Fuck Everything, we're going to five blades

February 23, 2004 1:51 PM

Miss the Cola Wars?Now introducing the razor wars. One from Gillette has three blades, and two strips and a 77% awareness without an ad campaign- and is available for free. The other has four blades and is eating market share but the idea may have been borrowed from the competitor. Maybe gillette's solution should be five blades?
posted by drezdn (39 comments total)

Screw more blades! Gillette should develop a razor with just one HUGE blade and call it the "Gillettine".
posted by monosyllabic at 1:54 PM on February 23, 2004

I've seen this topic on a comedy sketch show, SNL I think, where they had some razor with 5 blades and the dude had bandages all over his face while he was talking about how smooth it was. Anyone remember that one?
posted by zekinskia at 1:58 PM on February 23, 2004

Rob on The Daily Show did a bit on his ten blade razor a couple months back.
posted by mathowie at 1:58 PM on February 23, 2004

The Gillette Mach3 has changed my life. Before it came along, I HATED shaving in any form I'd tried as it resulted in burns on my neck. It truly is a product that's much superior to anything that existed before it.

I read an article a few years ago about its development and marketing (too lazy to find it) that said that Gillette discovered that people were willing to pay significnantly more for it than existing razors simply because it was so much better. True for me.

And I like to drink Pepsi Blue after my smooth shave.
posted by tippiedog at 2:09 PM on February 23, 2004

[self link] I still wanna know why you would turbocharge something that already reaches Mach 3.
posted by machaus at 2:10 PM on February 23, 2004

The MrMoonPie OneStroke:

posted by MrMoonPie at 2:10 PM on February 23, 2004

That's nothing. Reality is much more "shocking".
posted by ringmaster at 2:13 PM on February 23, 2004

I tried the Mach 3 once - one came free in the mail. I did not find it in any way superior to my usual 2-blade Sensor Excel. In fact, I found it harder to use because the pivot point where the blade head attaches to the handle is at the bottom, not the middle, of the cartridge.
posted by dnash at 2:17 PM on February 23, 2004

I think the mach3 was one of the few things I bought based only on its tv commercial. I can't remember the ad very well, but it was designed to influence the male mind on a nearly atomic level. It appealed to the very cells in my spinal column. There was this handsome fighter pilot in an F-15, rock music, zooming noises and the spot ended with a hot blonde girl stroking the guy's smoothly shaven face.
posted by elwoodwiles at 2:19 PM on February 23, 2004

Ringmaster, I wish to commend you on the admiral self-restraint you showed in posting that link without making the obligatory 'it vibrates' joke.
posted by jacquilynne at 2:23 PM on February 23, 2004

Speaking of the new "Mach3 Turbo Champion," a Gillette "communications director" tells us:

What makes this the Champion is it's in this sexy, red color, which young men like. And also older men like it, too... For the guys who can't get the red Ferrari, they're going to get the red razor.

Yes -- nothing is sexier than a razor whose appearance reminds you of the danger of bleeding.
posted by profwhat at 2:25 PM on February 23, 2004

Don't question it. Don't say a word. Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we're on the edge—the razor's edge—and I feel like dancing.

Brilliant!
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 2:34 PM on February 23, 2004

Maybe they should research something that doesn't involve using sharp pieces of metal to haphazardly scrape hair from your skin.

If they can't give us the goddamn flying cars, then they might as well get us out of the 19th century and make shaving obsolete. Something that dissolves hair from the skin would be nice, or maybe a laser. Lasers solve everything.
posted by angry modem at 2:35 PM on February 23, 2004

zekinskia -- The whole razor war thing always reminds me of that sketch. I was back in the day that gillette had just introduced their two-blade razor. The ad proposed a triple edged blade with animated graphics of how the three blades grabbed, pulled and passed the hair from one to another -- each blade cutting closer. The tag line was (and it remains appropriate today) Gillette Triple Header -- Because You'll Believe Anything.
posted by rtimmel at 2:35 PM on February 23, 2004

angry modem, there already is a product that dissolves hair from the skin, called nair. it's just that if you're not careful, it will dissolve your skin too.

of course, y'all could always go for the wax. keeps you smooth for like three weeks.
posted by sugarfish at 2:48 PM on February 23, 2004

There are both laser and chemical treatments for hair removal, angry modem. They just hurt more.
posted by jacquilynne at 2:49 PM on February 23, 2004

I want gene therapy that makes the hair on my face stop growing permanently.

Let's think outside the blade here, people...
posted by BobFrapples at 2:58 PM on February 23, 2004

I want gene therapy that lets me shoot lasers from my eyes.

In fact, I want lasers that can shave angry modem. We'll kill two birds with one stone.

Oh, I want them to be able to kill birds, too.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 3:09 PM on February 23, 2004

Just for the record, don't even consider waxing for facial hair removal. Men, try this simple experiment: Take a pair of tweezers and pull a single hair from you chin. Imagine that feeling × 1000. Then, sit in the corner of the room, curl up into foetal position and whimper for a bit.
posted by fvw at 3:26 PM on February 23, 2004

Does anybody remember that radiation hair removal thing from the The Andromeda Strain film? Now that's what I want, minus the silly helmet and the disembodied voice.
posted by fvw at 3:29 PM on February 23, 2004

I will never have to replace my current razor. Never. It's a straight razor. It'll shave anything. Yesterday, I shaved off 2 weeks of growth. Try that with any disposable or semi-disposable razor.
posted by dithered at 3:57 PM on February 23, 2004

Yesterday, I shaved off 2 weeks of growth.

How did your job interview go?
posted by machaus at 4:14 PM on February 23, 2004

Here's something I was wondering on the weekend: how do you learn how to use a straight razor? The learning curve must be pretty unforgiving.
posted by cardboard at 4:24 PM on February 23, 2004

Not on the website (yet?), but on page 72 of the March issue of Wired magazine you'll find a comparison of today's Gillette and Schick cutting-edge offerings with premonitions of the future from the July 1979 issue of MAD magazine.

That Alfred E. Newman... what a nutcase.
posted by Alylex at 4:28 PM on February 23, 2004

You mean there are razors that don't have to be plugged into the wall?

</gadget freak>
posted by DaShiv at 4:32 PM on February 23, 2004

If they can't give us the goddamn flying cars, then they might as well get us out of the 19th century and make shaving obsolete. Something that dissolves hair from the skin would be nice, or maybe a laser. Lasers solve everything.

I have a better idea. Three lasers!
posted by Foosnark at 4:36 PM on February 23, 2004

cardboard, when i was trying to learn how to use a straight razor i practiced on a balloon with shaving cream on it.
it's not a prefect solution, but if you can get the shaving cream off without popping the balloon you're on the right track.


no matter what you do though, at some point you're going to have to put that insanely sharp piece of metal on your face and pull it...
posted by dolface at 4:41 PM on February 23, 2004

I know my rights...I deserve to have my day in court.

I want Justice™, with a disposable panel of twelve!
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:56 PM on February 23, 2004

Well, dolface, here's to hoping that you keep your dollface.
posted by zpousman at 4:59 PM on February 23, 2004

Man, no kidding. MAD called this in '79. Shame my mom threw that issue out with most of the rest of 'em, huh?

My take here (self-link, sorry; refrain from clicking if you find link gratuitous, thanks).
posted by adamgreenfield at 5:21 PM on February 23, 2004

I tried the Mach 3 once - one came free in the mail. I did not find it in any way superior to my usual 2-blade Sensor Excel. In fact, I found it harder to use because the pivot point where the blade head attaches to the handle is at the bottom, not the middle, of the cartridge.

I had exactly the same reaction when i first tried the mach3, and i love my sensor excel. This weekend I stayed with a friend and borrowed his mach 3, and it only reaffirmed my belief that the bottom of the blade is a stupid place to put the hinge. It feels like i'm dragging the blade accross my face, i hate it.

As for the new one with batteries....I can't believe that the first fusion of a razor and a vibrator is being targeted at men.
posted by rorycberger at 5:45 PM on February 23, 2004

I steal my wife's pink disposable razors (new ones only) and have found that I get a closer shave, the blades last longer and I don't waste money on overpriced Sensor Excel razor refills anymore.

I only wish I could make it look manly.
posted by hawkman at 6:25 PM on February 23, 2004

hawkman- Sometimes I wonder if the gender-specific markets for razors do have it backwards. Personally, I'd trade you a Venus for your manly razor any day. I don't need a designer ergonomic flower-printed handle with an inch-wide Aloe Strip and pre-dulled blades, I need something sharp and efficient to get the damn hair off my legs.

Incidentally, since I do use the Mach3, I can now share cartridge packets with my boyfriend. It's wonderfully cheaper and easier this way
posted by nelleish at 7:00 PM on February 23, 2004

I've never found a disposable that works nearly as well as the old Atra Plus (twin blade pivoted). But now that I've read Gilette's description of Sensor, I might have to go for it.

Is the Mach3 as much better than Atra, as Atra is than a single-blade or ladies' disposable?
posted by five fresh fish at 7:21 PM on February 23, 2004

How did your job interview go?

Haha... Bingo!
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 7:28 PM on February 23, 2004

I have a better idea. Three lasers!

That board with a nail in it may have defeated us.
But the humans won't stop there. They'll make bigger boards
and bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail
so big, it will destroy them all!

how did nobody quote that yet? what happened to thee, MeFi?
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:51 PM on February 23, 2004

I hate shaving, not because its difficult or painful but because I don't want to spend the time. I find that the cheapest disposable razors used with no lubrication other than warm water allow me to scrape off the bristles in 1 to 2 strokes. My skin is smooth, it cost little, and doesn't take much time. Oddly, I haven't cut myself since I started shaving this way. My skin is not irritated by it, either. (Although it was at first). I'm still waiting for a laser razor they could call it the lazor™
posted by Grod at 9:19 PM on February 23, 2004

"I hate shaving, not because its difficult or painful but because I don't want to spend the time."

I never bother. I have discovered that one's facial hair is connected, through the body, to your pubic hair. Plaitting your public hair, and hanging weights off it - such as attractive pebbles or pretty birds eggs filled with lead - will drag the hair down, back into your facial follicles, and you can wave goodbye to razor burn misery.

Trust me.

And the guy from The Onion sounds just like my old boss, (before he bankrupted the firm).
posted by Pericles at 2:17 AM on February 24, 2004

Still no cure for cancer

Yeah sorry, I know. I had to do it, it is just right.
posted by elpapacito at 7:53 AM on February 24, 2004