That's it baby, make me flaccid.
September 24, 2003 12:24 PM Subscribe
Sexy? NOT! Nerve.com lists their top 50 "genital retracting people, places, and things". Safe for work. Linked via the the Sporting Press...
"If you're spending time and money getting your asshole bleached, step back for a sec."
Gah! I'm afraid to even Google that one!
posted by o2b at 12:40 PM on September 24, 2003
Gah! I'm afraid to even Google that one!
posted by o2b at 12:40 PM on September 24, 2003
If it's safe for work, how come our net-nanny blocks it?
posted by SealWyf at 12:54 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by SealWyf at 12:54 PM on September 24, 2003
This was worth reading just for the Lord of the Rings item. Great stuff.
posted by Space Coyote at 12:56 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by Space Coyote at 12:56 PM on September 24, 2003
My cats??? Owning cats isn't sexy? My cats don't give a fuck about me? My cats love me! THEY LOVE ME!!!
posted by jennyb at 12:58 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by jennyb at 12:58 PM on September 24, 2003
jennyb, owning cats isn't "not sexy," it's "anti-sexy". sorry for the news.
posted by dobbs at 1:24 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by dobbs at 1:24 PM on September 24, 2003
Not safe for work as far as vocabulary goes. I agree with the list except for perfume and some of the women they mentioned.
posted by 111 at 1:25 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by 111 at 1:25 PM on September 24, 2003
And what, jon_kill, we're all waiting around for your next post?
posted by dobbs at 1:46 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by dobbs at 1:46 PM on September 24, 2003
When I write shit like this all I get is abuse from you MeFi people, don't I? I guess snarky is only allowed on site you link to FROM Metafilter.
posted by johnnydark at 1:47 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by johnnydark at 1:47 PM on September 24, 2003
I laughed out loud several times while reading this, vito90, and snickered silently a few other times. Thanks.
posted by orange swan at 1:55 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by orange swan at 1:55 PM on September 24, 2003
Well, this isn't safe for work, and it's slightly funny. But you get bonus points for actually linking to the thing you were talking about and not just nerve.com's home page.
Oh, and perfume may or may not be sexy, but it gives me a headache and tastes terrible, so I'd have to go with not too sexy to me.
That's N2S2M
posted by Outlawyr at 1:57 PM on September 24, 2003
Oh, and perfume may or may not be sexy, but it gives me a headache and tastes terrible, so I'd have to go with not too sexy to me.
That's N2S2M
posted by Outlawyr at 1:57 PM on September 24, 2003
jon_kill, dobbs, 111:
no.1 on the unsexy list: pointless arguments on the internet, gabishe?
Not that I find any of you sexy anyway, I digs the chicks, ya see, .....
posted by jonmc at 2:03 PM on September 24, 2003
no.1 on the unsexy list: pointless arguments on the internet, gabishe?
Not that I find any of you sexy anyway, I digs the chicks, ya see, .....
posted by jonmc at 2:03 PM on September 24, 2003
gabishe?
posted by gottabefunky at 2:04 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by gottabefunky at 2:04 PM on September 24, 2003
gabishe?
He just had a bad day at the dentist. I think his mouth is still a bit swollen.
posted by Ufez Jones at 2:14 PM on September 24, 2003
He just had a bad day at the dentist. I think his mouth is still a bit swollen.
posted by Ufez Jones at 2:14 PM on September 24, 2003
"48. Pot. Many people will go on and on about how great stoned sex is. If by “sex,” you mean “eating saltines and watching infomercials,” then you're absolutely right!"
The person that wrote this obviously has never had stoned sex. So, just because he can't get laid while he is stoned, means that nobody can? I think he's just jealous. Stoned sex is the best!!... er, so I've heard
posted by maceo at 2:37 PM on September 24, 2003
The person that wrote this obviously has never had stoned sex. So, just because he can't get laid while he is stoned, means that nobody can? I think he's just jealous. Stoned sex is the best!!... er, so I've heard
posted by maceo at 2:37 PM on September 24, 2003
jennyb, owning cats isn't "not sexy," it's "anti-sexy". sorry for the news.
Then how come it's called a pussy?
posted by JanetLand at 2:43 PM on September 24, 2003
Then how come it's called a pussy?
posted by JanetLand at 2:43 PM on September 24, 2003
Stoned sex? Why? That's like stoned sports...
posted by Space Coyote at 2:44 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by Space Coyote at 2:44 PM on September 24, 2003
I feel very sexy right now.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 2:50 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by soundofsuburbia at 2:50 PM on September 24, 2003
Re Cats: yeah, 'cause owning an animal [dog] that is genetically predisposed to be emotionally dependent upon you and look to you as a god, is indicative of an emotionally healthy disposition.
And not an ego-cripple or anything.
posted by Blue Stone at 2:52 PM on September 24, 2003
And not an ego-cripple or anything.
posted by Blue Stone at 2:52 PM on September 24, 2003
I feel very sexy right now.
Yes, but are you too sexy for your cat?
posted by jonmc at 2:58 PM on September 24, 2003
Yes, but are you too sexy for your cat?
posted by jonmc at 2:58 PM on September 24, 2003
Yes, but are you too sexy for your cat?
I like to think that I am!
posted by soundofsuburbia at 3:02 PM on September 24, 2003
I like to think that I am!
posted by soundofsuburbia at 3:02 PM on September 24, 2003
I don't have a cat but the alley cats around here don't find me sexy at all. Lesbians.
Actually, once you're past thirty, in a relationship and not wealthy or famous, you cease being sexy to anyone but women over 60. I can prove this.
posted by jonmc at 3:06 PM on September 24, 2003
Actually, once you're past thirty, in a relationship and not wealthy or famous, you cease being sexy to anyone but women over 60. I can prove this.
posted by jonmc at 3:06 PM on September 24, 2003
But your cat may make you sexier, at least if you're a woman.
posted by biffa at 3:09 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by biffa at 3:09 PM on September 24, 2003
Any article pissing on Ashton Kutchter, Burning Man and Livejournal deserves a huzzah! Thanks, vito.
111, nobody cares what you think. Really.
jon_kill do you always wet your pants when 111 enters a thread? Are you that threatened? Intolerant? Insecure? What?
posted by dhoyt at 3:57 PM on September 24, 2003
111, nobody cares what you think. Really.
jon_kill do you always wet your pants when 111 enters a thread? Are you that threatened? Intolerant? Insecure? What?
posted by dhoyt at 3:57 PM on September 24, 2003
jonmc, I must demur.
Being in a real relationship makes one, on the contrary, *irrestistible* to women who were way out of reach before. It's infuriating, even as it's sort of uselessly delightful.
posted by adamgreenfield at 4:05 PM on September 24, 2003
Being in a real relationship makes one, on the contrary, *irrestistible* to women who were way out of reach before. It's infuriating, even as it's sort of uselessly delightful.
posted by adamgreenfield at 4:05 PM on September 24, 2003
Stoned sex is the best!!... er, so I've heard SFW
posted by thomcatspike at 4:25 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by thomcatspike at 4:25 PM on September 24, 2003
Being in a real relationship makes one, on the contrary, *irrestistible* to women who were way out of reach before.
Yes, it's true. It's considered a testimonial of worthiness.
posted by jokeefe at 4:26 PM on September 24, 2003
Yes, it's true. It's considered a testimonial of worthiness.
posted by jokeefe at 4:26 PM on September 24, 2003
50. The Internet. All those people. All that porn. All that time. Nothing you can touch.
Brevity is the soul of wit. Great list! Should be required reading.
posted by squirrel at 4:44 PM on September 24, 2003
Brevity is the soul of wit. Great list! Should be required reading.
posted by squirrel at 4:44 PM on September 24, 2003
"If you're spending time and money getting your asshole bleached, step back for a sec."
No more secs! ... Well, maybe just a little.
posted by kindall at 5:06 PM on September 24, 2003
No more secs! ... Well, maybe just a little.
posted by kindall at 5:06 PM on September 24, 2003
* Commercials where people use cell phones to perform Shakespeare.
* About 93.7% of this year's TV fall line-up (I'm being too kind, I know).
* Rod Stewart singing the theme to Enterprise. I didn't like it when they started, and I haven't warmed up to it. Stewart was never sexy, even when people thought he was - and that was over twenty years ago.
* My lovelife.
* People making unsexy lists for nerve.com.
posted by ZachsMind at 5:16 PM on September 24, 2003
* About 93.7% of this year's TV fall line-up (I'm being too kind, I know).
* Rod Stewart singing the theme to Enterprise. I didn't like it when they started, and I haven't warmed up to it. Stewart was never sexy, even when people thought he was - and that was over twenty years ago.
* My lovelife.
* People making unsexy lists for nerve.com.
posted by ZachsMind at 5:16 PM on September 24, 2003
What about "retracting people, places, and things" for the world's oldest genitals?
posted by LeLiLo at 6:38 PM on September 24, 2003
posted by LeLiLo at 6:38 PM on September 24, 2003
About 93.7% of this year's TV fall line-up (I'm being too kind, I know).
The scariest part of the fall TV linup for me:
My dear sweet housemate has one big flaw. She has become a fan of Friends. So here we are, chanel flipping after a hard day and came upon the tag end of the pilot for Two and a Half Guys, to find the exact same joke, done with almost the exact same setup, in a very similar context, with almost exactly the same punchline as the Friends episode we just passed.
I mean, I understand that situation comedy tends to repeat its self, but one would think that the PILOT might just avoid plagarism in order to hook people in before rolling in the old material.
But on the topic of things that are anti-sexy. What is the deal with thongs combined with poorly fitting pants that seem intended to slide 3/4ths of the way down a woman's gluteus maximi every time she sits down? Is this an intentional fashion statement? I mean, the whole visible boxer short thing was stupid enough, and I might be getting prematurely old and stodgy, but there are some parts of a person's body that I really don't want to see unclothed before we are on a first-name basis, or on the rare visits to a swimming hole where such exposure is a bit more polite.
It reminds me of one of my favorite short-short political poems (which I'll probably butcher):
Aunt Lilly's evening dress,
reveals her charms to excess,
(which makes a person want for less).
posted by KirkJobSluder at 7:47 PM on September 24, 2003
The scariest part of the fall TV linup for me:
My dear sweet housemate has one big flaw. She has become a fan of Friends. So here we are, chanel flipping after a hard day and came upon the tag end of the pilot for Two and a Half Guys, to find the exact same joke, done with almost the exact same setup, in a very similar context, with almost exactly the same punchline as the Friends episode we just passed.
I mean, I understand that situation comedy tends to repeat its self, but one would think that the PILOT might just avoid plagarism in order to hook people in before rolling in the old material.
But on the topic of things that are anti-sexy. What is the deal with thongs combined with poorly fitting pants that seem intended to slide 3/4ths of the way down a woman's gluteus maximi every time she sits down? Is this an intentional fashion statement? I mean, the whole visible boxer short thing was stupid enough, and I might be getting prematurely old and stodgy, but there are some parts of a person's body that I really don't want to see unclothed before we are on a first-name basis, or on the rare visits to a swimming hole where such exposure is a bit more polite.
It reminds me of one of my favorite short-short political poems (which I'll probably butcher):
Aunt Lilly's evening dress,
reveals her charms to excess,
(which makes a person want for less).
posted by KirkJobSluder at 7:47 PM on September 24, 2003
Who wears short-short political poems?
We wear short-short political poems!
Nope, not even wrecking the meter completely can make the Nair song[*] sexy.
[*] Google tells me it's actually called Short Shorts by the Royal Teens. Stupid search engine thinks it knows everything... I'll show you! *grumble mutter*
posted by arto at 1:13 AM on September 25, 2003
We wear short-short political poems!
Nope, not even wrecking the meter completely can make the Nair song[*] sexy.
[*] Google tells me it's actually called Short Shorts by the Royal Teens. Stupid search engine thinks it knows everything... I'll show you! *grumble mutter*
posted by arto at 1:13 AM on September 25, 2003
Google tells me it's actually called Short Shorts by the Royal Teens.
Who featured Al Kooper who later played organ on "Like A Rolling Stone," produced Lynyrd Skynyrd, recorded with Mike Bloomfield and founded Blood, Sweat, & Tears.
Knowing this stuff is extremely unsexy, I realize.
posted by jonmc at 9:33 AM on September 25, 2003
Who featured Al Kooper who later played organ on "Like A Rolling Stone," produced Lynyrd Skynyrd, recorded with Mike Bloomfield and founded Blood, Sweat, & Tears.
Knowing this stuff is extremely unsexy, I realize.
posted by jonmc at 9:33 AM on September 25, 2003
It'd be sexy if you were a female, jonmc.
posted by timeistight at 9:41 AM on September 25, 2003
posted by timeistight at 9:41 AM on September 25, 2003
I know, timeistight, female music geeks have male harems for the asking, I hope they realize.
Ladies just walk into a record store and say "Nick Gravenites" and you'll never spend a saturday night alone again.
posted by jonmc at 9:51 AM on September 25, 2003
Ladies just walk into a record store and say "Nick Gravenites" and you'll never spend a saturday night alone again.
posted by jonmc at 9:51 AM on September 25, 2003
Wouldn't I have to actually know who Nick Gravenites is?
posted by orange swan at 10:48 AM on September 25, 2003
posted by orange swan at 10:48 AM on September 25, 2003
Naw. Music geeks are pretty easy to please.
posted by timeistight at 10:51 AM on September 25, 2003
posted by timeistight at 10:51 AM on September 25, 2003
Wait a minute, I'm only going to be attracting music geeks? I already do... Kill the Google search on Nick Gravenites!
posted by orange swan at 10:53 AM on September 25, 2003
posted by orange swan at 10:53 AM on September 25, 2003
In fact, if you remember that he wrote "Born in Chicago" you'll have me beat.
posted by timeistight at 10:55 AM on September 25, 2003
posted by timeistight at 10:55 AM on September 25, 2003
Gravenites' crowning acheivement was being vocalist in this criminally underrated band.
And, orange swan, you hose us geeks down, and buy us some new clothes and we become....almost ....presentable...after a few...beers...and shots...of 151.
posted by jonmc at 10:59 AM on September 25, 2003
And, orange swan, you hose us geeks down, and buy us some new clothes and we become....almost ....presentable...after a few...beers...and shots...of 151.
posted by jonmc at 10:59 AM on September 25, 2003
Thanks for the link, jonmc. I had no idea that Buddy Miles played on "Sally Go 'Round the Roses". Six degrees, eh?
posted by timeistight at 12:20 PM on September 25, 2003
posted by timeistight at 12:20 PM on September 25, 2003
I saw that fossil up in Occidental a few years ago. He smoked up the joint. Great show.
/Gravenitesfilter
posted by squirrel at 10:40 PM on September 25, 2003
/Gravenitesfilter
posted by squirrel at 10:40 PM on September 25, 2003
These people are telling us that other people are unsexy??!
posted by i_cola at 1:57 AM on September 26, 2003
posted by i_cola at 1:57 AM on September 26, 2003
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posted by nthdegx at 12:34 PM on September 24, 2003