I'm not drunk officer, just...inconflobulated
December 8, 2003 2:12 PM   Subscribe

 
Damn, that's hard on the eyes. I think I need a drink.
posted by DrJohnEvans at 2:18 PM on December 8, 2003


The only way that could be more realistic was if it made you urgently have to pee.
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:20 PM on December 8, 2003


Those nights are just fine.

It's the nights when you can't find the house that are a bitch.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:22 PM on December 8, 2003


One minor nit. As the BAC level goes up, the keyhole gets smaller. I've found that the reverse is true, as when I am snookered, I have a tendancy to look really close to find the keyhole.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 2:22 PM on December 8, 2003


I had a hell of a time with 2%.
posted by anathema at 2:25 PM on December 8, 2003


correction: .2%
posted by anathema at 2:25 PM on December 8, 2003


Sometimes a key is just a key.

But the parallel is just too obvious to let slide.

I'm sorry.
posted by gottabefunky at 2:29 PM on December 8, 2003


I haddd no fuckin probleghm ... the key wash just a bit slipperyz all ... hey! What thhe fuck you loookin at?
posted by ElvisJesus at 2:30 PM on December 8, 2003


I'm just glad I don't need to use a trackpad to open my front door.
posted by birdherder at 2:36 PM on December 8, 2003


Found a foot works great recently, best having your back towards the door while giving the back kick added with follow through. The worst part is putting your door jam together in the morning. hammering is loud with a hangover, . What I did after leaving my keys behind somewhere while out on the town...
posted by thomcatspike at 2:40 PM on December 8, 2003


Was there a payoff? I had a hard time with like the fourth level, then did a few more and they all seemed pretty much the same. Maybe it was just the inebriating effect of Flash. But I got tired of waiting for the lock to float in front of my key and abandoned it. It would be nice if the door would finally open and a couch or something comes up to smack you in the face...
posted by soyjoy at 2:41 PM on December 8, 2003


Screw it! I'll just sleep on the porch.
posted by jazon at 2:42 PM on December 8, 2003


That brought back memories; thanks, Orange Goblin and y'all.
posted by carter at 3:05 PM on December 8, 2003


Sometimes a key is just a key.

Unless you don't go home that night.
posted by machaus at 3:07 PM on December 8, 2003


The worst is when you go through all the trouble of getting the key in the lock only to realize that you're at the wrong house on the wrong street in the wrong town.
posted by fenriq at 4:13 PM on December 8, 2003


No, the worst is when you go through all the trouble of getting into the house, undressing, and getting into bed only to then realize that you're at the wrong house.
posted by DrJohnEvans at 4:19 PM on December 8, 2003


I'm afraid this just wasn't real enough for me.

The key remained bright and shiny, instead of becoming a pulsating silhouette. And the tiny, cascading sparks were nowhere to be seen-

-Wait a minute. That was 'shrooms mode in Rise of the Triad.
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:22 PM on December 8, 2003


It's the nights when you can't find the house that are a bitch.

House... bathroom... both about as bad.
posted by Shane at 4:26 PM on December 8, 2003


Funniest was when I didn't realize I had been let off at the far end of the rather symmetrical apartment building I was living in at the time.
posted by Space Coyote at 4:27 PM on December 8, 2003


What would be funny is if you made it through the door at 2% and then stumbled in and died of alcohol poisoning.
posted by wigu at 5:17 PM on December 8, 2003


That happened to me once, it was hilarious!
posted by Hackworth at 5:20 PM on December 8, 2003


hah Space Coyote - I came home at 2 AM or so one night and spent a couple of minutes stubbornly jiggling my downstairs neighbor's doorknob before I realized the first digit of the number was a "4" not a "5"...
posted by Mars Saxman at 5:23 PM on December 8, 2003


You know, if it were a car's ignition key the point would be a lot stronger.
posted by Nelson at 5:24 PM on December 8, 2003


[urrp]
posted by bluedaniel at 6:06 PM on December 8, 2003


Those wacky Finns made a website about Saturday night! Gee, how did they know?

[this is very good]
posted by moonbird at 6:13 PM on December 8, 2003


I usually do the two-handed combo thing where you touch the lock with one hand and use that to help you guide the key to the right place. Heh heh...speaking of a key being just a key...
posted by ArsncHeart at 6:15 PM on December 8, 2003


Just don't try the "get it all lined up and take a running start at the lock" method. It leaves a bruise.

BTW, I think by the time I finally got the .2% key in, by BAC woulda dropped at least a point.
posted by krakedhalo at 6:24 PM on December 8, 2003


Hahaha! Alcoholism! Hey, ever been so drunk it impairs your motor functions? Me too! It is a social ritual!
posted by Hildago at 7:28 PM on December 8, 2003


... the two-handed combo thing ...
This works better with two people so that you can each use the other hand to brace against the door jamb so you don't fall over as much. Would probably work well for the key thing as well, I guess.
posted by dg at 8:15 PM on December 8, 2003


My technique is to just stand still and let the door come to me. Anyway, this thread reminds me of one of my favorite classic jazz songs, the wonderful, wonderful "You've Got the Right Key (but the wrong keyhole)". Real Audio file on this page of the Red Hot Jazz Archive.
posted by taz at 10:43 PM on December 8, 2003


Obviously they've never heard of placing the key against the door handle & near the keyhole, then slowly moving your hand until the key drops into the keyhole.

Ahhh. The hours I've wasted with that one.
posted by seanyboy at 4:22 AM on December 9, 2003


I once lived in a downtown YMCA residence hall and got pretty plastered...walked down the hall to the bathroom to pee, got back, was locked out of my room, called Security...I'd been trying to get into the wrong room. my door was wide open. The security guy, for an off-duty cop, was pretty mellow about the whole thing.
posted by alumshubby at 5:38 AM on December 9, 2003


Hahaha! Alcoholism! Hey, ever been so drunk it impairs your motor functions? Me too! It is a social ritual!

Hahaha! Sarcasm! Hey, ever been an elitist web nerd? Me too! It is a social ritual!
posted by paulrockNJ at 7:35 AM on December 9, 2003


Me too, me too!

Alcoholism vs. web nerdery, which has the bigger social impact on society?

A fine use of flash, indeed.

Nice technique seanyboy, will try that next time!
posted by asok at 7:44 AM on December 9, 2003


Hahaha! Sarcasm! Hey, ever been an elitist web nerd? Me too! It is a social ritual!

Surely, a direct comparison can be made between the negative aspects of alcoholism on our society and the negative impacts of me making a god damned joke. Alcohol kills thousands every year, whereas I only murder one or two drifters in the same time. I think you need to get your priorities straight.
posted by Hildago at 5:18 PM on December 9, 2003


lmao
posted by adamgreenfield at 9:57 AM on December 10, 2003


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