Because they don't take American Express

July 13, 2003 11:24 AM

I'll take the Ronald Reagan and JonBenet Ramsey velvet paintings please. Do you accept John Wayne Gacy Discover Cards?
posted by MrBaliHai (8 comments total)

i call dibs on the standard issue monkey. put it on my timothy mcveigh visa.
posted by quonsar at 11:33 AM on July 13, 2003

Okay, but please note that the monkey "is not a genuiine Patriot Portrait Collectible it does NOT come with a Certificate-of-Authenticity."
posted by jonson at 12:34 PM on July 13, 2003

The company name, Indignico Inc., seems particularly appropriate.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 12:39 PM on July 13, 2003

What if Reagan and JonBenet had a baby? Can I get a Tijuana artist to paint that?
posted by PrinceValium at 1:22 PM on July 13, 2003

No American Citizen should be without one.
Sincerely,
William T. Robison
President of International and Domestic Velvet Distribution

Well, if he says it, it's good enough for me. I do worry that his title is a bit padded, though. If he covers both foreign AND domestic, couldn't he be just "President of Velvet Distribution?" That's impressive enough!
posted by Mayor Curley at 1:22 PM on July 13, 2003

Curley, he's just politely leaving the door open for someone else, like you, to take up Interplanetary and Interstellar Velvet Distribution. Since you might need to ship to or from an outpost of your nation that happens to be on Mars or circling a distant star.

Geez. You'd think you'd know stuff like that, what with being a mayor and all. Things have gone downhill since the omniscient reign of McCheese.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:35 PM on July 13, 2003

Yeah, Hamburglary is up fifteen percent over last year. And don't forget those ugly incedents of hammurder.
posted by arto at 9:09 PM on July 13, 2003

William T. Robison
President of International and Domestic Velvet Distribution

Best job title ever.
posted by Bonzai at 2:38 PM on July 14, 2003