Comments on: You better ask before you try and stick your finger up there.

You better ask before you try and stick your finger up there.

amberglow — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 21:34:22 -0800

-- a collection of rules to live by. Some highlights: Wear the condom. No, for the love of Pete, not the mint-flavored one. Jesus, that thing burns. and Here’s a helpful tip for job interviews: try not to stab your future boss in the arm with a freshly sharpened pencil. If you must stab someone with a pencil, have the common sense to dull the point to a state where you can be sure it won’t easily break the skin. (via boingboing)

By: cryosis

cryosis — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 21:51:55 -0800

Thank you, amberglow. That's the funniest thing I've read all week.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 22:00:26 -0800

it is good, isn't it? read the comments to it too (they explain the minnesota wristwatch thing, and lots about krazy glue) : >

By: cryosis

cryosis — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 22:04:55 -0800

Yeah, those just completed it for me. Unfortunately, I knew what a Minnesota wristwatch was. (Mental note: Get more mature friends.) And I have to admit that I have Krazy Glue solely for the purpose of patching myself up.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 22:06:36 -0800

I never heard of either of those--weird

By: moonbiter

moonbiter — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 22:30:12 -0800

And I have to admit that I have Krazy Glue solely for the purpose of patching myself up. I've used it too and it works great, although only for wounds up to a certain size. Fortunately, I've never been injured that badly to have to push the limit.

By: moonbiter

moonbiter — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 22:51:27 -0800

Oh, and the comment about vets using tissue glue it is right on. My ex-girlfriend, a vet, is the one who taught me the use. However, the medical glue she used was purple, and has a different chemical composition than typical hardware store super glue. Normal super glue contains methyl alcohol, which means that you just don't want to use large quantities of it (i.e., on large wounds) because it can cause inflammation. The surgical tissue glues that are used contain a different curing agent which is more expensive to produce (butyl ester (sp?), or something like that). I've never noticed any side effect from using normal super glue on small cuts.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 23:16:30 -0800

This made me giggle, in a non-fetching, non-schoolgirl-like way. My diaphragm thanks you.

By: namespan

namespan — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 23:21:23 -0800

I've used it too and it works great, although only for wounds up to a certain size. Fortunately, I've never been injured that badly to have to push the limit. As amberglow pointed out, from the comments: "I promise you, the Krazy Glue thing is bad. I damn near lost the foot to it, and had to suffer through an incredibly condescending lecture on the Evils of Believing Stuff You Read In Tabloids About Health and the supreme idiocy of squirting petrochemical goo in an open wound and so on." Dungeons and Dragons never goes away. Girls will still sense that shit 20 years later. Damn.

By: nicwolff

nicwolff — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 00:10:58 -0800

From Kevin Kelly's Cool Tools: Superglue is ethyl-cyanoacrylate. While fine for small cuts, it has several weaknesses when used as a substitute for heavy-duty suturing. An improved version, butyl-cyanoacrylate was developed for heavier surgical repairs, and this stuff was used widely in the Vietnam War to patch up soldiers in the field. Butyl-cyanoacrylate is a little more flexible on a wound than commercial superglue, generates fewer toxic byproducts, and is now commonly used by vets to repair animal wounds. You can buy the stuff as 3M Vetbond. This is also what midwives have started using. In 2000, the FDA approved a new version of tissue adhesive for human use, sold as Dermabond. This new composition, octyl-cyanoacrylate, is a longer chain, still more flexible, and possess the yet-unexplained ability to inhibit bacterial growth -- a godsend in surgery. It's strong enough that it will likely replace a lot of suturing altogether someday. Small quantities of octyl-cyanoacrylate are sold to non-medicals for "research purposes" -- it's the genuine stuff, only in dispensers that aren't sterilized, and therefore not approved for human use (only animal use).

By: dg

dg — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 04:05:47 -0800

[this is good] I even learned a couple of things. Not things I can use in public but, hey, knowledge is power.

By: Tarrama

Tarrama — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 07:25:41 -0800

He's a funny guy, thanks amberglow.

By: languagehat

languagehat — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 08:27:08 -0800

I add my thanks. And do read those comments. Never carry fireworks in your man-purse. You WILL loose your unused condom, toiletries, and the mascara you use to make your moustach darker, in the blaze. And you will scream in such a way that explains why you carry -- or carried -- a man-purse. --something that I saw a friend learn once, long ago. Great stuff.

By: whatnot

whatnot — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 09:38:59 -0800

The cops never think it’s as funny as you do. truer words were never spoken.

By: Hildago

Hildago — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 11:23:34 -0800

I've seen this excerpted on other sites, and they always excerpted the lamest ones, the ones that just made him sound like a cheap Cliff Yablonski rip-off. Reading the whole entry is way better. Thanks.

By: elwoodwiles

elwoodwiles — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 12:17:19 -0800

Loved that list, but to add one piece of ol' Elwood wisdom: Never trust a cop wearing a rubber glove.

By: madamjujujive

madamjujujive — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:37:03 -0800

Very funny read, amberglow. I spotted a few potential metafilter taglines in there too. Metafilter: The rash won't go away on its own. Metafilter: Now that you've climbed up there, it’s a lot higher than it looks, isn't it? Dumbass.

By: pissfactory

pissfactory — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 17:38:46 -0800

Yeah- this is good stuff. Be sure to read the archives, too. Funny as well. Scraping... my... fucking... eye.

By: Dreamghost

Dreamghost — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:12:07 -0800

Try not to get too depressed. There’s always something to look forward to. Keep alert, and sooner or later you’ll see someone slip and hurt themselves. ... You better ask before you try and stick your finger up there. ... Powdered cocoa won’t put out the fire. Truer Words Have Never Been Spoken. ;)

By: jaronson

jaronson — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:16:32 -0800

Entertaining and informative. Thanks for sharing. While I was reading this, the voice I was hearing was the next-door neighbor guy in the movie "Office Space," (who was played by the guy that is also is one of the main characters on the Drew Carey show).

By: dg

dg — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 19:50:40 -0800

You better ask before you try and stick your finger up there But that removes the essential surprise element and, therefore, much of the pleasure.

By: oflinkey

oflinkey — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 20:23:01 -0800

The Renaissance Faire may not be the source of all your problems, but it sure as shit isn’t helping any. Lord, that is funny.

By: biffa

biffa — Mon, 02 Feb 2004 07:10:58 -0800

You better ask before you try and stick your finger up there. But that removes the essential surprise element and, therefore, much of the pleasure. And as I heard recently; 'its easier to get forgiveness than permission'.

By: Lynsey

Lynsey — Mon, 02 Feb 2004 09:39:27 -0800

After stumbling across this over the weekend, I really, really wanted to share it with my mother, but, in the end, I didn't dare. It was scrumptiously funny! (I suspect amberglow & I surf a few more sites in common besides MeFi....)