Comments on: Speed Novels

Speed Novels

Slagman — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 12:33:09 -0800

A contest at "I Love Books." Here's one entry: "I'm stupid, I'm smart, I'm wicked smart, I'm wicked wicked smart, I'm stupid again. And I have a mouse called Algernon." Some are funny, some are lame, some aren't novels. Give it a whirl.

By: adamgreenfield

adamgreenfield — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 12:57:57 -0800

OK: "They're listening, I'm alone, I'm afraid, my legs hurt, there's this girl who understands. O'Brien too. Rats! Maybe not, after all. I love Big Brother."

By: scarabic

scarabic — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 13:42:28 -0800

"Diminuitive gluttons pluck up courage and tighten belts for miserably long hike over and under mountains to deliver very bad man's favorite jewlery."

By: scarabic

scarabic — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 13:49:36 -0800

Hmmm... looks like the "or less" part is in question there. I think maybe nailing it in exactly 25 is more fun and challenging.

By: logovisual

logovisual — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 14:26:50 -0800

I'm homeless, one leg works, whoops, now both are shit. I'm a detective, I've got a son, whoops, now I don't. Who's writing this anyway?

By: Happydaz

Happydaz — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 15:05:54 -0800

A better site with short reviews is Book a Minute, part of the glorious Rinkworks site (home of the dialectizer. Slap my 'fro!)

By: Ufez Jones

Ufez Jones — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 15:09:11 -0800

Drugs are good. Shit, my girlfriend's awfully hairy now. So's my doctor. So are my colleagues. What the hell is going on here? Look, Bonobos!

By: themadjuggler

themadjuggler — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 15:26:08 -0800

Some men should be above the law, for the good of mankind. Die, you greedy wench! I feel so horrible though... oh nevermind. Hello religion!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 15:29:16 -0800

Earth's gone. Bad poetry. Stolen spaceship. The meaning of life. Hey, I'm a suborbital whale! Superintelligent mice want my brain. Sad, angry robot. I'm hungry.

By: adamgreenfield

adamgreenfield — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 16:32:36 -0800

ColdChef, which one is that? It sounds kinda innaresting.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 16:43:29 -0800

That was my poor attempt at "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

By: mischief

mischief — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 16:49:46 -0800

The colonists' diseases ravaged the natives as those back home annihilated themselves. "Who wants a hot dog?" Where are the Martians, Daddy? In the pool. The Martian Chronicles, Ray Bradbury

By: billsaysthis

billsaysthis — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 18:08:10 -0800

Galactic empire is falling, let's go to the Rim and hide, while others stay behind to do the math and rebuild. Watch out for mutants!

By: fatbobsmith

fatbobsmith — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 18:25:44 -0800

Thou shalt not eat. Thou shalt not kill. Go ahead and kill if they're heathens. Love the heathens. Your brother's dead. Oh yeah, he's immortal.

By: scarabic

scarabic — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 18:45:37 -0800

lol fatbobsmith!

By: scarabic

scarabic — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 18:53:03 -0800

"My parents died and my magazine failed. This gives me material for a novel, doesn't it? Little brother's pain is tragic but fair game, too."

By: dnash

dnash — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 20:04:42 -0800

Russian sisters want to go to Moscow. They don't go.

By: freebird

freebird — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 20:16:34 -0800

My uncle's cool. No, he killed my friend for science! He's my dad! Now he's after god! The universe is self-aware! Live good stories.

By: mischief

mischief — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 20:30:45 -0800

These don't make much sense without the titles.

By: squirrel

squirrel — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 21:31:15 -0800

Knut Hamsun's Hunger: I'm hungry. I'm brilliant and deluded. My mind is constructed for postmodernism in advance if its arrival. I'm lonely and isolated. I'm hungry.

By: arto

arto — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 21:41:10 -0800

Phoney phoney phoney phoney phoney. Phoney phoney phoney phoney phoney. Phoney phoney phoney phoney phoney. "Fuck?" Think of the children!

By: arto

arto — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 21:42:36 -0800

(feel free to stick five more "Phoneys" in there. Or even a "Got kicked out of school", depending on whether you'd rather think me clever or informative.)

By: Oriole Adams

Oriole Adams — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 21:46:45 -0800

Hurrah! That's all. (The Last Hurrah)

By: antifreez_

antifreez_ — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 22:46:57 -0800

Jewish TV producer lusts after women and single malt whisky, kills best friend, hits on another woman at his wedding. Gets Alzheimer's, dies lonely.

By: freebird

freebird — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 22:49:36 -0800

I actually kind of enjoy it without the titles. It looks like people ask when they really want to know, but it's fun trying to figure out. And when you get it you feel cool. And isn't the whole point of metafilter to feel cool?

By: owillis

owillis — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 22:52:22 -0800

I'm old. I'm fishing. I'm fishing. Big fish. Fish gone. [worst. novel. ever. by the way]

By: taz

taz — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 01:26:51 -0800

fatbobsmith wins the Pulittlezer, but here's an easy one: That bitch, Melanie! Do y’all smell smoke? Darn ol’ Yankees! Hungry? Never again! I hate him! I hate him! I love him! Dadgum, he’s gone!

By: taz

taz — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 02:23:10 -0800

Simply irresistible. Here's a hard one: I’m a leper? How ironic. I don't believe it. Save the world? Me? How ironic. I don't believe it. I’m a loner, see? Okay, whatever.

By: samelborp

samelborp — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 04:07:24 -0800

Best short novel ever: "When I awoke, the dinosaur was still there." Go and guess who write this.

By: dabitch

dabitch — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 04:16:44 -0800

This reminds me of Espresso stories, tales you can swallow in a single gulp.

By: dabitch

dabitch — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 04:19:32 -0800

(the dinosaur-story is the inspiration)

By: deadcowdan

deadcowdan — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 05:34:18 -0800

Taz, that wouldn't be the first Thomas Covenant book, would it? ('Cause if it's not, it could be.)

By: taz

taz — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 05:53:06 -0800

'Tis, indeed, deadcowdan.

By: kliuless

kliuless — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 06:25:50 -0800

there's also book-a-minute, Don't have time to read it all? [...] Our ultra-condensed books are just the ticket.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 10:50:12 -0800

Obnoxiously intelligent child trained on videogames saves universe from invading insect overlords, obnoxious siblings take over world, child discovers bugs aren't so bad after all. Forgive my faulty memory if that's an inaccurate summary. Hint, though I doubt you need it: Orson Scott Card

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 10:54:10 -0800

Everything on this continent is trying to kill me! It's got the most stunning landscapes. The people are strange, but they're as friendly as all get-out. 26 words, but only because it flows better than the quick hack to bring it under 25. Hint: Bill Bryson.

By: Secret Life of Gravy

Secret Life of Gravy — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 11:57:53 -0800

Upton Sinclair, The Jungle Ugh! Don't eat that! Don't eat that either! You can shovel shit all day, but you can't make a living. being poor in America sucks. John Steinbeck, Tortilla Flats Cheat your friends, buy wine. Steal something, buy wine. Picnic on pictures of food. Catch frogs, buy wine. Being poor in America is kinda fun.

By: CunningLinguist

CunningLinguist — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 12:55:09 -0800

Poor governess falls for brooding master hiding batty wife in attic of his fabulous estate. He goes blind but turns out she's rich anyway - sweet!

By: CunningLinguist

CunningLinguist — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 13:00:30 -0800

Castaway works hard all week. Eventually, Friday comes.

By: scarabic

scarabic — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 15:22:15 -0800

Dammit. I'm just about to read Ender's Game and I think I just spoiled it for myself a few lines up. Not sure. Damn-Damn! Another vote for titles, I guess.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 16:29:58 -0800

Hmmmm. Sorry about that. I suppose perhaps these twenty-five word reviews should mock the content without giving it away, like Scarabic's "Diminuitive gluttons pluck up courage and tighten belts for miserably long hike over and under mountains to deliver very bad man's favorite jewelry." Sorry about that. Read it anyways, it's still very good. And I didn't give away the bulk of the book at all.

By: squirrel

squirrel — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 18:04:41 -0800

You see that? It's all fun and games 'til someone starts crying.

By: krazykity16

krazykity16 — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 20:00:28 -0800

freebird - His Dark Materials right?