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Perfect for that bombed-out Walmart toy
August 7, 2003 10:36 AM   Subscribe

Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush - U.S. President and Naval Aviator "This fully poseable figure features a realistic head sculpt, fully detailed cloth flight suit, helmet with oxygen mask, survival vest, g-pants, parachute harness and much more. The realism and exacting attention to detail demanded by today's 12-inch action figure enthusiast are met and exceeded with this action figure. " (via Tom Tomorrow)
posted by XQUZYPHYR (46 comments total)

 
Wow, how offensive is that?
posted by shagoth at 10:42 AM on August 7, 2003


Gee, now I don't have to make a voodoo doll of the hypocrite. After all, this is the same guy who never showed up for his National Guard duty which was what saved his ass from going to Viet Nam.
posted by jackspace at 10:52 AM on August 7, 2003


Actual figure may vary slightly from item shown.

Actual President may vary slightly from description as an Elite Force Aviator.
posted by Ufez Jones at 10:55 AM on August 7, 2003


They forgot the realistic potato to fill his basket™.
posted by whatnot at 10:56 AM on August 7, 2003


Not only was he never a Navy aviator, he didn't land the plane on the carrier. I wonder if the Navy knows about this.
posted by swerve at 10:59 AM on August 7, 2003


"On May 1, 2003, President Bush landed on the USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN-72) in the Pacific Ocean, and officially declared the end to major combat in Iraq. While at the controls of an S-3B Viking aircraft from the "Blue Sea Wolves" of Sea Control Squadron Three Five (VS-35), designated "Navy 1," he overflew the carrier before handing it over to the pilot for landing."

so which is it? did he land the plane or did he hand it over to the pilot for landing?
posted by lord_wolf at 11:00 AM on August 7, 2003


You know the theory which states there are an infinite number of universes apart from our own, each with it's own version of reality?

I think I just landed in one of them.
posted by mathis23 at 11:04 AM on August 7, 2003


Does it come with a copy of his stellar 25th percentile pilot aptitude exam (info inside article)? That'd rock!
posted by tittergrrl at 11:07 AM on August 7, 2003


Pay attention folks - it's reading comprehension time:

"On May 1, 2003, President Bush landed on the USS Abraham Lincoln"

That means, simply, that he was in a craft that landed on an aircraft carrier. Sort of like when you go back east (or west) to visit the folks - when the plane lands - you land. That doesn't mean that you landed the plane....

Personally I would have liked to see the resultant ball of fire had they actually let him land the plane....
posted by jaded at 11:10 AM on August 7, 2003


I'm waiting for the George W. Bush: Deserter doll myself. The accessories it comes with are wonderful:
  1. A fix kit complete with razor blade, mirror and simulated cocaine.
  2. A DUI citation.
  3. Formal complaints about dereliction of duty.
  4. A silver spoon, firmly in mouth, that makes none of the above matter.
posted by substrate at 11:11 AM on August 7, 2003


"fully poseable" -- that's for damn sure.
posted by serafinapekkala at 11:11 AM on August 7, 2003


Seems pretty clear to me. Bush was in the plane that landed on the carrier, but not at the controls at the time. Prior to landing, though, he was at the controls for the flyover.

If it said "Bush landed the plane", that would be confusing. When I'm an airline passenger I say "we justed landed at JFK, blah, blah , blah" and I think its understood that I was not actually the person flying the plane.
posted by turbodog at 11:12 AM on August 7, 2003


If Karl Rove buys one of these, would that mean he then would have two George W. Bush puppets to play with?
posted by mathis23 at 11:14 AM on August 7, 2003


He "landed" on the aircraft carrier, just like I landed at Schiphol when I went to Amsterdam... in a passenger seat.
posted by clevershark at 11:27 AM on August 7, 2003


Top Gun? (Flash).
posted by homunculus at 11:28 AM on August 7, 2003


i brought up the "landing" wording issue in the blurb not b/c i don't understand it, but b/c i wanted to draw attention to the ambiguity it invites.

if you read a paragraph that stated "colonel john steelhawk, naval aviator, landed on the uss lincoln yesterday", you'd assume col. steel landed the aircraft himself, wouldn't you?

what if the title of a story read "col. john steelhawk, naval aviator, makes historic announcement" and you went on to read "col. john steelhawk landed on the uss lincoln yesterday", again, wouldn't you think the colonel had landed the aircraft himself?

when i see in a story about a pres. bush naval aviator doll, then read about the pres. landing on an aircraft carrier, i don't think it's unreasonable for me to assume that the 1st sentence in question means the pres. controlled the aircraft during the landing. and until i read the 2nd sentence in question in this blurb about a toy, i'd indeed thought pres. bush landed the plane himself because of the way it was reported in the news. i heard things like "president bush flew the aircraft, then landed on the deck of the uss lincoln".

long story short, i actually would like to give props to the makers and marketers of this toy for being more straightforward than the u.s. media
posted by lord_wolf at 11:34 AM on August 7, 2003


Lone wolf,
This "Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush - U.S. President and Naval Aviator would never imply that Duhbya landed that plane!

One question: How does being a deserter from the TNG qualify one as an "elite force aviator?" Or for that matter how does the TNG stint make him a "Naval Aviator?"

Just asking. Not implying that those weasel words are misleading or anything. Not me. Nope, we all love Dear Leader here. He's a genuwine 'Murikan hero in these parts! [static burst] Copy that Johnny Asscraft? [static burst] Over.
posted by nofundy at 11:48 AM on August 7, 2003


Did the prez or his cabinet commission this? [country drawl] Nice of ya'll to plug him. [/country drawl]

i heard things like "president bush flew the aircraft, then landed on the deck of the uss lincoln".


," he overflew the carrier before handing it over to the pilot for landing.

Unfortunately the first quote made better headlines and I was surprised people actually believed he had landed the plane. Ironic it seems it was the ones who also saw top gun a zillion times; don't they learn anything from the movies now a days.
[old crackly voice] Don't believe everything you read sunny. [/old crackly voice]
posted by thomcatspike at 11:49 AM on August 7, 2003


err...lord wolf...sorry...
posted by nofundy at 11:49 AM on August 7, 2003


The doll is so life-like that it, like its living counterpart Duh-bya, has absolutely no ability to fly jets.
posted by zekinskia at 12:06 PM on August 7, 2003


Coming soon: Dick Cheney in Vietnam fatigues.
posted by Ty Webb at 12:06 PM on August 7, 2003


Anyone filled out a review?
posted by Blue Stone at 12:07 PM on August 7, 2003


I really want one of these, so I can make him do terrible things with my Governor Jesse Ventura action figure, but I'd feel really bad giving any amount of money to someone who produced these non-ironically. Guess I'm gonna have to stick up a Toys'R'Us or something. Again.

In other news...
posted by majcher at 12:18 PM on August 7, 2003


Each week, one outstanding review receives a $100 Gift Certificate.

they are going to love mine :-)
posted by quonsar at 12:21 PM on August 7, 2003


Oh, come on quonsar. Pleeeeeeeeease???
posted by mathis23 at 12:30 PM on August 7, 2003


look at the expression on his face! this is a man I can tell all my secrets to.

er, I mean, to whom I can tell all my secrets.
posted by mcsweetie at 1:18 PM on August 7, 2003


Aren't there laws on marketing the image of the POTUS?
posted by terrapin at 1:39 PM on August 7, 2003


if you read a paragraph that stated "colonel john steelhawk, naval aviator

Actually I'd be a little suspicious right at that point because there ain't no such rank as colonel in the US Navy. Unless you meant a Marine pilot with the rank of Col.?

No other comments on this - I've stated previously what I think of Smirky Boy playing dressup.
posted by NorthernLite at 1:43 PM on August 7, 2003


Besides being based on a false premise, the doll's physically inaccurate-- Bush isn't a hydrocephalic.
posted by Mayor Curley at 1:55 PM on August 7, 2003


I have a friend who's a toy box designer. Maybe I could get him to design me a "George Bush National Guard Action Figure" box. It might sell, too, since you don't need the manufacturing costs to include an action figure.
posted by hari at 1:56 PM on August 7, 2003


I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
posted by Orb at 2:33 PM on August 7, 2003


Blue Stone, you asked: Anyone filled out a review?

Here's my review (just submitted):
    Initially my son was very happy with his purchase of the George W. Bush - U.S. President and Naval Aviator action figure. When you take it out of the box to play with it, the doll seems to be well crafted and lots of fun. The problem with the doll though, is that it keeps going AWOL from it's duties to my son. The first time this happened was in August of 1972 when the doll (in our house we've taken to calling him 'shrub') didn't show up for his annual flight physical and was grounded. My husband worries that the reason for this dereliction of duty was due to the drug test portion of the physical. After the missed physical, we decided to send Bush to a cousin in the 187th Tactical Reconnaissance Group in Montgomery, Alabama. Wouldn't you know it; the doll never arrived for duty. In September of 1972 we decided to suspend 1st Lt. George W. Bush from flying status. Maybe it was the drugs and drinking, or possibly it was catching him dancing naked on a bar stool, in any case, the doll was grounded. My son kept the Bush doll through late 1973, although during those 18 months Bush did not fly at all. And for much of that time, Bush was all but unaccounted for: For a full year, there is no record that he showed up for the periodic drills required of part-time action figure. We recently heard again from the Bush doll. Once again he was lying, this time in hopes to start a war. My husband and I would like to warn all potential buyers of this doll that it is a reckless doll that will tarnish your household's reputation for years to come. The doll lies, cheats and steals from the poor to give to his rich doll buddies. Be doubly cautious if you purchase the companion "Dick Cheney – U.S. Vice President and Draft Dodger" doll. Together the two dolls can wreak havoc on your lives and any good will that your neighbors have left for you.
Any other folks write a review?
posted by DragonBoy at 2:42 PM on August 7, 2003


hmmm, I'm going to buy DragonBoy a drink.
posted by mcsweetie at 2:44 PM on August 7, 2003


mcsweetie,

Thanks, but I'd better not. Considering that I live very close to Ellington Air Force Base and that I've always wanted to dance on a bar stool, I'm going to stay away from the drink til 2004.
posted by DragonBoy at 2:51 PM on August 7, 2003


I tried writing a review along the lines of "I tried ordering and Al Gore doll but they sent me this one instead", but as they seem to be reviewing the comments I don't think mine will make it to the page :-)
posted by clevershark at 2:51 PM on August 7, 2003


I'm waiting for the George W. Bush: Deserter doll myself.

See what you've done? Now I have to buy one of these godforsaken toys, just so I can do the Deserter Doll. But I'm sure he'll make a nice addition to the Barbie bordello...so, that's ok.
posted by dejah420 at 3:07 PM on August 7, 2003


Sorry for two posts in a row, but here's the review I sent...also unlikely to be published:

So nice to see that a man who went AWOL during his cushy national guard duty, and who logged less flight hours than the 911 hijackers gets to be an "elite" aviator. Did you guys just not know about his spotty military record, or what?

Perhaps you're not aware of the violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) by George W. Bush during the Vietnam War. The acts include being Absent Without Leave (UCMJ Article 86) for a period of more than a year from his National Guard assignments in Texas and Alabama. According to the UCMJ, a person who is AWOL for more than 30 days with evidence of no intent to return to duty is guilty of Desertion. (UCMJ Article 85)

To understand the gravity of this offense, one need only read the section 4.9.5 e. of Article 85, which states that the maximum punishment for desertion in a time of war, is, "Death or such other punishment as a court-martial may direct". Unless of course, your daddy is the head of the CIA.

It's not that I'm anti-military. My family has taken up arms to defend this nation going all the way back to the American Revolution. Considering that currently 4 family members and countless numbers of friends are serving i Iraq, under a CIC who couldn't even be bothered to show up for his National Guard duty is bad enough...but to glorify a deserter and traitor to the proud men and women in uniform is reprehensible.

What's next, a Jane Fonda "action figure" kicking POW cages in a nice jungle setting?
posted by dejah420 at 3:33 PM on August 7, 2003


Why can't they move that release date up by a scant four days and save us all the taxing brain work of connecting unspeakable tragedy with jingoistic redemption...what a waste of plastic.
posted by Henry Flower at 3:47 PM on August 7, 2003


I'm sitting here trying to imagine what the media op-ed reaction would be to a Bill Clinton action figure. ...
posted by moonbiter at 6:51 PM on August 7, 2003


Oh wait, here's one. Not quite the same Doc Savage treatment, though.
posted by moonbiter at 6:55 PM on August 7, 2003


Oops, I meant "here's one".
posted by moonbiter at 6:57 PM on August 7, 2003


Moonbiter - did you notice the page title on the Clinton doll page?
posted by jazon at 7:39 PM on August 7, 2003


Heh.
posted by moonbiter at 7:45 PM on August 7, 2003


Submit Your Review!
I want to of the Elitist George W. Bush Action Figure.
posted by blackholebrain at 9:17 PM on August 7, 2003


You know the theory which states there are an infinite number of universes apart from our own, each with it's own version of reality?

I think I just landed in one of them.


mathis23: God, yes. This has been happening to me a lot lately; every time I wake up I'm in a dimension that's a little crazier than the one I Just left. This is the only possible explaination. I just want it to go the other way, for once...

Or is it just that America is batshit? Are there places in the world protected from the waves of insanity emanating from below the 49th parallel, or what? Or is it just that human beings are all essentially bonkers?

I'm awaiting clarification on this, but not holding my breath.
posted by jokeefe at 1:16 AM on August 8, 2003


Bush isn't a hydrocephalic.

Microcephalic, maybe.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:55 AM on August 8, 2003


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