The Passion of the Heist

March 23, 2004 10:46 AM

'The Passion of the Heist'. This short spoof on Mel Gibson's 'The Passion of the Christ' was shot in 30 minutes and cost 20 dollars to make. Bret Carr, the young film maker - who has won previous awards - is now getting calls from Hollywood bigwigs because of it. 'The Passion of the Heist' took an hour to shoot and put on the web - however, it took five years to make Carr's previous film 'LOU', a feature film from the writer of 'The Deer Hunter'.
posted by tapeguy (30 comments total)

The Deer Hunter? Ugh. Probably one of the most overrated movies of all time.
posted by milnak at 10:51 AM on March 23, 2004

so did I miss something. I've seen drunken rants here that are more interesting than that. But Lou looks fun.
posted by jmgorman at 10:54 AM on March 23, 2004

That was great
posted by spork at 10:56 AM on March 23, 2004

I laughed, but, I wonder where the $20 whent.
posted by delmoi at 11:06 AM on March 23, 2004

I mean, yeah. Bagles and "locks", what?
posted by delmoi at 11:07 AM on March 23, 2004

Don't know how to spell it, but locks is smoked salmon.
posted by Mach3avelli at 11:20 AM on March 23, 2004

30 minutes vs.5 years. - this just goes to show the dangers of obsessively reworking and overworking an idea.
posted by troutfishing at 11:23 AM on March 23, 2004

Lox, goy
posted by Outlawyr at 11:25 AM on March 23, 2004

i don't get it. Mel Gibson hates Jews?
posted by mrgrimm at 11:41 AM on March 23, 2004

correct.
posted by stbalbach at 11:44 AM on March 23, 2004

Hollywood Mega-hit Producer and Director Steven Spielberg has decided to fight fire with fire. He has announced that since Mel Gibson is fueling the fires of anti-Semitism in the world with his movie about the last hours of Christ, Spielberg will make a graphic movie about the Crusades.

In order to get Jews and Moslems to convert to Christianity, Spielberg commented, Christians went through Europe and into the Middle East forcing conversions on non-believers. Along the way they raped, beat, bludgeoned, maimed, tortured and killed hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women and children. I will show Christian brutality in a realistic and most graphic and gory way.

Spielberg went on to add that the movie will have a well-deserved anti-Christian tone. Lets face it, Gibson wants to blame the Jews for the death of one person we didn't even kill. I will show the inhuman brutality of thousands of Christians against hundreds of thousands of people of other faiths, about which historically there is no ambiguity as to who is to blame.

Spielberg said that if this movie is successful, he is likely
to follow it up with The Spanish Inquisition, a historical film on the torture and murder of the Jews of Spain by the Catholic Church. To complete the trilogy, Spielberg announced, in 2006 I will be filming Hitler and the Pope: A Team Formed in Hell. That should generate some heated debate."
posted by ParisParamus at 11:49 AM on March 23, 2004

Goy vey!
posted by ParisParamus at 11:50 AM on March 23, 2004

The Spanish Inquisition, a historical film on the torture and murder of the Jews of Spain by the Catholic Church.

Just for historical accuracy - Spanish Jews were a subset of a much larger population of Muslims, all of whom together suffered the same fate. Sorry, but I'm tired of seeing the Inquisition continually defined solely as an anti-Jewish event.
posted by laz-e-boy at 12:01 PM on March 23, 2004

Wait... Woody Allen killed Jesus?
posted by bitdamaged at 12:08 PM on March 23, 2004

I laughed, but, I wonder where the $20 whent. -delmoi


[jewish mother voice]
"So, what? The bagels and lox should be free? You think the nice man at the deli just gives them away? Oy. You break a mother's heart. If you'd gone to medical school, like I wanted, you would know where the money went...maybe at a nice college you could have learned to count, perhaps? Oh, but no, you had your own plans...and look where it's gotten you. And why don't you ever write? Or call? I could be dead, you'd never know..."
[/channeling my mother]
posted by dejah420 at 12:12 PM on March 23, 2004

Hollywood Mega-hit Producer and Director Steven Spielberg has decided to fight fire with fire. He has announced that since Mel Gibson is fueling the fires of anti-Semitism in the world with his movie about the last hours of Christ, Spielberg will make a graphic movie about the Crusades.

Actually, it looks like Ridley Scott will beat him to it.
posted by Prospero at 12:14 PM on March 23, 2004

Wait... Woody Allen killed Jesus
No, God did.
posted by thomcatspike at 12:24 PM on March 23, 2004

If Mel Gibson hates Jews, he doesn't hate them any more or less because of the movie. Which means he might have hated Jews during Braveheart.... has anyone gone thru that movie in slowmotion yet? Gotta make sure he wasn't deviously planting anti-semetic messages. But I promise, you'll find them there. People can find anything they want to, anytime they need to.

Personally, I think the Romans should have been portrayed as calm, understanding, civilized, and selfless during the 20 minute torture and drip-dry death of an innocent hippie.

RIGHT GUYS?!
posted by Satapher at 12:26 PM on March 23, 2004

I hope Spielberg makes the fucking crusades movie too! Those were some sick times.
posted by Satapher at 12:27 PM on March 23, 2004

Hollywood Mega-hit Producer and Director Steven Spielberg has decided to fight fire with fire. He has announced that since Mel Gibson is fueling the fires of anti-Semitism in the world with his movie about the last hours of Christ, Spielberg will make a graphic movie about the Crusades.

No he isn't. According to Snopes, a spokesperson for Steven Spielberg issued the following statement: A vicious, totally fabricated story has been circulating on internet message boards purporting to be about Steven Spielberg planning graphic films about the Crusades; The Spanish Inquisition; and Hitler and the Pope. The perpetrators of this hoax go so far as to allude to made-up comments from Mr. Spielberg. Nothing could be further from the truth. Reading the entire message makes it even more absurd. Anyone who knows him would know that he is dedicated to doing what he can to rid the world of hatred and intolerance wherever it exists. The internet should be a medium for bringing people together, not to drive them apart with absolute lies. He urges everyone who received the original message to let their own friends and contacts know the truth.
posted by subgenius at 12:27 PM on March 23, 2004

I thought this was pretty weak, a chuckle at first, but that's it
posted by cmicali at 12:28 PM on March 23, 2004

People can find anything they want to, anytime they need to.

Clearly, the only things that truly exist are the ones you cannot find.
posted by 4easypayments at 12:35 PM on March 23, 2004

No he isn't. According to Snopes, a spokesperson for Steven Spielberg issued the following statement:

[snip]

You mean people actually thought that wasn't satiric?
posted by Prospero at 12:49 PM on March 23, 2004

Hey Steven Spielberg sucks.
posted by xmutex at 1:14 PM on March 23, 2004

The internet should be a medium for bringing people together, not to drive them apart with absolute lies.

LOL!
posted by angry modem at 1:17 PM on March 23, 2004

Was anyone else reminded of Cary Elwes' character, Dr Fritz Hippler, who was making a documentary about Jews in Uprising? "No, wave your hands around: Jews wave their hands around a lot when they talk."
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:19 PM on March 23, 2004

best mefite utterance evar: "Bagles and "locks", what?"
posted by quonsar at 1:34 PM on March 23, 2004

Maybe its just a Red Herring.
posted by stbalbach at 4:54 PM on March 23, 2004

Prospero, whether people think the Spielberg thing is satiric depends on how it was presented. Just how it was presented here, it started off somewhat reasonable and then verged into the satiric later on. I could see how people could misunderstand.
posted by dagnyscott at 6:15 PM on March 23, 2004

he might have hated Jews during Braveheart

Nah, he just hated gays in Braveheart, witness Longshanks son being chucked from the battlements.
posted by prodigalsun at 2:25 PM on March 24, 2004