Dear Mr. President:

July 17, 2003 8:44 PM

The White House has a new system for email from the public.Dashing off a rant, a rave or a question to [e-mail] won't cut it anymore. Now it takes a maze of forms and clicks and filters. The first question: is this a supportive message or a differing opinion? Then you have to pick your topic from various menu lists. And list a name and address and email. And reply to an automated message making sure it's really your email. White House tech guy tells the NYTimes: "When it comes to a Web site, it's a bit like a movie. Some will say it's a tour de force; some will say it fell flat." Fun Fact: all emails are saved and must be publicly disclosed in 12 years.
posted by CunningLinguist (26 comments total)

Oh my dear sweet lord. [This is bad]. Thank you, CL.
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:56 PM on July 17, 2003

.

It also crashed my browser. And to think I was about to leave a supporting comment!
posted by cbrody at 8:59 PM on July 17, 2003

"White House Web Mail is designed to provide an additional means by which individuals can communicate with the White House and receive automated*, timely, and substantive responses on a wide variety of issues."

*It's just like Bush Mad libs!

Dear (proper noun):

Thank you for your email of (date) regarding (noun). The President would like to assure you that the (government organization) has determined that (foreign country) possesses (big number) (plural noun) and that (world leader) is an (adjective)(noun). For this reason, the President is sending (big number) of our (organization) to (verb) the (foreign country) until (world leader) (verb)s, or until the next (noun), whichever comes first.

(deity) bless America.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:01 PM on July 17, 2003

Among the Meta keywords in the header are: "birthday wedding anniversary baby birth"

Am I supposed to use that form to invite Bush to my birthday party?
posted by gluechunk at 9:04 PM on July 17, 2003

Thank you for your submission. A confirmation message will be sent to your e-mail address. You must reply to this message within 72 hours for your request to be processed.

Oh, well. It's not like anyone except the Secret Service really reads the President's public email anyway.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 9:04 PM on July 17, 2003

"White House Web Mail is designed to provide an additional means by which individuals can communicate with the White House and receive automated, timely, and substantive responses on a wide variety of issues."

So that's what they've got Ari doing now!
posted by monju_bosatsu at 9:10 PM on July 17, 2003

Going to this site with Mozilla gives you a certificate error... brilliant.
posted by clevershark at 9:15 PM on July 17, 2003

How much do you want to bet that if you choose the "differing opinion" option, your mail gets shunted off into the White House Web Trash?
posted by stefnet at 9:27 PM on July 17, 2003

stefnet, you should be so lucky. It gets shunted off to the DoJ and you get placed in the Freedom-Haters file. Then the black helicopters come.
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:35 PM on July 17, 2003

On a less flippant note, it is interesting that the very first selection you're asked to make is in keeping with the Bush "You're either with us or against us" Doctrine.
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:38 PM on July 17, 2003

Dashing off a rant, a rave or a question to [e-mail] won't cut it anymore. Now it takes a maze of forms and clicks and filters

From the White House Web Mail FAQ page:

Am I able to e-mail President George W. Bush at [e-mail]?

Yes, you may still send e-mail messages to this address. However, as in the past, an auto-response will be sent in reply. To ensure you receive a more substantive and personalized response, please use the White House Web Mail system.

posted by AstroGuy at 9:46 PM on July 17, 2003

It wouldn't be so insulting if EVERY person and organization had to use the exact same form. Somehow I bet that Neocons and Businesspeople With Valuable Insight (and donations) have a normal easy-to-use address available to them.
posted by pmurray63 at 9:48 PM on July 17, 2003

What happens if you send a message that questions Bush a bit for decapitating that cute little kitten during the SOTU speech, for example, but choose 'supportive message' at the outset?



Yeah, I know... you get placed in the Freedom-Haters file.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:52 PM on July 17, 2003

The sum-total of foreign policy, according to this email form, consists of: Afghanistan, China, Foreign Aid, Human Rights, Iraq, Landmines, Nuclear Weapons.

Maybe if Iraq gets too troublesome, they'll just remove that option, too, and the whole fucking thing will just go away. Like WTO, Israel, Africa, allies, AIDS, Kyoto Protocol.......
posted by stonerose at 10:08 PM on July 17, 2003

Which selection do I pick to protest the American Idol vote?
posted by chipr at 10:30 PM on July 17, 2003

Also interesting that "Human Cloning" is under "Health" rather than "Science", giving the subliminal impression that it *may affect YOU*.

Also, pornography's there, but where's abortion?

I guess I'll send my pro-choice message to them under the heading "Child Abduction".
posted by interrobang at 10:53 PM on July 17, 2003

This seems like the extension of the idea "hey lets try and organize all this feedback we're getting". It just seems that idea went a bit too far and didn't have enough UI or factors/interaction people involved with it.
posted by rudyfink at 1:27 AM on July 18, 2003

I swear people, this has absolutely nothing to do with all the dodgy websites I... ahem... allegedly signed up with using "[e-mail]" as my email.

If Bush is still on his Africa trip, though, and meets with a certain FREDERICK MATATUMBO, son of the late Nigerian minister of finance, I recommend panicking.
posted by arto at 1:35 AM on July 18, 2003

Thank god the presidents webcast is using the RealOne player! American products, and God Bless America (R)
posted by Keyser Soze at 3:34 AM on July 18, 2003

Do you think Santa Clause has time to read all the children's Christmas lists? I don't think so because I never got that Red Rider Beebee gun.
posted by tomplus2 at 7:48 AM on July 18, 2003

One of the first things I ever did on the Internet, back in '93 or '94, was to send a message to the President. I believe it actually was a web-based form at the time. With nothing better to say, I invited Clinton to my school's graduation ceremony. I received no immediate reply and soon forgot about it...

However, some six months later I received an honest-to-goodness letter in the mail from the President. In it, he kindly informed me that he was a very busy man and his schedule was quite crowded and he was so sorry he couldn't make it to my event. He even "signed" it.

I still have that letter...
posted by whatnotever at 8:11 AM on July 18, 2003

This seems like the extension of the idea "hey lets try and organize all this feedback we're getting". It just seems that idea went a bit too far and didn't have enough UI or factors/interaction people involved with it.

I think you're right. They should have just installed POPFile.
posted by ewagoner at 9:44 AM on July 18, 2003

So if I select "differing opinion," they'll forward it to Rumsfeld marked "terrorist threat," right?
posted by katieinshoes at 10:11 AM on July 18, 2003

Why bother sending him one anyway. He doesn't pay attention to "focus groups" anyway (as he called the millions of war protesters across the globe.) You disagree, you are dismissed as unimportant.

I'm sure they don't read these emails anymore. The grouping just makes it easier for them to present someone a report that says "You got 60 percent approval for your stance on blah blah blah and 40 percent against" and make it nice and easy so he can understand it.
posted by aacheson at 10:44 AM on July 18, 2003

Mr. Prosser said, "You were quite entitled to make any suggestions or protests at the appropriate time, you know."
"Appropriate time?" hooted Arthur. "Appropriate time? The first I knew about it was when a workman arrived at my home yesterday. I asked him if he'd come to clean the windows and he said no, he'd come to demolish the house. He didn't tell me straight away of course. Oh no. First he wiped a couple of windows and charged me a fiver. Then he told me."
"But Mr. Dent, the plans have been available in the local planning office for the last nine months."
"Oh yes, well, as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, yesterday afternoon. You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them, had you? I mean, like actually telling anybody or anything."
"But the plans were on display..."
"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."
"That's the display department."
"With a flashlight."
"Ah, well, the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice, didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display on the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard.'"

posted by jcruelty at 12:22 PM on July 18, 2003

When I was in grade school, the school's markers were all Mr. Sketch brand markers. Now, Mr. Sketch markers are scented -- the blue smell of blueberries, brown of cinnamon, and so on. A small group of us didn't like them, and went on a petition drive to get some unscented markers purchased for our classroom. We also sent a letter to then-recently-elected President Ronald Reagan asking for his support in our efforts to get smelly markers banned from school.

I was the only one who thought my parents wouldn't get upset if I got mail from the White House, so we put my address as the return address on the envelope.

Some five or six months later, a letter did show up -- well, an "autographed" postcard-sized picture of the President and a letter thanking me for thinking of the President in his situation. Poor guy had gotten shot in the meantime, you see.

And no, my parents weren't upset.
posted by atholbrose at 12:31 AM on July 20, 2003