The Cali candidates: Adam to Zellhoefer

October 1, 2003 12:57 AM

The Cali candidates, Adam to Zellhoefer, are all listed at California-Recall.com...and each gets their own page to tell you about themselves. Interesting lesser-known candidates include: Angelyne ("I'm EXTRA large on top, I have a TINY waist, and my hips are JUST RIGHT!"), Joel Britton, "retired meat packer," Art Brown - "I started for publicity, but now that I'm running, I kind of want to run" (such enthusiasm!), William Chambers, "railroad switchman/brakeman," Mary Cook, an "adult film actress" who wants to tax breast implants and wire the Governor’s Mansion with live web cams ("We've had Brown, we've tried Gray, now it's time for some blonde").

Then there's Michael Jackson (no, not that one; this guy's a Satellite Payload Project Manager), Trek Thunder Kelly, "Business Executive/Artist," Paul "Chip" Mailander, "Golf Professional," and Paul Mariano - "I am the only candidate who will appoint Davis as Chief of Staff in charge of the day-to-day governance of California, the job he was duly elected to do." And many more...
posted by Artifice_Eternity (11 comments total)

Personally, I support these guys, who strangely enough aren't on the official list...
^{_{yes, it's a silly self-link}}
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 1:21 AM on October 1, 2003

Oh, we mustn't forget the California candidates card deck.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 1:32 AM on October 1, 2003

In a way it's kind of sad that none of these people even got a chance... big party politics are presenting us with the same old choices, basically, in a free-for-all election that could have brought real change. Some of these fringe candidates are far better than the mainstream ones in many regards.
posted by chaz at 3:07 AM on October 1, 2003

I wish this many people would run for president next round. Hell, I wish this many people ran for everything. However, we've seen the end result. The ones with the most money are the only ones with a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding, because in today's society it simply takes money to be heard. Even if hundreds of people ran for prez, the majority of which not being a registered anything in particular, by election day we'd be down to less than a handful, probably one from the dems and one from the pubs.

If we wanna level the playing field, first we'd have to get rid of the two groups that already bought all the box seats, own the league, and pay the salaries of all the big players. Freedom of choice is an illusion when it's the same damn product dressed up in two different kindsa boxes.
posted by ZachsMind at 3:56 AM on October 1, 2003

..oh. and uhm, *cough* *cough* *cough*
posted by ZachsMind at 4:14 AM on October 1, 2003

Not to be mean, but a week before the recall 90% of these people seem like old news. I've had to deal with "Hey, look who this person is! They're running for governor in the pathetic farce of democracy! Isn't that CUTE?" stories on the news (not to mention Mefi FPPs, of which there have been, what, a THOUSAND? related to recall candidates) about the various fringe contestants for a month now.

If you haven't already heard already that Angelyne, Carey, and Kelly are running, then I applaud your abilty to avoid fluff news and late-night television programming for the last five weeks and truly hope that you choose to pass your gifted intellectualism to your offspring as a contribution to the betterment of future society.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:10 AM on October 1, 2003

Arianna has wisely withdrawn, but I still like the Special Interest Brothel (flash.) I guess I'm a sucker for tassels.
posted by homunculus at 9:52 AM on October 1, 2003

Frankly, I'm fed up with the liberal media ignoring Gallagher.
posted by RavinDave at 10:09 AM on October 1, 2003

HEY! If you're in California and you're complaining about how there's too many choices I can't empathize with you at all.

Here in Texas, there's only one choice. Good ole boy republicans. As a liberal democrat I can honestly say my vote does not count. The rednecks in the more rural parts of this state far outnumber those of us who live in more modern locales like Dallas proper, and they'll be hanged lahk horny toads if'n theyz let another wimenz like Anne Richards be governor agin. Ah mean them there Publikins plum scared the DamnCrats outta the state this past summer, and they almost tarred & feathered the Cratic Critters when theyz waddled back inta Austin wiff their tails tween their legs. Tarnayshun!

And you Californians are unhappy with too many choices? Be thankful you have them!
posted by ZachsMind at 10:21 AM on October 1, 2003

If you haven't already heard already that Angelyne, Carey, and Kelly are running, then I applaud your abilty to avoid fluff news and late-night television programming for the last five weeks and truly hope that you choose to pass your gifted intellectualism to your offspring as a contribution to the betterment of future society.

Thanks.

Yes, I hadn't heard of any of these people before I stumbled across the California-Recall.com site. Whether or not it's because of my "gifted intellectualism," I do in fact view the whole thing as a pseudodemocratic farce, so I haven't paid much attention till now.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 10:29 AM on October 1, 2003

ZachsMind: at least we in the region said NO! to Scott Armey.

(and you underestimate the continuing strength of old-timey conservative Democrats out of the major cities)
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:13 AM on October 1, 2003