10 contestants, 40 lapdancers, 1 winner....

August 18, 2003 9:07 AM

3. The girls are always there: you make breakfast - lapdancers. You brush your teeth - lapdancers. You try and sleep - lapdancers. Can you handle that?

The Lapdance Island contestant application. Can you handle that?
posted by davehat (36 comments total)

fyi: big juicy photo of girls in skimpy bikinis
posted by scarabic at 9:18 AM on August 18, 2003

This would get boring fast. One can only laugh so long, you know.
posted by insomnyuk at 9:19 AM on August 18, 2003

I finally hath seen the promised land.
posted by jonmc at 9:22 AM on August 18, 2003

This is what passes for a green-lighted-by-studios reality show? Strippers dancing all day around a few dorky guys?
posted by mathowie at 9:22 AM on August 18, 2003

scarabic: Hmmm, I thought this was probably SFW.....

Depends where you work I guess.... sorry.
posted by davehat at 9:24 AM on August 18, 2003

Sounds more like some network exec deciding to make his fantasy from age 14 a reality. And I won't argue with him.
posted by jonmc at 9:25 AM on August 18, 2003

That should be the template Questionairre for fucking EVERYTHING. Job applications, college applications, license renewal, day care centers....

"Congratulations! We are proud to accept you to Harvard Medical School, based on your enthusiasm for rigorous lap dancing."
posted by Stan Chin at 9:31 AM on August 18, 2003

When I saw the trailer for this a week ago my g/f & I turned to each other & just looked that 'ah well, another rung down the ladder' look at each other. I also wondered how long before it got to MeFi...cheers davehat ;-)

'Sex' & reality TV - the barrel has still got something/ left in it.
posted by i_cola at 9:34 AM on August 18, 2003

I filled in the form - just to see if I'm sad enough to fulfil their selection criteria of course.
posted by cbrody at 9:37 AM on August 18, 2003

sounds more like a desensitizing punishment for some sort of sex crime offender.
posted by crunchland at 9:37 AM on August 18, 2003

...including my crappy html tagging
posted by i_cola at 9:41 AM on August 18, 2003

a reality show about posting on websites is so close i can Taste it.
posted by th3ph17 at 9:44 AM on August 18, 2003

I saw the trailer for this last night on Channel 4 and, right up to the end, was sure it was a parody. I'm still hoping it's a front for some show about saddos who apply to shows like this.
posted by jamespake at 9:54 AM on August 18, 2003

This show definitely needs some tweaking before it'll be of any interest to the MeFi boyzone. I'm thinking lesbian contestants who post to websites and discuss the posted materials while lapdancers attempt to distract them....
posted by orange swan at 9:55 AM on August 18, 2003

"Your sexual urges are likely to increase dramatically throughout the show. Give us one example of how you might take this matter in hand."

I'd call parody on this, but 1) it's not clever enough to be parody and 2) I can't imagine what this could be parodying.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 10:28 AM on August 18, 2003

Some years ago, I worked for a car dealership. I ate lunch with the mechanics every day, and these particular mechanics were enthralled with a strip club that had recently opened in that town, and often talked about going over en masse to eat lunch there. One day, I made the mistake of expressing my disinterest in having tits in my face while I'm eating a sandwich. This resulted in vigorous challenges to my sexual orientation.

I believe that the chief purpose of lap dancing (and most group-oriented stripper behavior) isn't sexual arrousal; it's to allow guys to show other guys how straight they are. What a yawn riot. Then again, maybe I'm not yet desperate enough to appreciate booth-tanned silicone lobes waggled in my face by someone who probably despises me.
posted by squirrel at 10:42 AM on August 18, 2003

I'm still hoping it's a front for some show about saddos who apply to shows like this.

You're close. Leaked title deeds reveal that "Lapdance Island" was formally known as Psychokillerwitharustydrill Island.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 10:45 AM on August 18, 2003

You're close. Leaked title deeds reveal that "Lapdance Island" was formally known as Psychokillerwitharustydrill Island.

Sorry, when I said 'saddos' I meant to say 'wonderful guys with no questions about their sexuality or ability to form long-term relationships'.
posted by jamespake at 10:52 AM on August 18, 2003

jamespake: I too thought parody or perhaps something as follows:

A fly on the wall show that will follow our potential contestants "pop-idol style" through gruelling and humiliating qualification rounds judged by a panel consisting of a tight trousered, emotionally stunted boy/man, a star from a 90's pop band no one cares for and someone just out of/into/out of rehab only for the contestants to discover, 28 years in, that:

Shock! Horror! Shock Again!

They have won a week in a house in Bedford with a group of slightly dotty old ladies who think you might be Jesus come to live in the new Jerusalem.

THERE ARE NO BOOTYLICIOUS BABES ON AN ISLAND AWAITING ANY OF THE CONTESTANTS AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT YOU AH HA HA HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Having said that, this is Channel 4, a network on a mission to reclaim the smut/bad taste/pointless crown so rudely taken from them when Channel 5 started, so it could be that this really is to be taken at face value.

Don't ya just love post-ironic TV? Dontcha?!
posted by davehat at 11:09 AM on August 18, 2003

I think the next/only remaining reality TV format (besides "Bukakke Island") would be a show where adults just make a lot of children cry, live..."Four Square: The Series" or something.
posted by tpl1212 at 11:24 AM on August 18, 2003

I think the next/only remaining reality TV format (besides "Bukakke Island") would be a show where adults just make a lot of children cry, live..."Four Square: The Series" or something.

i remember some sort of japanese reality tv show that did that allready....
something about bringing this young girl on stage (like 7 or 8) and telling her in front of an audience that her parents were dead.... which wasn't true.
posted by Espoo2 at 11:37 AM on August 18, 2003

Espoo2: The Japanese don't count. Their games shows have been fucked up beyond all recognition for a while now. Anything you can possibly imagine to humiliate/torture another human being, they've done it on a game show of some sort.
posted by grum@work at 1:14 PM on August 18, 2003

I believe that the chief purpose of lap dancing (and most group-oriented stripper behavior) isn't sexual arrousal; it's to allow guys to show other guys how straight they are. What a yawn riot.

Answer 1 - The purpose of lap dancing is also to allow other guys to show everyone how civilized and above it all they are by stating loudly, in public, how they'd never be caught dead in such a place, perish the thought. Also, once you get over the whole boobies thing, you can just work it like a casino - the regular schlubs blow all their money there, and you get a cheap lunch.

Answer 2 - You are going to the wrong strip clubs, my friend.
posted by majcher at 2:13 PM on August 18, 2003

I filled out the form with bogus info to see what came up next and got - "Something bad happened, please try again". But I haven't watched the show yet.
posted by dg at 4:33 PM on August 18, 2003

I'm so glad I ran across this post just before my husband left to go to ... a strip club, so I could get him to tell all his strip club loving friends about it. He thought it was the most ignorant thing he'd heard of in a while as far as "reality" TV goes, but then both of us try to avoid watching anything that claims to be presenting reality (unless it's on an educational channel).

I would like to think this a joke of some sort, but unfortunately, it probably isn't.

majcher, you are so right about the cheap lunch! I have been known to go along with the guys just for that. There is this one place in town that has the BEST prime rib ever, and it costs about 1/4 what it would in a real restaurant. Sure, I have to put up with the occasional set of fake breasts too close to my face, as well as smelling like I bathed in a bottle of cheap perfume when I leave, but I think it's a fair trade-off ... not to mention all the potential blackmail material I have on all my husband's friends. :D
posted by Orb at 4:52 PM on August 18, 2003

Two solid points well taken, majcher. Thanks. I had the casino angle worked out already, but I never realized that strip clubs were the choice locale for cheap prime rib. Wrong clubs, indeed.

Of course, you realize what they do with old showgirls, don't you?
posted by squirrel at 5:40 PM on August 18, 2003

heh he needs to stop by Mons Venus in Tampa, FL.

the girls there will change your mind *real* fast. :)
posted by shadow45 at 3:00 AM on August 19, 2003

Wow, all this time I thought tvgohome was satire...

Warning: extremely foul language and vile metaphors aplenty
posted by backOfYourMind at 6:55 AM on August 19, 2003

The show sounds like fun for about 10 minutes.

Then you get bothered every 30 seconds by a waiter who wants to sell you a bottle of bud (or similar undrinkable crap) for $10.
posted by clevershark at 11:03 AM on August 19, 2003

Then again, maybe I'm not yet desperate enough to appreciate booth-tanned silicone lobes waggled in my face by someone who probably despises me.

I take it the strip club you went to didn't have a cute talkative 19-year-old asian geekette who stripped and did web design to pay her way through college. =)

Ah... those were expensive times...
posted by joquarky at 12:45 PM on August 19, 2003

A friend has applied for this show and has put me forward as a reference. I have to answer this question:

Please can you answer in no more than 150 words why you think your friend applied to be surrounded day and night by 40 professional lapdancers.

OK, I could have some fun with this. To submit I have to read and agree the t&Cs and privacy statement. Being a typical anal-retentive I have actually done this. Here's something from the privacy statement:

"... Data collected will only be used by Channel 4 in relation to marketing of Lapdance Island, a fictional reality show and component of The Pilot Show television programme, produced by Ealing Studio Productions Limited for Channel 4. " (the bold is mine)

So this show is fictional, and part of something larger called the "Pilot Show" - or have I misread this. What to do?
posted by grahamwell at 3:14 AM on August 20, 2003

OK ... things are becoming clear. This via barbelith from Loaded Magazine

"It's part of something called "The Pilot Show", and if you'll forgive me I'll copy what the magazine (and it was Loaded) says about it:

IN A NUTSHELL: Point and laugh at the general public
WHAT'S THE POINT: Gulliable idiots are lured into auditioning for spoof pilot TV shows, while hidden cameras film everything. Watch out for Lapdance Island, where dedicated wannabes try to carry out menial tasks and answer questions while having arses wiggled in thier faces. Genius.


Question is, what do I tell my friend?
posted by grahamwell at 3:39 AM on August 20, 2003

Cruelty TV - The Pilot Show from the Guardian. Thank you and goodnight.
posted by grahamwell at 3:47 AM on August 20, 2003

I have heard, as in word of mouth with no proof, that this is the work of Chris Morris, media assassin, responsible for the 'sickest TV ever', and the quite exquisite humiliation of Phil Collins. This could, of course, be nonce-sense.
posted by punilux at 10:19 AM on August 20, 2003

From The Sun
posted by shoepal at 11:12 AM on August 21, 2003

punilux: It just doesn't seem like a Chris Morris MO to me. If it were indeed he, there would probably be next to zero pre-publicity.

This show seems to have been sort of blitzed on to the nations conciousness in the space of a week. The Sun had a story yesterday and Radio 1 were talking about it too, but the program is not due for a month......

I just don't understand why they are still advertising the spoof show. Surely all the filming must be in the can by now, what purpose can it serve other than to undermine the any "surprise" factor when The Pilot Show actually runs.
posted by davehat at 3:38 AM on August 22, 2003