Suffer not a witch to live.

March 25, 2004 12:10 PM

You dangle in agony. You clutch your faith. You fight for breath. You surrender your spirit. Nineteen “witches” were hanged at Gallows Hill in 1692, and one defendant, Giles Cory, was tortured to death for refusing to enter a plea at his trial. Five others, including an infant, died in prison.
posted by archimago (25 comments total)

Jesus! That's a mess. It's neat at first, but it drags and the navigation gets annoying.

The real Salem tragedy is the existence of all those tacky witch-themed souvenir shops. And the idiots who move there because they're maladjusted and think that they're witches.

Actually, if a church in Salem started rounding up and torturing modern-day "witches," I'd pay to see it. The Peabody Essex museum, a nice lunch at the Hawthorne and a witch-pressing would be an excellent Sunday.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:31 PM on March 25, 2004

Funny how the nutters are all about how Jeebus died on the cross of late thanks to Crazy Mel, but what of being burned alive? Witchcraft, the crime of Copernicanism, etc.

I think a cross is positively humane compared to that fate. Which makes sense as the Romans were much more civilized than the Christian theocracies of the middle ages and the nutters who first colonized America and arguably those holding power in America today.
posted by skallas at 12:32 PM on March 25, 2004

Point of information: they didn't burn anyone at Salem Village. They were beaten and hung and Giles Corey was crushed to death with rocks on his chest in an attempt to make him confess.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:37 PM on March 25, 2004

Thank you for this breaking news. Next up, the horrors of the bubonic plague.
posted by jonmc at 12:47 PM on March 25, 2004

Hey jonmc, why dont you go to the Passion box office and decry another Jeebus film? Yell at the old couple buying some tickets like you're doing at the parent poster. The story is 2,000 friggin years old, afterall.

The fact is, the past is very, very much alive and dismissing something purely on age is ridiculous.
posted by skallas at 12:53 PM on March 25, 2004

Not sure, but I think he was kidding, skallas.
posted by dhoyt at 12:55 PM on March 25, 2004

Be patient with him, dhoyt, they haven't discovered humor yet on his planet.
posted by jonmc at 1:02 PM on March 25, 2004

I sort of wish I could have read a story rather than playing hunty scrolly clicky with the mouse.
posted by chipr at 1:15 PM on March 25, 2004

>....The story is 2,000 friggin years old, afterall // The fact is, the past is very, very much alive and dismissing something purely on age is ridiculous.

The irony on that one is killing me.
posted by brownpau at 1:15 PM on March 25, 2004

This IS an example of a tale that could have been told a zillion times more easily and effectively by a halfway competent writer in ordinary prose. As Mayor Curley says, "What a mess.'
posted by Faze at 1:28 PM on March 25, 2004

Funny how Mel's Passion comes up immediately. An oversimplification, but: old Puritans, new Puritans.
posted by Shane at 1:34 PM on March 25, 2004

>they haven't discovered humor yet on his planet.


A comedian who blames his audience is just bad at his job. Sorry, jonmc with you its impossible to tell if youre giving us your usual advocacy for apathy or lame jokes.
posted by skallas at 1:49 PM on March 25, 2004

As an info source about the Salem witch trials, I give this link a D. As a nostalgic retro-flashback to bad experiments with hypertext circa 1997, I give it an A-. Nothing like sideways scrolling in text frames to bring back the memories...

Ah, Giles Corey. One of my favorite American heros. Would that I had 1/10th of his integrity and strength of character.
posted by junkbox at 1:51 PM on March 25, 2004

Ah, Giles Corey.

"Ungh! More weight!"
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:06 PM on March 25, 2004

I thought Giles Corey was pressed to try to get him to enter a plea. Without a plea, they couldn't take his land away from his sons. Some weird vagary of the law at that time or something.

I could be misremembering though.
posted by beth at 2:30 PM on March 25, 2004

She turned me into a newt.
posted by Slagman at 2:49 PM on March 25, 2004

I got better.
posted by Slagman at 2:49 PM on March 25, 2004

...must...drop...pantaloons!
posted by aramaic at 3:10 PM on March 25, 2004

playing hunty scrolly

This is now my favorite Eddie Izzard term that Eddie Izzard has not (to my knowledge) ever uttered.
posted by scody at 3:27 PM on March 25, 2004

"Sorry, jonmc with you its impossible to tell if youre giving us your usual advocacy for apathy or lame jokes."

Yeah, but with you it's easy to tell it's the same old stick up your ass.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:20 PM on March 25, 2004

what of being burned alive?

Indeed. Giordano Bruno died for our sins. And for some gnarly scifi. At least they let him die quickly...

He refused to retract his views and was declared a heretic and handed over to secular authorities on January 8, 1600 and burned at the stake on February 17 1600 in Campo de' Fiori, a popular Roman square. As a demonstration of mercy, the clerical authorities placed a bag of gunpowder around his neck before they set the fire, to spare Bruno, bringing his suffering to an end quickly. The authorities also nailed his tongue to his jaw to stop him from speaking.

posted by meehawl at 4:43 PM on March 25, 2004

A comedian who blames his audience is just bad at his job. Sorry, jonmc with you its impossible to tell if youre giving us your usual advocacy for apathy or lame jokes.

Yes, you caught me, skallas, I'm completely apathetic about an event that happened 300 fucking years ago that nobody can do a damn thing about. Hell, even your comment indicates that you'd rather talk about the fundie yo-yo's in the White House that we can possibly do something about.

And, I don't know about everyone else, but I'd certainly take some levity in a tense time over more axe-grinding, chest-beating and zealotry. Because quite frankly, skallas, you're basically a fundamentalist without the religion. Same hysterical paranoid mindset, same intolerance of disagreement, same old mean-spiritedness.

And this time, kid, you made it personal.
posted by jonmc at 5:29 PM on March 25, 2004

Metatalk.
posted by jonmc at 5:52 PM on March 25, 2004

Interesting, but I suspect the 'artistic" layout and navigation is there to hide the lack of actual content.
posted by dg at 6:28 PM on March 25, 2004

Good writing, bad design.

Old story.
posted by sacre_bleu at 11:25 AM on March 26, 2004