you don't have an excuse not to floss anymore

November 12, 2003 5:21 PM

you don't have an excuse not to floss anymore
posted by prescribed life (52 comments total)

No way. Until nanobots can clean under my gumline while I sleep, I'm still going to have trouble remembering to do it twice a day.

Also, this innovation can be copied with some duct tape, a tube of paste, and a pack of floss.
posted by mathowie at 5:25 PM on November 12, 2003

Another marvel of design and engineering that is, of course, completely unnecessary. Let's hope they sell enough of the expensive tubes (before pulling the product) to pay for that 3D Flash demo!

I can't even get the Neat Squeeze tubes in my local grocery stores anymore. Guess even they were too expensive.. which just goes to show, we don't really give a shit about our toothpaste packaging.
posted by robbie01 at 5:27 PM on November 12, 2003

I always floss after I drink Pepsi Blue^TM.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:28 PM on November 12, 2003

I second what mathowie said.

At first I thought this was about the flossing handle thingy that's come out, that has a toothbrush like handle with a flosser attached to it.
posted by riffola at 5:28 PM on November 12, 2003

We got one. One (of two) of us flossed--once. We still have an excuse, we're lazy.
posted by m@ at 5:32 PM on November 12, 2003

Wow. I haven't seen such a useful new product innovation since I saw that Daisy had made the pink razor package resealable by putting a ziploc-like closure on it.

WHO CARES? Why don't they focus on making a better razor or a instrument that takes the yuckiness out of flossing?
posted by orange swan at 5:41 PM on November 12, 2003

i feel so pretty!
posted by quonsar at 5:47 PM on November 12, 2003

The only valid reason to floss is that it will decrease the numbers of dental hygenists in the world. Hygenists who I'm sure, all get trained by some government agency in the all the fine arts of torture.

The only reason dentists terrify me is because of dental hygenists and their "cleaning" procedures.
posted by WolfDaddy at 5:48 PM on November 12, 2003

wow. i can't believe that time magazine didn't mention this in its inventions of the year article. maybe they are saving it so the inventor can be named person of the year.
posted by birdherder at 6:02 PM on November 12, 2003

This post sponsored by AquaFresh^TM and theAmerican Flouride Marketing Association.
posted by moonbird at 6:04 PM on November 12, 2003

I do so enjoy the merger of multiple products together in one package. Because just as I always use the same amount of red ink and blue ink and yellow ink, I also always use the appropriately corresponding amount of floss and toothpaste as decided for me by Aquafresh.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:13 PM on November 12, 2003

I rarely turn on the TV, and yet I've seen the commercial for this product several times now.
posted by rushmc at 6:13 PM on November 12, 2003

plackers, plackers, professional quality, tuffloss.
posted by foot at 6:17 PM on November 12, 2003

you don't have an excuse for this FPP.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:33 PM on November 12, 2003

best.fpp.ever
























really!
posted by BentPenguin at 6:35 PM on November 12, 2003

FlossFilter.

Why the spoiler spacing, BentP.? (Or were you just doing the written-word equivalent of a Paul Harvey Pause?)
posted by wendell at 6:45 PM on November 12, 2003

Also, this innovation can be copied with some duct tape, a tube of paste, and a pack of floss.

This is true of so many things.
posted by the fire you left me at 6:49 PM on November 12, 2003

AdFilter.

Oh, and WhiteSpaceFilter.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:50 PM on November 12, 2003

Hygenists who I'm sure, all get trained by some government agency

My sister received her hygienist training courtesy of the US Navy. It's true!
posted by mischief at 7:07 PM on November 12, 2003

Hmph. I knew it!!
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:18 PM on November 12, 2003

worst. front page post. ever.
posted by spacewaitress at 7:22 PM on November 12, 2003

Sigh. I reloaded the page three times, thinking it was broken by BentPenguin's post.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:29 PM on November 12, 2003

You've got to be kidding me.
posted by boredomjockey at 7:38 PM on November 12, 2003

woven, not waxed! or razorblades :D
posted by kliuless at 7:40 PM on November 12, 2003

why floss?....WHY FLOSS?!

".....So we can see the pernicious progression by which one day you have a toothache that won't go away and then the next you find yourself, perhaps, partially paralyzed and rolling around in a motorized wheelchair taking huffs from an oxygen bottle until, unexpectedly, the batteries of your wheelchair fail while crossing the street and you are crushed by a hulking black SUV driven by a bored and drunk housewife going two blocks to the supermarket buy toilet paper and cat food. And thus it ends.

....This is how a creeping progression in the neglect of routine dental hygiene leads, little by little - incrementally - to insanity, ruin, and death."

I just couldn't resist a shameless self-link to a bit of writing I'd tossed aside long ago: Global Warming and dental Care - undisciplined, but it has it's moments.
posted by troutfishing at 7:46 PM on November 12, 2003

I always like when we get to the part about questioning the validity of the post as "front page post" worthy. It's as if to insinuate that there are other, more appropriate pages to post some links to on MeFi -- like a bottom page or side page, or "that post really is more appropriate for page 7A, after the comics." Or maybe a page dedicated solely to advancements in dental care.
posted by robbie01 at 7:46 PM on November 12, 2003

worst. front page post. ever.

Um, psst, spaced waitress, check out who got first post!
[/whisper]
posted by mischief at 7:48 PM on November 12, 2003

Pointless landfill. Thank you.

(...so that's what "fpp" stands for.)
posted by marvin at 7:50 PM on November 12, 2003

"This neglect will, insidiously, continue over the years as the dental reprobate continues down this slow and easy path towards dental disease. It is the easy road, the soft road built upon the minor moral flabbiness of poor habits which leads without fail to dental decay and ruin.

We surely all know, or suspect that we know, one of these individuals. One can never be too sure and one can never be too careful, for habits are infectious and so it is best to steer a wide berth around those who neglect their teeth and, furthermore, allow this neglect to go on for years and years - for they are somewhat less than wholesome" - anonymous
posted by troutfishing at 7:56 PM on November 12, 2003

So, this product placement....it vibrates?

/em ducks the various thrown items...
posted by dejah420 at 8:37 PM on November 12, 2003

What happens if the toothpaste runs out before the floss? Do you stop brushing? Or throw good floss after bad? I want to be a dental floss tycoon.
posted by stbalbach at 8:39 PM on November 12, 2003

I have a badge holder neck-strap that I made by cardweaving forty strands of dental floss (unwaxed). I used mint for the green and regular for the, uh, white.

Really I've just been waiting for years for a floss-related thread to come up so I could share this.
posted by beth at 10:58 PM on November 12, 2003

beth, that sounds a hellava lot more interesting than the stoopid toothpaste...can we see a picture anywhere?
posted by i_cola at 12:35 AM on November 13, 2003

this "floss presentation" wins my award for most ridiculous use of computing power ever. Even moreso than those damn X10 ads.
posted by phylum sinter at 12:56 AM on November 13, 2003

Q. Does the amount of floss equal the amount of toothpaste?

A. In general, everyone has different flossing and brushing habits, but if used as directed, the toothpaste and floss will run out at approximately at the same time. Even so, the floss dispenser is detachable and can be used after the toothpaste has run out.Stbalbach can rest easy now.

I don't believe:
a. That they actually have FAQ's.
b. That this will actually make someone buy this. (Do people often visit a web site for questions about how toothpaste tubes and floss dispensers work?)
c. That it comes in two great flavors!
d. That I actually spent time with this.
posted by Dick Paris at 2:16 AM on November 13, 2003

stbalbach, why not move to Montana? Just you and the pigmy pony, over by the dental floss bush.

The poodle bites. The poodle chews it.
posted by asok at 2:43 AM on November 13, 2003

My theory is that 'prescribed life' is a mathowie sockpuppet, and he's using the nick because he's being forced to post oral-hygiene related material by the Dental Mafia (the Cosa Dentra), who have kidnapped his wife and are tortuing him by sending him mp3s with the sounds of whirring drills and repeated 'is it safe?' enquiries until their cunningly-placed Google ads get enough click-throughs!

You reckon?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:21 AM on November 13, 2003

Do people often visit a web site for questions about how toothpaste tubes and floss dispensers work?

We all just did.
posted by mischief at 4:07 AM on November 13, 2003

The Dental Floss Song.
posted by rushmc at 4:58 AM on November 13, 2003

raisin' 'em up and waxin' 'em down!
posted by pekar wood at 5:03 AM on November 13, 2003

The AquaFresh folks have just scratched the surface in developing this new approach to the toothpaste tube.....

We can liken the toothpaste tube to the "chassis", and so - when we look at it from this fresh, novel perspective - we can suddenly see a veritable plethora of exciting new possibilities: a tiny razor or nose hair trimmer attached to the toothpaste tube, a miniature bar of soap, or even a small deodorant stick. Further, these new, exciting options can be pegged to price, of course, and so the tube can be - for those willing to pay the price - "fully loaded" with options as with a car.

Going further, the "Supersize" tube can contain multiple tubes with toothpaste, shampoo, hair gel, mouthwash, and so on. This may require the development of an external or internal rigid frame to carry the extra load, and a special strapping system which attaches to the consumer's body and head - for hands-free operation. We envision our multipurpose tubes as the new personal hygeine "hub", around which all personal grooming will soon revolve and aim to make this hub the new mark of status among the upwardly mobile tech-savvy young professional class with the advertising slogans - "Dude, where's your tube?", "Don't be caught tubeless!", and "It's not just a tube - It's an adventure!"
posted by troutfishing at 5:32 AM on November 13, 2003

If they could somehow attach a comb and a clean shirt to this packaging, I would be satisfied. Until then, unh-uh.

/turns back on progress
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 5:54 AM on November 13, 2003

nose hair trimmer attached to the toothpaste tube

I feel ill.

"Honey, why is the toothpaste crunchy all of a sudden?"
posted by rushmc at 6:24 AM on November 13, 2003

or a instrument that takes the yuckiness out of flossing?

Maybe this or this? Or the flossAwl, if you're looking for "a finger extension that replaces the bulk of one hand" (and, frankly, who isn't)?
posted by staggernation at 7:01 AM on November 13, 2003

Hey, thanks, staggernation. I've seen the y-shaped floss holders, but never gotten one as they won't work for me - I have permanent retainers cemented to the back of my upper and lower teeth and must somehow insert the floss below the wire. But that awl looks like it might actually work. Thread redeemed (for me at least).

And maybe I'll be less grumpy about the resealable packaging on my razors. After all, it keeps them so nice and fresh.
posted by orange swan at 7:33 AM on November 13, 2003

I like that "Reach" floss gadget, staggernation - It actually looks like it could be useful and besides, it's - "....Available in three fashionable colors: Aqua, Raspberry and Lime."

Apple should have been giving these things - color matching of course - away with their original colored CRT iMacs. It makes sense - Macs are designed with a high level of "sex appeal", and there nothing sexier than a mouthful of clean, gleaming white teeth! (well, I can think of a few things that are sexier, but anyway....)

Now, the Reach folks can give away CRT iMacs with their floss gadgets! - "Free color matching, stylish non-functional iMac with each purchase! Can be used as a paperweight or a fish-tank!"


Meanwhile (back the the floss discussion) - has anyone here ever been to a dental hygiene products convention?

And - oh yeah - speaking of sex : why not take the direct approach and sell toothbrushes or toothpaste tubes in the shape of human figures - say shapely, scantily clad male and female miniatures of Hollywood stars, glitterati, politicians, digiterati, historical figures, famous philosophers........Santayana, Wittgenstein, Karl Marx and Adam Smith - as toothbrush figures!

This could be the hottest collection craze of the decade, far more interesting than mere Beanie Babies, Cabbage Patch dolls, or whatever cult collectible crap is currently reigning on Ebay.

Think of it - "The White House toothbrush series"! - George W., Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Condi Rice.......that series could come with a special holder for the toothbrush figures - a small plastic White House with built in toothpaste dispenser! When you pump the dispenser button, a little head in the image of the current White House press spokesman pops out, it's mouth opens, and toothpaste oozes out!

And all the other characters - every serious celeb would participate, for the PR and the royalties. Britney Spears, Russell Crowe, Ron Jeremy..........oh, what fun.

With new production techniques, also, it should be possible to do a 3D imaging of one's own body so as to make a toothbrush or toothpaste tub miniature in one's own image!

Lovers could do this and then swap and so brush while holding their paramours in the palms of their hands.........narcissists could just brush with themselves, so to speak.

I'm writing up the business plan now.
posted by troutfishing at 7:44 AM on November 13, 2003

I'm writing up the business plan now.

1. We welcome our new oral healthcare overlords.
2. ?????
3. Profit!

This message brought to you by the Joseph Campbell center for resurrected mono-memes.
posted by jazzkat11 at 9:08 AM on November 13, 2003

why not take the direct approach and sell toothbrushes or toothpaste tubes in the shape of human figures

Just not Prince Charles. Please.
posted by rushmc at 9:27 AM on November 13, 2003

resurrected mono-memes? - I like the sound of this even if I don't have a clue what you're talking about....are they related to toothbrushes?
posted by troutfishing at 11:40 AM on November 13, 2003

I must be the only one that thinks this is valuable, barring the product placement nature of it.

This is a great idea.

Saves space (floss no longer falls out of my medicine cabinet onto the floor)

Saves time (shopping, replacing floss)

Now if only I used Aquafresh.

posted by mad at 1:32 PM on November 13, 2003

why not take the direct approach and sell toothbrushes or toothpaste tubes in the shape of human figures

Just not Prince Charles. Please.

Nah, the capitalists learned their lesson after the "tampons that look like Prince Charles marketing fiasco". They only sold in the one store near Camilla Parker-Bowles' residence.
posted by orange swan at 3:40 PM on November 13, 2003

This is another invention that is so obvious that it seems unnecessary... but that's what make it so ingenius. What better way to remind people to brush AND floss than to stick them together? Cheers for this design.
posted by Down10 at 8:58 PM on November 13, 2003