B+J

July 8, 2003 5:03 PM

Britney Spears not a virgin."Seriously, I haven't had a boy in a really long time, and I'm really craving ... just a kiss, man. Just a kiss would be nice."
posted by swift (89 comments total)

In other news, Madonna is a whore, Robert Downey Jr. does drugs, and Liverace was gay.
posted by angry modem at 5:13 PM on July 8, 2003

"Britney Spears not a virgin."

In which orifice?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:14 PM on July 8, 2003

In which orifice?

I think all seven.
posted by ed at 5:25 PM on July 8, 2003

im sure the secondary openings all saw action years ago during record contract negotiation.
posted by quonsar at 5:26 PM on July 8, 2003

Liverace? Was he in the Meat Puppets?
posted by ubi at 5:26 PM on July 8, 2003

Please kill this misbegotten thread, now....

1. This is news? and
2. This is news?
posted by jokeefe at 5:26 PM on July 8, 2003

oops. blame it on the generation I come from.
posted by angry modem at 5:29 PM on July 8, 2003

thisisnotnewstoanyonefilter.
posted by crunchland at 5:36 PM on July 8, 2003

On the plus side, when I get to bone her I won't have the bleeding and a-cryin'. Well, except for the cries of pleasure when I'm in the bone-zone!
posted by wackybrit at 5:36 PM on July 8, 2003

Trolling owillis makes the baby Jesus cry.
posted by MrBaliHai at 5:38 PM on July 8, 2003

On the plus side, when I get to bone her I won't have the bleeding and a-cryin'.

Well, she hasn't had my 11-inch whalecock yet... slip that in the exit hole and I'll show you some bleedin' and cryin'.

Oh, and kill this thread.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:50 PM on July 8, 2003

But is Justin still inexperienced in the ways of man-on-man-love?

Just askin'. Now that it's legal, it's lost some of its allure, anyway.
posted by stonerose at 6:00 PM on July 8, 2003

This is all so...so...very wrong.
posted by davidmsc at 6:03 PM on July 8, 2003

Civil_Disobedient: The exit hole!? Now that's just sick. 'Get AIDS and die!'
posted by wackybrit at 6:09 PM on July 8, 2003

She's not that innocent.
posted by ColdChef at 6:12 PM on July 8, 2003

You know, there's two ways to let people know that a thread is bad. One is to totally ignore it. The other is to push into sheer screaming indignity.

Which way should we pick this time?
posted by weston at 6:16 PM on July 8, 2003

FarkFilter, eh? Silly me, I must have wandered off the path . . .
posted by tr33hggr at 6:20 PM on July 8, 2003

Lookit all the dirty old fogeys! Who'd 'a thunk. Ha! Looks like some still remember getting their hearts broken. Get over it.

Ah, to be 21 again eh? Don't you just wish.



Liverace, wasn't he one of the drummers for Spinal Tap?
posted by alicesshoe at 6:28 PM on July 8, 2003

Metafilter: sheer screaming indignity.
posted by namespan at 6:33 PM on July 8, 2003

I wonder if Britney uses her vibrating broomstick while pouring hot grits down her pants.
posted by wackybrit at 6:33 PM on July 8, 2003

Oh WOW! Britney Spears has a weewee! And she's used it!

Who cares.

I can't recall a generation that so acts like it invented sex and has such a need to tell everyone about it.
posted by Trik at 6:39 PM on July 8, 2003

Metafilter: sheer screaming indignity.

Best fake MeFi tagline evAr.
posted by jammer at 6:59 PM on July 8, 2003

Joking aside, I have to put my hand up and say that I really thought Britney Spears was a virgin. I find the concept of the uncontrollable penises and vaginas of younger generations is rather distasteful. When less than twenty percent of 21 year olds are virgins, it shows we have something wacky going on in our society.

So, who's going to be the next poster child for chastity?
posted by wackybrit at 7:02 PM on July 8, 2003

Damn, wackybrit... you'd really lose your mind if you found out I lost my virginity at 15 in an adulterous relationship with a woman who was nearly twice my age and had three kids.

Oops.
posted by jammer at 7:03 PM on July 8, 2003

I have heard quite enough about Miss Spears. She is a manufactured celebrity and a very poor role model for her fans, simply from her videos and dress, which are barely this side of soft porn. I think virgins should act like it, and I think that how and to whom she lost it is none of our stinking business. What's next, a live broadcast???
posted by konolia at 7:07 PM on July 8, 2003

Uh... who was it who thought that we should get a pager for Matt so that when something really horrible, something really egerious, somethat hits us baby one more time, happens, we can demand he squash it right there and then.

If this thread evolves into "who lost it when" anecdotes, I may just continue reading it. But only just.
posted by jokeefe at 7:10 PM on July 8, 2003

What's next, a live broadcast?
posted by pzarquon at 7:12 PM on July 8, 2003

Oh, and welcome to all the bright eyed brand new readers of Mefi who are at this very moment streaming in from USA Today under the sad impression that they're going to find something worth reading here.
posted by jokeefe at 7:14 PM on July 8, 2003

Has there actually been a MeFi thread where everyone harps on about when they lost (or didn't lose) their virginity? One of the 'grow back your virginity' meme threads would have probably been the most likely locations..

konolia said: I think virgins should act like it

What bollocks!! I don't agree with that. Being a virgin isn't always about saying "I think sex is evil, I don't want to do it!" but about saying "I have enough self-respect to abstain until I find someone worth having sex with." Therefore, why shouldn't a virgin act (and look) sexy?
posted by wackybrit at 7:16 PM on July 8, 2003

Water park. Girl with tattoo of Thumper near her nether-regions.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 7:20 PM on July 8, 2003

Does this discussion prove the previous post?
posted by larry_darrell at 7:24 PM on July 8, 2003

Water park. Girl with tattoo of Thumper near her nether-regions.

You're making that up. Heh.
posted by jokeefe at 7:26 PM on July 8, 2003

Watership Down. Rabbit with tattoo of girl in water park near her nether-regions.

I kid, I kid.
posted by emelenjr at 7:28 PM on July 8, 2003

You're making that up. Heh.

Shamefully, no. It was a crappy waterpark.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 7:30 PM on July 8, 2003

Liverace, does he go well with FavaBeanace?
posted by adrober at 8:01 PM on July 8, 2003

Being a virgin isn't always about saying "I think sex is evil, I don't want to do it!" but about saying "I have enough self-respect to abstain until I find someone worth having sex with." Therefore, why shouldn't a virgin act (and look) sexy?

why isn't someone "worth" having sex with even if you don't intend to marry them? If acting and looking sexy is morally pure, then why isn't having sex with people you fancy but do not want to commit your life to morally pure?

It seems rather difficult not to draw the obvious conclusion that if women look and act sexy but don't actually engage in sex, then men get instant enjoyment (sexy ladies everywhere to keep them excited even if they're bored of their own partners) and women get nothing (posing half naked on magazines, unlike actual sex, does not provide women with satisfaction...)
posted by mdn at 8:02 PM on July 8, 2003

I wanna watch. When can I watch?
posted by HTuttle at 8:12 PM on July 8, 2003

She is a manufactured celebrity and a very poor role model for her fans,

Eh? Why is she supposed to be a role model?
posted by Mars Saxman at 8:21 PM on July 8, 2003

Has there actually been a MeFi thread where everyone harps on about when they lost (or didn't lose) their virginity?

I actually think that would make for a fun storytelling session while redeeming this silly FPP in one fell swoop.

Anyone other than me want to go first?
posted by dhoyt at 8:28 PM on July 8, 2003

mdn - Well, walking around half naked and acting sexy might bring satisfaction to the ladies scamming and teasing rich men who are conned into thinking they're gonna get laid. Financial and intellectual satisfaction.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:36 PM on July 8, 2003

Trolling owillis makes the baby Jesus cry
*wah*
posted by owillis at 8:41 PM on July 8, 2003

Anyone other than me want to go first?

Aw, you wussies.

*crickets*
posted by jokeefe at 8:42 PM on July 8, 2003

14 years old, in the woods, wine coolers involved.
posted by schlaager at 8:43 PM on July 8, 2003

mums bed. she wasn't in it obviously.
posted by dabitch at 8:48 PM on July 8, 2003

Me: 14. My g/f: 18. Place: my bedroom. Time: summer afternoon.

Did I mention my whalecock already? :)
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:53 PM on July 8, 2003

Yes, yes, you did. Insecure, or what?
posted by graventy at 9:01 PM on July 8, 2003

Both 15 years of age. Last day of summer before 10th grade began. In friend's parents' bedroom. Both under vertiginous influences of Mad Dog and brick-weed. "Bridge Over Troubled Water" on cassette tape in the background. Live oak trees creaking just outside. Condom used, though only for approximately sixty seconds, and then discarded out the window for reasons which escape me.
posted by dhoyt at 9:14 PM on July 8, 2003

to my right hand when i was 12... oh wait, that doesn't count... dammit!
posted by ruwan at 9:44 PM on July 8, 2003

She and I were older than everyone so far. No wine coolers involved.
posted by emelenjr at 10:00 PM on July 8, 2003

Any day now... if things come together as planned... I've had my sights on quonsar for quite a while now, and I bet he can be talked into it at the vegas meetup if I get him drunk enough.
posted by jonson at 10:03 PM on July 8, 2003

"Anyone other than me want to go first?"

Me, 13. She, 17. Basement, hammock.

No video.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:24 PM on July 8, 2003

Did I mention my whalecock already?


Disproved on snopes
posted by ElvisJesus at 10:52 PM on July 8, 2003

Anyone other than me want to go first?

I went before you, buddy. ;)
posted by jammer at 11:37 PM on July 8, 2003

Being a virgin isn't always about saying "I think sex is evil, I don't want to do it!"

Yeah, sometimes it's about saying "No one will fuck me!"

(Ah, I couldn't resist.)
posted by nath at 11:51 PM on July 8, 2003

ElvisJesus, I'll see your snopes, and raise you a whalecock.

I can't believe this thread hasn't yet been deleted.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 1:24 AM on July 9, 2003

Anyone other than me want to go first?

I have no shame in admitting to being a virgin at 22. I do feel a bit shameful that I haven't even kissed a girl yet though. But, er, hey, it's not all bad; I had my first conversation with one 3 weeks ago!

Virgin, dfn: "A young innocent who in former times was sacrificed to the gods but who now merely lives in disgrace."
posted by Freaky at 1:33 AM on July 9, 2003

It all makes sense now:

1) Britney lied about her virginity
2) Bush lied about WMD
3) Britney has a bush

so it follows that

4) Britney is hiding the WMD
posted by ElvisJesus at 3:55 AM on July 9, 2003

I was a virgin at 22. Not at 23, through. :o)

On preview: Hey, ElvisJ., that's that's a pretty good syllogism, heh.
posted by alumshubby at 4:14 AM on July 9, 2003

I didn't think anything could top this comment

Until I read this...

And since we're kinda on the subject and all - I think we all had an inkling that Morrissey liked a whale cock (Believe it or not - almost certainly SFW)
posted by backOfYourMind at 5:26 AM on July 9, 2003

Goddammit - once more with feeling...

MORRISSEY LIKED A WHALE COCK!
posted by backOfYourMind at 5:28 AM on July 9, 2003

When less than twenty percent of 21 year olds are virgins, it shows we have something wacky going on in our society.

Teh sex?
posted by cortex at 5:35 AM on July 9, 2003

mdn said: why isn't someone "worth" having sex with even if you don't intend to marry them? If acting and looking sexy is morally pure, then why isn't having sex with people you fancy but do not want to commit your life to morally pure?

I didn't mention marriage anywhere. I don't sign up for that whole Christian hokery-pokery of 'no sex before marriage'. But what about 'no sex before love'? Can that count? As far as I'm concerned, no-one is worth having sex with unless a) you like them, and b) they like you. Meeting such a person, at least for me, has proven rather elusive, although, I will admit, I'm not even trying.

In this case, this is not a moral argument, but one of one's own standards. Should you have sex with someone you don't really like just so you can say you've 'been there'? I say No.
posted by wackybrit at 5:43 AM on July 9, 2003

Not that I entirely disagree with you, wackybrit, but somehow "no sex without love" strikes me as rather like insisting on "no cake without ice cream."
posted by rushmc at 5:55 AM on July 9, 2003

So, who's going to be the next poster child for chastity?

Jessica Simpson was, but she got married. She was the other blonde pop princess who vowed to remain chaste until marriage.

I rarely watch MTV, VH1 and those other (former) music television channels, but I recall seeing some interview with her and her new husband post-marriage. They talked about how great the wedding night was (in detail), and how wonderful it was that they waited.

(The show cut to a segment from their wedding, in which the priest said some judgemental thing at the ceremony about how "Jessica is one of the few brides who can actually wear white." Gag.)
posted by jennak at 5:59 AM on July 9, 2003

Should you have sex with someone you don't really like just so you can say you've 'been there'? I say No.

i say, well duh, but you're probably right that some people don't think that way. Sorry to misunderstand you.

Although I'm not sure exactly what standards you're holding - I agree you shouldn't have sex with people you don't really like. That would not be much fun. I don't agree that you have to be in love with them, though. If someone interests you, excites you, makes you feel happy, etc, sex can be really good. Of course, I don't know exactly what you mean by "love" so perhaps we can just leave it there.
posted by mdn at 6:04 AM on July 9, 2003

That'd be in the butt, Bob.
posted by vito90 at 6:08 AM on July 9, 2003

(The show cut to a segment from their wedding, in which the priest said some judgemental thing at the ceremony about how "Jessica is one of the few brides who can actually wear white." Gag.)

Double gag, since the priest apparently shares a common misunderstanding about that tradition: anyone can wear white. It's the veil that is supposed to signify virginity.
posted by Mars Saxman at 7:19 AM on July 9, 2003

Watership Down doesn't get mentioned enough.

Me: A couple weeks shy of 22. She: 19. Dorm room. Bottom bunk. Finals week.
posted by emelenjr at 7:46 AM on July 9, 2003

You people need more Fark-practice. It took 69 (har!) comments before someone has said:

I'd hit it.
posted by yhbc at 8:06 AM on July 9, 2003

It took 69 (har!) comments before someone has said: I'd hit it.

That's because it goes without saying.
posted by kindall at 8:22 AM on July 9, 2003

I would also like to take this oppurtunity to state that I am not a virgin, I had the carpet burns to jog me memory the next morning (lovely lass). I would also like to take this oppurtunity to announce my retirement from international football.

thank you.
posted by johnnyboy at 8:28 AM on July 9, 2003

i say, well duh, but you're probably right that some people don't think that way. Sorry to misunderstand you.

I only brought it up because it's not obvious to a lot of people (take all these kids having sex at 11-15.. are they doing it for any other reason than a quick thrill?). I think a lot of people race into doing sex because it's somehow cool, or they enjoy the feeling of it, and not because they appreciate the emotional angle of it.

You can play the piano mechanically and sound wooden, or you can throw your whole heart into the piece and sound like a star. I never do anything half-heartedly or without soul, hence, my opinions on this issue. :-)
posted by wackybrit at 8:28 AM on July 9, 2003

You're all acting like Britney's an actual person, whose life you know something about.

Tsk, tsk.
posted by signal at 8:59 AM on July 9, 2003

this thread shoulda been left in peace at 69 but since someone else ran on ahead already...

and not because they appreciate the emotional angle of it.

like I said above, the definitions here get confusing. I don't believe an emotional angle has to be particularly deep for sex to be "worthwhile" - but your statement was that people shouldn't have sex with people they "don't like".

Compare listening to music. I listen to long experimental ambient stuff sometimes, and I listen to git down rock n roll, and I listen to poppy stuff sometimes too, and I like it all. But I never listen to, e.g., britney spears, because I don't like it. (poppy to me is like death cab for cutie, camper van beethoven, some of yo la tengo).

So sure, don't just turn on the radio to drown the world away or be part of the cool kids; look around until you find music you like. But I don't think you have to feel you should always listen to complex, deep, important music. Sometimes a fun song is nice.
posted by mdn at 9:15 AM on July 9, 2003

I only brought it up because it's not obvious to a lot of people (take all these kids having sex at 11-15.. are they doing it for any other reason than a quick thrill?). I think a lot of people race into doing sex because it's somehow cool, or they enjoy the feeling of it, and not because they appreciate the emotional angle of it.

Well... yeah, kinda. I raced into sex just shy of my 15th birthday because I felt like my entire nervous system was going to melt down if I didn't follow its immediate and imperative orders to, you know, do a little dance, get down tonight, etc. I'd been evaluating possible prospects for almost a year, and was under the impression that I'd actually shown a certain amount of restraint by not giving it up the previous summer. Of course I didn't appreciate the emotional angle of it, and I have to say that it some ways that made it more fun and less angst filled. Human beings are built to become sexual active during our teenage years; given that our natural life expectency during most of human history has been around 35 or so, it only makes sense that we would start reproducing as teenagers. I don't regret cutting a bit of a swath through my peer group in high school; the emotional attachments, and the profundity of sex became important to me later on, and having a fairly extensive resume at that point didn't make any difference to how it felt to be, finally, with someone I really loved.

So I understand all about sexually prowling 15 year old girls. Causes me no worry at all, as long as they're taking the Pill, as I was (bless it).
posted by jokeefe at 12:01 PM on July 9, 2003

Let's not forget that you don't need the piano to make, ahem, beautiful music, just the thought of the piano. Or maybe a video with pianos in it. Or perhaps some hot piano on piano action.
posted by ciderwoman at 12:36 PM on July 9, 2003

Well put, jokeefe!

As for me, we were both 15 and overcome with joy at the USSR's defeat of Finland in the olympic hockey final. I never did get her name.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:43 PM on July 9, 2003

Or maybe a video with pianos in it

Madame JJJ, I think this is your cue.... Heh.
posted by jokeefe at 1:16 PM on July 9, 2003

You're all acting like Britney's an actual person, whose life you know something about.

Why shouldn't I? Her mom has a blog.

and the profundity of sex became important to me later on, and having a fairly extensive resume at that point didn't make any difference to how it felt to be, finally, with someone I really loved.

Perhaps the difference in the attitudes of people regarding sex isn't directly about sex at all, but about barriers. After all, to have sex with someone, you're going to be pretty 'exposed'. There are some people who'd think nothing of stripping off in front of a crowd, and others who'd never let anyone see them naked. This is a pretty big barrier to some people, and a non existant barrier to others.

I personally think having your penis inside another person is a kinda big deal, although, to others, this is all very matter of fact and passé.
posted by wackybrit at 1:18 PM on July 9, 2003

I don't see how she's going to have any trouble getting a guy; if she's lucky she may even be able to get a geek guy. Apart from her reasonable looks and talent, she's an expert in semiconductor physics. So why is she settling?
posted by George_Spiggott at 3:12 PM on July 9, 2003

Technical loss:

16. Date rape. Too afraid to tell my parents.

What I like to celebrate as my actual loss of virginity:

Me-18. Him-23. Futon on the floor of his apartment. Music - either Brian Eno or Bill Nelson, I can't exactly remember. Drugs - none. Sex - somewhat painful and a little boring.

First actual good sex:

Me-19. Him-21. On the floor in my dorm room. Music - This Mortal Coil. Drug of choice - pot (in respect to suceeding with an attempted booty call, you can't go wrong with anything from the 4AD catalogue and a joint, IMO.
Finally, I understood why guys were so damned determined to get in my (and every other attractive young girl) pants.
posted by echolalia67 at 4:50 PM on July 9, 2003

wackybrit, I am in your camp on this. I think sex with someone I merely "like" just isn't worth it. I'm sick of having sex with guys hoping they'll fall in love with me afterwards - it has rarely ever worked that way for me. Far too often I've just ended up feeling used and crappy.

I've changed my policy and now I want some serious emotional action before I jump into bed. It's a matter of self-respect at this point.
posted by beth at 6:28 PM on July 9, 2003

There's more than the used and feeling crappy bit? gedouttahere. Next you'll be telling me you don't have to get your head stuck in those railings to do it right.

That said best sex I ever had was with someone who didn't care that much for me, nor I for them, just we both fancied doing the nasty, and it was great. And I mean great.
posted by ciderwoman at 6:45 PM on July 9, 2003

I think sex with someone I merely "like" just isn't worth it. I'm sick of having sex with guys hoping they'll fall in love with me afterwards

If what you're looking for is falling in love, then yes, I wouldn't have sex until you feel like you might be in love. If you're going to feel "used" if you have sex and he doesn't fall in love with you, then I would absolutely agree that you should abstain. You should never have sex in hopes of gaining some other thing you want (in this case, his love). Have sex because you want to have sex, whether to express your love or feel close to another person or have an exciting night or whatever. But don't think of sex as something at your disposal that can get you something else.

All depends what you're looking for; falling in love can be hard to come by and other relationships can be wonderful on their own merits.
posted by mdn at 7:33 PM on July 9, 2003

That is brilliant, mdn.
posted by rushmc at 4:23 AM on July 10, 2003

So, who's going to be the next poster child for chastity?

Possibly one of these "American Junior Contestants"
posted by DBAPaul at 7:32 AM on July 10, 2003

I can't imagine how much more complicated and freakish my life would have been at 16 had I been having sex. I was barely mature enough to be talking to girls.

I didn't have my first kiss until I was . . . 23, 24? The shame!

I just didn't date much until I started college at the age of 21, and I was in a culture where chastity was encouraged.

I didn't lose my virginity until I got married at 27. I realize this makes me a freak of nature, but I survived. I tend to loathe most fundamentalists, but I think a lot of heartache and suffering could be avoided if kids waited to do it.

A 15 year old having sex is like . . . Bush using a segway.
posted by mecran01 at 9:31 AM on July 10, 2003

mecran01: I tend to agree with the comments about 15/16 year olds. Being 22 and desperately lonely, though, well, excuse me if I don't revel in the thought of spending another few years without anyone to be close to. One 3s hug from my mum every six months or so just doesn't come close to satisfying my emotional needs :)

Yeah yeah... tell it to my therapist, bah.
posted by Freaky at 2:21 PM on July 10, 2003

I have a unique viewpoint on this cuz I've been through the whole first->third base chain before, and, frankly, it's all physical nonsense. I can imagine, however, how frustrating it is if you haven't done all that, but now that I have, I figure that hitting the home run just isn't as great as it's made out to be. I believe you can get a lot more happiness out of other pursuits. Well, it works for me anyway :-)
posted by wackybrit at 9:27 AM on July 11, 2003