Comments on: Willard appointed assault commander

Willard appointed assault commander

XQUZYPHYR — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 18:55:07 -0800

According to UPI, the United States has been offered by coalition partner Morocco its tide-turning force of 2,000 monkeys trained to detonate land mines. It wouldn't be so unbelievable if the U.S. wasn't already training dolphins and sea lions to do the same. Considering the carnage already happening to humans in Iraq, this news doesn't inspire thoughts of happy endings for our animal friends.

By: Mick

Mick — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 19:57:30 -0800

the dolphins only point out the mines, they do not detonate them. But don't let facts stand in the way of yet another pointless war post,

By: centrs

centrs — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:00:09 -0800

i am hoping the monkeys do the same. i can't imagine they send the monkeys out to actually set the mines off. there are, however, 2000 of the monkeys but only two dolphins. that doesn't sound good.

By: davidmsc

davidmsc — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:05:48 -0800

Dolphins, yes...but also COWS!

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:06:27 -0800

the dolphins only point out the mines, they do not detonate them. But don't let facts stand in the way of yet another pointless war post, Mick, I am scouring the greatest depths of ancient tomes in the annals of this country's archives of recorded knowledge to ascertain even the remotest presumption of what could possibly have crawled up your ass.

By: cinderful

cinderful — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:06:41 -0800

Man, monkies can do ANYTHING.

By: WolfDaddy

WolfDaddy — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:09:15 -0800

I saw two dolphins.

By: jmd82

jmd82 — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:18:17 -0800

OMG...this was in our school paper as in editorial comic..classic, in that sick, morbid kinda' way (would post the image, but my html skills are lacking)

By: Shane

Shane — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:21:36 -0800

Humans suck. (Excluding Charlotte Ross, of course.) [/boyzone]

By: vraxoin

vraxoin — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:21:59 -0800

If David Brin finds out about this, he's gonna be pissed.

By: hama7

hama7 — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:34:18 -0800

what could possibly have crawled up your ass. Speaking of which, we can thank our lucky stars they're not blowing asses up.

By: gyc

gyc — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:34:43 -0800

Now if India would only send their Monkey man killer to take out Saddam.

By: wendell

wendell — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 20:53:48 -0800

Isn't this a Double Post of the Food-Eating Battle Monkeys thread?

By: lotsofno

lotsofno — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 21:12:54 -0800

the dolphins only point out the mines, they do not detonate them. But don't let facts stand in the way of yet another pointless war post, Mick, I am scouring the greatest depths of ancient tomes in the annals of this country's archives of recorded knowledge to ascertain even the remotest presumption of what could possibly have crawled up your ass. ya know, it sounded like he kind of had a point going with the whole "facts" thing.

By: Jos Bleau

Jos Bleau — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 21:31:48 -0800

Is there anyway that a little orange kitty who poops on couches could help with mine clearance? I'd galdly pay for the shipping ...

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 21:47:52 -0800

MeTa.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 21:56:06 -0800

Monkeys are funny.

By: furiousthought

furiousthought — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 21:57:59 -0800

Eh. Military technology. It's been going downhill since the Reagan years, I tell ya.

By: Mack Twain

Mack Twain — Thu, 27 Mar 2003 23:08:49 -0800

Guess that Darwin dude was way ahead of the curve.

By: taratan

taratan — Fri, 28 Mar 2003 00:24:35 -0800

Heard a joke that saddam may use pigeons to deliver messages to his troops since other communications channels are either destroyed or being intercepted. Sounds like tales from the Arabian Nights.

By: obfusciatrist

obfusciatrist — Fri, 28 Mar 2003 00:33:09 -0800

If the military really is training dolphins to detonate land mines as the FPP claims, then it is final proof the military intelligence is an oxymoron.

By: lightweight

lightweight — Fri, 28 Mar 2003 00:59:44 -0800

The bonus by-product is humanitarian aid...although cows would make more sense.

By: Katemonkey

Katemonkey — Fri, 28 Mar 2003 01:18:56 -0800

I may know how to detonate landmines, but I ain't goin' over there!

By: ElvisJesus

ElvisJesus — Fri, 28 Mar 2003 03:30:52 -0800

Training video of our next secret weapon (opens directly to a .asf link)

By: dong_resin

dong_resin — Fri, 28 Mar 2003 06:15:00 -0800

I wonder how many of those specially trained mine-seeking dolphins we've lost owing to their instinctively swimming backwards on their tails and bouncing the mines on their noses. Probably more than a few.

By: bondcliff

bondcliff — Fri, 28 Mar 2003 06:56:18 -0800

Helper monkey, eh?

By: Yogurt

Yogurt — Fri, 28 Mar 2003 11:11:47 -0800

Here's a bit on the dolphins from the excellent BBC reporter's log: Sir Galahad :: Owen Bennett Jones :: 1109GMT The port of Umm Qasr is being de-mined by dolphins attached to cameras. Apparently they go down and see something suspicious, then come back and tell their handler there's something suspicious. He then gives them an explosive charge, they take it down, put it next to the suspicious object, come back, it blows up, and then they go down and look at it again! It sounds implausible, but the Australians are using them, and everyone around here - including a very senior American commander - says it works. I hope to see it for myself when the Sir Galahad gets to Umm Qasr.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Sat, 29 Mar 2003 15:20:59 -0800

Takoma the dolphin is Awol Well, if it was good enough for the Commander in Chief...

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Sat, 29 Mar 2003 22:42:18 -0800

It's bad enough that Morocco has an army of monkeys at its disposal. What if the Great White North finally gets around to organizing the Canada geese into a mighty aerial armada, burying entire states hip-deep in goose crap? But geez, guys! How do we know the monkeys are just going to walk up and detonate the mines? Do they keep the monkeys all depressed-like and suimacidal, or are they brainwashed like the kamizake scotsmen were? How do we know they won't just run up to the mines AND TAKE THEM?!?!?!? Run off with them to their burrows or yurts or whatever and make eeevil monkey WAR against us? What if they take a mine and add a meter or so of monkeypoo to it and make the world's greatest flung-crap bomb? Foresight, guys, foresight. [sinead] FIGHT THE REAL ENEMY!!! [/sinead]