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September 30, 2003 8:59 PM

"Going Wild in Urban America - To be an individual hunter-gatherer in America is to lead a lonely life." Southern Californian hippy college student alienates friends, gains weight by subsisting on stolen figs (more inside).
posted by troutfishing (14 comments total)

you know, other than "fig newtons", I have no idea what a fig tastes like or looks like.
posted by mrbill at 9:14 PM on September 30, 2003

dried figs taste similar to fig newtons. fresh figs are too sweet for me...but they are quite tasty grilled with olive oil and salt. I have no idea how this person ate so many figs and lived!

catching fish and gathering wild fruits and vegetables sounds pretty cool. gathering cultivated fruits and vegetables from gardens/orchards/etc. sounds kind of lame. then again, it does say urban...
posted by dorian at 9:31 PM on September 30, 2003

It's too bad that Alastair Bland was too timid to go all the way and harvest some tasty urban pets.

Barbecue.
posted by troutfishing at 9:56 PM on September 30, 2003

Couldn't do that at my college. The only thing you're living off the land on during a Minnesota winter is snow.

Figs can make your mouth bleed? Did I read that right? Ugh.
posted by GaelFC at 9:59 PM on September 30, 2003

"Figs can make your mouth bleed?" - God made figs because suffering builds character.

But - as far as Minnesota goes - surely you've got rodents there, and bark as well? Get a grip, man. There's a world of eating outside your door, if only you'd open your eyes.
posted by troutfishing at 10:17 PM on September 30, 2003

We used to raid neighbourhood gardens when I was a kid. Mostly we just got stuff thrown at us.
posted by sharpener at 10:24 PM on September 30, 2003

>living off the land on during a Minnesota winter is snow.

Pine bark tea, I say! Keeps yer belly warm and keeps yer choppers from fallin' out.
posted by philfromhavelock at 10:34 PM on September 30, 2003

Wow, pretty interesting, thanks. I always had that fantasy, as a kid, to just gather and harvest what food is available, including stockpiling for winter.

I can't help thinking of the feeding strategies homeless people have to develop -- this guy certainly had to live with "only" one concern in mind.
posted by NewBornHippy at 12:04 AM on October 1, 2003

(more inside)

Touche!

For what it's worth, as a child (which wasn't very long ago for my young self) I often dreamed of societal collapse resulting in the slow-roasting my compatriots over a fire and the slathering of their charbroiled remains with Maui Rib Sauce. Then, perhaps, I would bay at the moon until a she-human licked the man-meat from my matted fur.

Sort of like Fight Club meets animal porn.
posted by The God Complex at 12:40 AM on October 1, 2003

Fresh figs are very, very sweet when ripe, and their sap is quite hard on your mucous membranes. I'm just amazed that he didn't suffer from screaming liquishits, which is what usually happens to people who OD on figs.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:31 AM on October 1, 2003

The Screaming Liquishits is a pretty good name for a retropunk band.

Up in the narth o'Canuckada, where I grew up, many (30 years ago it was 'most', but perhaps not these days) families shoot a moose in the fall every year, and have ample meat to put away for the long winter. Vegetables would be more of a problem, though.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:48 AM on October 1, 2003

I always thought that ripe figs often look like the human scrotum, anybody concur on that one?
posted by crazy finger at 3:50 AM on October 1, 2003

i thought figs were supposed to be symbolic of the cooter.

no?
posted by sugarfish at 5:32 AM on October 1, 2003

A rather delicate hunter-gatherer. Scallops but no cat/rat/dog? True urban hunter-gatherers also go by the name of dumpster divers.
posted by magullo at 8:57 AM on October 1, 2003