Augh! My eyes!!!

November 4, 2003 5:57 PM

Worst Album Covers Ever.It is either "Let me touch him" or "Julie's Sixteenth Birthday." I'll let you decide.
posted by gen (40 comments total)

more like BEST album covers ever!
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 6:04 PM on November 4, 2003

Thanks to audiolicious for the link.
posted by gen at 6:06 PM on November 4, 2003

Thanks, gen. This gave me a much-needed five-minute laugh.
posted by orange swan at 6:08 PM on November 4, 2003

A: Oh my goddess, that HAIR!!!

B: Which one?

A: All of 'em!
posted by mischief at 6:12 PM on November 4, 2003

The Tops Record one is actually pretty cool, but I wonder if I think it's cool for different reasons than the creators.

Doesn't matter, though right? That's what deconstruction is all about, right?
posted by namespan at 6:26 PM on November 4, 2003

Thanks gen, I needed that. I thought the Country Church was the "best".
posted by sharpener at 6:29 PM on November 4, 2003

It's a tossup between the hairy naked men and "Joyce."
posted by PrinceValium at 6:31 PM on November 4, 2003

Some of Devastatin' Dave the Turntable Slave's fine work can be found here.
posted by Johnny Assay at 6:31 PM on November 4, 2003

They forgot any cover that has / had Yoko Ono on it.
posted by Trik at 6:33 PM on November 4, 2003

Credit where credit is due: all of those albums were lifted from Dork's Bizarre Record Covers.
posted by MrBaliHai at 6:37 PM on November 4, 2003

While "Let me touch him" is clearly the winner, this site underestimates the importance of hair metal. Guitarist fights dragons, cool shiny futuristic letters, floating pyramids, Ooh, that's scary.
posted by Jimbob at 6:37 PM on November 4, 2003

Orleans is/was gay? Who knew? See, this is the kind of stuff that MTV has killed with the whole 'music video' thing.
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:39 PM on November 4, 2003

MrBaliHai- thanks for the attribution. I had no idea where they came from originally.
posted by gen at 6:40 PM on November 4, 2003

hehe, very cool. i'd vote for tino. he's dreamy
posted by poopy at 6:42 PM on November 4, 2003

Y'know Wolf Daddy, when I looked at that Orleans cover, I thought to myself, "Wolf Daddy's going to think that one's good, not bad." Then I tried to decide if it was a really bad straight cover or a really good, mischievously gay masquerading as straight cover (notice the untamed body hair). Then I moved on.
posted by orange swan at 7:03 PM on November 4, 2003

The 70's was a deranged era, orange swan. Deranged.

Dance with me. I want to be YOUR partner.
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:11 PM on November 4, 2003

Must have been why I was born then.

Can't you see the music is just starting? Night is falling, and I am calling...

The Swan and the Wolf step up to each other and begin a flawless waltz......
posted by orange swan at 7:28 PM on November 4, 2003

an al bum cover
posted by VeGiTo at 7:31 PM on November 4, 2003

*shudder*
posted by dg at 7:41 PM on November 4, 2003

Wow, that's so random- I know that guy (who does the blog, not Tino), used to work with him. Those album covers are so excellent...
posted by mkultra at 8:01 PM on November 4, 2003

"mischievously gay" Umm, mischievously bi, maybe. ;-P
posted by mischief at 8:04 PM on November 4, 2003

The bigger versions I got on email let you see that Millie Jackson's E.S.P. stood for extra sexual perception.
posted by Flat Feet Pete at 8:34 PM on November 4, 2003

Julie's 16th birthday is just unbelievably creepy. Who doesn't think that the man on the cover, the guy with the booze and the lit cigarette (and the weird hat) is actually trying to convince her to cross a state line so that they can get "married"? And then, like, they have to stay in a creepy motel for the night because, I dunno, the car doesn't have headlights and it's getting dark, and then... and then.... Eck.
posted by jokeefe at 8:53 PM on November 4, 2003

i think you'll find most of those covers at show and tell music. my all time fave would be "Flying Missiles Atomic Bombs and the Second Coming of Jesus Christ" by jimmy swaggart.
posted by quonsar at 9:01 PM on November 4, 2003

While the skin colour is different, my outfits are frightfully close to those of Devastatin' Dave, The Turntable Slave. It's links like these that keep me coming back to my binary counting machine for more.
posted by The God Complex at 9:24 PM on November 4, 2003

only squares scoff yoko
posted by Satapher at 9:49 PM on November 4, 2003

Thanks for the link to show and tell music, quonsar. Those bizarre album covers are infinitely excellent. This one very nearly made me crap my pants.
posted by funkbrain at 10:03 PM on November 4, 2003

My God, quonsar, it is incredibly hard to pick a winner from that bunch. I think, though, that I would have to go for this one.
posted by dg at 10:05 PM on November 4, 2003

Who doesn't enjoy some fine songs of minorities?
posted by Guy Smiley at 10:31 PM on November 4, 2003

only squares scoff yoko

testify, Satapher! aside from her stunning LPs, I for one am a happy little clam to be a fan of the woman blamed for breaking up those wretched Beatles.
posted by Item at 12:59 AM on November 5, 2003

Surely "Let me touch him" is a poster for NAMBLA?
posted by fullerine at 1:13 AM on November 5, 2003

Quite possibly the most aptly named family on earth.
posted by fullerine at 1:28 AM on November 5, 2003

good call fullerine.
posted by johnnyboy at 1:33 AM on November 5, 2003

thanks for the attribution. I had no idea where they came from originally.

That's quite understandable considering that the guy who runs the 'blog you linked to neglected to give Nick DiFonzo any attribution for those albums covers. Now he's even hawking mugs and t-shirts with those covers on them, again with zero attribution.
posted by MrBaliHai at 7:41 AM on November 5, 2003

Update: once informed of the source of the covers, the proprietor of Stone appears to be quite willing to give proper credit to Dork. All is well once again in the peaceful valley of bad record covers.
posted by MrBaliHai at 8:22 AM on November 5, 2003

Outstanding! My faith in Western culture is creeping back. Thanks, all.
posted by squirrel at 11:09 AM on November 5, 2003

Anyone else find this rather, well, exploitive?
posted by orange swan at 11:42 AM on November 5, 2003

How could the amazing "Happiness is Dean Martin" cover not have made this list? Unfortunately, I could only find a tiny jpg of the CD-re-release, so you can't get the full impact. It's the one with Dean leering at a plastic baby doll. Ook!
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:46 AM on November 5, 2003

Fabulous! Thank you...best thing I've seen all the net all day...but 12 Top Hits is brilliant -- the art direction, composition...sweet. The semiotics of Julie's Sixteenth Birthday is another matter entirely, where to begin?
posted by zenpop at 11:36 PM on November 5, 2003

I believe that when "Julie's Sixteenth Birthday" was released, the age of consent in Louisiana was, in fact, sixteen.

Hm.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:20 PM on November 6, 2003