Comments on: The Decline of the Hand Job

The Decline of the Hand Job

ColdChef — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:18:30 -0800

If diamonds are a girl's best friend, hand jobs are a close second.

By: Stynxno

Stynxno — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:25:07 -0800

Handjobs are a girl's friend in high school? Man...I hung around the wrong girls then.

By: filmgoerjuan

filmgoerjuan — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:26:30 -0800

I have asked around. Greeks, athletes, gays, the smelly girl in my philosophy class -- no one gives hand jobs. I'm talking about the disappearance of second base. We can't play baseball without second base! Hand jobs are second base?!?!?! Damn, I shouldn't have bunted.

By: callmejay

callmejay — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:34:19 -0800

goddamn kids these days.

By: blueshammer

blueshammer — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:42:04 -0800

"Dolphin" is a new euphemism for me.

By: mmcg

mmcg — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:43:17 -0800

How exactly does one broach the subject of giving manual pleasure to another person in normal, every day discourse? I mean, it would never occur to me to lean over to someone in, say, my comparative literature lecture and say, "Hey, do you jerk off your boyfriend?" Then again, I guess if you're writing an article about it for your university's newspaper, you have probably moved beyond that boundary. It's probably just me.

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:44:04 -0800

As a guy gettin' on in years, I can state with certainty that I never got a hand job in high school, and damn few since. And for the record, I enjoy them immensely. Of course, I enjoy pretty much anything sexual immensely any more. However, this rather interesting tidbit of an essay left a few questions for me. It seems to blame a guy's eagerness (for the most part) for the sad demise of genital manipulation. Are woman really that concerned with what guys want that if their partners go charging straight for the clitoris, it's "oh well, he just wants a poke?" I mean really, woman appear to appreciate (if not down right demand) good finger and mouth work. Have we (the males of the species) really convinced them that if we ain't humpin', we ain't havin' fun? If we are facing the apocalypse of good handy work, then I must profess ... I am sad, very sad indeed.

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:47:49 -0800

By the way, standard disclaimers must be given: This is Newsfilter, it's not the best of the web, it's an Op-ed, the community is ruint, it's beneath MetaFilter's high asthetic standards, we must think of Matt and the children, and so forth ... (Thanks Chef, this was a hella fun read!!!)

By: clevershark

clevershark — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:52:59 -0800

You'll have to excuse the writers, she's just trying to, er, shake things up a bit. Much better than the school paper articles I used to see at my time in University. Anyone who was a student at Concordia U in Montreal in the early 90s was treated every week to unnecessarily graphic gay sex questions courtesy of The Link. The one I found most amusing was "My boyfriend likes to use my dildo. Is that dangerous?"

By: mcsweetie

mcsweetie — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:54:32 -0800

hmm, according to A Standardized Guide To The Bases, second base constitutes, "Variously this meant tongue kissing, breast feeling, or outside the clothes genital contact." methinks someone sold these girls a whopper, and I'm willing to bet it was a drunk guy with an IROC.

By: 4easypayments

4easypayments — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:54:54 -0800

Nothing quite makes you feel like a loser like discovering the thing you to which you aspire has already become passe. I do, though, really like the way my title bar says "The Decline of the Hand Job Metafilter".

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 14:55:08 -0800

i agree with Wulfar mostly (though i got my best hand jobs in high school). i'm a big fan, but ... Another reason why guys don't get off from hand jobs is most girls don't know how to give them properly. ding, ding! the problem isn't that guys don't want handjobs. it's that most women aren't very good. another person will never be as good as you are yourself. there are some women who know how to give good handjobs, but not many. and don't even get me started on footjobs ... oh, and i would definitely call handjobs (or anything that involves ejaculate) third base. i though second base was petting. heavy petting and stroking = third.

By: Postroad

Postroad — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:05:59 -0800

There is a saying we had at MIT, that anything a man copuld do and a machine could do, the machine could do it better. As for handjobs, stay with blowjobs...for that you need another person. With the handjob, you can do it by yourself and cut out the middle man(or woman) unless you are trying to shoot, so to speak, for full employment.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:07:01 -0800

Metafilter: The Sad Demise of Genital Manipulation

By: callmejay

callmejay — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:08:03 -0800

another person will never be as good as you are yourself. Not so! (I couldn't let this go by.) That's like saying "Well, hell, I can massage my own neck." Also, the author doesn't seem to mention the religious angle. It seems pretty common these days (and by these days I mean at least as early as the early 90s) for people with religious objections to "sex" to engage in these other behaviors ("jobs.") For all of it's faults, religion inspires sexual creativity. Religion makes handjobs better the way the restrictions of a sonnet made Shakespeare and Marlowe better.

By: fenriq

fenriq — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:09:58 -0800

The hand job isn't gone, its just been outsourced................to the guy.

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:12:07 -0800

A gentle suggestion for any trawling ideas from this (male or female): Lubricant is your friend, and definately your partner's. Just tryin' to help. on preview, Postroad, I think you're very wrong here. Half the tactile sensation of masturbation (male or female, and probably more than half) is in the hand doing the deed ... so to speak. The joys of a handjob are concentration of sensation, relaxation of effort, and the exciting appeal of another sharing with your ... employment. I believe, though I might be mistaken, that that is the general appeal of oral and digital stimuli for women, so why should it be so different for men? In my opinion, it's not.

By: gyc

gyc — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:12:34 -0800

Me thinks that female columnists writing for college papers have been watching a bit too much Sex and the City these days trying too hard to be a Carrie Bradshaw. How else to explain this and other columns on blowjobs and The Michigan Hookup.

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:14:28 -0800

I'm having a hard time believing that on this fine Friday afternoon, I'm having this conversation with you people. You're sick, sick I tell you! Sick Sick Sick!!! Damn this is really kinda fun!

By: Skot

Skot — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:17:59 -0800

I definitely want a t-shirt made with the slogan "Religion makes handjobs better."

By: rocketman

rocketman — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:20:34 -0800

Max Fischer: What do you call getting a handjob from Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar? Magnus Buchan: A fucking lie. Max Fischer: You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.

By: freebird

freebird — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:21:56 -0800

You've got to admit the "appalled, simply appalled" responses are kinda fun. In a feeding-the-trolls kinda way. I'm still surprised when I realize how many people think sex is inherently dirty. I could at least understand if she was advocating giving hand-jobs for money, or to dead people or something. But fools are actually appalled because she admits their existence. And bemoans the fact that people feel obliged to go further.

By: SpaceCadet

SpaceCadet — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:28:36 -0800

From the article linked in the FPP: Don't feel insecure about your inability to flog his dolphin. In a relationship, only a minority of guys enjoy this female's favorite pastime. Am I reading this right? In general, girls enjoy a man's orgasm more than a man enjoys it? Wow, never thought I'd say this, but I wish I was a girl with a cock in my hand - what a trip! I'm way behind the times. Somebody please inform me in direct language.

By: Satapher

Satapher — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:32:12 -0800

RepressedSexualBehaviorFilter

By: muckster

muckster — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:55:57 -0800

My thoughts exactly, rocketman.

By: Secret Life of Gravy

Secret Life of Gravy — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 17:11:35 -0800

Er...SpaceCadet I think you are interpreting that sentence wrong. I read that to mean that women enjoy the act more then the men. Men in a relationship prefer fellatio or intercourse, but a hand job can be a lot easier on the woman. I'm picturing the rubber glove scene from Animal House...no muss, no fuss, no undressing, no aching jaw. It's the easy way out.

By: inpHilltr8r

inpHilltr8r — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 18:55:51 -0800

QUIT TUGGING! Fuck it, I'll do it myself...

By: bdk3clash

bdk3clash — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 19:18:18 -0800

I mean, it would never occur to me to lean over to someone in, say, my comparative literature lecture and say, "Hey, do you jerk off your boyfriend?" Prude.

By: Hildago

Hildago — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 19:53:40 -0800

Not to be chauvinist, but I've got hands already, hand jobs are not a level 1 priority.

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 20:05:00 -0800

Not trying to be an ass, or anything, but I really was hoping that more female type persons would comment here in this thread ... (sigh!).

By: anathema

anathema — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 21:12:26 -0800

...stay with blowjobs...for that you need another person. Speak for yourself, Postroad.

By: Slagman

Slagman — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 22:11:35 -0800

Gravy and Spacecadet, I think you are both misinterpreting. By "this female's favorite pastime," I believe the columnist is talking specifically about HER favorite pastime and that she laments more women do not share it. And that generally speaking the men prefer something they can't do for themselves.

By: Ufez Jones

Ufez Jones — Sat, 13 Mar 2004 00:23:25 -0800

But, some college guys can't get off from a hand job. *waves bullshit flag* With the handjob, you can do it by yourself and cut out the middle man(or woman) unless you are trying to shoot, so to speak, for full employment. You know the common phrase that goes something like "Food tastes better when someone else cooks it"....

By: SpaceCadet

SpaceCadet — Sat, 13 Mar 2004 02:01:12 -0800

By: romakimmy

romakimmy — Sat, 13 Mar 2004 04:10:26 -0800

Am I reading this right? In general, girls enjoy a man's orgasm more than a man enjoys it? Wow, never thought I'd say this, but I wish I was a girl with a cock in my hand - what a trip! Well, some chicks get their rocks off by getting a guy's rocks off... As for "favorite pastime", I cannot speak for the entire female population. But the good ol' high school handjob was a good way to explore the previously uncharted territory of the male genitalia without crossing the barrier into "slutty whore" territory. It was also a favorite of the resident Bible thumpers in my school, as it was termed "manual manipulation" in sex ed and thus escaped the stigma of sex and it's oral and anal variants. erm, i hope that makes sense? I haven't had any cafeine yet today...

By: moonbiter

moonbiter — Sat, 13 Mar 2004 06:21:56 -0800

ding, ding! the problem isn't that guys don't want handjobs. it's that most women aren't very good. another person will never be as good as you are yourself. You just need to be a better coach. The key to improvement is practice, practice, practice!

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sat, 13 Mar 2004 07:30:04 -0800

I have never actually recieved a handjob all the way to fruition. I got started late in the whole sexual demolition derby, and by that point the females were more experienced. I went straight from my first makeout session to a blow job in the same night. This may account for a lot of ho warped I am.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Sat, 13 Mar 2004 09:06:38 -0800

another person will never be as good as you are yourself Keep telling your girlfriend that.

By: filmgoerjuan

filmgoerjuan — Sat, 13 Mar 2004 09:37:14 -0800

This may account for a lot of ho warped I am. Paging Dr. Freud...Dr. Freud to the MeFi thread.