Debbie Does Jesus

March 13, 2004 9:14 AM

The Gospel of Debbie. Paul Rudnick in The New Yorker: "Recent works like “The Passion of the Christ” and “The Da Vinci Code” seek to illuminate the life of Jesus. Not long ago, an additional text was discovered in an ancient linen backpack found in a cave outside Jerusalem, surrounded by what appeared to be early Roman candy wrappers and covered with stickers reading “I [heart] All Faiths” and “Ask Me About Hell.” A parchment diary found inside the backpack appears to contain the musings of one Debbie of Galilee."
posted by adrober (17 comments total)

Oh my god! I, like, so love that, it's totally cool!
posted by PigAlien at 9:40 AM on March 13, 2004

It's even more satisfying if you picture Debbie Jellinsky saying it (Joan Cusack in Addams Family Values, which Rudnick wrote).
posted by ao4047 at 9:53 AM on March 13, 2004

Hee hee!

I mostly thought of it as being in the voice of a girl I went to high school with named Debbie.
posted by cortex at 9:54 AM on March 13, 2004

I love that--Rudnick is always great. So I go to see Mary, Jesus’ mom, and she said that Jesus doesn’t need gifts, that he just wants all of us to love God and be better people, but I asked, what about a sweater? and she said medium. : >
posted by amberglow at 10:24 AM on March 13, 2004

"I wanted to get him the perfect thing for his birthday, so I asked Matthew and he said, well, myrrh is good..."

Um, no it's not. Israelite embalming spices? </pedantic killjoy>
posted by brownpau at 10:29 AM on March 13, 2004

Another amazingly hysterical take on the early life of Jesus can be found in 'Lamb, the gospel according to Biff, Jesus' childhool pal'. I was laughing out loud and scaring people in public places. Find it, read it! Amen.
posted by drinkmaildave at 11:00 AM on March 13, 2004

I wanted to get him the perfect thing for his birthday, so I asked Matthew and he said, well, myrrh is good, but then Luke said, oh please, everyone always gives him myrrh

This is HILARIOUS.
posted by Hildago at 11:11 AM on March 13, 2004

And I’m like, Mary, are you dating Jesus? and she says, no, he’s just helping me, and I’m like, you mean with math? and she’s like, no, to not be such a whore. And I said, but that is so incredibly sweet, and we both screamed and talked about whether we like him better when he’s healing the lame or with a ponytail.

hee!
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:16 AM on March 13, 2004

Also, best line EVER on the loaves and fishes:

whoa, Jesus has invented canapés
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:18 AM on March 13, 2004

Quality Rudnick. Thanks for the link
posted by Be'lal at 1:30 PM on March 13, 2004

Oh, Hidalgo, you are such an Assyrian.
posted by nyxxxx at 2:50 PM on March 13, 2004

Paul Rudnick's hysterical. I saw his newest play, Valhalla, recently, and it was reliably enjoyable.

(It helped that Nathan Lane was sitting right in front of me.)
posted by Tin Man at 3:04 PM on March 13, 2004

Very cleverly done, and very funny.
posted by orange swan at 6:25 PM on March 13, 2004

(It helped that Nathan Lane was sitting right in front of me.)

Tin Man, I don't get this. Why would the presence of Nathan Lane in the audience make a play more enjoyable?
posted by peeping_Thomist at 8:04 PM on March 13, 2004

I swear I saw Mary Magdalene doodling in the sand with a stick, writing “Mrs. Jesus Christ” and “Merry Xmas from Mary and Jesus Christ and All the Apostles,” with little holly leaves all around it.

The creepy thing is, this is very close to what some Catholic nuns do...nuns after all "marry" Jesus. In some orders they wear wedding dresses during their final vow ritual and wear wedding rings. Ugh....Becoming a nun to live a life of perpetual prayer or to serve mankind in his name...but to take Jesus as your bridegroom? I've always thought that a bit Roman-God-worshipping-cult-like.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 10:08 PM on March 13, 2004

a bit Roman-God-worshipping-cult-like.

According to some, you're spot on. I've read from some authors who say that catholicism is an amalgamation of several religions, including the woship of many gods, as in early greek and roman cultures.
posted by schlaager at 8:38 PM on March 14, 2004

Tin Man, I don't get this. Why would the presence of Nathan Lane in the audience make a play more enjoyable?

Because Nathan Lane warps space-time-humor in his general vicinity.
posted by Tin Man at 7:27 AM on March 15, 2004