In return for your soul and your first born.

September 4, 2003 5:32 PM

RIAA to give file swappers amnesty. Provided they delete all unauthorized music files from their computers, destroy all copies (including CD-Rs) and promise not to upload such material in the future. Each infringing household member will have to send a completed, notarized amnesty form to the RIAA, with a copy of a photo ID. Those who renege on their promise will be subject to charges of willful copyright infringement.
posted by riffola (33 comments total)

Double SECRET Probation!
posted by Stan Chin at 5:34 PM on September 4, 2003

I believe there is a commonly accepted convention in the English language whereby quotation marks are used to indicate quoted material.
posted by jjg at 5:35 PM on September 4, 2003

Oh, sorry.

"Double SECRET Probation!"
posted by Stan Chin at 5:37 PM on September 4, 2003

I believe there is a commonly accepted convention in the English language whereby quotation marks are used to indicate quoted material.

True. However, another convention is to place the quoted text in italics, another is to block indent the quotation. I note that Double SECRET Probation appears in italics, indicating that the writer is quoting another source.
posted by eriko at 5:40 PM on September 4, 2003

Wow, it's the whole "YOUR PAPERS, PLEASE!" thing taken to a whole new level. Is everyone going to have to carry this affidavit around with them when using an iPod to prove they are not an evil doer?
posted by mathowie at 5:45 PM on September 4, 2003

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! So, the big, bad all-powerful litigation happy RIAA shows a sign of WEAKNESS! How soon before "corporate media" decides that the music industry was a waste of its investment?
What will be the final straw? An upstart record business that sells cheap CDs and treats artists like human beings rather than slaves? An upstart radio confederation that lets individual stations play what their market wants to hear, with live, human DJs? Free Internet streaming like it used to be? The Copyright Law changed to "market it or lose the rights"?
And then, what will kill the MPAA?
posted by kablam at 5:49 PM on September 4, 2003

I hereby promise the RIAA that from this moment on I will not download any of their material, as long as they send an executive of at least vice-presidential level to my house to kiss my ass. Daily.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:54 PM on September 4, 2003

Yeah, I got an amnesty form those assholes can notarize.

I'm glad that this isn't one of those horrible countries where private business consortiums wield real political power. Maybe because it is a much more minor issue than war and such, the RIAA can be a good vehicle getting people to think about corporatism/fascism in modern-day America. It's pretty hard to dispute the fact that this is an instance of corporate power affecting legislation and subsequent law enforcement in order to serve a syndicate for private interests.

/shameless threadjacking.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 6:01 PM on September 4, 2003

the RIAA may look big and bad and scary

but the USSR did, too, and check out how it ended
posted by matteo at 6:05 PM on September 4, 2003

The RIAA can kiss my lilly white ass.
posted by aacheson at 6:11 PM on September 4, 2003

mmm, photo ID.

No Ticket!
posted by dorian at 6:23 PM on September 4, 2003

This reminds me of when Ashcroft asked all illegal immigrants to stop in at their local INS offices in order to "pick up paper work." Or when cops say they "just want to talk."
posted by jbrjake at 6:37 PM on September 4, 2003

The RIAA can pry my mp3's from my cold dead hard drive.
posted by larry_darrell at 6:46 PM on September 4, 2003

Oh, the gall. Hopefully they'll just proceed past the envelope-pushing stage into the mass stone-throwing stage.
posted by Poagao at 6:47 PM on September 4, 2003

Hey. Does that mean I won't have to continue to pay the RIAA money (for what they think I'm gonna steal) with every blank CD and tape I buy too?
posted by HTuttle at 6:47 PM on September 4, 2003

This is insaaaaaane! Photo ID? Why? And why keep prosecuting some people while giving amnesty to others for the same crime?
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:49 PM on September 4, 2003

why keep prosecuting some people while giving amnesty to others for the same crime?

As I read the story, the RIAA only provides amnesty if you turn yourself in before they subpeona you or file suit. In other words, once you're caught - it's too late.
posted by gd779 at 6:57 PM on September 4, 2003

the timing for ths seems kind of weird. i thought they'd do this after taking people to court, when they'd had more publicity. or has that already happened? are they hoping that a list of "hundreds" is going to make people sufficiently afraid that they're on the list? doesn't seem lightly to me...
posted by andrew cooke at 7:10 PM on September 4, 2003

I gloat. Gloat.

Gloat gloat gloat. Gloatgloat.

Gloat.
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:19 PM on September 4, 2003

I have only one erudite and succinct message for the RIAA:


Neener, neener, neener, you money-grubbing-fascist-asshats. You think I've stolen something? Prove it in court, you leperous, maggot ridden, gangrene smelling, curdled puss licking ghouls.
posted by Wulfgar! at 8:02 PM on September 4, 2003

OMFG. That's...incredible!

The RIAA can kiss my ass as well. Not because I've stolen any copyrighted material - I haven't.

They can kiss my ass just because. The day a business tells its customers that its customers have to prove they're legal customers or be harassed, is the day I stop buying from that business. Period. I have a CD collection of about 400 or so. Those CDs represent the last friggin' RIAA-sponsored product I will every buy again.

Screw them. Hard.
posted by FormlessOne at 8:35 PM on September 4, 2003

"but the USSR did, too, and check out how' it ended"

Uh, the USSR lasted approximately 74 years. I'd rather not wait that long to be free of the RIAA...
posted by PigAlien at 8:38 PM on September 4, 2003

This is sheer madness. Like any teenager is going to go to his/her parents and say..."Mom, Dad...could you photocopy your ID's and sign this bit of paper saying that you'll never download a song?"

And preemptive tattling on yourself? Sheesh, even toddlers know better than that.
posted by dejah420 at 8:44 PM on September 4, 2003

the RIAA may look big and bad and scary

To whom, a three-year-old?
posted by IshmaelGraves at 10:00 PM on September 4, 2003

The RIAA was founded in 1952, so if it lasts as long as the USSR we can look forward to its disintegration in 2026 or so.
posted by hattifattener at 10:11 PM on September 4, 2003

Any apps out there that encrypt your cds and also play them, but render them indecipherable to web bots?
posted by mecran01 at 10:30 PM on September 4, 2003

I think the Recording Industry Ass of America has been chomping on locoweed.
posted by Blue Stone at 2:23 AM on September 5, 2003

in other news, the music industry is getting desperate and is preparing to slash the prices of CDs... of course, they'll still be too expensive, but at least they're on the right track. the cost of distribution is zero. the only "value" the RIAA and record companies is marketing, which most of us don't need to find good music. other than that, they're just in the way now and will eventually be routed around...
posted by muppetboy at 8:55 AM on September 5, 2003

"They can kiss my ass just because. The day a business tells its customers that its customers have to prove they're legal customers or be harassed, is the day I stop buying from that business. Period. I have a CD collection of about 400 or so. Those CDs represent the last friggin' RIAA-sponsored product I will every buy again."

i stopped buying their products years ago when this all started... guess what, i don't miss it at all! i love listening to my housemates old tapes and to college radio now. and i have more money to boot! fuck the bastards.
posted by muppetboy at 8:57 AM on September 5, 2003

but my jr. high ID doesn't have a picture on it

*cries*
posted by eckeric at 9:13 AM on September 5, 2003

Hey I have read this book before.

The Mouth of Sauron is offering the ability to survive to the Free Peoples as long as they swear oaths of loyalty and don't ever get uppity again.
posted by Lord Chancellor at 9:20 AM on September 5, 2003

This part worries me:

"Traders of illegal music will be asked to erase all existing copies, destroy all cd-r versions, and fill out and submit and official subpoena form along with a photocopy of their driver’s license. In addition, customers are required to shave their heads, immediately report and other violators, register with the local RIAA compliance office, surrender all firearms and wear a large pink triangle sewn to their clothing."
posted by mecran01 at 11:19 AM on September 5, 2003

Arrogance that boggles the mind. But is it really out of proportion? I mean, they have congress helping them legally strip cash from citizens on dubious grounds. Maybe the big har-har is on us. Fuck 'em, either way. Viva EFF!
posted by squirrel at 2:31 PM on September 5, 2003