Comments on: Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?

Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?

bluedaniel — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 11:37:22 -0800

What not to do at a showing of Return of the King...

By: squirrel

squirrel — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 11:59:52 -0800

Zero point seven chuckles.

By: jdroth

jdroth — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:02:24 -0800

That's point seven chuckles more than it got from me, squirrel.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:07:27 -0800

Weird. I thought the Maddox thing was a hoot, but I found this really tedious and unfunny.

By: wsg

wsg — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:10:49 -0800

I found #'s 1, 11, and 20, funny.

By: jonson

jonson — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:17:45 -0800

That's 3 more than me. Man was that obvious & unamusing.

By: bluedaniel

bluedaniel — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:18:51 -0800

Obviously they're not all going to be funny, and I'll take what pride I have remaining and say I didn't write it, 'only pointed to it. But some of them are rather clever (agreed on 1, 11 and 20), depends on one's humor I suppose, few share the same.

By: kaemaril

kaemaril — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:25:15 -0800

I quite liked the Monty Python one. Somebody should do it :)

By: widdershins

widdershins — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:42:21 -0800

jonson, good to have you back!

By: squirrel

squirrel — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:42:39 -0800

Don't feel bad, bluedaniel. I've had more FPPs axed than I've had run. You have a nice animation on your user page, btw, but your linked dot-com shows only a white box in Safari (OSX) in case that matters. (/derail)

By: Hildago

Hildago — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:43:51 -0800

Nah, reasonably funny. Probably not intended to be the funniest thing ever. It's a blog entry.

By: volk

volk — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:50:29 -0800

Maybe it's just me, but I thought #11 was hilarious & I do #8 all day. But the rest - feh.

By: bluedaniel

bluedaniel — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 12:54:13 -0800

Volk, it's not you. And good point Hildago, matter of fact I thought twice if I should even post a bog entry, but some of the listings were too good to pass up. Squirrel, it was only recently that I discovered that rather nasty little bug of the site showing nadda, but only when I checked the site from a MAC OS here at work (not sure at this moment what specific OS it is, I'm on-air). But it appears to be the result of the Macromedia Plug-In Detector I installed on the server, which doesn't quite get along with Mac and other OS. Hence, only last night did I dump the sniffer (plug in detector), yet still it displayed nothing but white on your system. Squirrel, check your email and thanks for pointing that out. Cheers.

By: Item

Item — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 13:14:36 -0800

#22: Don't yell out 'just kiss already!' at any point during the movie.

By: bluedaniel

bluedaniel — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 13:33:28 -0800

#23: Don't yell "Don't touch me there, touch me here" during the movie.

By: Blue Stone

Blue Stone — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 14:24:43 -0800

#24: Kill everyone with an uzi and then blow yourself up with explosives. #25: Leap infront of the screen, pull down your pants and do a big poop. The list of things not to do is endless and pointless.

By: kaibutsu

kaibutsu — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 14:48:24 -0800

Hm. It was laugh riot when, on opening night, I yelled, "Oh, Saddam, even a hobbit can make it out of a spider hole!"

By: nyoki

nyoki — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 14:53:29 -0800

my precious . . . love you like texas

By: squirrel

squirrel — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 15:16:23 -0800

For my money, the climactic installment of the Lord of the Rings couldn't have come at a better time. Its arrival in our entertainment- and war-driven culture is like that much-anticipated, full, firm breast-grab right before orgasm. Maybe it's just me, but if ever America needed a fat syringe-full of essentialist, polarizing xenophobia with religious delusion and a haste to violence we need it now. Gobbled up at the multiplexes by doughy suburbanites who hoot during the pre-movie Army commercial. What NOT to do in Return of the King? Dissent.

By: Mitheral

Mitheral — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 15:35:46 -0800

11 is indeed funny. I laughed so loud when I read this yesterday my wife gave me that "What are you doing" look.

By: feelinglistless

feelinglistless — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 15:43:43 -0800

The only time I stifled an unintentional smirk during the film was as Gandalf and the gang approached the gates of Mount Doom. I willed the Frenchie Cleese from Holy Grail to be there: "'Eees not 'ere."

By: Venux

Venux — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 15:57:52 -0800

How about shining a flashlight around the theater, claiming that you are holding the Light of Earendil, our most beloved Star?

By: pxe2000

pxe2000 — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 16:23:59 -0800

i don't get it -- was the blatant slashy content too obvious to comment on (apart from here, of course, where our middle name is "obvious")?

By: mischief

mischief — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 16:54:01 -0800

He should have collected some more and edited down the list rather than taking the first ten that appeared in his mailbox.

By: BT

BT — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 19:28:57 -0800

Is it too much of a derail to add "take your five-year-old to this scary violence-fest"? There were a lot of pre-K kids running around the theater when I saw it. Kind of unsettling. Grond-the-flaming-battering-ram alone would have given me a year's worth of nightmares at that age. To say nothing of elves brutalizing elephants and people getting choked to death over jewelry.

By: centrs

centrs — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 20:10:36 -0800

that's what i'm tolkien about! heh.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 20:35:39 -0800

This list would only be funny if Joel and the bots came out of retirement. I'd want them to do all three movies. I'd buy the dvds if they included a genuine MST3K audio commentary. Actually, saying anything during a movie will get you dirty looks, even if the criticism is constructive, unfunny and well-intentioned. And having a deep thought provoking conversation about politics or religion during a film will get you escorted out by ushers. Then the lass you took to the movie won't return your calls the next day. Or ever. Not that I know from personal experience or nuthin..

By: troutfishing

troutfishing — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 22:29:33 -0800

6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson." 9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style. 12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre. 16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused. 17. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!" Here - I've ruthlessly edited it. I'm Tolkien 'bout......... Well, after "The Fellowship of the Ring", I blundered upon a piece of web writing which caught my fancy. It observed that Tolkien's elves were - by far - the superior Middle-Earth race. The race of men were - well - men. The dwarves were mercenary, greedy, and acquisitive, while the orcs...... Well, the orcs seemed to code for [in my own terms] a crude European fetishized nightmare of buggabugga black folk. "Lower" races, and all that. The writing was under pseudonym of "The Cat Lady". I wrote to the webmaster of the site, to exclaim - "That was an utterly brilliant bit of searing, parodic writing !" Then, I checked out the overall site. It was run by Neo-Nazis. For real. They were serious - they saw all of their racial fantasies writ large on the silver screen, in LOTR. They loved the trillogy.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 31 Dec 2003 01:32:56 -0800

Just because HL Mencken was an anti-semite doesn't mean you can't enjoy his writing, trout. Or : neo-nazis ain't the only people that have picked up on that.

By: troutfishing

troutfishing — Wed, 31 Dec 2003 07:38:02 -0800

By: jennyb

jennyb — Wed, 31 Dec 2003 10:07:11 -0800

stavros - I love Tolkien's fantasy. It just hadn't occured to me that, where I saw a deeply nuanced Christian morality tale, others - racial supremacists in this case - could draw from that same literature an elaboration of their white supremacist fantasies. But... all the good guys are pale skinned white men and women, often blond and/or blue-eyed whereas all the bad guys have darker skin and/or often dress in a somewhat African or Middle Eastern style. White supremecist fantasies aside, this is a pretty obvious and unfortunate characterization of a white/European = good and dark/African/Middle Easter = bad world view. You can take that to be a bad thing if you're not a Nazi or a good thing if you are, but it's clearly there for the taking if you want to use that as a point of criticism.

By: msacheson

msacheson — Wed, 31 Dec 2003 12:01:39 -0800

My fave: 6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson." Also made me chuckle: 16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

By: Down10

Down10 — Wed, 31 Dec 2003 12:03:48 -0800

I actually did #6 at the last showing I atended. People laughed.