Penis Dimension

August 12, 2003 4:19 PM

Do Penis Enlargement Pills Work?I'll be chronicling my experience here for the benefit of others. I'll add that I am just a regular guy living in New York City (Go Yankees!) who wants a larger penis. (via Kill Ugly Radio). I'll be curious to hear how this progresses. This is safe for work (no pics; just measurements).
posted by KevinSkomsvold (41 comments total)

Interesting experiment, although he doesn't seem totally unbiased:

I will tell you upfront that the links to Pro Solution do contain my affiliate ID so that if you do buy based on my writings here, I'll get some compensation for it.
posted by Triplanetary at 4:25 PM on August 12, 2003

[Bites lip]
[/Bites lip]
See this site adds on some more..

Chis Farley talks from the grave? I'll add that I am just a regular guy living in New York City (Go Yankees! )who wants a larger penis.
posted by thomcatspike at 4:26 PM on August 12, 2003

Reminds me of the story of the guy who ordered the "Get Rich Quick" kit, only to find out it was full of info on how to sell get-rich-quick kits.
posted by scarabic at 4:29 PM on August 12, 2003

This test so far is at level: tease.

Poor guy, if he doesn't grow more, his size is documented on the Internet. Did anyone catch his height or weight?
posted by thomcatspike at 4:32 PM on August 12, 2003

I noticed that he said that the pills came with an exercise regimen known as 'jelquing.' which is a fancy term for forcefully milking your penis to force blood into and eventually expand the chambers over time. If you do this for 35 minutes a day 5 times a week you will get bigger whether the pills do anything or not.

This guy's an idiot.
posted by daHIFI at 4:43 PM on August 12, 2003

35 minutes a day 5 times a week

piece of cake.
posted by quonsar at 4:51 PM on August 12, 2003

Interesting experiment, although he doesn't seem totally unbiased:

Yes, nice catch. When I saw that I hesitated posting it. I wonder if he'll fudge on the measurements.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 4:57 PM on August 12, 2003

" If you do this for 35 minutes a day 5 times a week you will get bigger whether the pills do anything or not."

I've been doing it 35 minutes a day for...about 25 years.

Results are still pending.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:58 PM on August 12, 2003

pending? jesus, MY schlong is massive, crash. you sure you're doing it right?
posted by quonsar at 4:59 PM on August 12, 2003

How about 5 minutes a day 35 times a week?
posted by WolfDaddy at 5:02 PM on August 12, 2003

"you sure you're doing it right?"

It's not about the destination, my friend. It's the journey.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:05 PM on August 12, 2003

Here is a thought - maybe the pills are just to stop you going blind from all the "exercises"?
posted by dg at 5:07 PM on August 12, 2003

When you sell real estate, you have to look your best. Steve Martin's All Natural Penis Beauty Cream New Formula gives me the confidence I need to make a sale.
posted by mathowie at 5:10 PM on August 12, 2003

It's the journey.

that's why i like you crash, yer so david carradine!
posted by quonsar at 5:11 PM on August 12, 2003

Penn & Teller already studied this, although I think they covered some powder medication, and some vacuum chamber thingy. Not suprisingly, no results.
posted by piper28 at 5:24 PM on August 12, 2003

forcefully milking your penis to force blood into and eventually expand the chambers over time.

Wouldn't that be called inflamation and, uh, swelling?

Sounds painful, but then I don't own one. I have no idea what you crazy guys get up to when you're, um, milking things...
posted by jokeefe at 5:50 PM on August 12, 2003

Whatta dick
posted by ElvisJesus at 6:01 PM on August 12, 2003

iI'll add that I am just a regular guy living in New York City (Go Yankees! )who wants a larger penis.

I've long maintained that Yankees fans are just a bunch of small-dicked whiners.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:03 PM on August 12, 2003

Holy crap, is mathowie actually this guy (3ird down)? Sounds like it.
posted by mss at 6:03 PM on August 12, 2003

Well, maybe he will give hope to less endowed guys that they aren't as less endowed as this guy....
posted by benjh at 6:44 PM on August 12, 2003

" If you do this for 35 minutes a day 5 times a week you will get bigger whether the pills do anything or not."

So, do plo chops count?
posted by trondant at 8:06 PM on August 12, 2003

If you look at the page that contains the info about the pills...there is a great graphic on the left of a group of doctors conferring in I guess what is meant to be the laboratory where they research these things.

I just think that image is great: I imagine teams of people, with the test subjects in the isolation rooms, doing their exercises; the doctors would monitor them via 2-way mirror etc etc.
posted by RubberHen at 10:04 PM on August 12, 2003

could I care less?

I was born with a massive shlong.
posted by delmoi at 10:43 PM on August 12, 2003

Who's to say that a penis-enlargement pill hawker doesn't just set up a blog to make it see so, well, indie and bloggie?

I get fucking (no pun intended) 15 of these penis enlargement spams a day. No plo chops. And I cannot fathom how these people can keep it up.

Also, it looks like pro solution pills is paying attention at this late hour to this thread. Rubberhen, your link as been changed to a page with nothing but a link to the Pro Solution Pills index page.

Either these folks have employees monitoring the logs or they just happened to change the link to the image you allude to because they care about safely enlarging your Rubbercock's penis without your MeFi link anywhere in circulation.
posted by crasspastor at 11:20 PM on August 12, 2003

What's the obsession with the larger penis? Lets say this stuff works and for a few hundred dollars you get a 10-20% increase in penis size (assume length and girth). Okay, congratulations. Suzy still won't go out with you because she plain doesn't like you. And its not like you can really show it off in public, even the tighest shorts won't reveal that 10% growth.

So what are the hopes here? I mean if you're a loser with the penis you have then you'll probably retain that social status even with a little more. The laws of diminishing returns are really up against this guy.

Its like home cosmetic surgery for men. Reminds me of the lady who had her ear lobes "done." I'm sure the before and after photos make sense to her but to an outsider its crazy. The only saving grace I can think of, other than false confidence, is that he's doing it for his girlfriend, but I don't think he has one.
posted by skallas at 11:47 PM on August 12, 2003

Trust me, as an owner and operator of a penis... tugging it doesn't make it any bigger. If it did, ages 12 through 15 would have left me with a cross between a fire hose and a huge oversized novelty fire hose.

[from Seanbaby]
posted by MarkO at 11:57 PM on August 12, 2003

Wow.

Crasspastor. Is this just not a deep linking thing? Should is not work for all images there?


(Looks....)

Wow! The image is not even there, and when I did a "open up in new window" on this, the rather blue image they provide, that image comes up. The other image does not even show up on the main page! How freaky!

You know, this does smell a bit rattish, but even so, if so, how cruelly innovative.

All we have to see now is the diary of a guy who helps out Kwasi N'Gudu , a fair and generous gentleman who was burdoned with the responsibility of distributing his fortune that was left in his account after a military coup struck down his fax machine, leaving him with no recourse but to contact someone with a US bank account!
posted by RubberHen at 12:34 AM on August 13, 2003

"And regarding pictures, uh, no I won't take any pictures. You'll just have to trust that I'm posting my real measurements."

Yeah right.

Well folks, I'm hung like a musk oxen so I guess it was a success. You'll have to take my word for it really. Thanks for visiting my blog!

Not that I want pictures mind you, it's just gonna be hard for him to prove any growth.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 1:00 AM on August 13, 2003

Oh. I see what you were linking to now Rubberhen. They've merely foiled the linking to of images without their content. To link to the image is to link to that static page asking you to "click here".

I thought you'd found a gallery or something, therefore prompting my inane sleuthing. It just fit so in with my other theory you know.
posted by crasspastor at 3:08 AM on August 13, 2003

weird as fuck. They've activated the link to the images again.

--I swear I'm not making this up.

--It's actually not that weird. They're paying attention or they're coincidentally moving shit around on their server concurrent with this thread.

Somebody's toyin' with metafilter. na nee na nee na na. . .
posted by crasspastor at 3:17 AM on August 13, 2003

could I care less?

I was born with a massive shlong.

Yeah, but a penis that's huge on a newborn is somewhat less impressive on a fully-grown man.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:05 AM on August 13, 2003

Interesting idea, but due caution should be exercised.

Imagine certain outcomes:

Dear Sirs,

I recently ordered some of your penis enlargement pills. They worked fine, but sadly I took more than the reccommended dosage and it's grew so large that everytime I get an erection, I pass out.

Can I get a refund?

Thanks,

Jeff Stryker.
posted by jonmc at 6:27 AM on August 13, 2003

Yeah, but a penis that's huge on a newborn is somewhat less impressive on a fully-grown man.

That's funny, 'cause I'm hung like a baby: 20" and eight pounds.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:35 AM on August 13, 2003

Stav: I rike you. You make me raff.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:38 AM on August 13, 2003

arhghare

what are plo chops? even google fails me.
posted by sugarfish at 7:44 AM on August 13, 2003

what are plo chops?

Don't worry you'll love 'em...

heheh
posted by jonmc at 8:09 AM on August 13, 2003

sugarfish: "in an ahnold accent... plo cho... oh!"

heh. it was like a lightbulb went on over my head. thanks jon :D
posted by sugarfish at 8:54 AM on August 13, 2003

These penis enlargement pills seem like the equivalent of that ubiquitous 12-year-old girl exercise - you know, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust, the tighter the sweater, the bigger the better, the boys are depending on us!" Except that girls eventually realize that doesn't work.
posted by orange swan at 9:44 AM on August 13, 2003

I'd just like to thank everyone involved for an outstanding comments thread.
posted by mojohand at 9:45 AM on August 13, 2003

the pen is mightier!
posted by shoepal at 11:58 AM on August 13, 2003

And I cannot fathom how these people can keep it up.

Bwahaha!
posted by rushmc at 7:48 PM on August 13, 2003