Same old cock and bull story

November 3, 2003 10:06 PM

Just in time for Christmas! Shop for scrotums. Get yourself a bull penis walking stick. Spoil your dog with bull penis chew treats. (Go for the 24" ones, if only for the jealousy factor)
posted by mr_crash_davis (14 comments total)

Oh, boy! This will surely be the best phallocentric Christmas ever! Thanks, crash!
posted by antifreez_ at 10:07 PM on November 3, 2003

posted by trondant at 10:21 PM on November 3, 2003

the more you use it the softer, more comfortable and better looking a scrotum it will become.

Please note that some scaring may occur on the large ones.

*snigger*
posted by dg at 10:30 PM on November 3, 2003

Maybe it's just me... but it doesn't seem like a good idea to get your dog in the habit of chewing on penises.
posted by maciej at 10:32 PM on November 3, 2003

it doesn't seem like a good idea to get your dog in the habit of chewing on penises.

Aside from the fact that they smell like urine when all wet and gummy, dogs love them. And they're not going to mistake yours for a bullwrinkle, unless you dry it, in which case, you probably won't mind it being chewed.
posted by biscotti at 10:39 PM on November 3, 2003

Believe me when I tell you that dogs loooooooove those penis chews (usually marketed as "bullwrinkles" or "beef pizzles"). They will stop whatever mischief they're in the middle of and just sit and chew for well over an hour if given one of these.

BUT

They, well, smell. After the wee pup has been chewing delicious bullschlong for a while, it starts to smell more or less like smoked piss. Which can make it singularly unpleasant for your wee pup to approach your face for a big smooch when he's done.

People who don't like being greeted by smoked-piss-smelling doggies go for the smoked beef tendons / backstraps, which doggies also adore.

On preview: CURSE YOU, BISCOTTI. Though you'd also have to streeeetch out your Mr. Winky as you're drying it; ISTR that the beef pizzles are stretched. Which means that someone somewhere in these factories had to buy or design an industrial strength penis stretcher... *SHUDDER*
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:41 PM on November 3, 2003

Koala poo earrings and toad coin purses too.

Those Australians are crazy, man.
posted by Hildegarde at 11:40 PM on November 3, 2003

it doesn't seem like a good idea to get your dog in the habit of chewing on penises.

(Flash, NSFW.)
posted by homunculus at 12:04 AM on November 4, 2003

ummm thanks homunculus. Not so much that that was disturbing and staged, but I can't imagine who'd train their dog to do such a thing.
posted by KnitWit at 5:03 AM on November 4, 2003

Here some exquisitely classic Geek humor on IBM Mouse Balls. Doesn't require geekness to be understood.
posted by elpapacito at 7:04 AM on November 4, 2003

mmmmm.....smoked piss.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:26 AM on November 4, 2003

Thanks crash - this gives me some great ideas for my weekly arts and crafts group... ;-)
posted by madamjujujive at 1:40 PM on November 4, 2003

Those Australians are crazy, man.
Almost as crazy as the suckers tourists that buy this stuff :-)
posted by dg at 2:38 PM on November 4, 2003

my mother-in-law sells a lot of these things........ears, penises and so on.

It always seemed a little weird to me, but who am I to judge?
posted by troutfishing at 8:57 PM on November 10, 2003