We're only interested in one thing, Bart. Can you tell a story? Can you make us laugh? Can you make us cry? Can you make us want to break out in joyous song? Is that more than one thing? Okay!" (Barton Fink)

By: Ty Webb

Ty Webb — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:49:57 -0800

Holden, your Young Frankenstein link reminded me of my pick for the funniest single word ever in a movie, also from Young Frankenstein: Sedagive?!

By: WolfDaddy

WolfDaddy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:54:27 -0800

PUT! ZE CANDLE! BECK!

By: neilkod

neilkod — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 14:59:59 -0800

Flamee away but I think Zoolander is one of the more quotable movies of late: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think. There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman" Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building now!

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:02:04 -0800

oninochuck: oh yes, yes, yes! "Well, Otto... all the lights are going dim.... I know a life of crime led me to this sorry fate. And yet I.... I blame society. Society made me what I am---" "Bullshit. You're a white suburban punk just like me." "Yeah.... But it still hurts." Repo Man is always intense!

By: amberglow

amberglow — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:09:40 -0800

The ashtray and the paddle game and the remote control, that's all I need... and these matches...the ashtray and these matches and the remote control and the paddle-ball... and this lamp... from The Jerk

By: maceo

maceo — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:09:56 -0800

"my cat can eat a whole watermelon" or "don't touch my cat" Ruben and Ed

By: WolfDaddy

WolfDaddy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:16:50 -0800

"Give me an H--give me a U--give me a giant pussy-licking ass-fucker cock shit!" The only thing ever said in a movie that caused me to have a spit take. Otherwise awful movie, but close to my heart because of this one line.

By: zanpo

zanpo — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:18:11 -0800

From Lawrence of Arabia: MURRAY No, I can't make out whether you're bloody bad-mannered, or just half-witted. LAWRENCE I have the same problem, sir. But, I can't believe there are no quotes from Glengarry Glen Ross. PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:19:16 -0800

Another classic: Bad dates.

By: MidasMulligan

MidasMulligan — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:20:32 -0800

Nicholson's much quoted: "You can't handle the truth". From the Devil's Advocate: Reeves: "What are you? The Devil? Satan?" Pacino: "Call me dad." From Head Office, and little known Judge Reinhold flick: He: "You're just fucking your way to the top, aren't you?" She: "Well I wouldn't be much of a businesswoman if I fucked my way to the bottom, now would I." Or finally, from Lake Placid (that has several good ones): Sheriff Hank Keough: I...I...I never heard of a crocodile crossing an ocean. Hector Cyr: Well, they conceal information like that in books.

By: Yelling At Nothing

Yelling At Nothing — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:25:04 -0800

"I do not mean to impose, for I am the ocean." (The Salton Sea) and Conner MacManus: "Jesus! He brought a six-shooter!"
Murphy MacManus: "There were nine of them, you retard! What were you going to do with the last three, laugh them to death?" (Boondock Saints)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:27:00 -0800

Everyone I know has a big but. or I say...we let him go!

By: Yelling At Nothing

Yelling At Nothing — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:28:53 -0800

And from the incomparable Bill Murray, in Ghostbusters: "Great, somebody blows their nose and you wanna keep it." "If I'm wrong we go to jail; peacefully, quietly, we'll enjoy it. But if I'm right, and we can stop this thing, then you, Mr. mayor, will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.

By: jann

jann — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:29:54 -0800

Barton Fink: I'll show you the life of the mind!

By: muckster

muckster — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:37:26 -0800

"Around the survivors a perimeter create." "Abtauchen!" "You wanna play with a sewer screw, bitch?"

By: will

will — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:44:01 -0800

So many from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know. Bazooko's Circus is what the world would be doing every Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me? You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands. Acosta: Let's take the elevator, man. Raoul Duke: No, that's just what they want us to do. Cram us into a little metal box and drag us down to the basement. But our trip was different. It was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the national character. A gross physical salute to the fantastic possibilities of life in this country. But only for those with true grit. Last name? I'd rather not say. My brother's in politics. Are you ready for that? Checking into a Las Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud on a head full of acid? I sure hope so.

By: gompa

gompa — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:46:38 -0800

Another fine Lebowski moment: "Say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos." And by the way, that classic Carl-the-groundskeeper moment in Caddyshack should read: "Oh, there won't be any money. But when you die, on your death bed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me. Which is nice."

By: jaronson

jaronson — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:49:23 -0800

"You wanna fight, old man? Is that what you want? I'll hit you so hard, I'll kill your whole family."

By: xowie

xowie — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:52:34 -0800

"I want to suck his cock."

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:52:49 -0800

"Somebody say 1-2-3-Go" "123Go" Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid "And ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution is not going to get that man today, no, because I'm gonna get him! My client, the honorable Henry T. Fleming, should go right to fucking jail!" ...And Justice for All "My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face, maneuver her next to the bed, marry her, and start the whoopee machine." Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid "Is it safe?" Marathon Man

By: maniactown

maniactown — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:53:18 -0800

Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence. Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor? and First Jive Dude and Second Jive Dude: Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em Airplane

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:00:06 -0800

or even Stupid fucking white man.

By: GaelFC

GaelFC — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:04:05 -0800

" I do have a test today. That wasn't bull shit. It's on European socialism. I mean really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car." Whoops, that's more than one line.

By: SweetIceT

SweetIceT — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:04:17 -0800

I'm shakin' the bushes boss, I'm shakin' the bushes... From Cool Hand Luke

By: Ty Webb

Ty Webb — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:04:50 -0800

obligatory: "This your place, Carl? It's really...awful." -Caddyshack also: "Last time I saw a body like that was when I solved the case of the murdered girl with the big tits." -Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

By: ?!

?! — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:15:20 -0800

I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here! Midnight Cowboy You dumb assholes, I'm a mental patient, I'm supposed to act out! 12 Monkeys I like to watch. Being There Son, if I'd only gotten to be a doctor for five minutes... now that would have been a tragedy. Field of Dreams

By: insomnyuk

insomnyuk — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:18:35 -0800

"Hail to the king, baby!" - Army of Darkness "You know, I could have been king, but in a way, I already am." - Army of Darkness "Come get some." - Army of Darkness "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by Sega." - Mallrats and, one of the greatest lines ever: "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape! " - Planet of the Apes (the one that didn't suck)

By: blindcarboncopy

blindcarboncopy — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:23:35 -0800

Rocko: "Fucking... What the fucking fuck! Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did you two fucking fucks... FUCK!" Conner MacManus: Well it... certainly illustrates the diversity of the word. -- The Boondock Saints, aka one of the most quotable movies of all time. "I lie to myself. I'm a really great liar. And I'm very gullible." -- Hurlyburly, same as above

By: y6y6y6

y6y6y6 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:25:32 -0800

"Generally, you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance." "'Get her!' That was your whole plan, 'Get her!'. You were scientific." "Yes, it's true. This man has no dick." "Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back."

By: daveg

daveg — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:33:55 -0800

"I coulda been a contender"

By: aaronscool

aaronscool — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:34:34 -0800

Here's a list: "You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel." --Pee Wee Herman from Pee Wee's Big Adventure Probably the king of one liner movies is Real Genius with Val Kilmer. Here's a few of my favorites from there: "Don't eat that. Eating that can cause very large breasts. Oh my God, I'm too late!" "Was it a dream where you were where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Why, am I the only one who has that dream?" "Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it." And the famous "girls gotta have her standards" question: "Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?"

By: soulhuntre

soulhuntre — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:34:40 -0800

""No, I don't need sleep. I need chocolate. And coffee. And bigger fucking guns." For more fun, a similar thread on movie quotes...

By: daveg

daveg — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:35:47 -0800

"Are you trying to seduce me Mrs Robinson?"

By: sgt.serenity

sgt.serenity — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:39:05 -0800

"i've always been big , it was just the pictures that got small"

By: Optamystic

Optamystic — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:41:20 -0800

Fuck you, that's my name. You know why? Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight and I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. THAT'S my name. You see this watch. This watch cost more than your car. I made $970,000 dollars last year how much did you make? You see pal, that's who I am and you're nothing. Nice guy? I dont give a shit. Good father? Fuck you. Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here--close.

By: aaronscool

aaronscool — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:43:49 -0800

Yet another Glengarry Glen Ross line that probably should be put on a plaque as the most repeated line in Sales and Marketing Departments everywere: "A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing. Always be closing, always be closing."

By: LimePi

LimePi — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:46:37 -0800

"I'll give you an example, show you what I mean. Suppose you're thinking about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly somebody will say like, plate or shrimp, or plate of shrimp out of the blue no explanation. No point in looking for one either."

By: muckster

muckster — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:48:54 -0800

I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.

By: specialk420

specialk420 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:49:17 -0800

"there's a mouse in my beer, eh!"

By: muckster

muckster — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:54:13 -0800

Make that "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that." I apologize for the misquote, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.

By: feelinglistless

feelinglistless — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:54:24 -0800

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. " whms

By: grrarrgh00

grrarrgh00 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 16:55:07 -0800

I got kicked out of university after delivering a brilliant lecture on the aggressive influence of German philosophy on rock and roll entitled "You, Kant, Always Get What You Want". I AM CALM!!

By: Zonker

Zonker — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:00:47 -0800

"Don't start trying to to the right thing, boyo. You haven't the practice."

By: cbrody

cbrody — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:01:21 -0800

"You know how to whistle don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow" - Lauren Bacall in To Have and Have Not (1944)

By: ltracey

ltracey — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:02:46 -0800

"How's that working out for you? Being clever." --Tyler Durden, Fight Club "Can the freak be any more vague?" --Se7en "You're not a messiah, you're a fucking t-shirt." --Se7en [And yes, I realize Brad Pitt said them all. I don't know what that means...]

By: TimeFactor

TimeFactor — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:23:23 -0800

Yonder lies the castle of my father.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:27:32 -0800

"Wanted in fourteen counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of the crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices, the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and contrary to the laws of this state, the condemned is guilty of using marked cards in poker. Therefore, according to the powers vested in us, we sentence the accused here before us, Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez, known as 'the rider', or any other aliases he might go by to hang by the neck until dead. May god have mercy on his soul, Proceed" From "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" (One liner italicized)

By: quin

quin — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:32:31 -0800

it's something i do... professionally.

By: scottfree

scottfree — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:35:45 -0800

Wake up! Time to die.

By: twine42

twine42 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:38:40 -0800

We-lease Wodderwick!

By: mrbula

mrbula — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:42:55 -0800

"Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones." Or... "Your Commie has no regard for human life." Or... "I don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up." Or... "You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company." Or... "Mein Furher! I Can walk!" All from the flawless Dr. Strangelove. (And, yes, I realize the last one wasn't a one-liner...)

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:45:09 -0800

Be honest; how many of you have used this: And then, depression set in.

By: quin

quin — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:50:11 -0800

And because i love it so... It's just a conspiracy of cartographers then?

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:51:48 -0800

Just so that this thread will end up well rounded in the cultured aspects: My advice to you is to start drinking heavily. (Am I the only one here who's noticed that a lot of these humorous quotes come from Harold Ramis authored movies?)

By: Richat

Richat — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:52:05 -0800

One of Clint's best: Hell of a thing, killin' a man. Take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have. Unforgiven (1992)i>

By: katherine

katherine — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:59:53 -0800

"And what charming underclothes you both have." "How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant." "A mental mind fuck can be nice. " (From the Rocky Horror Picture Show)

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:06:11 -0800

y6y6y6, you forgot this: "Nimble little minx, idn't she?"

By: kelrae3

kelrae3 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:10:02 -0800

"Kick his ass, Seabass!"
- Dumb and Dumber

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:10:07 -0800

Wow. Most of my favorites have already been named. I'll just chunk this one on the pile: All I know is...I finally get to kill somebody.--Francis Sawyer in "Stripes" Oh, wait. His name is Psycho, Psycho! (You call him "Francis"...he'll kill you)

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:11:01 -0800

(we need a thread like this every now and then)

By: dcodea

dcodea — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:17:19 -0800

Unforgiven, the whole damn movie. I've killed women and children. I've killed everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you done to Ned. -- William Munny Anybody that doesn't want to get killed best clear on out the back.

By: chris24

chris24 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:18:57 -0800

No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.

By: chris24

chris24 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:22:15 -0800

Continuation of Richat's Unforgiven quote: Kid : Yeah, well, I guess he had it comin'. Bill Munny: We all got it comin', kid.

By: quin

quin — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:29:03 -0800

Not that it's a memorable quote, but it _is_ a good one and it's from a movie that every sci-fi geek should make an effort to see: "Do you have any matches?" "No. but i _do_ have a thermic detonator" [quoting from memory, but i think that's right]

By: internal

internal — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:38:12 -0800

Oh, we got both kinds. We got country *and* western.

By: dobbs

dobbs — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:42:53 -0800

We all got it comin', Kid. -- David Peoples, Unforgiven I love this dirty town. -- Ernie Lehman's Sweet Smell of Success (and a thousand other lines from that great film) Angelique: Do you believe in love? Joe: I believe in saying "I love you." & The blonde with the television show in Philadelphia? I remember that girl's name. I remember that girl's name because that girl meant something to me. The blonde with the television show -- her name was Sweetheart! -- Both from Robert Alan Arthur and Bob Fosse's All That Jazz Top of the world, ma! -- Virginia Kellogg, White Heat Martha Stewart's polishing the brass on the Titanic. -- Palahniuk/Uhls/Walker's Fight Club Susan: What does your father do? Jonathan: He fails. & I'm taken, by me! & Leave me, Bobby, leave me. I'd almost marry you if you'd only leave me. & There's always got to be poison. -- Jules Feiffer, Carnal Knowledge She's my sister and my daughter. Do you understand, or is that too tough for you? -- Robert Towne, Chinatown I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore. -- Chayefsky's Network 1. Need is the ultimate monkey. 2. Fifteen million dollars is not money. It's a motive with a universal adaptor on it. 3. Karma's justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice. 4. The only thing you can guess about a broken down old man is that he is a survivor. 5. You know what I'm gonna tell God when I see him? I'm gonna tell him I was framed. 6. The longest distance between two points is a kidnapper and his money. -- all from Way of the Gun by Chris McQuarrie If they move, kill 'em. -- Green and Peckinpah, The Wild Bunch 'Cause only one thing counts in this world: get them to sign on the line which is dotted. & All train compartments smell vaguely of shit. -- Mamet, Glengarry Glen Ross Rayette: You love me, Bobby? Bobby: What do you think? -- Carole Eastman, Five Easy Pieces And, my favorite line of dialogue is the one that's not spoken. The last shot of The Third Man says more than any dialogue ever could.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:45:07 -0800

From SarahHepola.com: Friday, February 21, 2003 This week my interview with John Cusack ran in The Austin Chronicle. The interview was to promote Cusack's latest film Max, which he also co-produced, about a Jewish art dealer in Post-World War I Germany who befriends a young Adolf Hitler (Noah Taylor). Here is a part I did not include: Austin Chronicle: So you're in a lot of movies that people quote. Are there any movies that you quote? John Cusack: There's this one wild movie that I quote called "The Sweet Smell of Success" with Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis. That has a lot of good lines. Austin Chronicle: Do you have a favorite? John Cusack: [wiseguy voice] "You're dead, son. Get yourself buried."

By: eilatan

eilatan — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:47:09 -0800

"Leathermen don't get nervous."

By: MikeMc

MikeMc — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:49:12 -0800

PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN. Coffee is for closers. I don't see any closers here. - Glengarry Glen Ross Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that. - Better Off Dead You ski the K-12 dude, and girls will go sterile just looking at you! - Better Off Dead Dyin' ain't much of a living boy! - Outlaw Josey Wales That's it man, game over man, game over, man! - Aliens Tell ya the truth, I don't think this is a brains kind of operation. - The Way of the Gun

By: MikeMc

MikeMc — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:53:08 -0800

How could I have forgotten this little gem: Shut that cunts mouth or I'll come over there and fuck start her head. - The Way of the Gun

By: miss-lapin

miss-lapin — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:55:05 -0800

"You know, sometimes I like to sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna. Never will."-Working Girl "You love the little birdies so much, you give them this to perch on."-Roxanne and anything from the last ten minutes of the Maltese Falcon

By: notsnot

notsnot — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 18:55:56 -0800

"I'd like to apologize to you gentlemen for referring to you all as homosexuals." Also: "Sailor, baybeh, we'd better get back to the hotel. You got me hotter'n Georgia asphalt!" On Preview: why the hell's it adding open and close anchor tags at the end of my post?

By: chris24

chris24 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 19:09:15 -0800

"Excuse me while I whip this out."

By: vraxoin

vraxoin — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 19:12:48 -0800

Good snappy Mel Brooks comebacks: Frankenstein: "Igor, can you help me with these bags?" Igor: "Sure, you take the blonde, and I'll take the one in the turban." -Young Frankenstein Count de Monet: "It is said the peasants are revolting!" King: "You said it. They stink on ice!" -History of the World, Part I And the best line from any Mel Brooks film: "Mongo only pawn . . . in game of life." 'Blazing Saddles

By: grabbingsand

grabbingsand — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 19:17:48 -0800

also from the dark and wonderful Sweet Smell of Success: "The cat's in the bag and the bag's in the river." and "Maybe I left my sense of humor in my other suit." thanks for reminding me, ColdChef

By: Zonker

Zonker — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 19:24:02 -0800

"Incontinentia Buttocks."

By: tspae

tspae — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 19:25:07 -0800

"Nobody ever beat Mongo before. Mongo impressed!" (Blazing Saddles) "I LIKE IT!" (RoboCop I -- the delivery is everything) "Call the police!" "He owns the police!" (Chinatown)

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 19:54:11 -0800

"I don't hate cops. I just feel better when they're not around." and many others from the glorious Bukowski-scripted Barfly.

By: SilentSalamander

SilentSalamander — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 19:58:52 -0800

"Five foot nine? I didn't know they stacked shit that high!" Drill instructor to Cowboy, in Full Metal Jacket

By: hockeyman

hockeyman — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 20:16:59 -0800

But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 20:23:47 -0800

Hey, hey... don't be mean. We don't have to be mean, because remember: No matter where you go... there you are.

By: artlung

artlung — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 20:25:59 -0800

Call off your men. Forget it. He's rolling. Game over man! Game over! I can verify that. Best play ever man! Deserve's got nothing to do with it.

By: dobbs

dobbs — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 20:36:51 -0800

"I don't hate cops. I just feel better when they're not around." Actually, the line is "I don't hate people. I just feel better when they're not around."

By: ed

ed — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 21:06:44 -0800

We'd be remiss if we neglected this gem from Repo Man: "Let's get sushi and not pay!"

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 21:15:05 -0800

It's not how far you go, it's how go you far. - Ski School

By: coolgeek

coolgeek — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 21:17:55 -0800

E V E R Y O N E !

By: Slithy_Tove

Slithy_Tove — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 21:28:48 -0800

Laureen: "You can blow the seminal prisoner-class infrastructure out your ass! I'm not knocking down my goddam distribution charges!" From Network. There's a lot more to this brilliantly, blackly funny film than "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any longer!".

By: SweetIceT

SweetIceT — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 22:04:36 -0800

From a movie I thought was hilarious "I'll busit ina damn head!" & "Send more paramedics!"

By: webmutant

webmutant — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 22:09:41 -0800

"This may be hard for you to understand, but there is no conspiracy. Nobody is in charge. It's a headless blunder operating under the illusion of a master plan. Can you grasp that? Big Brother is not watching you."

By: shadow45

shadow45 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 22:13:38 -0800

I'm surprised no-one's thought of this one: I've said it before and I'll say it again- life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. And Swingers had some really funny quotes. I'll have the pancakes in the age of enlightenment, please. - Everyday you wake up the pain is a little less. Then one day you wake up and the pain is gone. But its like you almost miss that pain because, you know, you lived with it for so long.

By: CunningLinguist

CunningLinguist — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 22:13:52 -0800

Look, mister, we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast and we don't need any characters around to give the joint atmosphere. And more from the oh-so-quotable Sweet Smell of Success: I'd hate to take a bite outta you. You're a cookie filled with arsenic. I love this dirty town. I often wish I wore a hearing aid. With a simple flick of the switch, I could shut out the greedy murmur of little men.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 22:16:46 -0800

Actually, the line is "I don't hate people. I just feel better when they're not around." You may well be right there - it's been far too long since I drained a bottle of cheap scotch while watching that movie. In fact, our Barfly Drinking Game of yore probably had a lot to do with me misremembering the quote. Time for some new taglines on my webflog!

By: LinusMines

LinusMines — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 22:27:45 -0800

"Warriors...come out and playy-aaay!"

By: Tarrama

Tarrama — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 22:46:35 -0800

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration?" is just one of the many memorable quotes in Pulp Fiction. Not forgetting the classic "I'll get you, my pretty,... and your little dog too! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" from the Wizard of Oz.

By: LeLiLo

LeLiLo — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 22:53:18 -0800

And doesn't "Bond...James Bond" count for anything? That came in first in an earlier vote from 1998, a much better one than the list supposedly under discussion here. Many classics in this thread, but the line that always cracks me up is Robert DeNiro, in Midnight Run: Now here come two words for you: Shut the fuck up. Alternately, from an endlessly quotable movie, Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

By: johnny7

johnny7 — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 22:53:31 -0800

What route are you taking Baz? Nah I'm goin wif me aunty

By: Guy Smiley

Guy Smiley — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 23:40:48 -0800

Wait a minute, wait a minute -- you ain't heard nothing yet!" special props for first one-liner?

By: Dagobert

Dagobert — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 23:43:01 -0800

My cheezy fave is from Superman, the first one and is delivered by the immutable Terence Stamp: "COME SON OF JOR-EL!! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!! Delivery, like so many listed here is everything.

By: boltman

boltman — Wed, 12 Mar 2003 23:57:19 -0800

just a conspiracy of cartographers?" "You're right. No human being would stack books like this."

By: kaibutsu

kaibutsu — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 00:08:00 -0800

"At least... we got... Terra Haute!" -dead men don't wear plaid. (this had me laughing for a good five minutes straight.) Also from a Steve Martin film: "I was born a poor black child in Mississippi..."

By: Vidiot

Vidiot — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 00:09:50 -0800

They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?" You realize this means war! If my memory of her has an expiration date, let it be 10,000 years... The book says we might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us. That's funny, that plane's dustin' crops where there ain't no crops.

By: krisjohn

krisjohn — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 00:57:46 -0800

Fav short quote: "Nice night for walk" - Arnold in The Terminator Fav long quote: "Greetings and Salutations! Welcome to the Emergency line of the San Angeles Police Department. If you would prefer an automated response please press one now!" - Erwin (Rob Schnider), Demolition Man.

By: Kato

Kato — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 01:56:49 -0800

"You know, the first man that can think up a good explanation how he can be in love with his wife and another woman is going to win that prize they're always giving out in Sweden." --"The Women" "I like my convictions undiluted, same as I do my bourbon." --"Jezebel" "Im a man of one word: Scram!" --Groucho Marx in "Duck Soup" "Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put into this world to rise above." --"The African Queen" "You drank everything in this state. Try Nevada." --"California Suite" "You're good. You're very good." --"The Maltese Falcon "You can always put that award where your heart ought to be." --"All About Eve" "If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you." --"A Day at the Races"

By: divrsional

divrsional — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 02:54:26 -0800

I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it. --Spike on Buffy

By: PeteTheHair

PeteTheHair — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 03:13:01 -0800

"We can't stop here - This is Bat Country!" -- Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas

By: arto

arto — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 03:13:58 -0800

Best Canadian-cult-comedy-named-after-a-Bob-Dylan-song one liner: Mr. Skin (A.K.A. Satan): Lady, you can't cheat at bingo. If you could, I would, but you can't. I won because I was lucky - lucky to wind up in a town full of losers! - Highway 61 (Sadly, I was unable to google the quote from the border guard played by Jello Biafra, to the effect of "America is like my home. Would you want someone guilty of indecent exposure and posession of marijuana in your home?") Best so-bad-it's-good one liner: "Time to take out the trash!" - Cobra (or possibly some other '80s Stallone flick.) For maximum ironic effect, say whilst actually taking out the trash. Most gratuitous use of the word Belgium in a serious screenplay: "My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery." - Austin Powers Best funny-accented quote regarding the inability of chicks to hold smoke: "The thing is--the chicks can't hold the smoke." - The Breakfast Club

By: Summer

Summer — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 03:50:25 -0800

'No, don't tell her yet. Let her finish her orgasm'. 'You can't talk like that to me. I'm beautiful. I MARRIED'. Muriel's Wedding

By: wendellseviltwin

wendellseviltwin — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 03:53:27 -0800

" " - Harpo Marx (in all the Brothers' better movies)

By: boney

boney — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 04:11:36 -0800

"Your job is unfair to you? Grow up, way it goes. People use you? Life's unfair? Grow up, way it goes. Your girlfriend doesn't love you? Tough shit, way it goes. Your wife gets raped and shot, and they leave their unfinished beers... stinking longnecks just lying there on the... So be it, way it goes."... which is from 'Swimming With Sharks' is one of the most powerful lines I've ever heard. For one liners, you can't beat Scarface... you shtoopid fock!

By: humuhumu

humuhumu — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 04:48:09 -0800

"IN MY HOME! In my bedroom where my wife sleeps... where my children come and play with their toys. In my home." Pacino, Godfather Part II. Poetry and rhythm. No one can do that line justice but Pacino.

By: asok

asok — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 05:15:54 -0800

'I'll buy that for a dollar!' Robocop

By: GhostintheMachine

GhostintheMachine — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 05:57:30 -0800

Although it didn't make IMDB's list of Full Monty quotes ("He's fat, you're thin, and you're both fucking ugly." is a pretty good one), there's one line that had me laughing a full ten minutes after I first heard it, and five minutes before I saw it the second time... I can't explain why: "It's... it's for the gnomes."

By: rwkenyon

rwkenyon — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 06:05:11 -0800

My nominee for the greatest one-liner in the history of film comes from Joel Schumacher's 1999 film, "Flawless." Cha-Cha: "I shot my best friend in the tit with my cufflink!" Other memorable quotes from "Flawless" here: http://us.imdb.com/Quotes?0155711

By: quibx

quibx — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 06:21:49 -0800

From Brain Donors: Roland T. Flakfizer: And that spells cash with a capital-- Jacques: K! Roland T. Flakfizer: You should go back to school. Jacques: I hated teaching. or: Roland T. Flakfizer: "No?" Flakfizer doesn't know the MEANING of the word "No!" We're also a little fuzzy on "panaglutin" and "viscosity.

By: jontyjago

jontyjago — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 06:53:04 -0800

We're on a mission from God

By: reidfleming

reidfleming — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 07:07:04 -0800

"You guys wanna smoke a bowl?" True Romance "Learnin' about Cuba, and havin' some food!" Fast Times at Ridgemont High "Look out! Muppets." Dragnet

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 07:22:45 -0800

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille." Sunset Boulevard "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." The Princess Bride "And that's how you play 'Get the Guests'" Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf "I swear to God, George, if you even existed I'd divorce you." Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf

By: wells

wells — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 07:58:31 -0800

"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! And after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!" "Have you ever heard of Plato? Aristotle? Socrates? MORONS!" "You fell victim to one of the clasic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this - never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line! hahaha! hahaha! haha--" - Princess Bride

By: QuestionableSwami

QuestionableSwami — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 08:05:46 -0800

Tuco : [ trying to read note ] "See you soon, id...id...id..." Man With No Name : [ taking the note ] "Idiots...it's for you."

By: Holden

Holden — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 08:39:19 -0800

"I'll have what she's having." From When Harry Met Sally

By: kaibutsu

kaibutsu — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 09:55:44 -0800

how about a few hopelessly obscure quotes from C-list movies/ media? "They're Puppets powered by magic... Muppets!" -Ruin Explorers "Ah, enough of this cameraderie stuff... Let's go bust some skulls!" -TMNT3 - Turtles in Time "Oh! He who chips the shell must pay!" -TMNT3

By: DakotaPaul

DakotaPaul — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 11:16:50 -0800

...hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.

By: readymade

readymade — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 11:33:36 -0800

"I thought you was a toad!" Tim Blake Nelson, O Brother, Where Art Thou? "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!" Peter Finch, Network "All I want out of life is a 30 share and a 20 rating." Faye Dunaway, Network "Round up the usual suspects." Claude Rains, Casablanca "Whoa." Keanu Reeves, Matrix "Pussy." Sean Connery, Goldfinger "I like to watch." Peter Sellers, Being There And two lines: "I heard you had some talent." "That was last year; this year I'm trying to make a living." Gloria Swanson and William Holden, Sunset Boulevard "The suspense is terrible . . . I hope it'll last." Gene Wilder, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

By: bullitt 5

bullitt 5 — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 13:01:06 -0800

"If pissing your pants is cool, then consider me Miles Davis!" - Billy Madison "Oh George, not the livestock!" - O Brother Where Art Thou?

By: krakedhalo

krakedhalo — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 13:39:25 -0800

I can't believe we got so far without "San Dimas High School football rules!"

By: angry modem

angry modem — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 16:39:50 -0800

The Big Lebowski's been done here, but... Walter: Look, Larry. . . Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

By: john

john — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 20:24:56 -0800

"Faith is a torment. It is like loving someone who is out there in the darkness but never appears, no matter how loudly you call." -Antonius Bloc from The Seventh Seal "No! I mean black blood of the earth." "The Chinese have a lot of hell." "I don't think he's gonna stop!" -Big Trouble In little China (yeah, I could quote most of that movie) "If it's not In frame, it doesn't exist." -Shadow of the Vampire "Long live the New Flesh!" -Videodrome "We're jolly green giants walking the Earth, with Guns!"-Full Metal Jacket "You'll have to answer to the Cocoa Cola company."-Dr. Strangelove "You're only in trouble if you get caught."-Alladin "But, I'm a day person." -Once Bitten "There's a disturbance in Piccadilly Circus involving some sort of mad dog."- The ultimate understatement by Doctor Hirsh in An American Werewolf in London "I kick ass for the lord!" -Dead-Alive

By: Vidiot

Vidiot — Thu, 13 Mar 2003 23:37:29 -0800

There's that shit-box Dodge again!

By: adampsyche

adampsyche — Fri, 14 Mar 2003 06:16:20 -0800

Jeez, am I late to the party. Anyhow, from Scarface, "Look at the pelican, FLY PELICAN!"

By: oh posey

oh posey — Fri, 14 Mar 2003 12:32:36 -0800

"This snakeskin jacket symbolizes my individuality and belief in personal freedom." --Sailor Ripley

By: Snyder

Snyder — Fri, 14 Mar 2003 20:11:49 -0800

I like you Sully, I'll kill you last. - John Matrix "Commando"

By: ifjuly

ifjuly — Fri, 14 Mar 2003 22:46:51 -0800

"Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand."

By: witchstone

witchstone — Wed, 19 Mar 2003 13:28:20 -0800

Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has left to hold onto. --Kathy Bates, Dolores Claiborne

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