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Fleshlight
April 12, 2003 6:03 PM   Subscribe

Fleshlight. I paid over $60,000 to GET RID OF a woman that didn't feel 1/2 as good. The interactive model. Don't miss the testimonials, either. NSFW
posted by angry modem (46 comments total)

 
That page made me feel a whole lot better about my sex life.
posted by SweetJesus at 6:27 PM on April 12, 2003


connecting to whois.internic.net [198.41.0.6] ...
Whois Server Version 1.3
No match for domain "NSFWFILTER.COM".
posted by stbalbach at 6:44 PM on April 12, 2003


Lavender? Three realistic colors and then lavender. There's something vaguely disturbing about that. Glow in the dark is more normal than lavender.
posted by stoneegg21 at 6:45 PM on April 12, 2003


Lavender is for the Trekkies.
posted by techgnollogic at 6:47 PM on April 12, 2003


"This defiantly isn't your dads pocket pussy."
posted by kirkaracha at 6:48 PM on April 12, 2003


"I have had a lot of experience with fake vaginas."
posted by kirkaracha at 6:49 PM on April 12, 2003


"I have also found that it gives me a great opportunity to touch up on my oral sex skills."

Ewww!

And this was on his roommate's, er, device. Double-ewww!
posted by kirkaracha at 6:53 PM on April 12, 2003


Lavender is for the Trekkies.

I'm betting it's more for the closet necrophilics..
posted by SweetJesus at 6:57 PM on April 12, 2003


Lavender? Three realistic colors and then lavender.

Asian. Trust me.
posted by the fire you left me at 7:24 PM on April 12, 2003


I'll still go with a Real Doll.
posted by xmutex at 7:26 PM on April 12, 2003


PronFilter
posted by KnitWit at 7:28 PM on April 12, 2003


Once again, I have cause to feel smugly superior.
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:51 PM on April 12, 2003


The USB port, is there nothing it can't do?
posted by tommasz at 7:56 PM on April 12, 2003


I thought it was a novelty flashlight that made it look like a beam of light was coming out of a vagina. Seriously.
posted by Hildago at 7:56 PM on April 12, 2003


Asian. Trust me.

When I was in Asia, I didn't see any lavender colored people...
posted by SweetJesus at 8:04 PM on April 12, 2003


And people say to me, they say...Dejah, what would make you think MeFi is a boizone?
posted by dejah420 at 8:31 PM on April 12, 2003


Huhuhuhuh boobies! Erm, yeah.

Dejah, as some small balance for the boizonage, I offer this. Very not safe for work, too. Also not safe for devout MeFites. Not safe for anyone, basically.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:47 PM on April 12, 2003


: bemused : It has "special inserts." You can, like, buy a *lavender* "special insert" to make the experience complete...
posted by metrocake at 9:57 PM on April 12, 2003


"The feeling was wonderful and I have decided to break up with my right hand."

Oy.
posted by SisterHavana at 9:58 PM on April 12, 2003


I get the fake mouth, vaginal and anal choices, but what the hell is "non-descript"?
posted by CrazyJub at 9:59 PM on April 12, 2003


It's mocha.

And it doesn't vibrate.

Fancy that.
posted by WolfDaddy at 10:02 PM on April 12, 2003


Here's the directions. And for you a-picture's-worth-1000-words types, the animated GIF tells all.
posted by kirkaracha at 10:33 PM on April 12, 2003


Also not safe for devout MeFites.

Wow, surely this is the perfect Christmas present for John Ashcroft.
posted by homunculus at 10:41 PM on April 12, 2003


My guess, CrazyJub, is that the "non-descript" is for those that have a desire to screw a screw (slotted, not Phillips).
posted by kokogiak at 10:48 PM on April 12, 2003


MetaFilter: A lot of experience with fake vaginas.
posted by cohappy at 10:57 PM on April 12, 2003


I suppose you could tell people the non-descript one was your bank for spare change.
posted by angry modem at 10:59 PM on April 12, 2003


Ashcroft makes the Baby Jesus Buttplug cry.
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 11:05 PM on April 12, 2003


PocketPussyFilter
posted by dhoyt at 11:07 PM on April 12, 2003


Ya know, I found this page really gross and sad, but then I thought, hey, total double standard! I whole-heartedly endorse sex toys for women, and I love the whole pro-sex Good Vibrations movement. I don't think of women who buy vibrators as desperate, I think of them as cool, so why was I being such a judgemental bastard towards these guys?

Of course, I did have a snicker at this testimonial: I have been looking for a product that replicates the female vagina for months now. That statement just begs so many questions. But still. Despite the whole "hey, and my fake vagina doesn't take my credit card to the mall" bullshit, I guess I have to say good for these guys and their sex toys. Everyone should have a quality sex life, whether manual, virtual, matrimonial, or sleazacial.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 11:28 PM on April 12, 2003


RJ: I just had a discussion about that very double standard with a friend of mine. She's the proud owner of two vibrators. Like you, this doesn't make me think of her as being desparate in the least. On the contrary, someone with the confidence to pleasure themselves is rather sexy.

As I guy, I have to admit, that the Fleshlight looks rather interesting. All of us masturbate - those who deny it are probably the most compulsive. It'd be nice to have something other than the traditional, wouldn't it?

But should anyone come across my simulated vagina, I'd be more than mortified. While women are empowered by the vibrator, men are shamed by the pocket pussy.

Same goes for porn in general, it seems. A woman with a few DVD titles on display is liberated, while a man is borderline deviant - am automatic pathetic loser who lives with his parents.

Which is kind of a bummer. I'd like to be the guy to go against the trend, displying my FleshLight™ with pride, but I don't think I can muster the courage.
posted by aladfar at 11:54 PM on April 12, 2003


If you spearhead that movement, aladfar, you'll make money hand over fist.
posted by WolfDaddy at 12:19 AM on April 13, 2003


Speaking of the glow in the dark and nondescript varieties... why isn't there a glow in the dark, nondescript one? You would think that that combination would be most popular, since it would look most like a flashlight and would be least likely to look "suspicious."

Or maybe I missed the point... ?

oh yeah... I like the ring of "Metafilter: All of us masturbate - those who deny it are probably the most compulsive." Or is that too long?
posted by lnicole at 12:58 AM on April 13, 2003


RJ: Oddly enough, I was going to add that the Good Vibrations store, here in San Francisco is where i first encountered the Fleshlight. I have been there with a few enlightened girlfriends, none of whom were "enlightened" enough to consider us buying one. It does seem like a double standard though.
posted by vacapinta at 2:14 AM on April 13, 2003


RJ: Oddly enough, I was going to add that the Good Vibrations store, here in San Francisco is where i first encountered the Fleshlight. I have been there with a few enlightened girlfriends, none of whom were "enlightened" enough to consider us buying one. It does seem like a double standard though.

That gives me an interesting idea.

What if one were to take a fleshlight and a vibrator...combine the two into a single unit. Pushing in on the fleshlight would push the vibrator out. Pulling out of the fleshlight would pull the vibrator out. There would be a flexible membrane connecting the two, maybe some kind of harness to keep the device in position.

It would be just like sex, only not really sex. There is actually no genital penetration taking place at all between the two people. "Sex" could take place between two complete strangers or extremely unattractive people without any guilt. It could even take place between two people separated by a wall.
posted by son_of_minya at 5:05 AM on April 13, 2003


This fleshlight... it doesn't vibrate?
posted by reality at 10:15 AM on April 13, 2003


Inicole, why not trim it simply to:

Metafilter: All of us masturbate
posted by O9scar at 10:30 AM on April 13, 2003




Fleshlight's forum has photos and videos of their product in action. (There's a contest to win fabulous prizes.)
posted by kirkaracha at 3:29 PM on April 13, 2003


quonsar, so uh... did you try it before buying? And who else did? ecccchh...
posted by soyjoy at 7:17 PM on April 13, 2003


Okay guys, why is this so weird to you all? I'm assuming that most of you masturbate anyway, so why not do it with a toy? Does masturbating with a toy make you more desperate while if you "do it" the "normal" way it doesn't? Really, that's silly.
It sure looks better than that apple pie used in American Pie!
posted by aacheson at 10:13 PM on April 13, 2003


aacheson, I think it boils down to the fact that in order for one to use a toy to aid in masturbation or sex w/another, one must feel comfortable in exploring their sexuality. I believe that it's far harder for men to do this outside a very narrow set of largely unwritten guidelines than it is for women. Women are allowed to explore their sexuality without a male, and in fact are considered by some to be exploring empowerment by doing so. Men aren't really allowed the same sort of leeway.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:54 PM on April 13, 2003


Well, that's too bad for you guys. If I were a guy, I would be first in line for this thing. Enlighten yourselves!!!
posted by aacheson at 1:57 PM on April 14, 2003


Kinda hard to enlighten oneself when one is suffering from the nasty side-effects of the 'rape culture' mentality so prevalent on college campuses (for example) in the US. I believe this is why most things today regarding male sexuality have devolved to the juvenile level ... it's 'safer' that way for the potential victims of potential rape.

Or, to put it another way:

Girls w/toys: FILTHY, but empowered
Boys w/toys: FILTHYFILTHY, and definitely not empowered. Unless you're gay. You'd still be labeled as desperate, though ;-)
posted by WolfDaddy at 2:45 PM on April 14, 2003


I don't understand your point, WolfDaddy. What does this have to do with rape culture on campuses? (Since we're having our own little conversation here...)
posted by aacheson at 10:42 AM on April 15, 2003


aacheson, I feel that many men have been made to feel afraid of exploring their sexuality through no other means than that of the 'rape culture' proponents telling them they're nothing but potential rapists.

If a man believes this to be truth, and many apparently do, don't you think it would tend to put a damper on *any* activity that might be an overt, or even covert, demonstration of the very thing which they're told is so threatening and dangerous, ie, their own sexuality?

To put it another way and in the light of personal experience: I know one guy whose girlfriend *freaked out* when she found out he had a book of naughty stories (no pictures, even!) to aid him when masturbating, but didn't at all understand how he could feel the same emotions when discovering she used a dildo from time to time for solo pleasure.

It's not fair, but no one seems to be willing to address it ... men for fear of appearing as whiners or potential rapists, women for fear it might mean they've been in error empowering themselves through their own sexuality in a way that marginalizes men.
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:06 PM on April 15, 2003


I don't know that it has to be connected immediately to the supposed violence of male sexuality - there's something about a person fulfilling a stereotype that is simply less satisfying. We all "know" that all men think about is sex; why should it seem that they're transgressing any interesting boundaries to buy sex toys?

Likewise, we "know" that because men are so much more interested in sex, women can get laid anytime they like, while men have to have something going for them - so women using toys are basically always thought to be making a choice to forgo what they could have, while men (just numerically) more often just have no other option.

But, I agree we should get over those stereotypes. Enjoy yourselves!
posted by mdn at 7:32 PM on April 15, 2003


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