Tractor in the Mall

March 18, 2003 12:55 PM

Man drives tractor into a ditch on the Mall.And the tractor stand off continues...

I find it amusing how most DCers are concerned more about the ensuing traffic havoc rather than the startling fact that there's a man with (possibly) explosives camped out on the Mall.
posted by gwong (41 comments total)

*cough*
posted by soyjoy at 1:02 PM on March 18, 2003

This must be some of the "Blowback" from the Non-Smoking movement... (j/k)
posted by stifford at 1:03 PM on March 18, 2003

Yesterday.

Reported here yesterday.

Please search before posting.
posted by jpburns at 1:03 PM on March 18, 2003

I thought there was a second tractor in DC.

But then I thought, nah... they'll have banned all tractors from a 50 mile exclusion zone around DC by now...

;)
posted by twine42 at 1:15 PM on March 18, 2003

why does this sort of stuff take up more and more of the mefi home page these days?

yawn.
posted by xmutex at 1:17 PM on March 18, 2003

We're in a state of war, code orange, and this man claims to have explosives in the middle of the nation's capital? Why have they not taken him out with a bullet to the head? Would that be a bad PR move or is DC still leary of snipers?

I bet if he was screaming about Allah instead of tobacco farmers they'd be scooping him into a body bag right about now.
posted by bondcliff at 1:23 PM on March 18, 2003

Sorry folks.

How could I have possibly searched for that?

It had no key words in there besides "Washington DC" and mefi couldn't find any links when I previewed.

A thousand apologies.

(runs away crying)
posted by gwong at 1:25 PM on March 18, 2003

Bondcliff, he doesn't want to kill anybody--he's a tobacco farmer.
posted by NortonDC at 1:30 PM on March 18, 2003

How much ammonium nitrate can he possibly have if they can't even see a device on him, about a shoe box full? Plus he's been driving around in a pond, so that means all his stuff is now wet, including his supposed device. Plus, he's out in the open, so he would have a heck of a time even blowing himself up with a shoe box of damp ammonium nitrate out in the open, I say call his bluff.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:39 PM on March 18, 2003

Go ahead.
posted by NortonDC at 1:41 PM on March 18, 2003

uhhhhhh


uhhhhh

tell me, with that shnazzy cellphone and brand new looking John Deere - gvmt subsidies aren't helping you?

give me a goddamned break..

hundreds of city cops and feds monitoring him? good to know resources are being doled out properly considering our current terror alert level.

In fact, I hope this guy has some shoebox-sized reality-negating device that goes off and sucks everything around the potomac into a tiny little black hole.

maybe then we wouldn't go to war.
posted by shadow45 at 1:55 PM on March 18, 2003

gwong - while the original FPP didn't use the word 'tractor' (which I would hope you did search for), it's a good idea to scroll down the front page for a day or so if you're posting something that's a recent news item.
posted by soyjoy at 2:01 PM on March 18, 2003

Two words: Horse Tranqs
posted by cinderful at 2:03 PM on March 18, 2003

He's been there since noon yesterday. Where is he going to the bathroom?
posted by BigVACub at 2:05 PM on March 18, 2003

Doesn't the national zoo have a dart gun with Gorilla tranquilizers just in case? I mean, I'll drive their sniper over to the Zoo myself to pick it up if that's the problem?

Where is he going to the bathroom?

He's a looney, I'm sure he goes wherever he wants.
posted by Pollomacho at 2:10 PM on March 18, 2003

Small point to those saying 'shoot him'. Have you guys never heard of a dead man's handle?
posted by twine42 at 2:21 PM on March 18, 2003

After experiencing DC traffic for 6 months last year, I am not surprised in the least that that is the locals primary concern. I doubt Shrub gets much sympathy in those parts nowadays, even if he IS the boss.

(PS: I doubt neither searching nor scrolling would have detected the first post.)
posted by mischief at 2:29 PM on March 18, 2003

This is especially hilarious in light of GWB's speech last night, where he said we're taking extra precautionary measures against terrorist attacks. This guy is a block away from the Washington Monument, and he's been there an entire day. As a resident of DC, I feel reassured, as long as the terrorists don't have access to sophisticated weaponry like tractors or other heavy duty farming equipment.

Maybe this is just part of some elaborate strategy to make the terrorists feel that we are the Keystone Cops.

Happily though, the govt has published some guidelines (warning: possibly NSFW due to naughty language) for what to do in case of an emergency, so I'm sure everything will be fine.
posted by onlyconnect at 2:30 PM on March 18, 2003

> I'm ready to go to heaven

Hahahahahahaha. The religious crack me up.
posted by skallas at 2:34 PM on March 18, 2003

onlyconnect: first outloud laugh all day. Thanks!
posted by signal at 2:35 PM on March 18, 2003

Are the reports true that President Bush has given John Deere an ultimatum?
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 2:51 PM on March 18, 2003

He's been there since noon yesterday. Where is he going to the bathroom?

He is a man in a pond. Back to the pond, the current article said he drove his jeep in the pond too. Asking as he says; he may have explosives in the tractor or jeep.
posted by thomcatspike at 2:54 PM on March 18, 2003

Well, since he's religious, he probably doesn't go to the bathroom as he's completely insane.
posted by xmutex at 3:09 PM on March 18, 2003

recent AIM conversation with friend of mine who works for Congressman:

her: so, we're going to war but we can't get a guy out of a pond?

me: put some oil under him. that'll get him moved lickety split!
posted by Cyrano at 3:17 PM on March 18, 2003

A St. Pats day love letter to the troops: Ahh, paint it green boy, In John Deere Green.



For the news junkies: Channels 7, 8, 9, Post, Times, and Blade

posted by ?! at 3:45 PM on March 18, 2003

Oops. Forgot to read Metafilter before I posted. Sorry.
posted by ?! at 3:47 PM on March 18, 2003

Maybe this is just part of some elaborate strategy to make the terrorists feel that we are the Keystone Cops.

I wish I could recall when it was exactly that I stepped through the looking glass and ended up in this world ...

Add onlyconnect's link to the great parodies of the ready.gov site. And BTW (if OT) can anybody point me to the site with Ashcroft's face turning the colors of the terror alert. (IIRC orange indicated: "Be on the lookout for dusky-skinned individuals and liberals.")
posted by NorthernLite at 4:28 PM on March 18, 2003

Hopefully tractors will be closely regulated in the future to prevent this sort of abuse.
posted by mecran01 at 4:41 PM on March 18, 2003

I find it amusing how most DCers are concerned more about the ensuing traffic havoc rather than the startling fact that there's a man with (possibly) explosives camped out on the Mall.

I find it amusing that people who are NOT from D.C. think they know exactly how the residents of D.C. should handle every situation.

Yes, we're concerned that he might have explosives. Nobody said we weren't. But since there is nothing I can do about it and the cockhole has been there for two days now, my primary concern is how I'm going to meander my way around this freak. It took a friend of mine 3 hours to go 8 miles yesterday. You even said it in your post... POSSibly has explosives.

'Course a bullet through the eye would allow the bomb squad people to move and assess the situation and get this over with, but I don't want to alarm anyone.
posted by Witty at 4:48 PM on March 18, 2003

Does this mean that tractors are now WMD?
posted by blue_beetle at 5:16 PM on March 18, 2003

In fact, I hope this guy has some shoebox-sized reality-negating device that goes off and sucks everything around the potomac into a tiny little black hole.

Hey, not all of us on the Potomac River are for the impending war.

We're about 65 miles down the river from DC and most of the people I know are completely against it. We are all laughing at the guy in the tractor, though.
posted by SuzySmith at 5:35 PM on March 18, 2003

I find it amusing that people who are NOT from D.C. think they know exactly how the residents of D.C. should handle every situation.

Uhh, actually, Witty, I live in the District. And all my friends were pissed off about the long commute more so than the potential threat that's sitting right in front of our faces.

my primary concern is how I'm going to meander my way around this freak. It took a friend of mine 3 hours to go 8 miles yesterday.

Oh wait, you just proved my point.
posted by gwong at 7:55 PM on March 18, 2003

What IS your point? That we should all stop what we need to be doing, gather round the pond and beg the man to get out of the tractor? Seriously, what's your point?
posted by Witty at 11:05 PM on March 18, 2003

WMD=Washington's Major Detour

As a former resident of DC, people who don't live there don't understand how single traffic incidents can completely shut the system down. Jumper on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge? Goodbye normal 45 minute commute, hello 3-4 of exhaust Hell.

The Mixing Bowl ain't helping and also the fact that everyone know that Maryland driver are quite possibly the worst drivers in the world (and I've lived in Boston too) merely compounds the issue.

I would like to point out that John Deere's primary color, green, is traditionally also the color of fundamentalism Islam. Coincidence? Not bloody likely.
posted by Dagobert at 12:48 AM on March 19, 2003

How come a tractor in Washington merits a FFP?
posted by brettski at 4:28 AM on March 19, 2003

Dagobert states it well. In most cities, a single incident rarely cripples a city like it does in Washington DC. People here are so fed up with traffic that they care more about their commute home rather than a psycho who's threatening to blow up a piece of the city.

My point is- if this were any other city, I think things would be different.
posted by gwong at 5:46 AM on March 19, 2003

If by "piece of the city" you mean himself maybe. If he's got a bomb (I suppose its a dirty bomb now that he's had to use the toilet a couple of times on it), its tiny, he's out in the open. Get some fire trucks ready, let him pop it and let's move on with life and REOPEN THE STATE DEPARTMENT! Its not just a couple of streets and a traffic snarl, they've closed the Federal Reserve Board during a recession and the State Department during a massive international crisis all because of some tobacco farmer gone wild. The needs of the many far exceed the needs of this jackass. That is "How come a tractor in Washington merits a FFP?"
posted by Pollomacho at 7:19 AM on March 19, 2003

How come a tractor in Washington merits a FFP?

What's a FFP?

My point is- if this were any other city, I think things would be different.

Like how? How would they be different? If my commute, or driving around here in general, wasn't affected GREATLY by this fuckwad, then I wouldn't care about my commute... right? But since it is affected... quite dramatically, then I have to worry about it... I drive everyday. I don't stand vigil for a madman in pond everyday. You're just not making any sense? I have a feeling you don't commute... you're a public transportation guy. Wait til someone goes and fucks up the yellow line pretty good and we'll see how you react. Take off from work til they get it straightened out? Doubt it.
posted by Witty at 9:10 AM on March 19, 2003

FPP = Front Page Post

Wait til someone goes and fucks up the yellow line pretty good and we'll see how you react.

Hey! Be careful what you wish for!

Did I also mention that they JUST reopened the Department of the Interior to employee discretion and the Organization of American States is still shut. I'm wondering if a sheep herder from Tiverton holed up in the Thames down near Parliament, would this merit a FPP? This Carolina fuckwit is across the street from the Whitehouse, its not just about some minor inconvenience on a regular business day, he's disrupting our government activities in the middle of an extremely sensitive time!
posted by Pollomacho at 9:28 AM on March 19, 2003

[OT]
NorthernLite: I believe this is what you're looking for.
[/OT]
posted by pfuller at 10:33 AM on March 19, 2003

Happily, our long national nightmare is finally over and Tractor Man has surrendered. That is, if this Washington Post article is for real. It's tough to tell from some of its text: it quotes the head of the FBI's Washington field office saying that "law enforcement authorities were in control of the siege from the start," that the end of the standoff was an "extraordinary accomplishment," and that "the threat level was exceptional but it was de-escalated and controlled from the outset."

Maybe The Onion's staff cracked into the Post's website?
posted by onlyconnect at 10:39 AM on March 19, 2003