beware the ides of march

December 29, 2003 5:19 PM

AP: "FBI Issues Alert Against Almanac Carriers"I know this is kind of a case of the media distorting the facts, but still...isn't it kind of nincompoopish of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (the FBI fer crissakes!) to name almanacs and maps as part of a possible preponderance of evidence? And in other news--because nobody ever said you can't crosspost in your own initial post--in the future, tragically hip film grad students will write thesis papers about this Stepford Wives trailer.
posted by jengod (27 comments total)

HEY YOU!! DROP THAT FARMER'S ALMANAC AND PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!

Good God. What would Ben Franklin think?
posted by pyramid termite at 5:32 PM on December 29, 2003

re The Stepford Wives trailer: I don't get it?
posted by xmutex at 5:35 PM on December 29, 2003

More telling: what would they think of Ben Franklin?
posted by Blue Stone at 5:36 PM on December 29, 2003

what would they think of Ben Franklin?
posted by homunculus at 5:38 PM on December 29, 2003

Maybe the Justice Department is trying to psych out the terrorists by appearing to be tragi-comically stupid.
posted by bshort at 5:50 PM on December 29, 2003

If I can't buy the Farmer's Almanac, the terrorists have already won.
posted by Nelson at 6:01 PM on December 29, 2003

isn't it kind of nincompoopish of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (the FBI fer crissakes!)

holding that organization in any regard whatsoever is sign of serious cluelessness. i strongly suggest you investigate whatever you can of it's founder, it's actual history and it's extensive mythology.
posted by quonsar at 6:09 PM on December 29, 2003

Sanity surrenders.
posted by ilsa at 6:56 PM on December 29, 2003

This definately temps me to find an almanac and start carrying it everywhere I go for the next couple of weeks.
posted by Wingy at 7:03 PM on December 29, 2003

No, no, you people don't understand...this al manac is a terrorist bible with a long history. Written in Baghdad in the 7th century by one Ali bin Ahmed Al-Porichardi, it has long been used as a training manual by various factions within the region. A very dangerous tome!
posted by rushmc at 7:24 PM on December 29, 2003

Whingy, I'm with you.
posted by dejah420 at 8:16 PM on December 29, 2003

What good is an almanac going to do, really? It is sort of like astrology for farmers.
posted by oflinkey at 8:48 PM on December 29, 2003

Some "informants" are ROFLMAO right now.
posted by stbalbach at 9:45 PM on December 29, 2003

The FBI noted that use of almanacs or maps may be innocent, "the product of legitimate recreational or commercial activities."

And thank God for that. Outlaw almanacs and only outlaws will have almanacs. I honestly wonder who is running things at the head of Homeland Security these days -- Chicken Little? Are we to honestly believe that this is money now well spent towards combating our efforts towards security? Are terrorists so ignorant of symbolic targets that they need to actually look them up?

Perhaps if we as a nation must now fear almanacs its time to just give up and close up shop because something is clearly wrong with this country.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 9:53 PM on December 29, 2003

I think we need a National Almanac Carrying Day.
posted by namespan at 10:15 PM on December 29, 2003

That accursed Old Farmer--the distribution of his compendiums of strategic information must be stopped! I mean, what if the terrorists get their hands on the Book of Every Day Advice or, worse, the Guide to Weather Proverbs and Prognostics?
posted by Inkslinger at 10:49 PM on December 29, 2003

Just make sure if you're going to carry an almanac that you don't have brown skin.
posted by Space Coyote at 12:21 AM on December 30, 2003

I Shiver At Night At The Thought Of Some Terrorist Using His Almanac To Find My House And Slap Me Silly With A Pet Fish...

;(
posted by Dreamghost at 1:27 AM on December 30, 2003

* TalibanRuLz slaps Dreamghost around a bit with a large Beta Fish

;(
posted by Dreamghost at 1:29 AM on December 30, 2003

This just goes to show you we should have never known a nuthin'.

Turn in, tune out, turn away your information.

All people found with T-Moblie Sidekicks, Treos, hell, any access to any kind of information at all, are possible terrorists. Be vigilant.
posted by crasspastor at 2:09 AM on December 30, 2003

Now is the perfect opportunity for civil disobedience...

Organise a movement to carry Almanacs, Encyclopaedias and Maps prominently in your car at all times. Get thousands of people to do it.

Add Post-It flags to various pages.

I'd do it, but no-one in my country is crazy enough to think these things are a risk.
posted by sycophant at 3:05 AM on December 30, 2003

The FBI said information typically found in almanacs that could be useful for terrorists includes profiles of cities and states and information about waterways, bridges, dams, reservoirs, tunnels, buildings and landmarks. It said this information is often accompanied by photographs and maps

Ahahaha oh my ! Let's outlaw Britannica, Webster and the Internet they may contain information useful for any kind of activity, including the evil Knitting Compedium One could knit something evil to hide da bomb and disguise it as an Armani suite ! Guess they're ordering tinfoil hats by tons at the FBI.
posted by elpapacito at 5:24 AM on December 30, 2003

Decree: Henceforth, all information will be made available on a need to know basis.

You'll be told if you need to know.

Carry on.
posted by rushmc at 8:11 AM on December 30, 2003

This ordeal reminds me of this, which was documented here.
posted by jasonspaceman at 9:01 AM on December 30, 2003

If this was orchestrated by the Farmer's Almanac as a marketing campaign, it's working. I have never felt so compelled to buy an almanac as I do now. (And probably my friends and family need copies, too.)
posted by small_ruminant at 9:36 AM on December 30, 2003

This is funny, but for some reason, I don't feel like laughing.
posted by sonofsamiam at 10:05 AM on December 30, 2003

I'd like to suggest MacDonald's Farmers Almanac. It's a quirky little christian-astrological planting guide/moon calendar/daily guide. It was only $1.65 at a local garden shop, but you can order it online too...
posted by leaveok at 4:57 PM on December 30, 2003