Our skulls collide, mine remains the victor

September 16, 2003 2:09 PM

The Cybersexual Adventures of J-Dogg
J-Dogg: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears27: Oh, I like to play dress up.
J-Dogg: Me too baby.
BritneySpears27: I kiss you softly on your chest.
J-Dogg: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears27: Hey...
J-Dogg: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
(via Harpers)
posted by Ljubljana (30 comments total)

I think this is a double post, but it is in fact a hilarious read.
posted by vito90 at 2:15 PM on September 16, 2003

I was on the fence until this

Jdogg, I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
J-dogg:You can't hurry good pizza.

when I lost it - yeah, that's right, all over the keyboard, biatch.
posted by soyjoy at 2:16 PM on September 16, 2003

Thanks. Made my day.
posted by dobbs at 2:20 PM on September 16, 2003

Is this actually linked from Harper's online? I saw it in the print edition but don't see it linked online. Is the print edition what your [via] was meant to indicate?
posted by scarabic at 2:22 PM on September 16, 2003

I thought it might be too, vito. Harper's is usually behind the curve when it comes to online things.

That being said, I couldn't find it under the search terms "J-dogg," "cybersex" or "cock of the infinite."

On preview to scarabic: Yes, I only saw it in the print edition.
posted by Ljubljana at 2:25 PM on September 16, 2003

Best unintentionally funny line:

"Grain doesn't really turn me on."
posted by Gilbert at 2:44 PM on September 16, 2003

J-Dogg: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fuking charge your ass.
sexysusan: Stop, c'mon be serious.
J-Dogg: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

*ROFL*
posted by homunculus at 2:49 PM on September 16, 2003

That was funny, thanks.
posted by patrickje at 2:57 PM on September 16, 2003

Oh man, BloodNinja is gonna be pissed.
posted by bigschmoove at 3:00 PM on September 16, 2003

J-Dogg: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
J-Dogg: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
J-Dogg: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
J-Dogg: Baby?

woof.
posted by quonsar at 3:01 PM on September 16, 2003

vito, it's not a double-post. I linked to it in a comment back when it was originally on /. It pretty much justifies the Internet in my opinion.
posted by yerfatma at 3:29 PM on September 16, 2003

Good times, good times.
posted by RylandDotNet at 3:30 PM on September 16, 2003

J-Dogg: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katey69: What the fart is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
J-Dogg: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.

That's some salad you got there, but I'll pass on the dressing.
posted by jonmc at 3:58 PM on September 16, 2003

This kind of thing is exactly why I started visiting metafilter in the first place. Brilliant.
posted by Samsonov14 at 4:12 PM on September 16, 2003

and, of course
posted by Peter H at 4:20 PM on September 16, 2003

That being said, I couldn't find it under the search terms "J-dogg," "cybersex" or "cock of the infinite."

Now that is going to make a server op's day whenever he checks the log.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:33 PM on September 16, 2003

You can't get enough BloodNinja.

(that was supposed to be a link above)
posted by bigschmoove at 5:01 PM on September 16, 2003

Thanks Peter H and bigschmoove. It's not like I had work to do or anything.
posted by yerfatma at 5:24 PM on September 16, 2003

There's some more J-Dogg here (slightly NSFW ad at bottom).
posted by yerfatma at 5:46 PM on September 16, 2003

man, nothing like trying to not laugh out loud but having those little muffle giggles annoy everyone else in the room.

thanx. i loved it.
posted by Stynxno at 5:54 PM on September 16, 2003

I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.

sauron is screwed
posted by poopy at 6:20 PM on September 16, 2003

I'm in tears. (from yerfatma's link)
posted by jpoulos at 7:55 PM on September 16, 2003

I remember when these were first posted on the Pitchfork Media Smackdown. Dr. Ninjaforkian was a genius, sadly he is MIA.
posted by noisemartyr at 3:42 AM on September 17, 2003

Oh My God, why didn't I read this sooner? I'm nearly crying, and I've got my face pressed up close to the monitor so my coworkers don't see me stifling my laughter!

Katey69: What the fart is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
posted by Shane at 5:57 AM on September 17, 2003

If you like that you might like this
posted by untuckedshirts at 7:28 AM on September 17, 2003

Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy...

My coworker: Somebody's havin' fun over there...
posted by soyjoy at 7:30 AM on September 17, 2003

A friend and I took on the personalities of Hungbig and Sexgoddess and went to various chatrooms with this kind of show. . .the tension and suspense built and built to dizzying heights, only to leave Hungbig let down yet again, to retire to his bed and his Carly Simon poster on the ceiling above.

It was some of the best fun I have ever had on the net.
posted by Danf at 7:51 AM on September 17, 2003

Oh all this stifled giggling made my eyes water and my mascara run (LSHMYWAMMR)... my oh my. Thank you.
posted by jennyb at 8:13 AM on September 17, 2003

Earth People, I was born on Jupiter
posted by squirrel at 3:46 PM on September 17, 2003

hilarious. (and like others, after reading it my first thought was "via HARPERS?!")
posted by jcruelty at 1:30 PM on September 18, 2003