A Family Proposal

February 16, 2004 6:26 PM

Bill Miller wants to start a family.He looks to be serious. Idiosyncrasies, indeed.
posted by bonheur (36 comments total)

From the "Sexual Activity" page:

In sexual activity, I generally prefer a long, slow build-up with a light and gentle touch. While I'm not that experienced,...

Gee, I never would've guessed. I wonder what could've been stopping him...
posted by jonmc at 6:38 PM on February 16, 2004

Please, please, PLEASE tell me that this is some sort of elaborate gag. And speaking of gag, have you seen his "erotica" page?

And that he gets to pick his CHILDREN'S mates, when they reach age 18? And that he wants SEVENTEEN children, borne by up to six women?

If this guy is serious, he's a true nutball. If it's a joke, well...maybe it's funny. Maybe not.
posted by davidmsc at 6:39 PM on February 16, 2004

Rounded, compact buttocks have tremendous appeal to me.
posted by angry modem at 6:42 PM on February 16, 2004

And I thought I'd seen some doozies in my forays into online matchmaking sites.

All I ask from life now is that the "Erotica" page be wiped from my memory.
posted by orange swan at 6:54 PM on February 16, 2004

*backs away from the screen slowly and quietly*
posted by dg at 6:59 PM on February 16, 2004

It's worse than wanting to pick his children's spouses. He doesn't want to choose their life partners, he simply wants them to breed for him: "This would be extra childbearing, in addition to children they might have when they married or under other circumstances."

Of course, "It is possible that the mates chosen by me for our children's extra childbearing would often become the spouses of our children. This would be fine."

Good Lord. He even seems to think that he'll have control over his grandchildren's reproduction. This is presumably contingent on his kids not moving to another continent to escape him.

"SUMMARY REMARKS CONCERNING LIVING ARRANGEMENTS AND INVOLVEMENT." This guy's life plan is like a PowerPoint presentation. This is creepy. Surely this is a joke?

But in the weird/creepy/whacked-out/inadvertently hilarious personal-ad web site department, I still don't think he has Mary Romantic beat.
posted by Dasein at 6:59 PM on February 16, 2004

Gee, I never would've guessed. I wonder what could've been stopping him...

It can't be the "wacked out on assloads of thorazine" expression on his face in his pictures. Nope, that's not it at all...
posted by echolalia67 at 7:09 PM on February 16, 2004

*backs away from the screen slowly and quietly*

*the house grows silent but for the sound of gentle whappa*
posted by quonsar at 7:11 PM on February 16, 2004

If this is for real this man is mentally ill.


Not to mention that he needs a haircut.
posted by konolia at 7:30 PM on February 16, 2004

he needs to stop sniffing the machete.
posted by quonsar at 7:32 PM on February 16, 2004

It can't be the "wacked out on assloads of thorazine" expression on his face in his pictures. Nope, that's not it at all...

looks more "acid casualty" to me. not that I know anything about such things.
posted by jonmc at 7:32 PM on February 16, 2004

Maybe we should set him up with that super-demanding woman who was trying to find a guy...Mary something-or-other?
posted by Vidiot at 8:25 PM on February 16, 2004

Is it just me, or does he remind anyone else of Iggy Pop...only creepier...
posted by dejah420 at 8:27 PM on February 16, 2004

I once knew someone named Ty Mullis who said he was a navy SEAL . He looked just like this......

But he really seemed much nicer than this guy .

jonmc - Oh, I don't know. A bad case of food poisoning from a funky pizza will do a whole world of damage. Hydrogenated oils will rot the brain pretty quickly too.

Newborn children are a hazard as well, though they can actually promote parental brain growth - provided that they stimulate parental learning. New situations tend to promote the release of human brain growth factors.

Waaaah !
posted by troutfishing at 8:29 PM on February 16, 2004

dejah420 - no, not just you.
posted by troutfishing at 8:30 PM on February 16, 2004

My favourite section of this website is Ideally Speaking:

Also, while I would get a great deal of exercise working on the farm, I would also exercise recreationally occasionally - again, primarily in the winter.

We would have an exercise room for this purpose.

Others could join in this activity if they so desired, including the children who were home. This could involve weight-training, stretching, etc.

If none of the children were home, then our exercises could sometimes take on erotic forms.

WAH.
posted by Hildegarde at 8:48 PM on February 16, 2004

What, no takers from the women of Metafilter?
posted by moonbiter at 9:03 PM on February 16, 2004

No.

Just...no.

Saw this earlier today and was thoroughly creeped out by it. I think it's a combination of the cold, dead look in his eyes and his bizarre thing about nearsightedness.
posted by eilatan at 9:16 PM on February 16, 2004

Speaking of Mary Romantic, it looks like she's lightened up.
posted by moonbiter at 9:35 PM on February 16, 2004

I think I love you. But what am I so afraid of?
posted by gai at 9:59 PM on February 16, 2004

afraid that i'm not sure of a love there is no cure for...
posted by dejah420 at 10:29 PM on February 16, 2004

I no longer feel sorry for the Peter Pan guy.
posted by GrahamVM at 11:57 PM on February 16, 2004

I think I love you. But what am I so afraid of?

afraid that i'm not sure of a love there is no cure for...

that will be quite enough of that, thank you.
posted by quonsar at 2:11 AM on February 17, 2004

Like so many men, he is just short of being considered butt-ugly and obviously takes no effort to present himself well, yet he requires a woman with the body of an athlete and a pretty face. Considering the work he has put in to write all that crap out, the least he could do is get a haircut and dress with at least a little style.
posted by dg at 6:17 AM on February 17, 2004

I agree with konolia.

This man is mentally impaired.

If it is a joke, it's hard to see "teh funny" beyond the creepiness.
posted by Ynoxas at 6:45 AM on February 17, 2004

It's a hoax. Nobody has a desk this tidy.
posted by spazzm at 7:14 AM on February 17, 2004

Unlike many males, I prefer smaller breasts, preferably well-rounded. There is some leeway, here, however. If you were somewhat larger breasted than noted, or small breasted, or even almost non-breasted, this would be okay.

Pure gold.
posted by tr33hggr at 8:05 AM on February 17, 2004

17 kids. Ok, fine. Who's paying for them? Exactly what bank account amount is needed for that?
posted by rough ashlar at 8:12 AM on February 17, 2004

"2 - 6 women to have 2 - 15 children by me."

Interesting way to start a cult and/or new religion.

Read up now, because after tomorrow, the gospel will only be available on Saturdays.
posted by necessitas at 10:53 AM on February 17, 2004

At first look I thought this was that actor from Mad-TV..
posted by jazzkat11 at 11:01 AM on February 17, 2004

If your vision uncorrected - either by lens or by surgery - were normal or you were farsighted up to perhaps +5 or +6 diopters, this would be a definite plus.

Damn. My sister has +7 diopter, otherwise she would have been perfect.
posted by milnak at 11:48 AM on February 17, 2004

17 kids. Ok, fine. Who's paying for them? Exactly what bank account amount is needed for that?

Living Costs

$250 per month child support for each of our children if live separate from me.

So 17x$250=$4,250/mo=$51,000/year. Just in child support.
posted by Ynoxas at 2:04 PM on February 17, 2004

Nobody has a desk this tidy.
I do. Does that make me a bad person?
posted by dg at 2:17 PM on February 17, 2004

no dg, it just means that rounded, compact buttocks have tremendous appeal to you.
posted by angry modem at 4:03 PM on February 17, 2004

Erotica...sure, if you find Iggy Pop hot.

Thank God this guy doesn't live in Illinois. Otherwise I have a feeling my friend who gravitates to losers would sign right up.

This guy can't be for real, can he?
posted by SisterHavana at 4:18 PM on February 17, 2004

I'm going to go cower in a corner. I hope none of his plans ever come true because then, well, him and his cult might just kill us all
posted by mabelcolby at 2:28 PM on February 18, 2004