Comments on: sentence pun here

sentence pun here

serafinapekkala — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:04:36 -0800

For spitting at a cop and disorderly conduct, a PA man is jailed and required to read and write a report on Harper Lee's classic. What other books might be fit punishment for certain crimes? (via Obscurestore)

By: woil

woil — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:09:35 -0800

The Great Gatsby. I hated having to read this so called classic. ;-)

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:09:51 -0800

My memory may be a bit rusty on this, but isn't a large part of the plot taken up with the story of a black man being railroaded by authorities into a trial for something he didn't commit?

By: aramaic

aramaic — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:10:12 -0800

For frivolous lawsuits: read Guide of the Perplexed by Maimonides and provide a concise summary thereof.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:10:30 -0800

The Judge considered Douglas Coupland, but that would have been considered 'cruel and unusual'.

By: spazzm

spazzm — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:11:48 -0800

"American Psycho", by Bret Easton Ellis?

By: serafinapekkala

serafinapekkala — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:12:54 -0800

Painful Irony du Jour -- the judge in this case had to specially deliver a copy of the book to the inmate, because the jail prohibits any books coming in because of potential contraband. sigh. i would suggest, say, "Lord of the Rings" for telemarketers who violate the national No Calls List? :P

By: trharlan

trharlan — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:13:20 -0800

Kafka's "The Trial", for all attorneys, judges, and clerks.

By: serafinapekkala

serafinapekkala — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:16:29 -0800

Douglas Coupland, but that would have been considered 'cruel and unusual'. ouch! thinking back to eighth grade, i believe "Ethan Frome," "Silas Marner," and "The Return of the Native" would make a fine torture trifecta...

By: psmealey

psmealey — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:16:38 -0800

that depends on whether you pertain to either the punitive or rehabilitative school of thought regarding incarceration. If rehabilitative, then anything by Dostoevesky would work, if punitive, then I would suggest Finnegan's Wake.

By: holycola

holycola — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:18:16 -0800

Do prisoners' rights include Cliff's Notes?

By: Mayor Curley

Mayor Curley — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:19:02 -0800

The connection between the guy's crime and the book seems like a bit of a stretch. A more appropriate book for spitting on a cop would be Never Tease a Weasel. I recently finished Bill Lee's Little Red (Sox) Book and to sentence the accused to that would be a violation of 8th Amendment rights. (on preview: clevershark beat me to it)

By: Smart Dalek

Smart Dalek — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:21:48 -0800

1) If You Give a Mouse a Cookie 2) McTeague 3) Worldly Goods: A New History of the Renaissance 4) Language in Thought and Action 5) ~~How to Win Friends and Influence People~~ Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility: The Authoritative Manual for Every Civilized Household, However Harried

By: SweetJesus

SweetJesus — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:24:41 -0800

What other books might be fit punishment for certain crimes? Infinite Jest, with a very detailed plot summary and report.

By: eamondaly

eamondaly — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:28:03 -0800

Arson - Jack London, To Build A Fire Perjury - Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter Fishing without a license - Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea Public use of profanity - J.D. Salinger, The Catcher In the Rye Jaywalking - Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

By: mcsweetie

mcsweetie — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:28:39 -0800

dear god, Atlas Shrugged.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:33:49 -0800

As an English teacher, this thread makes me cry. Stop it, all of you, just stop! *hammers little fists on computer screen* *sobs*

By: serafinapekkala

serafinapekkala — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:36:21 -0800

sorry jokeefe...maybe i should hold off on my I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings joke?

By: tr33hggr

tr33hggr — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:36:24 -0800

Infinite Jest, with a very detailed plot summary and report. Funny; Wallace works out at the same gym I do. My girlfriend had him for a few classes here. Very . . . interesting guy.

By: clever sheep

clever sheep — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:38:43 -0800

Pearl S. Buck, The Good Earth. But only for capital offenses.

By: witchstone

witchstone — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:39:22 -0800

He got 4 to 12 months for disorderly conduct? That seems a bit harsh.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:40:00 -0800

*Changes mind, rolls up sleeves* I'd sentence Dubya to read the following: The New Testament (the whole thing, for real, and the Sermon on the Mount twice). Sebald's Austerlitz. Gravity's Rainbow. (Har har har. And submit a 10,000 word essay about the coprophagic Brigadier.) And for lots of legalized sodomy goodness, Alan Hollinghurst's The Swimming Pool Library.

By: tommasz

tommasz — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:41:47 -0800

Anything by James Joyce. And he should have to post the book report on the web for criticism. If he ever finishes, that is.

By: mss

mss — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:43:34 -0800

Heealth code violations: Green Eggs and Ham

By: Holden

Holden — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:48:01 -0800

For idjits who drive too slowly on two-lane roads without passing lanes, causing a traffic backup behind them: A Brief History of Time

By: insomnyuk

insomnyuk — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:51:16 -0800

The collected works of Flannery O'Connor with in-depth character analysis of the Misfit and plot summaries of each story with a final essay on what O'Connor is trying to say about the human condition. That ought to scare him straight.

By: stbalbach

stbalbach — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:52:38 -0800

"Lolitta" by Nabokov

By: SweetJesus

SweetJesus — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:54:43 -0800

Funny; Wallace works out at the same gym I do. My girlfriend had him for a few classes here. Very . . . interesting guy. Yeah, I would imagine. I wonder if he's ever seen this?

By: stbalbach

stbalbach — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:56:33 -0800

As an English teacher, this thread makes me cry School and prison same diffrence.

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:56:37 -0800

Perhaps Silas Marner for Skilling and his crowd? Edifying and torturous.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 09:12:18 -0800

For arson I was more thinking Fahrenheit 451.

By: danisaacs

danisaacs — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 10:01:14 -0800

He spit on a cop? And he didn't get Life in prison? :)

By: majcher

majcher — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 10:05:44 -0800

Yes, we all hate reading those big, boring books with no pictures in them. But, back to the actual story: A telling scene in the novel occurs when a disgraced character confronts Finch and spits in his face. Finch, memorialized in the movie by Gregory Peck, defiantly steps forward, wipes away the spittle with a handkerchief, and walks away. It seems to me that the arresting (presumably spat-upon) officer would be the one who benefited most from the reading, not the guy sitting in jail.

By: G_Ask

G_Ask — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 10:13:46 -0800

The Complete Volumes of Metatalk with forward written by Miguel Cardoso would seem just punishment.

By: oflinkey

oflinkey — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 10:22:11 -0800

jokeefe- Now come on. As an English teacher myself, I know that I have readsome real doozies. Give him Lord Jim.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 10:59:56 -0800

Hey, oflinkey, I quickly recovered and added some helpful rehabilitation literature for the President. See above. Should I be wont to torture anyone, I would make them read Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, or Stranger in a Strange Land. Actually, this would be torture for me, I can't guarantee anyone else's reactions...

By: vito90

vito90 — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:03:16 -0800

For deadbeat Dad's I would assign Helen DeWitt's The Last Samurai

By: 111

111 — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:07:25 -0800

Oh well, for some people out there reading any book whatsoever would be punishment enough. Reading is progressively becoming a minority hobby again as it originally was; most of those who do read as a duty either don't really like doing so or don't get what the book is about. Trying to educate the masses has limits; we're still living under an equalitarian illusion according to which every single person everywhere in the world is equally apt to understand Molly Bloom's motivations an so on. Of course this judge is sending out the wrong message when he includes book reading as part of Fowlkes' punishment, but that's how it works in real life. On the other hand, I do appreciate the DA's wry description of the sentence ("a novel approach").

By: Holden

Holden — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:07:40 -0800

Lolita as punishment? Anyone who has read it knows that Lolita is a treat. One of the funniest books I've ever read.

By: tyro urge

tyro urge — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:08:50 -0800

Steal This Book. Don't reform, just learn the rules. Assistant District Attorney Peter Hobart termed the sentence a "novel approach." There's your real criminal.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:18:28 -0800

Just give him some nasty Dickens. Bleak House would be my pick.

By: kodas

kodas — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:29:24 -0800

Things are tougher elsewhere...

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:34:59 -0800

Ovid's Metamorphoses and Hamilton's Mythology for anyone who purposefully posts the Ten Commandments in a school or government building. And for anyone who has a bible-verse cross stitch. Pillow or framed.

By: ringmaster

ringmaster — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:49:39 -0800

I actually know this judge, as my mom (in days long past) used to work with him in the public defender's office. He's a pretty reasonable guy. Co-coached my brother's baseball team. Apparently, doesn't have a large repertoire of book knowledge or might have selected something more appropriate. Nonetheless, I think that many of our criminals who are sentenced for lesser crimes could probably benefit by being made to read specific books, not for length, but for the value of a different perspective.

By: 111

111 — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 11:55:46 -0800

And just to answer the FPP's question, Hermann Broch's "The Death of Virgil" (not entirely bad, but too saturnine) and anything whatsoever by french marxists/structuralists (Gilles Deleuze et caterva) seem like cruel punishment to me.

By: Veritron

Veritron — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 12:21:51 -0800

Dickens. Lots and lots of Dickens. I'd suggest anything by Ayn Rand, but that'd be cruel and unusual punishment. Melville's Moby Dick's a great novel to use for torture, and I might throw in Pride and Prejudice and some of Jane Austen's other novels. Chaucer and Shakespeare in their original, not-edited-for-modern eyes forms are also enough to make a student beg for mercy.

By: i_am_joe's_spleen

i_am_joe's_spleen — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 13:02:36 -0800

Lolitta, eh? Then you'll probably enjoy Nickerless Nicholby, by Charles Dikkens.

By: shadow45

shadow45 — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 15:11:25 -0800

I'd think any LISP manual would be torturous enough..

By: namespan

namespan — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 17:00:15 -0800

The idea of reading something being a punishment is pretty foreign to me. I've always found some way to not read anything I didn't want to, even for school. Herman Melville was the only thing I really couldn't stand that I got assigned in school.

By: ed

ed — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 17:11:41 -0800

L. Ron Hubbard's Battlefield: Earth is probably one of the worst books I've ever read. Truly, I couldn't contemplate a reading experience more terrible. Even Bulwer-Lytton has his moments when stacked against to this rambling, badly plotted and terribly long travesty. And you folks are completely ignoring the full range of literary horrors known as "celebrity bios." Some has-been celebrity hires a ghost writer, markets a hardback that doesn't sell very well, and six months later, you see a paperback in the bargain bin. But I'm not sure if punishment should involve severe retribution. To Kill a Mockingbird seems a pretty solid book for potential reform.

By: MrLint

MrLint — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 18:59:57 -0800

I think the 10 book 'epic' mission earth by l ron hubbard would be apt punishment

By: SisterHavana

SisterHavana — Wed, 16 Jul 2003 21:30:56 -0800

Moby Dick, definitely. I had to read that book in high school and I don't think I got past page 20, if that.

By: callmejay

callmejay — Thu, 17 Jul 2003 11:35:15 -0800

Should I be wont to torture anyone, I would make them read Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, or Stranger in a Strange Land. Actually, this would be torture for me, I can't guarantee anyone else's reactions... Well, I liked both of 'em. But maybe I'm weird like that.