ManOnTheFsuckingMoon

October 30, 2003 4:13 AM

Neil Armstrong. The awful truth. In 1969, Neil Armstrong made history by becoming the first man to walk on the moon, uttering the immortal phrase, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Or did he? Previously suppressed footage discovered by blogjam shows that Armstrong's reaction was a great deal more uninhibited than history suggests, and that a hasty editing job was needed to prepare the astronaut's moment of glory for broadcast. So here, for the first time, is the unedited NASA film from the triumphant Apollo 11 mission. [Maybe NSFW]
posted by srboisvert (51 comments total)

"One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." was a flawed statement anyway. Man and mankind are the same thing.

"One small step for A man, one giant leap for mankind." would have made sense.

Brings to mind Homer's statement to Lisa re: meat eating

"Lisa get a hold of yourself. This is lamb, not a lamb."
posted by kenaman at 4:23 AM on October 30, 2003

Oh, give the guy a break. He was on the fucking moon!
posted by hilatron at 4:37 AM on October 30, 2003

kenaman: I recall reading something that said he was supposed to say "One small step for A man" etc, but given the occasion he fluffed his line.
posted by adrianhon at 4:37 AM on October 30, 2003

Stephen Hawking was on the moon?
posted by biffa at 4:38 AM on October 30, 2003

on preview, what adrianhon said. It's a faster world now.
posted by attackthetaxi at 4:40 AM on October 30, 2003

hilatron. I just think that it is pathetic that the first man to set foot on another heavenly body messed up his big line.
posted by kenaman at 4:40 AM on October 30, 2003

Tee hee hee. They said fuck. Hilarious!

Now who's gonna reimburse me for that keyboard?

(yawn...)
posted by jpburns at 4:41 AM on October 30, 2003

The alternate take was actually 'One small step for a man, one giant leap for the man.'
posted by attackthetaxi at 4:44 AM on October 30, 2003

I knew it had something to do with "the man".

As Jack Handey says :
If doctors ever tell you that you've "flipped out," don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me "the Man"
posted by kenaman at 4:47 AM on October 30, 2003

I notice the small print: this is straight out of The Onion's book, Our Dumb Century.
posted by raygirvan at 4:54 AM on October 30, 2003

Funny.

My parents both talk about hearing Armstrong flub his line, and yell and scream about the editing of history. Supposedly he was put off enough by the low gravity when he took his first steps that he said, "One giant leap for man, one small step for mankind."
posted by KnitWit at 5:05 AM on October 30, 2003

The Fucking Moon--isn't that the first full moon of Spring break?
Or is that one the Fucking In Public Moon?
posted by y2karl at 5:21 AM on October 30, 2003

"One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." was a flawed statement anyway. Man and mankind are the same thing.


One small step for pedant, one giant leap for pedantkind.
posted by rcade at 5:25 AM on October 30, 2003

Not only is the audio stolen from The Onion, it's a crappy edit of it with poorly selected video clips. The original audio focuses on the first step on the moon and more realistically parodies the actual moon landing audio. It's MUCH more funny.
posted by D.C. at 5:28 AM on October 30, 2003

I was always told he did say "One small step for A man..." but the recording was garbled a bit and missed it. Revisionist history?
posted by jalexei at 5:30 AM on October 30, 2003

Just imagine the amount of swearing if they'd left him there.
posted by ciderwoman at 5:37 AM on October 30, 2003

original audio focuses on the first step on the moon

There's original audio? I only knew about the "transcript" in the Onion book.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 5:44 AM on October 30, 2003

One small step for A pedant, one giant leap for pedantkind.
posted by kenaman at 6:00 AM on October 30, 2003

One big laugh from rcade.
posted by rcade at 6:16 AM on October 30, 2003

Good luck, Mr. Gorsky!!
posted by Dagobert at 6:19 AM on October 30, 2003

Standup comedian Dana Gould does a great riff on how Armstrong flubbed the line, which implies that there was a roomfull of copy writers in a dimly lit room trying to come up with snappy lines for Neil to say. The first idea tossed out? "Holy shit, the moon!"
posted by Lokheed at 6:36 AM on October 30, 2003

[Maybe NSFW]

Please remove "maybe". Thank you.

This is truly not funny.

As for the flubbed line . . .
posted by Outlawyr at 6:46 AM on October 30, 2003

Now, there are alot of people that think the landing was faked. I always wonder why someone with a big telescope doesn't just point it over at the landing site and photograph the flag and rover that are still supposedly there...
posted by joecacti at 6:48 AM on October 30, 2003

joecacti, there is one word in your comment that causes me to lose all respect for you. Surprisingly, it's not "alot."
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:52 AM on October 30, 2003

Joecacti, no Earth-bound scopes are powerful enough to make out details as small as the lander. I always wondered if the Hubble could do it. Perhaps the moon is too close and too fast for the Hubble to focus in on it, I don't know. Sure would be cool though. I look forward to the day some private company lands a robot to take pictures of the Apollo sites.
posted by bondcliff at 7:04 AM on October 30, 2003

Silly Joecacti, you can't photograph something that's Not There.

M. Boisvert, my fucking department thanks you for fucking sharing.
posted by theora55 at 7:17 AM on October 30, 2003

I look forward to the day some private company lands a robot to take pictures of the Apollo sites.

Uh huh. After that robot delivers the evidence to the moon's surface, you mean.

Anyway... folks, this is a cute trip down memory lane, but come on. The whole thing is five years old. Five fucking years old!

"Those cornball antics may play in the sticks, but this is MetaFilter!"
posted by soyjoy at 7:22 AM on October 30, 2003

"Those cornball antics may play in the sticks, but this is MetaFilter!"

...you mean fucking MetaFilter
posted by ElvisJesus at 7:30 AM on October 30, 2003

Hubble isn't that big, either; smaller than many earth-bound telescopes, in fact. It's advantage isn't how big it is, but that it doesn't have to worry about the atmosphere.
posted by Freaky at 7:31 AM on October 30, 2003

Not that this solves the Can We See The Hardware debate, but I found this kinda cool.
posted by Cyrano at 7:42 AM on October 30, 2003

Also available in t-shirt form.
posted by O9scar at 7:53 AM on October 30, 2003

I always wondered if the Hubble could do it.

ISTR, but could be wrong, that the moon is too bright for Hubble's detectors, so it isn't allowed to look at it.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:55 AM on October 30, 2003

A rat done bit my sister Nell
with Whitey on the FUCKING MOON.
posted by qDot at 7:58 AM on October 30, 2003

I heard that the real coverup is that he actually said

My pants are off. Do you love BBQ sauce?
This comes from reading Quicksilver and biased I Ching.
Will our fearless leader Matt play along? He's swell.
Hoping you pick up the beat, Quonsar. So cute.
George Bush belongs in a kennel with Karl Rove.
posted by palegirl at 8:01 AM on October 30, 2003

There's original audio? I only knew about the "transcript" in the Onion book

I swear I've heard this joke 5-10 years ago on a comedy show of some kind (Mr. Show? Some other HBO sketch comedy thing?), with better audio.
posted by mathowie at 8:03 AM on October 30, 2003

Correction, mathowie... the Mr. Show skit to which you refer actually concerns an even greater triumph of man - blowing up the moon ("We have the technology, the time is now, children are our future...")
posted by adamms222 at 9:31 AM on October 30, 2003

people that think the landing was faked

Yeah, that's my only memory of the moon landing -- watching it on tv down in Florida and my granddaddy telling us it was fake, just a movie from Hollywood.
posted by JanetLand at 9:35 AM on October 30, 2003

heh. this rang a bell...i heard this clip (slightly edited) on the evolution control committee's excellent cd, plagiarythm nation*, earlier this year. the band credits the audio to The Onion's audio book, Our Dumb Century. also, i am not fooled by this post. your conspiracy will be uncovered.

* well worth checking out. also contains the fantastic track Rocked by Rape, featuring the sultry voice of Dan Rather.
posted by carsonb at 9:57 AM on October 30, 2003

What a sucker. I'd have made a side deal with some megabuck corporation. My first words on the moon woulda been something along the lines of: "Drink Coke!"
posted by RavinDave at 10:10 AM on October 30, 2003

OOOoooooolllld school...

These are the guys responsible for the audio, actually... Evolution Control Committee.
posted by Espoo2 at 10:31 AM on October 30, 2003

This wasn't funny in the slightest. What's with the current thinking that people saying "fuck" is somehow funny. Reminds me of all those 80s music videos where old people are inspired to start "rockin' out." Ick.
posted by dobbs at 10:32 AM on October 30, 2003

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin Have a Bit of Fun on the Moon:

Neil Armstrong: "Hello, people of earth. As you can see, the Sea of Tranquility here, there’s the mountains in the distance, there’s the earth! There, you’re looking back up at yourselves there. Over to my right, I can see... a fucking monster! There’s a monster behind me! Aaah! Get off my leg!"

Buzz Aldrin appears in a monster outfit: "Ooooaaaah! Raaaah!"

Neil Armstong, freaked out: “He’s got me, Houston. The monster’s got me! He wants cash! He’s got my hand up behind my back. I think he knows jujitsu. He wants cash for the release of my life. Send a million to –- no, two million dollars. Leave it in a bag by the Sea of Tranquility.... I don’t know, the North Shore! What the fuck?" [/Eddie Izzard]
posted by scody at 10:38 AM on October 30, 2003

What's with the current thinking that people saying "fuck" is somehow funny.

Current? Fucking hell man, where the fuck have you fucking been for the last four fucking decades?
posted by inpHilltr8r at 2:34 PM on October 30, 2003

I thought the chickenbastard was funny...

What's a chickenbastard anyway?
posted by dness2 at 2:46 PM on October 30, 2003

Besides a double fowl.
posted by dness2 at 2:47 PM on October 30, 2003

I look forward to the day some private company lands a robot to take pictures of the Apollo sites.

The ESA's SMART-1 has a high-resolution micro-camera onboard. I wonder if it is powerful enough to do the job. It will be doing some extensive mapping.
posted by moonbiter at 3:36 PM on October 30, 2003

I thought he said "JHC in a chicken basket"
posted by stbalbach at 5:44 PM on October 30, 2003

By the way, what in the hell is "Fsucking"? (page title)

Sounds like a wonderful hybrid. With the double entendre on "Moon," I'm even more intrigued.
posted by soyjoy at 7:49 AM on October 31, 2003

What's a chickenbastard anyway?

*raises hand, sheepishly*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:58 PM on October 31, 2003

Nathalia Crane once said, "There is glory in a great mistake." Armstong's inadvertent of a single "a" could perhaps have been the single greatest flub seen and heard on television in the history of the medium, had it not been for practically every U.S. president since.
"I am not a crook."
"We will begin bombing in five minutes."
"Read my lips. No new taxes."
"That all depends on what the word is, is."
"They misunderestimated me."

Considering the flubs that have happened since Neil Armostrong's lack of an "a," I think we should cut the guy a little slack.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:36 PM on October 31, 2003

Speaking of pedantry, surely you mean: "It depends on what your definition of the word 'is' is."
posted by gohlkus at 2:01 AM on November 1, 2003