Saddest auction ever

January 11, 2004 9:19 AM

Saddest auction ever: "You are bidding on my collection of fast food restaurant condiments that I have collected over the past year at my job."
posted by 40 Watt (27 comments total)

I beg to differ.
posted by nthdegx at 9:26 AM on January 11, 2004

See, that's not really "sad", so much as "creepy".
posted by 40 Watt at 9:40 AM on January 11, 2004

Ouch. "Fake girlfriend who lives in Oklahoma and will send you naughty pictures and a piece of her lingerie (or what she says is hers)" vs. A large collection of ketchup packets.

So far, the fake girlfriend is in the lead, $10 vs. $5.75 for the ketchup. The ketchup has more bids though.
posted by troutfishing at 9:42 AM on January 11, 2004

I'm tempted to bid on both, if the fake girlfriend would agree to pose next to the ketchup collection. She wouldn't need to be naked either.

It would be almost as if Diane Arbus had been reborn.
posted by troutfishing at 9:44 AM on January 11, 2004

What, no Popeye's Boss Sauce?

Amatoor.
posted by jonmc at 9:52 AM on January 11, 2004

I'm tempted to bid on both, if the fake girlfriend would agree to pose next to the ketchup collection.


I think I'd pay money to see that. There's an eBay auction in there somewhere.
posted by 40 Watt at 9:56 AM on January 11, 2004

"I am struggling to pay the bills and still afford food."

Did it not occur to him that he can actually EAT the condiments for sustenance?
posted by davidmsc at 10:00 AM on January 11, 2004

How many of you thought Rob Cockerham before clicking through?
posted by machaus at 10:14 AM on January 11, 2004

After years of tossing the ketchup and other condiment packets I didn't use into a Tupperware container in my "junk" drawer, I've amassed a collection much larger than this guy's. I'm always reminded of my stockpile when I travel through England and Europe and have to pay for ketchup at most places.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:38 AM on January 11, 2004

amateur. I had at one time an entire refrigerator crisper drawer filled full of every fast food condiment we had locally. Soy sauce, mcnuggets dipping sauces - you name it we had it from every fastfood in town.

We almost had to use two people to carry the drawer to dispose when we finally realized how lame were were.

I now realize i wasn't lame enough, I should have sold it!

and yeah, [old voice] ketchup on a piece of bread that's a meal my daddy and grandaddy ate before me, and they was happy to have it![/old voice]
posted by Dome-O-Rama at 10:54 AM on January 11, 2004

See, that's not really "sad", so much as "creepy".

Perhaps you're right. Part of what makes this funny, and Oriole Adams hints at this, is that the collection isn't even particularly large. It's completely unimpressive in every way.
posted by nthdegx at 10:57 AM on January 11, 2004

Obviously this man hasn't heard of the Automat Special — free ketchup and free hot water = tasty tomato soup.
posted by IshmaelGraves at 11:00 AM on January 11, 2004

the "if someone bids over $25, i'll throw in plastic silverware and one fortune cookie" addendum was the straw that broke hngry's credibility for me. (and of course all the other stuff he bought on ebay).
posted by mrgrimm at 11:28 AM on January 11, 2004

Why isn't he selling his digital camera and his computer?
posted by orange swan at 11:35 AM on January 11, 2004

ghost in a jam jar
posted by trondant at 11:47 AM on January 11, 2004

Why isn't he selling his digital camera and his computer?

How else will he rent the fake girlfriend he's saving up for?
posted by nthdegx at 11:57 AM on January 11, 2004

thanks, trondant. hadn't heard of that b4.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:36 PM on January 11, 2004

Exactly, OrangeSwan. I too was wondering how someone who is homeless and the like could get digital photos and post to ebay.

Methinks we have here a prank, or a "modern art" experiment.
posted by ehintz at 2:18 PM on January 11, 2004

This Texan chick's pseudo-girlfriend services & letters were sold off after attracting more interest (28 bids, $41).
posted by Zurishaddai at 2:34 PM on January 11, 2004

& for those of you still lacking a pretend girlfriend: a blonde Lady Vol, Kristine, Simone, Iowan (thong included), an aspiring model, Cassie the $5.50 Hooters Girl, and someone who says "No I don't work for HOOTERS anymore, I used too, but I still have the HOOTERS! ;-)" are still available. This seems to be turning into quite the lame genre—now the only question is when we'll see a decent parody of it.
posted by Zurishaddai at 2:46 PM on January 11, 2004

you can even get an imaginary boyfriend!
posted by mcsweetie at 3:26 PM on January 11, 2004

If you believe that I have some great land deals for you.
posted by HTuttle at 3:27 PM on January 11, 2004

Zurishaddal, the weird thing is that I know Cassie in real life and she actually is that blurry. It's not a trick of the camera!
posted by dobbs at 4:06 PM on January 11, 2004

Did it not occur to him that he can actually EAT the condiments for sustenance?

Let them eat ketchup!
posted by namespan at 5:23 PM on January 11, 2004

This bloke should think bigger. A chap I knew at uni stole an entire dining set over the course a year of going to breakfast at a place on campus - plates, cups, bowls, cutlery, all x6.
posted by biffa at 2:07 AM on January 12, 2004

On this imaginary girlfriend deal, what happens if I accidentally see her in real life? Can you imagine how freaked out one of these girls would probably be if someone from her own town won the auction?
posted by mikeh at 7:59 AM on January 12, 2004

I had a roommate in a college dorm that could have used *both* of these. He was gay but terrified of his parents finding out. Before each of their visits, he would empty his mini-fridge of such "gay" items as wine coolers, imported chocolate, wheat germ, and soya - and replace the items with nothing but domestic beer and condiments from fast-food places.
I'm not saying sexual orientation is indicated by the contents of one's icebox, but apparently he thought so. This was also in Oklahoma, so he could have totally used the fake girlfriend. She looks good to me, personally - though I am thinking her "42D-26-30" description is in itself a bit fake. The photo provided would have me guessing more like 42D-34-40 . . . nothing wrong with a bit of voluptuousness, though.
posted by sixdifferentways at 1:59 PM on January 12, 2004