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Mutant Rats are Here!
September 22, 2003 7:46 PM   Subscribe

Mutant Rats are Here! Farms in Kyrgyzstan are being overrun with rats that do not respond to the usual poison and target people. It was created in a (mad scientist's?) lab. Apocalypse Now?
posted by billsaysthis (34 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
An Uzbek specialist bred the species by crossing an ordinary rat with a muskrat, he said.

Why? Maybe the specialist inspired by this TV show?
posted by jazon at 7:50 PM on September 22, 2003


Muskrat love.
posted by ColdChef at 8:06 PM on September 22, 2003


Apocalypse Now? - No. More like South Park
posted by troutfishing at 8:09 PM on September 22, 2003


This is disturbing. I feel the need to clench.

* clench clench *
posted by troutfishing at 8:24 PM on September 22, 2003


Biting people, eh? I can see it now -

Riki Tiki Tavi vs. The Cobra In My Pants
posted by Ryvar at 8:34 PM on September 22, 2003


What we need are mutant snakes. They would take care of the problem.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:44 PM on September 22, 2003


I'm kind of suspicious to that whole story because of this line:
"These rats can climb trees [...]"

In my experience pretty much any rat is an expert tree-climber.

And how do they know about the crossbreeding, anyway?
"Aaa! We're being overrun by killer rats. Where do they come from?"
"Oh, I created them."
"How did you do that, Ivan?"
"I crossed ordinary rats with muskrats, of course."
"Good job, too."

As far as I know, muskrats and ordinary (brown) rats are different species, which rarely produce fertile offspring, but in this case the offspring is fertile enough to overrun the countryside? Please.

And even if the story is true, they're not mutant any more than you or me, they're merely crossbreeds.

So there.
posted by spazzm at 8:52 PM on September 22, 2003


No. More like South Park

Sure, but one of the episodes featuring Satan!
posted by billsaysthis at 8:54 PM on September 22, 2003


As far as I know, muskrats and ordinary (brown) rats are different species, which rarely produce fertile offspring, but in this case the offspring is fertile

THAT is PRECISELY WHY he needed to MUTATE them. Duh. If movies have taught me anything, and they have, they've taught me that:

(1) Mutation makes things big
(2) Mutation makes things ill-tempered
(3) Mutation makes things horny and interfertile.

See Night of the Lepus for the first two, or Humanoids from the Deep for the trifecta.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:14 PM on September 22, 2003


This is the biological terror attack that the US of A is to pheer from Osama!

Department of Homeland Security - RAT division. Ashcroft will be out talking to police asking them to go a-ratt'n.
posted by rough ashlar at 9:19 PM on September 22, 2003


Created? Hardly! New York City has had these rats for decades. If you think they're bad, you should see the roaches!
posted by fatbobsmith at 9:27 PM on September 22, 2003


Apocalypse Now?
Nope, that is the past!
posted by MzB at 9:34 PM on September 22, 2003


I, for one, welcome our new mutant rat overlords...

Well, come on...someone had to do it.
posted by dejah420 at 9:39 PM on September 22, 2003


Well, come on...someone had to do it.

We could've used you a year ago.
posted by angry modem at 10:01 PM on September 22, 2003


damn dejah, that was my comment.

no thread is complete without it!
posted by badzen at 10:05 PM on September 22, 2003


Rodents Of Unusual Size, I hardly believe they exist

come on people, how could you miss that one...
posted by NGnerd at 10:10 PM on September 22, 2003


If you think they're bad, you should see the roaches!

Come visit Texas. Upon moving to Austin I was delighted to learn that the American cockroach is a regular everyday outside bug here. They're 2 inches long and they fly. I was sitting outside at a coffeehouse the other night (Spider House, for you locals) and a big one flew right into the side of my head.

Those of you in Florida, etc. know what I'm talking about, too.
posted by boredomjockey at 10:21 PM on September 22, 2003


Created? Hardly! New York City has had these rats for decades. If you think they're bad, you should see the roaches!

Bah! Look at the Mexican Sewer Rats that cross the Rio Grande and then talk to me.
posted by Ufez Jones at 10:22 PM on September 22, 2003


Mexican sewer rats talk to you, Ufez? Dr. Ufezlittle?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:31 PM on September 22, 2003


boredomjockey, they're not just outside bugs, my friend.

Some day when I can tell the tale without shuddering, I'll relate the story of THE COCKROACH IN MY HAIR, or How My Roomie's Kitty Became My Savior.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:41 PM on September 22, 2003


As far as I know, muskrats and ordinary (brown) rats are different species, which rarely produce fertile offspring

Not only are they different species, muskrats and brown rats are in whole different subfamilies. A muskrat is basically a big lemming that likes to swim. Not likely to be crossed with a rat without the help of your friendly neighborhood time-traveling geneticist from the future.

Also, shouldn't being half-muskrat make them clumsy on land and more prone to eating swamp plants and frogs than toddlers and chickens?

What we need are mutant snakes. They would take care of the problem.

Now we just have to find some cheap snake-eating gorillas to clear out the mutant snakes. But will it get cold enough in Kyrgyzstan to freeze the gorillas?
posted by crake at 10:43 PM on September 22, 2003


Bah! Rats? You want rats? You should see the size of the rats near my house. You know, I used to have a damned fine house but now it's got foot wide holes in the walls, all the kitchen doors have been chewed and my rotweiler has gone missing.

Actually, when you think about it like that the rats aren't really much of a problem...
posted by twine42 at 2:34 AM on September 23, 2003


It will all end in existential woe.
posted by alms at 2:47 AM on September 23, 2003


Moe Szylak: - Ok, everybody tuck your pants into your socks

Problem solvered.
posted by backOfYourMind at 4:13 AM on September 23, 2003


well at least they don't have laser eyeballs. Until then, humanity will continue to be safe from everything but other humans.
posted by phylum sinter at 6:12 AM on September 23, 2003



Mexican sewer rats talk to you, Ufez? Dr. Ufezlittle?


Well, used to. I got tired of their constant droning on immigration reform and the hypocrisies outlined by Dr. Rizzo Otomys in his thesis Corre, puto!. You know, same old babble.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:54 AM on September 23, 2003


I got yer Rodents of Unusual Size right here.

Also, those American flying cockroaches? I used to have those motherfuckers ambush me in the shower. That shit is no joke.
posted by furiousthought at 7:27 AM on September 23, 2003


If you get a roach in your ear, follow these instructions.

Good cockroach-removal advice cannot be undervalued.
posted by UncleFes at 7:30 AM on September 23, 2003


I know this guy is behind it.
posted by Bag Man at 8:03 AM on September 23, 2003


Assuming there is an iota of truth to this story, it should serve as warning that genetic modification (including GM foods) is not always a good thing.

I bet you could make good money selling large cats in Kyrgyzstan right about now!
posted by ilsa at 10:29 AM on September 23, 2003


Thanks, UncleFes...

"Do not attempt to remove a large bug or insect without killing it first. They tend to be wily, evasive little creatures well equipped for fighting in tunnels. In the heat of battle, the patient can become terrorized by the noise and pain and the instrument that you are using is likely to damage the ear canal."

Once the shudders stop, I still might not sleep for days.
posted by MsVader at 12:47 PM on September 23, 2003


Good thing that Uzbek scientist didn't think to cross brown rats with naked mole rats: one of the few creatures on earth (Humans and ants being a few of the others) who wage warfare.
posted by troutfishing at 3:02 PM on September 23, 2003


Ilsa:
Since there isn't an iota of truth in this story, and it does not discuss genetic manipulation anyway, I'll assume that GM foods are perfectly safe until the opposite is proven. (Or at least substantiated by scientific evidence.)
posted by spazzm at 5:04 AM on September 24, 2003


Oh what the hell: bring them to Queensland in Australia. We enjoy importing species that are going to screw over our ecosystem.
Maybe they'll eat a few million Cane Toads.
posted by snarfodox at 5:07 AM on September 24, 2003


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