Star-Spangled Ice Cream

March 18, 2003 9:45 PM

I-Hate-the-French Vanilla -- at last, Star-Spangled Ice Cream offers a conservative alternative to Ben & Jerry's. Other flavors are Smaller Governmint, Iraqi Road and Nutty Environmentalist. And 10% of the profits go to charities that support the U.S. Armed Forces! (via)
posted by Zed_Lopez (41 comments total)

smaller government? and can we call pro-war people anti-Iraqi now?
posted by mcsweetie at 9:50 PM on March 18, 2003

Nice to see the word "hate" being used on ice cream finally. It must be morning in America again. Wake me up in the afternoon.
posted by condour75 at 10:05 PM on March 18, 2003

this is very creative. i think its ok to support ice cream and still be anti-war.
posted by oog at 10:06 PM on March 18, 2003

The Internet: easy access to truly disheartening information.
posted by Space Coyote at 10:21 PM on March 18, 2003

OK, some of these are not that funny (is there really a difference between the Belgian and the German Chocolate? Is it already time to start dissing John Kerry?), but I can still find humor in a few. My favorites: "Smaller GoverMint" and "Gun Nut."
posted by Gilbert at 10:45 PM on March 18, 2003

Some additional suggestions:

Collateral Damage and Cream

Trent Lott's Vanilla and Chocolate Swirl

International Alliance Cookie Crumble

ParisParamus's Fuck-the-French Vanilla

21,000-pound Massive Ordinance Air Burst Berry
posted by Ljubljana at 10:51 PM on March 18, 2003

Trent Lott's Vanilla and Chocolate Swirl

Now that's fucking brilliant.
posted by password at 10:53 PM on March 18, 2003

Isn't donating 10% of profits to the military kinda over the top? It's not like they need any more funding then the $396.1 billion they're getting, right?
posted by elwoodwiles at 10:58 PM on March 18, 2003

Well, on second thought, it seems they will need $100 billion extra this year.
posted by elwoodwiles at 11:00 PM on March 18, 2003

Smaller 'governmint'.

Ah, the Republican = smaller government axiom.

Too bad it's a total fraud.
posted by the fire you left me at 11:27 PM on March 18, 2003

Yeah, why doesn't "smaller government" ever mean smaller military? Or less corporate handouts? Oh that's right, the hypocrisy of politics.
posted by skallas at 11:39 PM on March 18, 2003

Isn't it supposed to be I hate the freedom vanilla?
posted by Keyser Soze at 11:55 PM on March 18, 2003

Department of Homeland Security Condition Orange Sherbet
posted by eddydamascene at 12:01 AM on March 19, 2003

Surely its genetically modified milk full of dangerous pesticides,chemicals, hormones and antibiotics. And obviously made on an Industrial Agriculture farm!

Some Flavors

Stole the Election Strawberry
Another Republican Recession Rasberry
Chicken Hawk Chocolate
Limbaugh Lame Lime
Fascist Fudge Marble Surprise
Ann Coulter Cherry Pie Oval Office Surprise.
Sex Crime Strawberry
War Crime White Chocolate Raspberry.
Rocky Road Republican Economy
Crook's 'n Cream
Petroleum Praline Pecan
Dutch Apple Deficit Crunch
Vasaline Vanilla
Different Definition of Patriotism Peppermint
NEOwehavebeen911CONnedneopolitan
Dialectics Dark Chocolate
Elevated Terror Warning Teaberry
Butter Propaganda Peacan
Major Media Mexican Vanilla
posted by thedailygrowl at 12:07 AM on March 19, 2003

My .02:

Blue Chip Fudge
Bunker-Buster Parfait (in a Waffle cone of Mass Deliciousness)
G7-Up Currency Float
Better Dead than Red Raspberry
None Dare Call it Chocolate
StrawmanBerry
Fried Blintzkrieg
Just Deserts
Blended Threat
Partisan Smoothies
posted by trondant at 12:09 AM on March 19, 2003

Isn't donating 10% of profits to the military kinda over the top?

Hey, its not donating to the defense budget, its donating it to charities for military personnel, which are two separate things. And the later are not always well funded.

Personally, I won't believe this until several hundred gallons of Iraqi Road wind up free at my command for our tasting pleasure.
posted by Lord Chancellor at 12:52 AM on March 19, 2003

*Turns on ColdChefsignal beacon, waits...*
posted by planetkyoto at 1:00 AM on March 19, 2003

General Assembly We Don't Give a Fuck Fudge
posted by thedailygrowl at 1:06 AM on March 19, 2003

Fudged Evidence
posted by planetkyoto at 2:00 AM on March 19, 2003

More Flavors
Fudge Chocolate attempt to swirl bad evidence as it crumbles and swirls..
Send Americans to war for your ego Strawberry
Rasberry Republican Chickenhawk wimp.
We are fucked fudge...
Joint Chief of Staff Operation Northwoods Nut Creame
Right Wing Radio Wacko Rasberry
We Republicans never served Strawberry
Why they now hate us around the world because of our increadibly Bad Policy Blueberry
White Chocolate Washington Think Tank ........
Never been out of the USA NUTTY VANILLA MEDIA NUT
Are we any better than HITLER AND THE NAZIS nut case VANILLA creame.
posted by thedailygrowl at 2:11 AM on March 19, 2003

thedailygrowl, you have a special gift.......
posted by Doozer at 2:29 AM on March 19, 2003

Neo Nazi Neopolitan?
posted by ed\26h at 2:50 AM on March 19, 2003

Cheney Garcia

That is all.
posted by Space Coyote at 3:30 AM on March 19, 2003

Doesn't anyone just wanna SCREAM at this point?

Scream for what?

Ice cream yay.

And so it goes. And this too shall pass.

Ting-a-ling!
posted by crasspastor at 3:44 AM on March 19, 2003

Security Condition Red Raspberry Sherbet with Xanax Sprinkles
posted by xiffix at 4:51 AM on March 19, 2003

By gosh! Golly Whiz! So many good names.....Maybe this thread should migrate to Metatalk? We could have a vote on ten best names.

Maybe this ice cream company could donate 50% of it's profits to restore the VA health care benefit committments which the Bush administration is refusing to honour:

Veterans accuse Bush of breaking promise on VA health benefits ''I'm terribly frustrated and extremely angry,'' said retired Air Force Colonel George ''Bud'' Day, a Republican who won the Medal of Honor and was a prisoner of war in North Vietnam with Senator John McCain of Arizona. Day said Bush is violating his oft-repeated campaign pledge to
veterans: ''A promise made is a promise kept.'' "The brave men and women who are currently deployed to far off regions of the world must
be assured the VA health-care system will be there for them when they come home." (leaders of the DAV, VFW, and the American Legion. warning: 1.5 mb pdf file). They are very mad (DAV letter to Domn Rumsfeld): "More than 1.2 million members of the Disabled American Veterans support paying military retirees the benefits they have earned. They will not be misled into believing otherwise by inane assertions that proper and just compensation of military retirees will cause us to lose the War on Terror." Meanwhile, Vermont legislators are fighting the benefit cutoffs.


........and 50% to 200,000 odd veterans of the first Gulf War who are still sick: "About 161,000 Gulf War veterans are receiving disability payments from the U.S. government. About 209,000 have filed VA claims. "

That's a lot of ice cream to eat.
posted by troutfishing at 5:17 AM on March 19, 2003

Ha ha! It's ice cream! With funny names! That disparages people!

If this is what conservatives find amusing, it's no wonder I can't understand them.
posted by vraxoin at 6:50 AM on March 19, 2003

How exactly do you donate money to the U.S. military? Do they canvas? Raffles? Donation bins at grocery stores?
posted by blue_beetle at 6:57 AM on March 19, 2003

If this is what conservatives find amusing, it's no wonder I can't understand them.
vraxoin, one or two scoops, conservatism-tutty-fruity?

How exactly do you donate money to the U.S. military? Do they canvas? Raffles? Donation bins at grocery stores?
And 10% of the profits go to charities that support the U.S. Armed Forces!

Little confused, charities who support our military? or charities supported by our military?

My brother actively on duty, does charity work with the children of the men/woman based on military installations during his time off. One such.
posted by thomcatspike at 7:05 AM on March 19, 2003

I wrote them and asked if they had any plans on offering cruelty-free soy alternatives for right wing vegans such as myself. I hope they write me back!
posted by mcsweetie at 7:37 AM on March 19, 2003

I'm still waiting for the market debut of my last ice cream brainstorm: Britney's Cherry.
posted by NortonDC at 7:56 AM on March 19, 2003

I think Britney's Cherry has been marketed for years, contrary to anything Justin Timberlake might say.
posted by iconomy at 9:07 AM on March 19, 2003

Trent Lott's Vanilla and Chocolate Swirl

Would the vanilla and chocolate come in separate but equal containers?
posted by guyincognito at 9:20 AM on March 19, 2003

Hold up: ice creams named after the seven deadly sins
posted by NortonDC at 9:28 AM on March 19, 2003

Oh, for the days of Strom Thurmond, when chocolate ice cream stayed in the back of the freezer, where it belonged. If Strom had been elected back in '48, we wouldn't have had the ice cream problems we've had all these years, all the miscegenation or "swirling" that goes on nowadays...

(is it dead yet?)
posted by RylandDotNet at 11:20 AM on March 19, 2003

How exactly do you donate money to the U.S. military?

Bake sales for B2 bombers, government funds for schools.

Car washes for Star Wars, your FICA dollars for Social Security checks.

Selling coupon books for aircraft carriers, better pay and benefits for our soliders.

Corporate welfare for the military industrial companies be gone! [did the hex work yet?]
posted by nofundy at 11:28 AM on March 19, 2003

"Our ice cream has nothing to do with religion. They're just seven great flavors of ice cream," she said.

HAHAHAHAHA!!
posted by sklero at 11:44 AM on March 19, 2003

Economic Crunch
Coulterberry
Choc and Straw (a terrifying and overwhelming blend of chocolate and strawberry)
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:53 PM on March 19, 2003

Economic Crunch

Best. Liberal. Ice Cream. Flavor. Ever.
posted by Vidiot at 2:00 PM on March 19, 2003

Would any self-respecting conservative pay $76 for a freakin' gallon of ice cream? Would they laugh at the web site? Yes. Could I, a generally slightly liberal guy, laugh at the web site? Yes. Are they better than Metafilter at comming up with ice cream names? Quite possibly.

(Though Economic Crunch and Trent Lott's vanilla chocolate swirl are pretty darn good).
posted by namespan at 2:22 PM on March 19, 2003

I'm with namespan. I'll stick with local and generic brands, skip the politics, and save about seventy dollars. Although the Deadly Sin ice cream sounds tempting, and Europe has damn good ice cream. Aaw... now I'm hungering for the ice cream I had in Germany.
posted by dagnyscott at 6:36 PM on March 19, 2003